Hello all. I've read some things on this site that have been very helpful, and while they make me feel better sometimes, I need to get some advice on an issue of my own.

My boyfriend and I broke up (today actually). We were together for 5 years. I wanted to take a break, he said that it was over. In between crying my eyes out and wrecking my brain with a million thoughts, I have been trying to come to some kind of conclusion about why this has happened, and what I can do to either move on, get him to give me another chance, or anything else that you think I should be considering.

We first got together when we were 15 and 17 (me). I'll call him Jack for the sake of less confusion. I had just been getting over and starting to heal from a devastating break up with my first love, who had cheated on me with my then best friend. Before that I had really trusted people and been an outgoing and loving person. After this I became incredibly withdrawn and depressed; I lost all of my friends because they couldn't deal with me anymore. I was not close to my family, and had a cold home environment. Essentially I felt increasingly alone. I started to meet people online and develop friendships, and more than friendships. This plays into my relationship with Jack later.

When we started dating I had made a few new friends at school a few months before and was starting to feel better. Only a little though; I was definitely still carrying around a lot of emotional baggage. I could tell he was really interested in me. I was interested in him too, though maybe not as much as he was. We kept dating and he said he loved me really early on, and I said I loved him too. And I did love him, but to be fair, I did not reciprocate it as much as he did.

As we kept dating I definitely fell in love with him more and more, and he felt the same. However, I was getting to know some people online and I would develop "feelings" for them. It felt like a crush, though I'm not sure. There was one person that I really thought I had these feelings for, and I ended up having to tell Jack. He was heartbroken and I felt awful. I ended up significantly distancing myself from the one guy so that I could repair things with Jack. We started to get closer again, but then the same thing happened with someone else. And then again with the first guy, I started talking to him more again, and started feeling the same. And then finally again very recently with, though I have been very careful, I feel like I was starting to develop feelings for someone else. Although I can't be sure what these feelings even are; I refuse to think that I just get a crush on any guy I get close to. I think it's something else, but I cannot understand it.

Jack and I have been fighting constantly and I don't feel close to him, although maybe I never really did, even though I do love him. He's bitter about everything that's happened, so he doesn't feel close to me either. I know he loves me though.

We have been through a lot together, and we are each others' best friends. He moved here to be with me, and really, we are all each other has. I have no idea how I or he will handle life without each other. It's an entirely foreign concept.

He is an amazing person. Loving, kind, caring, supportive, funny. I can't help but feel as if there is something missing though. I wonder if I find what's missing in other people, and project that closeness onto them. But I don't want to do this anymore, and I never did in the first place; I want to be able to feel close to Jack and understand why I have been the way I am. What is missing? And what can I do to mend our relationship? Should I even try?

I am really emotional about this.. I know I seem calm but I feel incredibly awful. I regret every bad thing I have done, and I tear myself apart about it. I really need some advice.

If you have negative things to say about me I understand, but please give a thoughtful reason. I have already made myself feel bad enough about this.

It is hard to understand what you were missing from "Jack"... Could you talk to him about everything? Perhaps you found yourself more open and able to talk about things with these people you met online. Maybe they were just people you could really be honest with?

If there is something missing then it is probably best that you broke up. It may be best for you to find someone who isn't missing something that you feel the need to go searching for else where.

Be strong and try not to be too hard on yourself. We all do silly things in times of confusion.

Good luck and keep your chin up!

Sometimes spending so much time together with some one is a bad thing. If you spend the majority of your time with him, you will bolth start to get a little bored of each other and won't be as lovey or CLOSE as you would be otherwise. Maybe a break is exactly what you guys needed. Why was Jack so against the break in the first place?

I can go into much greater detail about this and explain it later but its way to late ( like 3 in the morning ) so ill post something more useful tomorrow.

Thank you both for responding.

To be honest I have no idea what would be missing. He has been essentially the perfect boyfriend to me; I am confused myself about what I would be looking for. I know there is such a thing as emotional cheating and I know I have repeatedly fit that role, and for the life of me don't understand why I'm like this.

He wanted to break up instead of take a break because he is upset about everything I have done that has hurt him, and I think he assumes we would end up breaking up anyway. I don't blame him, I hadn't wanted to break up though.. I just needed time to think.

Again thanks for your responses, any further advice when you have time is always appreciated.

Maybe its time to move beyond the high school ways, and see the world, and find out where you fit, without him.

It will take time to heal, but there was something, otherwise you wouldn't have needed a break to think. Do so now, THINK!