I don't know what to do. I have read that when a girl wants to take a break it is best to just leave it and don't talk to her and don't try to talk to her at all.


My girlfriend has been talking about it for a while, and shows signs of wanting to be with other people and go to partys more than being with me. But we still hang out a lot.


Last week I let her stay the week with me while she had her moms house worked on and everything went great.


This weekend she didn't talk to me at all after everything seemed so great last week. She ended up last night messing around with another guy and came to me today to tell me basically I guess she wanted to move on.

I poured my heart out to her today and can get past what happened last night, but she says she sees me as her best friend.

We have been together for almost 2 years and have been so close. She had no friends really for a long time, and then me and her were together all the time, and now she has found a group of friends she enjoys hanging out with and is thinking she wants to leave me and that we are just friends.


I have told her that I can change and I can be a better boyfriend. She has stuck with me through times I have cheated on her and everything.

Tonight though, since she came to tell me she was breaking up actually, she is still here and she wants to do something we've never done before which is take a shower together haha.

So what do I do? She says she likes the guy she was with, and I'm her best friend, but here she is ready to take a shower with me.

I have been sick about this. I have been close to puking, and could not sleep last night so I took nyquil to try to help. I have a constant pain in my stomach.

I'm so scared that she is just building me up again tonight and is going to let me down in a few days and end up making me miserable again.

Should I just enjoy this night and try to make it special, and then after that not try to contact her but answer if she calls or text? It's so hard not to try to talk to her, but most people say that is the best thing to do!

I'm desperate! I want to marry this girl! And she wanted to marry me and live with me, but I put it off and now it's like she has moved on.


Hellllllllllp

Well JT, you've learned a valuable lesson and you've learned it the hard way. But basically from everything you write this relationship is over and it's been over for a long time. It may have never started from her point of view.

You are breaking every relationship rule and hoping against hope that it will work for you, you even admit that you are desperate which is the exact opposite of what a woman wants from a man. You have to get out now.



I dont know what to do. i have read that when a girl wants to take a break it is best to just leave it and don't talk to her and dont try to talk to her at all.

You have read correctly. If you make yourself available to someone who doesn't want you, then that just confirms to her you have no value.


my girlfriend has been talking about it for a while, and shows signs of wanting to be with other people and go to partys more than being with me. but we still hang out a lot.

She's hanging out with you because she wants a back up plan and by her own admission she just sees you as friends.


last week i let her stay the week with me while she had her moms house worked on and everything went great.

But what is your definition of great? I have the feeling you did everything for her and she got a free place to stay. What was not great for her? She didn't have to pay for a hotel.


this weekend she didn't talk to me at all after everything seemed so great last week.

You mean after she got a free week's stay at your expense.


she ended up last night messing around with another guy and came to me today to tell me basically I guess she wanted to move on.

She told you she messed around with another guy when she told you she was moving on? That's not dumping somebody that she considers a friend. That's being cruel and driving the point home at the same time.


i poured my heart out to her today and can get past what happened last night,

Women want a real man. Women want a man that's strong and will defend himself. Pouring your heart out and telling her you can get past what happened when she hooked up with another guy is not only giving her power over you which makes you look weak in her eyes, it's the exact reason she told you she hooked up with someone else in the first place. She knows you'll never leave which means you'll always be available for her and something that is always available is not worth much. You always have to be prepared to walk away because if you can't then she will think you have no self respect.


but she says she sees me as her best friend.

I treat my best friend better then your best friend treats you.


we have been together for almost 2 years and have been so close.

You have been close to her... you can never speak for her.



she had no friends really for a long time, and then me and her were together all the time, and now she has found a group of friends she enjoys hanging out with and is thinking she wants to leave me and that we are just friends.

She used you when she didn't have anybody, but you said it yourself. You were together all the time, like friends are. You've always been friends in her eyes, to you she was a lover, to her you were friends.


i have told her that i can change and i can be a better boyfriend.

You are begging. Do you like it when homeless people beg from you?


she has stuck with me through times i have cheated on her and everything.

The fact that she stayed with you, and what you write about her, this just confirms she never was in love with you, she just saw you as friends until she found someone else.


tonight though, since she came to tell me she was breaking up actually, she is still here and she wants to do something we've never done before which is take a shower together haha.


haha. BWHAHAHAHA. OMG. LOL. You have have no idea what's she's doing do you? She's already told you she sees you as a friend. She's already told you she's leaving you. Now she is willing to do the something you've never done before. She's stringing you along. She's keeping you interested in case the other guy doesn't work out. You are the back up plan. She is disrespecting you, and you are allowing it. Women may take showers with guys like that, but they don't like them.


so what do i do? she says she likes the guy she was with, and i'm her best friend, but here she is ready to take a shower with me.

I'd tell her your not interested tonight. She's not expecting that, so start throughing her off her game.



i have been sick about this. i have been close to puking, and could not sleep last night so i took nyquil to try to help. i have a constant pain in my stomach.

So why do you keep rewarding her by being around her and letting her punish you?


i'm so scared that she is just building me up again tonight and is going to let me down in a few days and end up making me miserable again.

You got it.


should i just enjoy this night and try to make it special, and then after that not try to contact her but answer if she calls or text? it's so hard not to try to talk to her, but most people say that is the best thing to do!

Make this night special? What does that mean? She just wants to get nailed by her friend with benefits. There is nothing special about getting used by her.


i'm desperate! i want to marry this girl! and she wanted to marry me and live with me, but i put it off and now it's like she has moved on.

I don't think she was ever that into you. She sounds like she's always just seen you as a friend, and now that someone else with some interest has come along she's moving on to him, but using you as the back up plan.

Tell her you love her, and give her what she wants. Disappear from her life, and leave her alone.

Skip the shower just leave her alone.

Tonight we had a shower. Had great talks. That's something we stopped doing. We never just talk and joke. We sat in the bathtub and talked for a while. We had sex and I did something I never have done before, I came inside her, and she isn't on the pill.


I am going insane here, I can't believe I did that.

After all that we were laying and talking and she is saying she wants to be with me maybe now but we have to see how things go.

So she falls asleep and I find a cell phone charger because she let her phone die thinking I wouldn't be able to look in it. Okay... now this is psycho and bad I know, but I feel like I'm going crazy here... so I got a charger and started looking at the text. She was telling her friends that she likes the other guy and how she told me that it was over. She told three people the same thing. And then she told the guy she likes that same thing and that she wanted to see him again.

That was before we did the shower and everything else. She said she will hang with him tomorrow, but she just said she'll spend the day with me.

So I'm thinking she will probably just at some point tomorrow leave me and then go be with him. If this happens, I will try to keep my cool and not talk anymore.

I did a great thing tonight by showing affection, which is something I don't do enough of and she loves. So maybe it will stick in her head and she will want to be with me.


I hope

Tonight we had a shower. had great talks. that's somethin we stopped doing. we never just talk and joke. we sat in the bathtub and talked for a while. we had sex and i did something i never have done before, i came inside her, and she isn't on the pill.


i am going insane here, i can't believe i did that.

after all that we were laying and talking and she is saying she wants to be with me maybe now but we have to see how things go.

so she falls asleep and i find a cell phone charger because she let her phone die thinking i wouldn't be able to look in it. okay... now this is psycho and bad i know, but i feel like i'm going crazy here.... so i got a charger and started looking at the text. she was telling her friends that she likes the other guy and how she told me that it was over. she told three people the same thing. and then she told the guy she likes that same thing and that she wanted to see him again.

that was before we did the shower and everything else. she said she will hang with him tommorrow, but she just said she'll spend the day with me.

so i'm thinking she will probably just at some point tommorrow leave me and then go be with him. if this happens, i will try to keep my cool and not talk anymore.

i did a great thing tonight by showing affection, which is something i don't do enough of and she loves. so maybe it will stick in her head and she will want to be with me.


i hope


I'm lost, why are you still talking to her?

Think, think, THINK, man. You HAVE to get this right. Love is just the spark that lights the fire, it is NOT the fuel that sustains it. This girl has no fuel to offer, this fire has burned itself out. All you're feeling now is the residual heat and it's all on your side alone.

Say this out loud until it sinks in... "I want to marry a girl who is totally into ME and makes my life better by the joy she brings me."

Over and over man. You love this girl? So what? What good is one-sided love? It's good for making movies and selling books, it's not good for you to spend any more of your precious time on.

Hopefully you're not pregnant, we'll see. I promise she will keep coming back to your side for some occasional booty. That's not good for you either, is it?

Your future is being written for you and it's not good. You need to break away or the universe will make some really bad choices for you. Think, man, think.

But she is not like this. I have just pushed her myself to this point by not being a good boyfriend. I take her for granted and she is great to me. She has just had enough I think. I really feel I have woken up and am ready to make this work and tonight was a start. It was a great night.

I told her that this can work, but she has to help me, because if all I hear is bad things and I can't trust her, then I can't be happy around her because I'll always be thinking about those things instead of just having a good time together.

She said she is going to. I don't know...

You seem very clingy. Fix that.

But she is not like this

Yes she is, and your letting your feelings blind you to reality.

Can't you see the whole purpose of this farce with the shower was to keep your nose open, just in case this other guy is a dud??

Wow, you both cheat on each other, not a great foundation to build a relationship on if you ask me. Then you go and shower with her AFTER she tells you that it's over, which makes a lot of senses,not. Don't forget about busting inside her, because that screams "SMART MOVE" I've heard of trapping by females before, but perhaps that's what's going on here. Just let it die, the flame has been blown out, you steady trying to strike a burnt match.

Yes she is, and your letting your feelings blind you to reality.

Can't you see the whole purpose of this farce with the shower was to keep your nose open, just in case this other guy is a dud??????

Reread that. Then read it again. While you're here read it one more time. Also, this is worth another reading. It might be a good idea to just read that one more time.

Has it sunk in yet?

Jt, are you reading any of these responses? Because not only did you make mistakes in the relationship, your making every single mistake after it's over. This woman can not... as in no way, ever, be trusted and it is clear as day to everybody here that you are being used and set up even more. You are the back up plan. You are being used, and you are letting her do it. So with that, let me give you this message.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN!

Now you are already making excuses so I will repeat.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

More excuses.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

Wanting to reread.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

Let's let it skink in.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

For the love of God, grow a pair and...

STOP TALKING TO THIS WOMAN.

Man, if you're going to ask for advice, you should probably listen a little bit... trying not to be mean, but we're all either going through or have gone through very similar situations.

If you ever have hope of getting this girl back, you got to start being a man in her eyes. THIS MEANS BEING STRONG AND KNOWING WHEN TO QUIT AND KNOWING WHEN TO STAND UP FOR YOURSELF AND SAY NO...

Believe me, I know how hard it is to say no to someone you love with everything you have to give, but if you can't be strong for her, you're no good to her... that's coming from someone who got weak for their girl and lost her because of it...

Just stay strong and GO NC WITH THIS... you got to learn when to walk away...

She is bad news and isn't interested in you. She just wants the attention. Don't talk to her, don't let her in your house. Don't shower together. Stop being clingy and sucky. Just deal with the anxiety quietly and don't tell her you're puking.

You're running on pure emotion; normally that's the woman's role and yourself esteem is so low on yourself you don't see that she's "just not that into you"... she wants to yet explore other avenues... let her. You don't want to be with someone or shouldn't anyway that is not ready to fully be with you... her texts have shown you that. Get over the rejection, get over her lies; she feels bad to totally confront you with it all yet she's moved on here... save yourself respect and leave her alone. If I'm right she'll run back to you then and then you'll need to say I'm sorry but I've moved on... and then do just that. You're not in love; you're in love with the thought of being in love... there's a big difference here and you're really blinded right now...

You are 2nd best to no one my friend

Don't be a puppy dog here

Stand up for self and let her go!

Have some self respect and pride in yourself my friend.

I really feel for you. But you are making THIS SO MUCH HARDER THAN IT HAS TO BE!

Get that crazy... carrot holding women out you life now!

I really hope he quits talking to her. It's thanks to reading situations like these and your insights though that I have even been able to better myself and be more of a man with women. Never again will I act clingy and be a beggar preaching "I will do anything for you" because this is what happens.

Okay. After that night. She stayed with me. And she stayed with me all last weekend.

We took a long drive and trip to see friends, and had a great weekend.

I really thought things were getting better.

She has a son who is 2 and I was taking care of him and being the father basically, carrying him around with me and helping him not cry.

She kept telling me she wanted to try with me and make things work every time I asked her.

I have shown her everything I could possibly show her in the last week. I have shown her how much I can give her, and I have done things with her that I have never done with another girl in my life in this last week.

Yet, there is the guy that she likes still. He has left now for a year and will not be back until after then except for maybe two weeks for thanksgiving.

So I asked her a few times if he wasn't leaving would you still be trying to work things out with us? And she kept saying 'honestly, yes' I see a future with us.

And then yesterday he texted her and said I'm not going to keep talking to you behind his back, and you shouldn't have led me on if you were going to keep talking to him.

I think this really hit her because she doesn't know what to do and she decided to break up with me after we have a great week and after repeatedly telling me she wanted to be with me.

Then, she texted her friend and told her we broke up and I saw that she said if he wasn't leaving for a year she wouldn't think twice about leaving me. But she said she needs me and I've been there for her through so much.


But I have done everything I can do now to show her how much I really want her. I made a romantic great dinner scene for her. She cried very hard and enjoyed it.

And then this was the first day since she told me she wanted to break up. I have taken it really really hard and have been calling everyone every minute just to talk to them and keep busy to try to keep my mind off it.

I'm scared I'm going to lose my job because I'm just going to be late or not make it to work because I have trouble sleeping.

And after we ended it yesterday, she already texted me today, just to say did you have fun last night? I'm like... why are you talking to me??


The only thing I have left is to give her space. Try to talk to her as little as possible when she tries to talk to me, and really make her start to beg for me, if she will. If she doesn't, then there's nothing left. If she does, then I have to just hope that she will really see that she loves me and she is confused and see that she really wants me.

If not... then she won't see what I see, and she won't have what she needs to love me.

This is all that's left. If this doesn't work, then I don't know. If she does start to try to be with me again, which I don't get my hopes up for, then I don't know at what point I can accept her back if I want to.

It's hard...

Anyway, there's a higher divorce rate if you sleep w/ the person before marriage- and even higher when you've lived w/ them (contrary to popular belief).

I really hope he quits talking to her. It's thanks to reading situations like these and your insights though that I have even been able to better myself and be more of a man with women. Never again will I act clingy and be a beggar preaching "I will do anything for you" because this is what happens.

This is not necessarily true. If you find a true, genuine girl who respects you, she'll never do that. If she's a hoe, or you've cheated on her before, it's an inevitable breakup because Karma is a b**** but at least its fair.

Save yourself more misery, and pain, and get someone who is emotionally available to you. She is not, and her confusion is becoming your confusion.

Given what you've been through, disappear from her life, as sure she needs you, until her b/f comes back. Read my signature, all of it.

If you Love this girl with all your heart completely, than let her know. Do it by something she and you both love to do together. Like for example, make her a dinner for two at your house, with two candles, a meal you both LOVE, than after that try to do something like giving her a dozen roses along with an "I miss you" card. Maybe even some chocolate. Once she gets to the center of her favorite piece of candy, she will find the ring, while you are kneeling at her feet, asking her the most important question that you both have been waiting for. You have worked so hard at this, let her know it.

Felice... I have done everything possible in the last week or so that I could do.

The only thing left is space, and if she misses me, and sees I'm what she wants and needs then maybe things could work out.

But if she doesn't feel that, then I have to move on, and that's what is so hard for me. Because now it's really not in my hands. I have to hope that things work out, and I have to try not to continue to be stuck where I am now.

felice.... i have done everything possible in the last week or so that I could do.

the only thing left is space, and if she misses me, and sees I'm what she wants and needs then maybe things could work out.

but if she doesn't feel that, then I have to move on, and that's what is so hard for me. because now it's really not in my hands. i have to hope that things work out, and I have to try not to continue to be stuck where i am now.

Maybe that's all you need to do is give her some time to realize that you really do Love her. Try stepping back for a little bit maybe a week and see what happens in that time. Just don't even bother her. If she really wants to be with you, she just might realize that your thinking of her before yourself and giving her that time to think that she might need. I really hope things work out for the best for you! Good luck!

With all due respect to felice, why out of all the responses is this the one you held onto and choose to respond to? The reason I ask is because basically she says the same thing everybody else said about staying away from her but she also gives you some false hope that she'll come around, and worst of all she says to make her dinner, give her roses, and a card? Why... WHY would your reward disrespectful behavior? Your girl has no interest in you. Her interest level is so low with you because you have taken any challenge, any meaning, and any tension out of the relationship by constantly being available. Once again I'll say you continue to make every mistake imaginable and it continues to blow up in your face. When... WHEN are you going to wake up and see that she's using you. I'm telling you it's so obvious that you are getting played and you don't even see what's she's doing. You are her back up plan for when the other guy that tells her what to do drops her... if he does. She keeps you there so she has someone to fall back on should he dump her, which she knows is a great possibility because he keeps her in check while you pick up the check. ( I just came up with that, I'm going to use it again! Hopefully, not on JT but we'll see).




felice.... i have done everything possible in the last week or so that I could do.

JT, no you have not. You have made every mistake possible. It's quite annoying actually. I mean when I used to make these mistakes nobody was giving me advice, you had that going for you.

While you have been showing her around and giving her whatever she wants, the other guy she's screwing around with mans up and tells her what he wants and expects out of her and she follows suit because women like leaders. You are a follower, following her looking for every scrap she throws and holding onto it like it means something, when to her it's just a game for her to keep you in line because the other guy she's screwing will not tolerate such behavior. In fact, when there's another guy in the picture that's a good clue something's not right. In fact I'd say that's the biggest clue the relationship is over.



the only thing left is space, and if she misses me, and sees I'm what she wants and needs then maybe things could work out.

Do you know why she'd come back to you? Because it didn't work out with the other guy. That is the only reason. You are not someone she misses, you are someone she keeps in case there is nobody else. She needs you to be available at a moments notice so that she doesn't have to take an emotional fall when she gets dumped by the other guy or someone else.

Are you really telling us that you are not worth any more then to be some user's back up plan?


but if she doesn't feel that,

She doesn't.


then I have to move on,

Why wait?


and that's what is so hard for me.

JT, it's hard for anybody in your spot. It sucks getting dumped. It sucks loving someone that doesn't love you back. It sucks being second best. It sucks getting used. Nobody is disagreeing that you are in an emotional turning situation, but at some point you have to say that no matter how bad it is, she is one woman in 3 billion, and quite honestly, she's not what you think she is, and she's not worth the hell you are putting yourself through.

Break ups are not easy, but with time they get better. But you know what's worse then break ups, it's getting used and allowing it to happen. You allow it to happen, and do you honestly think she gives a damn? Do you honestly think she cares one bit how much pain your in? You torture yourself and she screws another guy. That's not love and she's not worth it.



because now it's really not in my hands.

Actually that's the problem. You have given her all your power. You have played right into her, and you don't even get it. You don't even see what's right in front of you. It's not in your hands because you have sat back and essentially said, "I'm available to be your emotional tampon whenever you need me to buy you something or talk about how mean the other guy you are screwing is." Honestly, if you were a woman, is this kind of guy you'd want in your life?

This was in your hands at one time, but you let fear of being alone guide you into giving her all your power. Now when she comes crawling back you'll help her up and give her what little power you have gained by NC and repeat the process.

Instead the proper approach would be, when she comes crawling back to tell her you've moved on. Even if you did want her, and honestly only you and God know why you would want someone who treats you like this, but make her earn it to get you back. You won't do that though, you'll always be there for her at a moment's notice. That's not love, that's an addiction, and she knows this better then anybody and she uses it against you.


i have to hope that things work out, and I have to try not to continue to be stuck where i am now.

I can not for the life of me figure out why hope things work out?

I get being in love with someone who doesn't love you back, I get the addiction that forces you to want to be with her, but at some point your love for self has to step up and say, no woman's love on God's green earth is worth making yourself miserable and being disrespected, and of all those women, certainly not your ex who uses you time and again.

Wow chuff, those are some great things you just said.

I am staying strong so far. I haven't been calling or texting and have not made one attempt to even utter anything that would seem like I want to be with her or even see her or hang out with her.

I just know that I am the one that messed up. And I keep hating myself for thinking if I would have just woken up and not been the way I was then she would not have changed and this would not be happening.

A few months ago I had the chance to move with her and I didn't take it. And then things just kept getting worse.

She used to have no friends and I was all she had. And I basically treated her like she treats me now. I cheated on her and she cried like crazy and told me never to come back, but then a few weeks later we were back together and were great for about a year. And then she started to make friends and now she is friends with everyone that is in my circle.

And what makes this entire situation worse: I have basically stopped seeing and talking to all of my friends and she was the only person I ever talked to or tried to do anything with. And I was so happy actually with that for the longest time. But now, she has actually over the last few months started to befriend that entire group.

So now she has all this new support to help her get over me, but she couldn't before because she had no one. But what makes it so crazy for me is that her support group are all my old friends. So what do I do? How can I get back into my friends when she is now best friends with all the of them. All of my guy friends' girlfriends now hang out with her. So if I hang out with my friends, she is always going to be lingering around.

And that is my problem. I do not know what to do! I feel so completely hopeless. I feel a lot better when I'm able to get out. But then there are nights where I can't find something to do and I sit by myself and just am so miserable.

I don't know what to do

Well I guess if breaking it off is the only thing left to do, than that's what you are going to have to do. Why ask other people if you already know your answer? Is it because your unsure? I'm very sorry that there is no hope, I really wish that there was some other way that things could work in your favor! If you want to continue talking or trying other alternatives, I would love to help.

wow chuff, those are some great things you just said.

Thank you. Trust me, I wish I was born smart but like you I've had to deal with this the hard way hopefully unlike you I've allowed the same mistakes over and over.


i am staying strong so far.

Yes you are and the truth is you are stronger then you are giving yourself credit for. That's why when I keep reading the same mistakes over and over I get so annoyed because I can tell you are a emotionally strong person, but you are not using that strength... or at least you weren't in the previous posts.


i haven't been calling or texting and have not made one attempt to even utter anything that would seem like i want to be with her or even see her or hang out with her.

Keep that up. When she pops up in your head, tell yourself you'll think about her later and try to change what you are focusing on.


i just know that I am the one that messed up. and i keep hating myself for thinking if I would have just woken up and not been the way i was then she would not have changed and this would not be happening.

JT, stop this. You have nothing to blame yourself for, and you certainly should not hate yourself. We all screw up and make mistakes but you have to turn that around and learn from them. You'll get something from this break up that she won't. You'll get an education. She will repeat her behavior over and over.


a few months ago i had the chance to move with her and I didn't take it. and then things just kept getting worse.

she used to have no friends and I was all she had. and i basically treated her like she treats me now. i cheated on her and she cried like crazy and told me never to come back, but then a few weeks later we were back together and were great for about a year. and then she started to make friends and now she is friends with everyone that is in my circle.

While I won't defend your previous behavior don't you see something about this woman that is a huge character flaw? She put up with your constant disrespect and even cheating, and now uses you while this other guy treats her exactly how she treated you. Is this honestly the mental condition of a woman you want in your life?


and what makes this entire situation worse: i have basically stopped seeing and talking to all of my friends and she was the only person i ever talked to or tried to do anything with. and i was so happy actually with that for the longest time. but now, she has actually over the last few months started to befriend that entire group.

so now she has all this new support to help her get over me, but she couldn't before because she had no one. but what makes it so crazy for me is that her support group are all my old friends. so what do i do?

Stick around this website and learn. Learn what to do in these situations. Also, you can find new friends, and you can hang out with the old friends while she's nowhere around. If they bring her up, change the subject.


how can i get back into my friends when she is now best friends with all the of them. all of my guy friends' girlfriends now hang out with her. so if i hang out with my friends, she is always going to be lingering around.

and that is my problem. i do not know what to do! i feel so completely hopeless. i feel a lot better when i'm able to get out. but then there are nights where I can't find something to do and I sit by myself and just am so miserable.

i don't know what to do

Get a gym membership and workout. You don't need anybody else for that. If you can't afford one, talk long walk every night. Find something you've been putting off for a long time and focus on that. Take this time you've got as a positive in your life. You will fill miserable longer if you don't force yourself to start thinking positive.

Wow, the problem with rating your posts, Chuff, is there are to many darn good ones. Your advice is dead on, and I can only add, JT, its time to broaden your friends circle to include people and activities, she wont be involved in.

JT quit blaming yourself. I know that you feel really guilty about the entire situation, but the fact of the matter is... it takes two. You tried your hardest... maybe not in the ways you should have, but SHE is the one who made this choice... she made this bed and you have to make her lie in it if she wants you back. Stay strong... when she cries lonely, don't go running to her... do everything you can to keep from doing that... you'll just subject yourself to more pain... she'll also have less respect for you. Sure, it may be what you want... for things to work out and stuff... but the plain and simple truth is, she has to be willing to make sacrifices before that ever happens...

Stay strong and like I said; Hang in there... I know it's hell, but just keep going... there's going to be a light somewhere... you just got to find it...

Well here's the latest update:

Monday night I went out to my friends to hang out and she ended up showing up. She was drunk and I ended up getting her to come home with me. On the way I started to ask her questions, because when she's drunk she will say her true feelings and say things she wouldn't normally say.

Basically she told me she wants to make it work with this other guy and that one day she feels we will be together. I told her to shut up because that's just bull.

But we ended up having sex, and the next day I took her to work. Later that day she called me because she needed a ride and I just laughed and said bye and hung up.

I haven't talked to her since and its been about two days.


But I am taking this soooo hard. When I wake up, I am like devastated every morning. I wake up and before I even realize I'm awake it's like it is just all in my head already and once I am finally awake I'm just laying there thinking how sad I am and how messed up it all is.

I hate life

Wow. You are an arse, took advantage of a drunk girl, then tried to act tough by telling her to shove it when she called for a ride?

Then want sympathy because you are taking this "so hard."

No sympathy from me, you were wrong for taking advantage of her.

WHAT?

After she broke up with me she has been using my car all weekend until last Monday.

And I did not take advantage of her. She was basically sober by the time we were home.

And also I'm not trying to act tough by not giving her a ride. I have let her use me since she broke up with me and told her it had to stop. Everyone told me I'm a chump for letting her use me but I told them how I didn't want to see her lose her job and get all messed up, so I tried to just ride it out for a few days, but finally I had to stop being used.

No wonder your having a hard time. You're the one making bad decision, after bad decision.

Then sex on top of it?? Guy, I was sympathetic at first, but not now. Rome is right.

JT I agree with you, and it kills me to disagree with Rome but you did nothing wrong in one sense. I don't think you took advantage of her at all, she's been taking of advantage of you forever. Also, calling her on her lies is exactly what you should have done all along.

That being said, if Rome was meaning you should not have even slept with her, I'd agree with that. Both for your own emotional healing and to let her know you don't need her. Women sleep with guys to keep them interested and in your case emotionally screwed up. At some point you have to man up and say to yourself, "This girl is not worth feeling like crap all the time for. I will allow myself to get over her by getting away from her, and if that means I won't be able to have sex with her then so be it." You can't sleep your way to emotional healing.

JT... You need to just cut her off completely. It's not doing you, or her any good at this point. Like I said before, you're just causing yourself more heartache and sending yourself into a tail spin. If you want it to work AT ALL, you have to take her out of your life and off this pedistal that you're holding her on in some part of your head. You have to be strong, not show any weakness at all when she's around. I don't agree with you sleeping with her, but I think you did the right thing when she called wanting to use you...