Hey.. the short story.. ex broke it off about 8 months ago, I tried like a fool to get back, she kept saying don't know, etc, then finally about month ago after some casual get togethers she said sshe didn't think it could work between us and she starting to see other people. That was enough for me.. I decided I would stop my foolishness.. NC'd her, took off Facebook, etc.. Haven't talked to her in month or so. Have seen her friends around, had lunch with some mutual friends, been my old fun self. Get email from her asking how in doing? Saying how she can't remember what we decided about communicating? How she's been hearing about me lots through other friends.. I assume she trying to be nice or perked interest or whatever. That was about 4 days ago. I'm torn in that a) I really don't want to contact her.. want to stay NC n get past this crap. I probably would want to be friends at some point but not after she so recently totally shot me down. b) Is it rude if I don't reply.. she had done the old reply to messages about 5 days later when I would send them to her back then.. I hated it, don't want to play games.. Or maybe just one sentence thing about how I'm busy and take it easy? Some advice/insight would be great.. more for my sanity.

Continue NC. Otherwise, you will be sorry. She just wants to check to see how much you miss her.

NC... period. She knows you're moving on and she wants to keep you interested for a little while longer. Rude is something that you should worry about or care about only if she is your girlfriend you two shared a relationship that you were working on keeping healthy and functional, not the case. Not replying to a txt from someone who told you it's over is not rude, it's common sense. Don't give in to the oldest trick in the world. "Couldn't remember what we decided regarding communications", not answering that txt answers that question.

Got to agree with everyone else... You're not being rude at all... don't worry about being rude... she doesn't matter anymore... YOU DO... so keep your head up and don't let her mess with your mind anymore than she already has...

I can tell you from recent experience that you will regret it... she may have your mutual friends giving her updates and so on... she may have them tell you things about her to see if your interest is peaked at all... don't fall for it... if your mutual friends bring it up, just say you've moved on and that's it... don't show any emotions because the minute you do, she'll suck them right out of you...

You don't have to worry about being rude to your ex. She's being rude to you. She has found out through mutual friends that you are back to your happy self and you've been ignoring her which means now she is no longer in control of this situation.




Get email from her askin how in doin? sayin how she can't remember what we decided about communicating?

First what a lame... and I mean LAME attempt at both trying to contact you and get an emotional reaction from you at the same time while under the lie of "I can't remember."

I would in no way answer this, but if she ever does see you and asks about this, I would tell her one of two things.

1. I never got that email, it must have gone into my spam folder.
2. If you can't remember what we decided about communication I don't think you are somebody I should communicate with.

Personally, I think number 1 is better in that there is no bitterness, but number 2 does offer a flat out "I'm not talking to you" in a polite but firm way.

Now to follow up with everybody else, do not contact this woman. Stay away from her for as long as you can.

The beauty of staying with NC, is you don't have to do anything!

Well, if you respond I can tell you exactly what will happen. You will fly onto this forum asking us why you were so stupid to respond and that you are confused again.

You will then get a reply from Tal asking you how many times you will beat your head against a wall and everyone agreeing.

So save the trouble!

Well, if you respond I can tell you exactly what will happen. You will fly onto this forum asking us why you were so stupid to respond and that you are confused again.

You will then get a reply from Tal asking you how many times you will beat your head against a wall and everyone agreeing.

So save the trouble!

I had to spread it, but this is exactly... I mean word for word exactly what will happen. Tal is already sitting at the keyboard and ready to type... and I'm ready to hit the "rate answer" button in agreement.

Quick question, I haven't replied by the way. I'm actually feeling quite over my ex.. no malice or odd feelings, indifference really.. its over but neither of us did anything to sabotage it and we both were kind to each other through most of it. Anyway.. There's this girl, she gorgeous, made me totally forget who ex was.. problem is she works sort of with my ex.. at same place of work and they just got to know each other over last 2-3 months I think. My friends tell me it can't happen, Ive burned that bridge.. Now Im thinking the quicker I get to "friendville" with ex the better shot I have of getting with this girl. I could really care less about being in friendville with ex, don't even need to interact much, just speed up healin or whatever.. Can this happen or just a pipedream..?

Quick question, I havnt replied btw. I'm actually feelin quite over my ex.. no malice or odd feelings, indifference really.. its over but neither of us did anything to sabotage it and we both were kind to each other through most of it. Anyway.. Theres this girl, she gorgeous, made me totally forget who ex was.. problem is she works sort of with my ex.. at same place of work and they just got to know each other over last 2-3 months i think. My friends tell me it can't happen, Ive burned that bridge.. Now Im thinkin the quicker I get to "friendville" with ex the better shot I have of gettin with this girl. I could really care less about being in friendville with ex, dont even need to interact much, just speed up healin or whatever.. Can this happen or just a pipedream.. ??
Why get to friendville with your ex? If New Girl doesn't like you for you, and is turned off somehow by your ex, she isn't worth a hill of beans--or your time.

I say go for it!

Forget being a friend with the ex. You don't need to be and in reality this situation has set you up perfect for the girl she works with. You ex expects you to stick around and always be available so showing interest in the new girl will teach her a lesson about who she was dealing with. Furthermore, you if your ex says anything negative about you, it's only going to make the new girl see if your ex is lying. If your ex says to stay away from you and you say that your ex is a great person and you wish her the best then DROP IT. Do not ever bring her up again. The new girl is going to think you're the good guy who is positive and flexible while the ex is bitter and purposely trying to sabatoge you, which again is only going to put you in a good light.

Its not that I'm worried about what ex thinks, these two work at same place and are newly friends/friendly.. more that being the obstacle.. sort f like going for ex's pseudo friend as opposed to just workmate...

Its not that im worried about what ex thinks, these two work at same place and are newly friends/friendly.. more that being the obstacle.. sort f like goin for ex's pseudo friend as opposed to just workmate...
They are coworkers. They may never be friends. I work with about 25 people, some of them for 24 years. None of them are my friends in my social life. In fact, only two of them are friends with each other outside of work, and they were friends before they both started working there.

Now, go back and read what Chuff said.

You are not your ex's pseudo friend or BFF or anything. Be pleasant if she's in your range of vision, but avoid contact whenever possible.

Its not that im worried about what ex thinks, these two work at same place and are newly friends/friendly.. more that being the obstacle.. sort f like goin for ex's pseudo friend as opposed to just workmate...

Reread my post. This helps you, not hurts you.

So was at halloween paty and that girl was there, ex was not. I chatted her up, going really good, so I ask her for her number at end night. Then she says she would give it to me but can't because of ex and she knows her. I was like that's fine, what evs.. And to top it off found out that ex is leaving to switzerlasnd for a trip (week or 2).. I know she's going to meet this guy who she met in the summer on vacation in south america like 4 months after we broke up... ahh well, so is life...

Sorry dude:(

Ex-girls suck!!

Im half tempted to message ex.. I know I shouldn't, just to say hello.. partly because you never know what could happen when people go away..? Is this an absolutely awful idea.. I don't actually feel that upset.. partly just want it to be in open.. I'm actually OK with her going she's got to do what she got to do.. maybe it'll erk her a bit knowing I'm OK wit it..

Leave it alone. The ex will be back. Don't compromise the new girl or the ex.

Certainly there must be more than two girls in the neighborhood??

Just let it go, it's over you need to come to terms with that. Messaging her will accomplish nothing but you coming back onto the forum asking if there is hope because she responded saying "Thank you:-)" I can see it now, "guys she put a happy face, what does it mean? Is there hope?"

Safe yourself the trouble

I doubt there is a person on this site that hasn't convinced themselves they are over their ex in order to see "what if". The fact you are even suggesting messaging her means you are nowhere near what you think you believe.

Message her and you will soon see how not over her you really are.

Thanks I appreciate all the advice.. just recently have confirmed that ex went to another continent to visit this dude she met on vacation for only like a few days. The fact she didn't mention this months earlier just makes me feel foolish... I'm glad I didn't respond to her message a couple weeks ago, and personally don't know why she would message in first place.. Is there anything left to take from me.. Trust me I won't be messagin her anytime soon or in future.. I'm not grudgeful but expect someone like her to be up front with me.. to think she was still trying to keep me on back burner.. meeting me for coffe/dinners over past few months when she was already "involved" with this other guy.. not too classy.. and not too fair for me.. let this be a lesson I guess... Just don't break the NC unless the other person comes with something for real.. not BS meetups.. But I'm not bitter :) haha..

I think you have the wrong idea of what a back burner is... She was not keeping you on the back burner by having dinner or cofee with you, she was keeping your emotions in her back pocket and wrapped around her fingure. If she was leading you on during those times maybe but on the other hand why were you meeting your ex in the first place? That's an A+ way to let her keep your emotions on her leash.

Also she is your EX not your girlfriend she does not have to inform you about what she is doing in day to day life. Frankly it's no longer any of your business, nor should it be your concern anymore.

Don't break the NC for ANYTHING even promises of hope. Because those are the worste of all. There is no such thing as "hope" with an Ex. It ended for a reason. Spend your time healing up and not worrying about this girl and her fling. Goodluck.

Also a warning... found this with myself a little while ago. I found a girl who did the same thing to me, made me forget all about my ex and not give her a second thought. Things didn't workout with the new girl and guess who I was left thinking about... and I mean badly, my ex.

Don't try and be friends with your ex, I think the excitement of this other girl is just covering up the feelings you still have for your ex. If you were to befriend your ex and things didn't work out with this girl I have a feeling you would really regret it.

If this girl is going to like you she will, regardless if you are friends with your ex...

Also, if I was interested in somebody I would prefer they weren't buddy buddy with their ex. That's just me.

See, I think to be fair to her, I would send her back one email spelling out exactly what your feeling are and end it with something nice like " we had something special, it is now over. I have decided to move on. Be happy in your life I wish the best for you. Good bye"
Something like that and then put her in your past and move on.

I disagree with the above post. You do not need to tell someone you are going NC. NC means exactly that. You owe her no explanation whatsoever. Writing a letter explaining that is just pointless. Your job doing No Contact is to move on and frankly it isn't your problem to worry about giving her an explanation. Who cares? You matter now, she doesn't... simple as that.

Well.. my friend just showed me some pics of ex she just posted Facebook. Of her vacation out of country with this new guy. I deleted her from my facebok but for some reason friend thought it would interest me to see pics. I didn't. Actually sucked. Now dhe back in town. Still on nc. Can't help but wonder if she starting long distance relationship with this guy who lives in europe (we live and america, and will have to remain here for couple years at least for work training stuff, we in same profession) I'm actually not overly upset, but am now thinking about if I'm OK with this. What now. I will constantly here about her and prob run into her through work stuff. If it is over should even bother to be on friendly terms, she mesg me like month ago. I didn't reply because nc and bit of gruge holding ill admit. I don't want to interfere with her ans her new guy. But what if he lives in another country. Still should go nc I guess? I think this is rant more than anything. I just don't get. She felt there wasn't the commitment and security she needed with us, why dive so fast into long distance gig?

Why do you even care what she's doing anymore? I wouldn't. You guys broke up, she's nothing to you now but an ex. You've gotten a LOT of good advice on this thread and I think maybe you should re-read the whole thing.

Continue with your no contact and just keep on keeping on. It sucks that your friend decided to show you some pics of her... bad idea on his part and you should tell your friend never to do that again. I think that perhaps he thought it would help you get over her, knowing that she has moved on, and in a sense it can, but still it will suck for a few days. Anyway, keep your no contact. Remember, she gave up on you and was able to move on so quickly... so that just goes to show how screwed up her head is. You can't sit there and wonder if she is going to start a relationship or not, or if she is going to date this guy or that guy... just worry about yourself. She is just full of games and she seems like she needs the attention, which would explain why she contacted you wanting to know how you were doing. She was so used to having your attention and when she didn't have it, she had to try to get it back.

The fact that she moved on like that, just shows you the how messed up she is. It just shows how untrue her statements were about the commitment in your relationship. She has issues.

As far as working together, you just need to walk around with your head high because you know who you are. You know that you were wronged by her, and that is an edge you have on her, because even though she may not show it to other people, she is completely aware of her decisions. Just work hard for yourself, and as you succeed, she will have no choice but to see what she gave up. If you run in to her, only discuss work. That is it, nothing more. No responding to texts, phone calls, emails or anything. If she needs to know something for work, she knows where you are, and she come see you during working hours.

Who cares where the guy lives... that is irrelevant. You don't need anything to do with her, unless it is something required by your work. Stay strong... her lacking your attention and your friendship, is your greatest strength in this whole situation. She is the one losing out here, not you!

Thanks guys.. appreciate advice and I have been reading it.. just tough time last day or so.. old thoughts/feelings/insecurities resurface for bit.. but better now.. got date tonight so time to get game face on!