Hi,

Well first off I have self confidence issues, which is why I want to know if it's me overreacting or or something I should actually be bothered about.

Basically, I've been seeing my boyfriend for 2-3 months and I knew right from the beginning that he looks at a lot of porn. He is very open about it and in a way I'm glad he is - at least he's not lying - but it makes me feel sick when I think about him looking at that stuff when he has me. Although I am confident he would never cheat on me (and of course, porn is better than that!), I feel really inadequate. As I am his first sexual partner I worry that the porn gives him an unrealistic view of sex, and that he thinks it should be how it is in porn movies which of course, it isn't! I think this is what bothers me most.

The thing is, I only see him one night a week. So surely he needs something to "keep him going" throughout the rest of the week right? I haven't talked this through with him because I think it would be selfish of me to think that I could change his habits, and to forbid him his bit of fun when I'm not around. If we saw one another every day I would be extremely hurt if he still looked at porn, but as it is I kind of understand why he does.

So back to the question, confidence issues aside, should I feel so insecure about it or is it natural for my boyfriend to do this?

Thanks.

You really need to express yourself honestly and be prepared to listen.


The thing is, I only see him one night a week.

So you've only seen him 4-8 times?? That can't be the only way you relate is it??

Hi,

I would say that you have your feelings about porn... there is nothing wrong with the way you feel about it. If you want a mate that does not look/watch porn then you should find someone that feels the same way about it as you do. If this is something that truly bothers you and makes you stressed out then maybe you should not be with a guy that watches porn. You have to pick what are deal breakers for you... yours may not be the same as other peoples but you know what you want. If you don't want a partner that watches porn then don't waste your time.

Good Luck!

So you've only seen him 4-8 times??? That can't be the only way you relate is it?????

No, at the beginning I was on a break from college so we spent about 5 days a week together for 3 weeks. Now I'm back at college I have to spend the week doing work :)

Hi,

I would say that you have your feelings about porn....there is nothing wrong with the way you feel about it. If you want a mate that does not look/watch porn then you should find someone that feels the same way about it as you do. If this is something that truly bothers you and makes you stressed out then maybe you should not be with a guy that watches porn. You have to pick and choose what are deal breakers for you....yours may not be the same as other peoples but you know what you want. If you don't want a partner that watches porn then don't waste your time.

Good Luck!

I really, really don't want it to come to that :(
I've never felt this way about anyone before, and apart from the porn this guy is as close to perfect as it gets. Although it gets me down it is something I'm willing to live with. I'd just rather not have to.

I'm back at college I have to spend the week doing work :)

That could be making things a bit bigger than they should be. Talk with him. Even if nothing concrete is accomplished, reassurance could be what you need.

If u want him to stop and if he says he does, he would probably just lie about watching porn. I think you should accpet he does or stop dating him, because guys are visual people and if they really like porn, they always will.

I think that if you make the choice to saty with him then you should let him know how you feel but leave it at that. You cannot bring this against him in the future. I have been with my husband for 8 years and I am only 25 so we have pretty much grown up together. The one piece of solid advice is that if you do accept him watching porn then that is it. You should not bring this up in arguments or use it against him in the future... as you have decided that you can accept this thing you consider a "flaw", which we all have. Good Luck I wish you all the best

Do all guys look at porn every day, no of course not most don't.

Do a lot of men look at porn every day, yes.

Do a lot of couples watch it together, yep

All of your worries are valid, and all could happen, but you just don't know.

This is why early in dating you have to decide what rules you are able to live with and which ones you can't