View Full Version : Frusterated with my fianc?
jaime90
Oct 19, 2008, 04:21 PM
For a year since we've been dating, me and my fiancé never fought. Now, he's living with me temporarily, and we get in arguments every so often, and get fed up with one another. Sometimes, he tells me that he doesn't want to be with me, one time he told me that we were breaking up but "not to tell anyone because then they wouldn't agree with us living together." I was so angry.
Sometimes, just for play and for "the fun of it" he will fake break up with me. He will just come up and "in all seriousness" tell me that he's had his fill, and wants to break up, or that he's moving away, or that he doesn't care etc. It's really not something to joke around about because it upsets me and tangles my stomach wondering if he really thinks that about me. He always just laughs and says, "I'm just kidding" but it's not funny at all. I told him that it's irritating, but he says, "It's just what I do, it's funny to see you all hot and bothered, and it's funny when you get frusterated." haha, NOT FOR ME!! He just doesn't get it, so what do I do?
liz28
Oct 19, 2008, 04:51 PM
When you live with someone that's when you truly get to know that person. He sounds childish and unsure of what he wants. You and him needs to have a serious talk with him and let him know his humor isn't funny to you. If he can't change then you have some tough decisions to make. Express how your feelings to him because communication makes up one of the component of a long lasting relationship
TrueFaith
Oct 19, 2008, 05:31 PM
Sadly the more angry you get the more fun he will have
Because he likes to push your buttons
It's a sad fact of most couples
Next time he says that in a joke if you are braking up.
Say Ohhh good! Now I won't have to put up with your sofamoric humour, or something you know will push his buttons
You push back girl see how he likes it
He will soon stop
jaime90
Oct 20, 2008, 12:39 PM
I know he is childish, the thing is, so am I. We're both really immature, we joke around a lot and give each other a hard time. But there are a few things that we don't like about each other's jokes. He doesn't like it when we're playing around (if he's tackling me or tickling me) If I just haul off and slap him in the face, even if it's light, and it's not meant to hurt. He also doesn't like me to joke around with him saying that he's "fat." He's not, but if he falls or gets stuck (like he did last night between the futon and the wall) he doesn't want me to even joke and call him fat. It's like he has pet peeves, and mine is him faking break ups. Sometimes I go overboard on my giving him crap, and maybe he just sometimes goes overboard on his "jokes" too.
talaniman
Oct 21, 2008, 07:32 AM
Can you see life with him the way he is? Guess what, this is only a preview.
Romefalls19
Oct 21, 2008, 07:53 AM
Living together either makes or breaks a couple... Sadly it appears yours falls under the breaking field.
asking
Oct 21, 2008, 08:04 AM
Talaniman is right. This will only get worse. What he is doing is potentially abusive and your own behavior toward him is questionable, too. Please reconsider the humor in hitting people and telling them they are what they are not (in this case "fat"). It sounds like you two are locked in a rather toxic battle to see who can hurt the other more. He needs to move out asap.
Also, reading between the lines, I'm gathering that he moved in with you for convenience and feels he can't afford to live elsewhere? If that's what he's saying, it's not true. He can live somewhere else. Period.
TOO SWEET
Oct 21, 2008, 08:13 AM
Here is something that you should try, the both of you go out to dinner a nice place then go to s quiet place where there are no people and tell him how you feel and tell you don't think that he respects your feeling and could he try to change not totally but compromise and if he cannot meet you half week and understand you are opening you feelings to him, honey then it's time to fine someone who will respect you and want you for you.
bigbird213
Oct 21, 2008, 08:42 AM
It sounds like a sick and twisted game that neither of you wants to be the subject of, but both want to deal out. I think you both need to take some time to think about the whole "Do unto others..." bit...
On the other hand, it sounds like an easy compromise - you stop, he stops... Easier said than done.
jaime90
Oct 21, 2008, 11:55 AM
He is only living with me for a period until he augments into active duty and moves either across the country, or across the world. Also, the reason why he is living with me, is because the day he got off orders, he slept in his car because he has no where to go. His dad moved to China, and his mom lives 70 miles away, she lives in a single bedroom apt. and is sick. His parents are divorced. The military can't provide him the barracks at the Arsenal, because he's not on orders anymore. I have never had the freedom to just see him whenever I want to. For 1 month before he went into the Marines, we hung out, we made it through boot camp which was 3 months of no speaking- only letters. He came back for 10 days, and left again across the country for 9 months to Camp Lejeune for MOS, and we spoke to each other twice a week. He got back in July, again, I didn't speak to him or see him until the end of August- even then, he only came to see me on the weekends because he lived 2 hours away, and now he's lived with me for about a month. Living with him is how I expect it to be- just living with him, he doesn't act any different than he did last year before he even left for boot camp. It's just there are these things (like sometimes he gives me crap and I get annoyed, like him fake breaking up with me) that pisses me off, I'm pretty sure there's always something you get annoyed with in your partner, but I wouldn't know, I've never been with anyone but him. The thing I'm asking is, what do I do to tell him that this thing he does gets on my nerves?
One of the reasons our relationship is like this, is because it is based on friendship. I met him when I had just turned 16, and he had just turned 18- now I'm 18, he's 20, we been together over a year and the foundation of our relationship, is friendship. We don't rely on mushy drama. Neither of us are really going to grow up, we still play "slap and tickle," and joke around- it keeps us happy.
asking
Oct 21, 2008, 12:24 PM
Then tell him what you told us, that it hurts you when he pretends to break up and he should not ever say that unless he really means it and he's definitely decided that's what he wants. Offer to change your own behavior if you are doing anything that hurts him. Slap and tickle is fine if you are both fine with it, but respect each others' limits. If he objects to something, listen to that. And there is a time for seriousness in any relationship. This is it. Then you can go back to joking around which sounds like fun.
Good luck.