I'm a senior at high school and I've been dating my boyfriend for five years, no ex's on either side. When we first started dating, he made me stop saying curse words and he never says any neither. I am really in love with him and he says the same and we promised we'd stay together for the rest of our lives, he bought me an expensive ring as a symbol of that promise. I wear it on my left ring finger like a wedding ring 24-7.

But along the way, we've hit some bumps in the road. He got mad at me over the littlest things, making a big deal out of those things. He says it's because I do those little things a lot, but I don't mean to. I know what I do, but I keep doing it, like I don't hear something he says, or forget my cellphone at home... Alot of times I promised to change, though I knew that was wrong in a way, but I thought it may make him feel better if I wasn't so air-headed.

I did everything I could for him, just to please him and to show how much I cared about him. Hell, he bought me a Nintendo Wii just because. But he still got mad at me all the time and after a long time of this, I started to get angry. Recently, I've argued back when he was mad if I knew it wasn't my fault. And a lot of times I expected it to end at 'sorry' but he wouldn't forgive me with just that. Some of my friends say he's being controlling and sometimes mentally/verbally abusive... am I being controlled? And is he moving away since I'm fighting back? He also makes it seem wrong that I have friends I want to hang out with. Last time I talked to him, he said I could do whatever I wanted cause he had nothing to do with me anymore.. . does that mean it's over? I don't want it to be, I am in love with him and if I could do something to fix everything, I'd do it... can someone help me? Is it me or him that's messing up the relationship? I really want to keep him and I want to make it better.

This sounds like a relationship I've had in the past. It was him being controlling. He'd get irritated at the smallest things, and then when I pointed out things that he did wrong he'd turn it around on me. This could just be his personality. But you need to express your concerns to him about this. Don't let him know that you would do ANYTHING for him. Make him realize that HE is LUCKY to have you. You are not there to cater to his every whim. It sounds like you guys have a sturdy relationship, but yes there are a few bumps, and there needs to be more communication about them. I'm not a relationship expert, not by any means. But this really reminded me of that particular relationship. Just out of curiosity, do you two have very different beliefs?

There will surely be far more helpful folks along in no time.

Hello
This sounds like young love , look up the facts as to high school sweeties making a long and happy life together
Young people shoud have a program installed into there heads that remind them that life is an adventure and not to be taken so serious it develops in stages learning all the way , growing and understanding ourself
Please understand that there will be lots of LOVE in your life - you make it

This sounds like a relationship I've had in the past. It was him being controlling. He'd get irritated at the smallest things, and then when I pointed out things that he did wrong he'd turn it around on me. This could just be his personality. But you need to express your concerns to him about this. Don't let him know that you would do ANYTHING for him. Make him realize that HE is LUCKY to have you. You are not there to cater to his every whim. It sounds like you guys have a sturdy relationship, but yes there are a few bumps, and there needs to be more communication about them. I'm not a relationship expert, not by any means. But this really reminded me of that particular relationship. Just out of curiosity, do you two have very different beliefs?

There will surely be far more helpful folks along in no time.

He is more into christianity than I am and thinks this and that is bad because it's a sin. Sometimes it gets annoying to me, but it's his belief so I go along with it. It's why he made me stop swearing in the first place. I'm just laid-back and I want to do anything he wants to and it doesn't bother me most the time what he decides to do. And I have told him he's lucky to have me, cause most girls wouldn't be as patient as I have and such.

Yeah it does sound like young love. If you feel afraid to be with him then you need to role out... sorry

Yeah it does sound like young love. If you feel afraid to be with him then you need to role out...sorry

It's not that I'm afraid to be with him, I WANT to be with him. But he gets mad a lot and I have to be careful, but a lot of times he gets mad about something anyway.

That's called a controlling boyfriend... not usually a good relationship to be in.

Every time my boyfriend does something that upsets me, I tend to tell my friends about it. I don't know, I guess it makes me feel better. But if my boyfriend finds out that I said something negative about him, he sometimes gets upset, sometimes I think I'm hurting his feelings and making him look bad. Is this wrong?

Instead of talking to your friends (I know it helps) talk to him first. Not only will he hear things firsthand, from you, but when he does something that upsets you then he will know and hopefully won't do it again.

Not necessarily wrong but you have to talk to him about his negative ways instead of running off and telling your girls... sure its fine to share relationship info with them but you need to talk to your boy about it... and if it comes to where it is hurting him well then don't say all the bad things... I mean some guys get hurt very easily and are extremely emotional... he's a keeper. Just be sensitive to his needs and he in return I'm sure you'll see a wonderful person. However... he could be a controlling person and not want you to tell your friends as a means of control... I don't really know the guy or I would be able to help you out a little

Girl, it is your every right to talk. You're allowed to spill to SOMEONE. Keeping it all bottled up is just going to end up in a very bad way so no worries. I'm pretty sure that if I had to keep myself all bottled up and not say anythign when I was going out with MY boyfriend, it'd end up bad for him. Your friends are your friends and listening to you rant is one of there have to do's and if they TELL the person whom you were ranting about what you said, they aren't a very good friend now are they. So chill out. It's OK to complain and or spill your sob story. I'm sure he'd understand that you need people to tell even if he DID find out. Just as long as your remember to tell him you love him every once in a while right?

Oh and. I agree with Zoe Marie. Talk to him about it too. It's good to communicate. But make him understand that you need to vent to people as well. It's part of your nature right?

Women need to talk about their feelings, and guys tend to keep them inside. You could tell your boyfriend that is how women cope, they can't keep things bottled up.

One thing I would change is who you confide in. A confident is someone who doesn't reveal what is told to them. If you told people your feelings who didn't tell your boyfriend then this wouldn't be an issue.

Talk to someone you can trust, like a family member, brother, sister, mother, etc. or a close friend who doesn't know your boyfriend to well.

There is nothing wrong with venting, or talking about your issues, but those conversations are meant to be private.

Talk to people you can trust only and those you can't, don't share anything negative about him. In fact for those who blab back to him, say the nice things about your boyfriend, that will get back to him too and he will feel great that you are bragging about him.

Not necesarily wrong but you have to talk to him about his negative ways instead of running off and telling your girls...sure its fine to share relationship info with them but you need to talk to your boy about it...and if it comes to where it is hurting him well then dont say all the bad things...I mean some guys get hurt very easily and are extremely emotional...he's a keeper. Just be sensitive to his needs and he in return I'm sure you'll see a wonderful person. However...he could be a controlling person and not want you to tell your friends as a means of control...I dont really know the guy or I would be able to help you out a little

He is a wonderful guy, the only problem I really have with him is that he gets mad easily and he might be controlling me in some ways. And when he does something that upsets me, he usually knows he did by my reaction or sometimes we argue. He rarely apologizes for it though...

Girl, it is your every right to talk. You're allowed to spill to SOMEONE. Keeping it all bottled up is just going to end up in a very bad way so no worries. I'm pretty sure that if I had to keep myself all bottled up and not say anythign when I was going out with MY bf, it'd end up bad for him. Your friends are your friends and listening to you rant is one of there have to do's and if they TELL the person whom you were ranting about what you said, they aren't a very good friend now are they. So chill out. It's ok to complain and or spill your sob story. I'm sure he'd understand that you need people to tell even if he DID find out. Just as long as your remember to tell him you love him every once in a while right?

That's what my mom said, I shouldn't keep it in. And yes, I tell him he's wonderful and that I love him all the time, but he does/says things that are just... "WHY!?" And I mostly tell people because they noticed I wasn't being myself and asked what's wrong.

Women need to talk about their feelings, and guys tend to keep them inside. You could tell your boyfriend that is how women cope, they can't keep things bottled up.

One thing I would change is who you confide in. A confident is someone who doesn't reveal what is told to them. If you told people your feelings who didn't tell your boyfriend then this wouldn't be an issue.

Talk to someone you can trust, like a family member, brother, sister, mother, etc. or a close friend who doesn't know your boyfriend to well.

There is nothing wrong with venting, or talking about your issues, but those conversations are meant to be private.

Talk to people you can trust only and those you can't, don't share anything negative about him. In fact for those who blab back to him, say the nice things about your boyfriend, that will get back to him too and he will feel great that you are bragging about him.

I do brag about him sometimes, but he never seems to find those out... *Sigh* anyway, I just felt bad cause I don't want to make him look bad, but I think that's what I'm doing.

One of a man's emotional needs is the protection of his reputation. When a man's emotional needs are satisfied he feels as though the person satisfying them is on his side and he considers them an ally or a friend. When his emotional needs are violated, he considers that person an enemy or a foe.

It's fairly normal for a girl to talk about her relationship with her friends because that's just the dynamic of a group of females, however, it's not talking about relationship woes that will violate this emotional need. It's talking about him in a way that causes him to appear unattractive to other women.

If a girl complains that it drives her crazy because her boyfriend refuses to let her walk home by herself after she finishes her shift as a bartender at 3am then she is not violating this emotional need. She presents him as a man who protects those he cares about.

However, if she complains that it drives her crazy that her boyfriend refuses to walk her home after her shift as a bartender, then she violates this emotional need. She presents him as a man who does not protect those he cares about.

This, of course, is an extreme case to illustrate this point. (If a guy refused to walk his girlfriend home at 3am, then I'd tell the girl to leave him because when the going gets tough, he's going to get going.) More subtle and common violations of this emotional need are when a girl talks about her boyfriend being indecisive, being irresponsible, being boring or being unmotivated. If she wants to keep the man she's talking about around, then it's best not to talk about him in this way because that's presenting him in a bad light.

Hope that helps.

It does sound like the relationship is over and as much as you love him, it'd be hard to have a long-term relationship with a guy like that.

It sounds to me as though he as an emotional need for drama which has manifested in his need to pick apart all the little things and cause all these fights. A man who has a need for drama will start fights because he needs to feel emotional variety and will find whatever possible excuse he can to do so.

As a man who once had this, I can say that this makes a relationship extremely difficult. I know the girl I was dating at the time felt as though she could never please me and that I was like a bomb waiting to go off. That is not the nature of a healthy relationship.

I would recommend that you move on.

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 5 years. He's my first boyfriend and I'm his first girlfriend and we made plans to marry and all that. Well, a while ago we got into a big argument that questioned our relationship and ever since then I've felt myself slipping slowly out of love with him. Well, one of my friends admitted he loved me around that time and he helped me get through the stressful time and we became closer. Too close. Well, while me and my boyfriend argued sometimes, I would hang out with my friend more, until I eventually developed strong feelings for him. He's so nice and cares about me and I have actual fun with him. Well, I admit, I cheated on my boyfriend, but all we did was kiss a couple times and flirt a lot. I know it's wrong, but I love him too. And one night I saw that I wanted to see my friend more than my boyfriend, so I went to break up with him since he was always hurting me with our arguments and stuff. But then he started crying, which is very very very rare, and BEGGING for another chance, that he would change for me. I refused at first, because I gave him so many warnings and chances before, but after everything my boyfriend said, I couldn't do it. So I'm still with him. But I still feel a little "blank" for him sometimes, and my friend is on my mind a lot. Now my friend is ignoring me at school and I know I hurt him badly, but it was hard for me too either way. But my boyfriend has indeed changed. I don't know what to do. Did I make the right choice? I really love my friend, but I don't want to leave my boyfriend neither, and I don't want to cheat on him again.

Oops... this is so confusing dear. First tell me are you in school... I mean wat's your age?

oops...this is so confusing dear. first tell me r you in school ....i mean wat's ur age??

Yeah, I'm a senior in high school. Eighteen years old. They're both in school and eighteen also.

U have got a long life ahead... y do you want to indulge yourself into some commitments at such an early age... it is possible that in coming future u'll find someone more interesting than these both.

Well for now I'll suggest you that don't be committed to nyone.. make both of them your good friends... and as far as your boyfriend is concerned even if he cries don't give weight to it.. coz boys can nyways handle themselves quite well.

Be with the one you love. But I can Guarantee that your friend (nt bf) will cheat on you in coming future.

Well what I can see is that it is going to be a third fellow in coming future and none of the existing one's

Tkcre...

You should not stay with somebody because they guilt you into it.
You could be passing up the right one and settling for somebody that you may never be happy with.

1st of all you cheated on your boyfriend and you need to come clean. Just because he doesn't know that doesn't mean it won't hurt him. If your truly worried about his feelings you need to come clean because if he has to hear from someone else like your estranged best friend you cheated on him with he'll be devastated. It doesn't really seem like you have the choice to choose between the 2 because the relationship your in is a unfaithful one.

Re-kindle your flame with your best friend. If you could cheat on your current boyfriend you don't love him as much as you think you do and you should probably stop wasting his and your time staying together.

He may be hurt in the beginning but once he knows the truth and you 2 officially break up his healing process will begin and he will be fine.

Yes cheating is the red headed step child of relationships and I also agree that you should come clean. But if you do, do it with full knowledge that it will most likely destroy the relationship with your BF of 5 years (you guys were going out at 13?! ).

On the other hand if you don't pick one of them and stick to your guns I think you will lose them both, You asked if you "made the right decision." That's something only YOU can answer. Feelings change, they become stronger and weaker then stronger again. So make up your mind and stick to your guns,

I also agree with N0help4u because you have to follow your heart. Don't pass something up out of obligation.

Wow I have totally been in your position... but honestly if you have feelings for your friend stonger feelings then maybe he deserves a chance I mean you probably gave your boyfriend many chances... people only change for so long then they go back to their old way. And once you fall for someone else its really hard to be with someone who just makes you feel blank at times... you could wind up hurting yourself more than ever but also you are young too. Maybe taking some time away from both of them to clear your head wouldn't hurt... but once you decide you love someone else its really hard to go back to the old relationship you had... with your boyfriend.

Do what makes you happy and sometimes in life hurting someone else is what has to happen you can't suffer forever. And don't beat yourself up over your choices... its your life and your young.. you have forever to get married.

Be with who you TRULY love.

Threads merged


What should you do if your boyfriend isn't talking to you and won't tell you why he's upset with you?

Maybe he just can't get the words out.

Why not try emailing him, or sending him a text. Make him a nice dinner. You could even do the old fashioned thing and write to him.

He will most likely come around sooner rather than later, you can maybe just use a little creativity to make it the former rather than the latter.

Good luck.

I agree
Give him some time and he might come around but other wise just ask are you OK and if he just ignors you he may think you've done something but if it's a healthy relationship your two should be open about your feelings

Give him some space sweetie he'll come around :)

I would say to him*I can't help you to fix the problem if I don't know what it is,so when you are ready to tell me I will listen*.
Then I would give him space and wait for him to open up.

He sounds very emotional to me. It seems like he's waiting for you to guess what's wrong with him instead of him telling you directly. It's never fun to play mind games.

There's no point for you to sit around and guess what's wrong with him. I think the best is to give him time to come around Let him know that you can fix the problem if you don't even know what the problem is. And let him know that when he's ready to talk, you'll be there.

He sounds very emotional to me. It seems like he's waiting for you to guess what's wrong with him instead of him telling you directly. It's never fun to play mind games.

There's no point for you to sit around and guess what's wrong with him. I think the best is to give him time to come around Let him know that you can fix the problem if you don't even know what the problem is. And let him know that when he's ready to talk, you'll be there.

This sounds very accurate. Lol I'm giving him some space for now. Thanks.

It's usually the girls that give the silent treatment.

I wish was spot on :)

Hello... me and my boyfriend have been dating for 5 years. He's my first and I'm his. A while ago, we started having problems and I started to like one of my friends who liked me. I posted some questios about that issue already, but a couple days ago, my friend and I had a moment that made me decide I'd be happier with him than with my boyfriend. Next day, I did something really stupid... and it probably just made it worse... well, here goes...
Yesterday, I tried to break up with my boyfriend. I really love him, but I thought I'd be happier with my friend since my boyfriend just... didn't seem to work with me 65 percent of the time. It didn't turn out how I planned, I wanted to tell him I'm not happy and he blew his last chance, but he wouldn't let me leave. Now this is the part I regret, but people told me that I should come clean so... I told him there was someone else. He seemed calm about it until he called me later. He yelled at me and said stuff like "I can't believe you!" well, at this time, I was really scared and I thought we were over so I texted my friend saying I broke up with him and he told his friends! Later my boyfriend calmed down and we ended up not breaking up because I just couldn't take it and how he thought he wouldn't find anyone else. Today, my friend thought I was single and I felt terrible and didn't get the chance to tell him that we didn't split. He saw me sitting with my boyfriend and he got upset. THEN my boyfriend gets mad again because someone told him that I told my friend we broke up! So now they're both mad at me! I can't freakin take it, it hurts like a ! Someone help me!

You need to explain to the whole thing to the new guy or else move on, don't go backwards and get back with your boyfriend.

Just because your ex didn't accept that you didn't split doesn't mean you didn't split.
He was just trying to hold on to something that was over. So unless you were hugging and kissing on him when the new guy saw you sitting with him and the new guy can't see that he was still trying to hold on and you were explaining that you were through then he isn't worth it either.

You need to pick one and decide.

You got to remember that the trust is really shaken with your current boyfriend. He's going to have this fear of another guy all the time. It doesn't sound like you like your boyfriend enough to be with him. You're just trying to save face by not breaking up with him. That's not fair to him. That's being selfish. Come clean with your boyfriend.

As for the new guy, you got to hold out before being with him. He's going to be a rebound guy. That's not fair to him either.

You got to stop being selfish and worrying about your imagine.

Break up with your current boyfriend. Stay single until you recover from the break up, and then consider the new guy.

Are you crazy! This guy thinks he OWNS you, and your letting it happen.

Tell him to kiss your arse and leave you alone. DO IT!

dude that must suck.......flipping crap....i would not like to be in ur shoes right now...

I agree with talaniman, he's right.

The fact that you don't have feelings for him anymore is already going to break his heart.

Do yourself and him a favor and don't drag this out anymore. Let him know how you feel and make it a clean break. There's nothing you can say that will make it easier on him, it just doesn't work that way.

I wish is right. Prolonging the inevitable is just going to cause more hurt an pain in the long run.

If you can explain this to him, that you know that ultimately it's better for both of you, then he will understand. It will still hurt, but it will hurt a lot less than if you finally do it in another 5 years.

There are some great articles on breaking up on verytogether. (http://verytogether.com/love/breaking-up/)

All the best!

___________

I am 1/2 of verytogher's (http://www.verytogether.com) first featured couple! check us out! (http://verytogether.com/community/verytogether-couples/vtc-corvas-and-megan.html)

If you stick with him, your just hurting him more. You have 2 options:

1) try counseling.
2) break up.

Your wasting his time by letting him think you are in love with him and that you guys have the possibility of a future. That's kind of selfish.

You both will be miserable if you do not end it... it will hurt him more the longer you wait

Its very possible that he is just saying all that stuff to bring you back to him because he knows you still care about him. The best thing to do is let him down easy and then don't talk to him anymore. If you still communicate with him, it lets him think he still has a chance of getting you back. If you really think he would danger himself, give him a number to a nearby crisis prevention service or something similar. Either way, whatever he does, it is not your fault.

Don't let him emotionally blackmail you. He has to deal with the way things turned out, and you can help by having no contact with him, whatsoever.

You can mention that you will be around if he would like to talk. There's nothing anyone can do if one person doesn't mention what the problem is. For the time being, don't contact him. Give him space. He'll eventually come around. ;)

I broke up with my 5-year long boyfriend about a month ago. I decided to date someone else who made me believe I'd be happier with anyway, but I'm not. I really miss my ex and I'm starting to wish I never broke up with him. I thought I was unhappy with him, but I guess you don't know what you got til' it's gone, right? Rumors are spreading. People are telling my current boyfriend that I'm cheating on him with my ex and people are telling my ex that I was cheating on him when we were dating. My ex feels sore, but he would date me again because he really loves me and said he would be there even if we aren't dating. So how do I go about telling my current boyfriend I want back out with my ex? If you read my older questions, you'll hear more about these two...
I think my current boyfriend would do something stupid if I left him. He has a tough life.

I think my current boyfriend would do something stupid if I left him. He has a tough life.

You don't like him anymore, so do the right thing and break up with him. Stop leading him on. If he's going to do something crazy, then that's his problem. If you feel that your life is being threatened, then you can get a restraining order against him from the police.

As for your entire situation, this current boyfriend is obviously your rebound. But now you are done with the rebound.
When you break up with him, you don't need to mention that you want to go back with your ex, because you shouldn't be rushing back into a relationship with your ex so quickly. You guys broke up for a reason. If you can't fix those problems, then everything is just going to blow up again. You should stay single until you sort out all this confusion in your mind.