You know in my last relationship I got so attached to my ex-girlfriend and her family so much... so quickly! So when the relationship ended... I took the break up very hard... I mean very hard! We were only together for 7months... you know?

But here's the thing... I only get attached to someone that I really like or am falling for or see a lot of potential with... IM NOT JUST SUM GUY WHO GETS ATTACHED TO ANYBODY... ONLY THAT SPECIAL PERSON... I JUST DON'T WANT TO MEET THAT PERFECT GIRL FOR ME THEN MESS IT UP BC I GET TOO ATTACHED... HELP ME OUT GUYS AND GIRLS!!

So for future reference how can I keep myself from getting so attached so early in the relationship that way if things don't workout I can easily move on or if things are great I won't mess up anything... you know?? Any advice?

You know those of you that know my situation (my past relationship WHICH YOU CAN LOOK UP IF YOU WANT)... which was a very emotional, and heartbreaking experience for me I've turned it around, and now am gathering things from it so that I can learn from that experience, so that I won't make the same mistakes with the next special lady that comes into my life... TRYING TO LEARN...

Ok yours is a common problem


Your first relationship.

All butterflys and rainbows.. etc.. etc

Then it ends and its all hell.

Here's the good news. You will never feel the same way! About any other girlfriend again.

Every girl you date. You love in a different way.
The next girl you will date. Could make you feel so confidant and secuer that you will just be so relaxed.

And you wasn't attached to your girlfriend.. OK
We all get attached to our girls

You made HER LIFE.. YOUR LIFE..

Big Big mistake. Grilfriends are part of your life... They are not your life..

You must have your own way and not follow or be mixed up in there's.. ( that's girfriends)

You date them to have fun.. not to be so in there lives you can't see where yours ends and there's begins.

You will shock yourself to see how much you have learnt once the next girl comes along.

Just remember your mistakes and don't make the same ones again.

Also be proud of yourself man you sound like your guilty of your emotions.
Don't be. Enjoy them thast what makes you.. you.

Just remember take it easy. Even if she is the special girl. Don't put them up on an ICON.. just act normal and keep your own goals and life in check

Do not lose yourself in a relationship.
Its an easy thing to do

Best of luck

Duplicate post

You know in my last relationship I got so attached to my ex-girlfriend and her family so much...so quickly! So when the relationship ended...I took the break up very hard...I mean very hard! We was only together for 7months...you know?

But here's the thing...I only get attached to someone that I really like or am falling for or see alot of potential with...IM NOT JUST SUM GUY WHO GETS ATTACHED TO ANYBODY...ONLY THAT SPECIAL PERSON...I JUST DON'T WANT TO MEET THAT PERFECT GIRL FOR ME THEN MESS IT UP BC I GET TOO ATTACHED...HELP ME OUT GUYS AND GIRLS!!!

So for future reference how can I keep myself from getting so attached so early in the relationship that way if things don't workout I can easily move on or if things are great I won't mess up anything...you know??? Any advice?


Work on yourself first the reason we get attached is because we feel incomplete with ourselves, and the only way for some of us to feel value with our lives is the constant need to be in a relationship even if it is unhealthy. For it to happen several times is no coincidence it is a pattern but you the source is coming from you. The questions are how long after breakups are you meeting other women? If it is immediately then you can be setting yourself up for a rebound, and be jaded and see something in a woman that doesn't exist because you missed that relationship with the ex. You Have to make the rules of the relationship, take things slower maybe? When you get in a relationship it doesn't mean you have to give up all our your leisures to be with this one person. Have something to do when you are not with them, don't become dependent on them to make you happy. Space, and time is what will keep you from getting too attached.

Ok yours is a common problem


your first realtionship.

All butterflys and rainbows.. etc .. etc

then it ends and its all hell.

heres the good news. you will never feel the same way! about any other girlfriend again.

Every girl you date. you love in a different way.
the next girl you will date. could make you feel so confidant and secuer that you will just be so relaxed.

And you wasnt attached to your girlfriend.. ok
we all get attached to our girls

You made HER LIFE.. YOUR LIFE..

Big Big mistake. Grilfriends are part of your life... They are not your life..

you must have your own way and not follow or be mixed up in theres.. ( thats girfriends)

you date them to have fun.. not to be so in there lives you can't see where yours ends and theres begins.

you will shock your self to see how much you have learnt once the next girl comes along.

just remember your mistakes and dont make the same ones again.

also be proud of your self man you sound like your guilty of your emotions.
dont be. enjoy them thast what makes you.. you.

Just remember take it easy. even if she is the special girl. dont put them up on an ICON.. just act normal and keep your own goals and life in check

Do not lose yourself in a realtionship.
its an easy thing to do

best of luck


So I will never feel like that with no other girl??

And you are right, her life became my life, and I got lost in the relationship... Im not gon lie I do feel guilty about my emotions. I just don't want to make the same mistakes again.

We don't have the same feelings foreveryone and for your first love.
It will never be the same

Everything will always hurt.. but the way you deal with it. And act on your emotions will change dramaticly

There are so many different typs of love.

And for sure the next girl you will be with.

You feel different for.

You may still feel the need to be lost in her life
But that's due to your own self worth.
But you will work on that :) and in time it will get better.

Just think how much you have changed already? You are not the same person you was 8 months ago. All these events have an effect on your life and your own personality

Trust me it does get better

This girl wasn't the love of your love life, she was the FIRST love of your life. The fact that you've fallen that deeply for someone is an awesome and good sign. It means you can, and that means you will again.

It's an absolute certainty.

The concerns you've expressed over how hard it feels when it ends... also understandable and normal. I just don't think there's much a truly feeling and caring person can do to avoid that pain. It's part of the process.

Seven months is dead on perfect in my book in terms of having a great relationship turn completely serious and forever, or fall apart.

So, AGAIN, I say you're doing things correctly and should trust yourself. I do.

We dont have the same feelings for everyone and for your first love. It will never be the same

Yeah... I kind of don't understand what you mean by that... maybe someone can help with that


Everything will always hurt.. but the way you deal with it. and act on your emotions will change dramaticly

Yea I will definitely not react that same way ever again... I was blinded... I thought she wanted me and was as hurt as I was... but she wasn't...


there are so many different types of love.

and for sure the next girl you will be with.

you feel different for.

Different types of love?? What you mean by that??
So for the next girl I will feel different? Wow...


you may still feel the need to be lost in her life
but thats due to your own self worth.
but you will work on that :) and in time it will get better.

just think how much you have changed already? you are not the same person you was 8 months ago. all these events have an effect on your life and your own personality

trust me it does get better

Yea I have changed... and through time it will get better... but getting lost in someone else's life... no good!. no good!! But it will get better... I hope

Some of what you said I still need clarity on...

This girl wasn't the love of your love life, she was the FIRST love of your life. The fact that you've fallen that deeply for someone is an awesome and good sign. It means you can, and that means you will again.

It's an absolute certainty.

The concerns you've expressed over how hard it feels when it ends...also understandable and normal. I just don't think there's much a truly feeling and caring person can do to avoid that pain. It's part of the process.

Seven months is dead on perfect in my book in terms of having a great relationship turn completely serious and forever, or fall apart.

So, AGAIN, I say you're doing things correctly and should trust yourself. I do.


Wow... why are first loves like that... and end like that? I don't understand.

The harder the love, the tougher the break up. And with your first you've never been through it so it's all bad and all new... so it can also feel a lot worse than it probably is.

As with anything, experience and repetition equip you to handle situations more smoothly. Right?

You're going to be fine.

There are some things we just can't tell you..

Because you need to live it. To understand it.
If I would have told you that you going into your first love relationship.. that Hey dude your going to put all yourself into it and probable wind up getting hurt..

You still would not believe me or understand fully in what I was saying. You would think tp yourself.. huh well we will see.

And you do.. and you learn..
But do you get my point. You have only had 1 love.. so I can not really tell you what other loves will be like because you can't understand it till you have it.

First love is always the hardest

My point being.. when I said that there are different typs of love

You loved your girl..

But you loved her and you did not love yourself.
You just gave everything to her.

With the next one. You won't do that.
So the love will change.
As well as the way you act with her because of your past relationships..

You will be able to handle things a lot better.

Oh yeah it never gets easy :)
But we learn to deal with things better

The harder the love, the tougher the break up. And with your first you've never been through it so it's all bad and all new...so it can also feel a lot worse than it probably is.

As with anything, experience and repetition equip you to handle situations more smoothly. Right?

You're going to be fine.

Yeah... I didn't know how to handle the situation, It was new and I haven't been through nothing like that at all... and she couldn't understand that. You know? I mean was a mess... but she didn't care... not that it matters... but just saying...

But now that I know how it feels by experience, I know how to react to this situation if it was ever to surface up with a new girl.

Great! And dude, it's not an "ex girlfriend's" job to help you in any way, so don't push any of that back onto her, even in your mind. Part of the process of "getting your life back" is also getting the accountability back.

In the end, you are always in charge of your own happiness, right? It's hard to not put that on your mate, but it's not their role in life to make you happy. It's their role to encourage and admire you in the things YOU do to lead a happy life.

Anyway, onward, my friend.

there are some things we just can't tell you because you need to live it to understand it. If I would have told you that you going into your first love realtionship.. that Hey dude your gonna put all your self into it and probable wind up getting hurt...

You still would not belive me or understand fully in what i was saying. you would think tp your self.. huh well we will see and you do and you learn...

Yeah you are right... experience is the best teacher... I would have honestly not have listened to you if you had to told me before hand too...


First love is always the hardest. My point being when I said that there are different types of love. You loved your girl but you loved her and you did not love your self. You just gave everything to her.

I mean I gave her everything, but the clothes off my back basically... lol I did... I didn't love myself... I really didn't!


With the next one you won't do that. So the love will change as well as the way you acted with her because of your past relationships. You will be able to handle things a lot better.

Yeah now I understand what you meant by that. And yes I will handle a whole lot better next time! So the love will in fact change with he next one.


Oh yeah it never gets easy :)
but we learn to deal with things better

I like that... will definitely remember that saying...

Great! And dude, it's not an "ex girlfriend's" job to help you in any way, so don't push any of that back onto her, even in your mind. Part of the process of "getting your life back" is also getting the accountability back.

In the end, you are always in charge of your own happiness, right? It's hard to not put that on your mate, but it's not their role in life to make you happy. It's their role to encourage and admire you in the things YOU do to lead a happy life.

Anyway, onward, my friend.

Powerful wisdom... that I won't take lightly. I understand.

It was so hard to not put that task on her. I wasn't trying to do that, but I guess she thought I was. Man...

It's their role to encourage and admire you in the things YOU do to lead a happy life.

So right... so right... man I wish I had known or learned this information or experienced this earlier in my life. Because I hadn't but a few girlfriends in my lifetime. I've had only one true love experience... which I got hurt from... thus talking to you guys about... but man how I wish I learned this a long time ago...

Its all about you, the way you feel, and how you deal with your feelings.

That's what will make you who you are, and its important to love yourself ,and know yourself very well.
Then you can deal with life as it comes at you, and make good decisions for yourself, because you know who you are, what you need, and what you'll put up with, and what you won't, all for the sake of your own happiness.


I hate that I got so attached that someone

Why, because it hurts? Always will when you get comfortable, and something changes that you have no control over. That's human, we cope by adjusting to things in a way we can understand.

It all starts with you, knowing how to love who you are.

Its all about you, the way you feel, and how you deal with your feelings.

Thats what will make you who you are, and its important to love yourself ,and know yourself very well.
Then you can deal with life as it comes at you, and make good decisions for yourself, because you know who you are, what you need, and what you'll put up with, and what you wont, all for the sake of your own happiness.

Why, because it hurts? Always will when you get comfortable, and something changes that you have no control over. Thats human, we cope by adjusting to things in a way we can understand.

It all starts with you, knowing how to love who you are.

You know before me and her got together I thought I was OK, and that I loved myself like I was suppose to. I was OK and cool before I met her you know? I guess this whole situation was me looking in a mirror... seeing some things about me that I never saw before...

I can't answer this question because I know how you feel and am in the same boat except there's a baby boy involved and a ex as well. Just treat it as a blessing you ain't left like me man I just wish I wore a Jonny!

Wow...

You know before me and her got together I thought I was ok, and that I loved myself like I was suppose to. I was ok and cool before I met her you know? I guess this whole situation was me looking in a mirror...seeing some things about me that I never saw before...

To add to that... I guess you will know really who you are until you've been a situation that tests you... metaphorically...

I honest thought I love myself I was suppose to, but I didn't act that all...

Me and you both. I thought I knew myself and was totally confident and happy with just me. Found the "first love" and when we broke up two months ago I found myself questioning my own purpose/goodness and character. That happens to everyone. Slowly but surely I am able to look in the mirror and tell myself with full conviction "I like me." Soon, I will be saying "I love me!" Just progression and experience. I am an old man too (26), so I am a late bloomer as far as this goes, but I am picking myself up and keep on moving. Good to see you are learning as well.

Ok yours is a common problem


your first realtionship.

All butterflys and rainbows.. etc .. etc

then it ends and its all hell.

heres the good news. you will never feel the same way! about any other girlfriend again.

Every girl you date. you love in a different way.
the next girl you will date. could make you feel so confidant and secuer that you will just be so relaxed.

And you wasnt attached to your girlfriend.. ok
we all get attached to our girls

You made HER LIFE.. YOUR LIFE..

Big Big mistake. Grilfriends are part of your life... They are not your life..

you must have your own way and not follow or be mixed up in theres.. ( thats girfriends)

you date them to have fun.. not to be so in there lives you can't see where yours ends and theres begins.

you will shock your self to see how much you have learnt once the next girl comes along.

just remember your mistakes and dont make the same ones again.

also be proud of your self man you sound like your guilty of your emotions.
dont be. enjoy them thast what makes you.. you.

Just remember take it easy. even if she is the special girl. dont put them up on an ICON.. just act normal and keep your own goals and life in check

Do not lose yourself in a realtionship.
its an easy thing to do

best of luck

Very right. I also made the mistake of breaking about everything you said not to do. Makes it a lot worse >.> I even wrote like an hour long thing I was going to post and have everyone look over and tell me what I did wrong, things to avoid etc etc. but It was WAY to long so I never did.

Also kudos to you truefaith. Had to spread the rep though.

I thought I knew myself and was totally confident and happy with just me. Found the "first love" and when we broke up two months ago I found myself questioning my own purpose/goodness and character. That happens to everyone.

Does it really happens to everyone?? I know... dumb question but I feel like I the only one.

You're right. I questioned my character, happiness, self-worth, goodness, started to think I wasn't going to meet no one as good as she was... I was a mess, Im doing better, but sometimes I find myself feeling low.

You feel low for awhile. I got to be honest, this is the best thing that has happened to ME. I have quit smoking, live a much healthier lifestyle, and focus more on myself than I ever have. I have the greatest friends in the world, all of whom have been through this more than once. They too have helped me out sooo much. Yes, EVERYONE experiences this. I think it is awesome to know you are capable of so much love and affection. That is the mark of a truly good person. Kudos to you!

To also clarify, I have been on NC for only 12 days. I keep a count... at any rate, I feel low a lot too, so the storm doesn't pass with the snap of a finger. Just know that eventually, when the storm does pass and the clouds start to break, you will find beauty in things you never really thought you would again. I am not there yet, but I am looking forward to that my friend!

You feel low for awhile. I gotta be honest, this is the best thing that has happened to ME. I have quit smoking, live a much healthier lifestyle, and focus more on myself than I ever have. I have the greatest friends in the world, all of whom have been through this more than once. They too have helped me out sooo much. Yes, EVERYONE experiences this. I think it is awesome to know you are capable of so much love and affection. That is the mark of a truly good person. Kudos to you!

Yeah. Today is one of those low days. But you said in due time I will be OK. And this whole situation will be behind me. Can't wait for that day. I'm not the only one...

Yeah I am capable of love and affection, it just has to be with the right person.

I'm no expert for sure but you sound like a sweet guy and this probably sounds like something your mum would say but if you don't find someone else someone else will find you OK!

GOODLUCK mate

Lol... good one

You did love the right person but it just didn't work out. Just because you were able to love and the relationship didn't last forever does not mean it wasn't the right person. Had you never allowed yourself to fall in love you would have never found out in the first place. Don't go looking for the "right person" because sometimes you just never know. We don't live in Hollywood. Not everyone falls in love on sight, moves to the house with a white picket fence and lives happily ever after. No one I know at least... would be cool if that is what you are into. Point is, this wasn't a failed relationship, it just wasn't meant to be. So what. MOST of the time you cannot control when you fall in love, or fall out of love, it just happens. I will say I have friends that do not allow themselves to fall in love with another, due to past instances, and they are missing out on so much life has to offer.

I had this girl at school once called Faith and she used to hit me in the balls all the time as it was some crazy fetish she might have enjoyed it but I certainly didn't. Some woman really knows where to hurt you that's for sure. Unfortunately it didn't stop me making babies. Lol :')

If you don't laugh your just cry…

You won't necessarily be able to hold back or not fall hard the next time, but remember - each time this happens, you learn from your experience.

*newsflash*: You may get hurt several times.

Your world will be turned into an upside down hell with pain and heart ache, for every break-up you experience with different people - but if just keep picking yourself up each time, and try again - sooner or later, someone really good, really great in fact - will come into your life (keep in mind, if you are only in your late teens or early twenties, this may take a few YEARS). When it's right, it won't hurt this time, and everything will fall into place.

Meet as many new people as you can, and just keep dating different people. Each person will indirectly teach you something new about yourself. (what type of person you can and cannot live with)

Keep your chin up. The pain and anxiety and lack of sleep, and inability to concentrate and all the other horrible symptoms of a break-up are normal. It takes time, but you will move forward, and you'll be okay.

Hang in there.

You won't necessarily be able to hold back or not fall hard the next time, but remember - each time this happens, you learn from your experience.

*newsflash*: You may get hurt several times.

Your world will be turned into an upside down hell with pain and heart ache, for every break-up you experience with different people - but if just keep picking yourself up each time, and try again - sooner or later, someone really good, really great in fact - will come into your life (keep in mind, if you are only in your late teens or early twenties, this may take a few YEARS). When it's right, it won't hurt this time, and everything will fall into place.

Meet as many new people as you can, and just keep dating different people. Each person will indirectly teach you something new about yourself. (what type of person you can and cannot live with)

Keep your chin up. The pain and anxiety and lack of sleep, and inability to concentrate and all the other horrible symptoms of a break-up are normal. it takes time, but you will move forward, and you'll be okay.

hang in there.

I may get hurt several times? No! This past time was enough for me... lol But I get what you are saying.


When it's right, it won't hurt this time, and everything will fall into place.

Everything will fall in place... thats good to know...


The pain and anxiety and lack of sleep, and inability to concentrate and all the other horrible symptoms of a break-up are normal.

These are normal feelings.. What.. Well I can guarantee she's not losing any sleep over me, or has any symptoms at all...

You don't always know for sure. Sometimes people try to play it off like it does not hurt. But they are only lying to themselves.

I recently broke up with a partner who made me feel the same. Except mine was 2 and a half yrs. We actually got back together again and just a week ago broke up. Except I broke it off this time as I wanted things to be serious and he didn't.. now I'm sad I broke it off and I miss him and he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore because he realised that he doesn't want me anymore. I have been really upset and sad but I'm trying to remind myself of why I broke this up..

And then I wondered if I was trying to rush him into it and should have let things slowly happen. But that's not me I am not patient with these things! Anyway I guess things happen for a reason and I'm just hanging out for the day I can wake up and not be hurt anymore!

And the self doubt thing definatley happens to everyone. You wonder if I had the personality of someone else would this not have happened? Is it me what's wrong with me etc.. It is a good time for self reflection and evry time we have broken up I achieve so much more. But I think the biggest lesson I learnt is not to allow your happiness and being to become dependent on the person your in the relationship with.

I guess this is something we all have to learn the hard way.

But I think the biggest lesson I learnt is not to allow your happiness and being to become dependent on the person your in the relationship with.

I disagree, I think if you have a good relationship you are both dependent on each other because you love one another!

I disagree, I think if you have a good relationship you are both dependent on each other because you love one another!

I have to disagree, as a good relationship depends on the partners sharing their happiness. Depending on them, takes away your responsibility to yourself, and that can be a recipe to disaster.

Depending on them, takes away your responsibility to yourself, and that can be a recipe to disaster.

My situation can atest to that! Never depend on someone for your happiness.

but i think the biggest lesson i learnt is not to allow your happiness and being to become dependant on the person your in the relationship with.

I disagree, I think if you have a good relationship you are both dependent on each other because you love one another!

You're contradicting yourself here, either you're dependent on each other or you aren't. Hehe.

I agree with Talaniman and your first sentence. You don't base your happiness on another person, you acquire it in your own life and share it with your lifemate.

But you know I don't think I was dependent on her like for my happiness like that. But she show a lot that she was uninterested every time I tried to spend time with her or tried to get us to go out. She felt I was trying to force things... I don't think I was dependent like that... now that I think about it

The funny thing about learning from experience is that its usually when your well down the road, when clarity and understanding hit you. Then it takes time to process it.

Oft times its better to just deal with the feelings, and let the facts come later.

Yeah... you're right..

And you wasn't attached to your girlfriend. Ok?
We all get attached to our girls.

You made HER LIFE... YOUR LIFE...

Big Big mistake. Girlfriends are part of your life... They are not your life...

You must have your own way and not follow or be mixed up in theres...( thats girfriends)

you date them to have fun.. not to be so in there lives you can't see where yours ends and theres begins.

Yeah. I made her life my life. I mean honestly I wasn't trying to but it happened. I got mixed up in her life. So when the relationship ended, I'm the one that took the break-up very hard and had a hard time letting her go, thus breaking the "NO CONTACT" rule several times trying to communicate and talk things out with her. Losing my head.

And on the other hand her moving on so "QUICKLY"... you know??


You will shock yourself to see how much you have learned once the next girl comes along.

Believe me when that time comes, I'm pretty sure that I will shock myself.


Just remember your mistakes and don't make the same ones again.

O yea, I constantly read the posts that I've gotten from everyone since I first came to this site.


"I wish I would have known of this site before me and her broke up. Maybe I could have changed some things!"


Also be proud of your self man you sound like your guilty of your emotions. Don't be. Enjoy them thats what makes you...you.

Right about now it's tough to enjoy.


Just remember take it easy. Even if she is the special girl. Don't put them up on an ICON. Just act normal and keep your own goals and life in check.

When I do meet that special girl, I will just take it easy, don't put them on an "ICON" like I did the last one. I will just be myself and act normal while still keeping my personal life and goals in check..!


Do not lose yourself in a relationship.
its an easy thing to do.

From experience losing myself in a relationship (and also accepting that people change) is very easy to do especially if you really love someone and see potential with that special someone.


"But no matter what, always stay true to who you are: character, integrity, personality, morals"

If you would have found this site before all this had happened.

You probable would not have listened as much as you are now

Because you had no other relationship to go on.
You would have thought the replys were good.. but did not fit you or your girlfriend life style.
The I am different and she is not like that..

Plays a huge part in a first time relationship.

It is so easy to look back and say what if what if.

The fact of the matter is. You made the best choices. Due to your own experience and information at the time.
Its pointless to beat yourself up over it.

I could look back and say Damn it. I wish I had put them numbers down on the lottery.

I know you don't see it now. But this is a very good thing for you.

You talk to me in 8months time
You will be like

Duuuude can't believe I was like that!
Trust me :)

You have got to quit regretting your past and start embracing your future. Once you turn your head to the front, a whole new world will be there. ANYTHING can happen, and I mean ANYTHING. Better you are prepared then constantly worrying about the 'what ifs.'

You are right I've been beating myself up and analyzing the "whats if" scenarios too much now. I need to look ahead to my future and quit looking back.

And "TrueFaith" if I would have never had that bad relationship I would have never found this website. Because when I got confused after the break-up I started searching for advice and perspective on my situation and thus finding this goldmind. You guys!! So you are right. I've learned sooo much from you guys and my relationship. Yea it hurt like CRAP!! But if was for my good...

For my good as well... this website has done wonders for me. Cheers to everyone here!

I know you dont see it now but this is a very good thing for you.

This a very good thing for me?? How??


You talk to me in 8 months time
you will be like...Duuuude can't belive i was like that!!! Trust me :)

Oh really? 8 months..

It means :) this break up has lead you to this site.. (Good thing)

You learning from this relationship (Good thing)

You learning about yourself (Good thing)


And yeah 8months man trust me
You will bounce back so fast :)

And when you do.. think of my words hehe

What you should do is:
First get to know the person really well before u get really attatched.then when u THINK u found the right person then u should start to be getting attatched.

What you should do is:
First get to know the person really well before u get really attatched.then when u THINK u found the right person then u should start to be getting attatched.