OK so Pete split up with me on Sunday, says he does not love me anymore. There was no warning signs and everything was fine until Saturday evening.

I went away for the night on a hen do. I phoned him that night and he could not get me off the phone quick enough.

I did not hear from him all day Sunday, I text him in the end and after a huge delay he responded and asked me to pop round - that's when he told me.

I was in total bits.

To make matters worse I found out on the Monday after that I am pregnant, I have told him; but he is all over the place and giving me mixed signals as to how he feels about me.- I don't know what to do?
Please Help me.

Hey DJ H - really sorry to hear all this.

I am wondering what turned Pete? Have you acted differently recently? Maybe due to the prenancy? Any fights/arguments? Bad times?

Does Pete know about the pregnancy?

I am really sorry to hear about what your going through with Pete. Depending on how you feel about being pregnant, could be an amazing experience. Bringing a new child into this world. You said that you already told Pete that you are pregnant. Just hold off on any hasty decisions and let Petes head get rapped around the idea. I hope you asked him where did all that come from. Did you ask him what happened? Do you think he believed you when you told him about the pregnancy? A day after breaking up. I am shocked by this, but In my own opinion just give it some time. I know you will be good, no matter what happens. Remember, things that are stressful now. Even being pregnancy could turn out to be such a positive experience. It is all in how you look at the situation. I know I might not being that helpful to you but Just letting you know what I think.

Joe

He could not explain anything. All I know is I went away with the girls on a hen do for one night (on Saturday). He text me like normal in the afternoon to see how I was doing - I phoned him as a reply and e were having a giggle and he said he missed me etc.He ended up out with his single friends that evening. I text him at 1am asking if he was still up and if it was OK to call - he replied yes grogeous with many kissess at the end. I phoned, he answered, to start with fine, then his mates start shouting and he can't get me off the phone quick enough.

I don't hear from him all day Sunday and onlu did because I text him. He then told me he did not love me anymore - however he has been showing me in many ways he does up until Sunday and even though we are not together he is still showing me in many ways that he does and his behaviour is so strange. He is even jealous of out mutual friend who has been round most nights to support me; even though Sam has offered his support to Pete but he has not taken it.

I am so confused and feel so alone right now.

I am so sorry to hear this, Holly. It's weird too, with no warning signs as you say, and with you just finding out you are pregnant, it must be especially stressful. I would say congratulations on the pregnancy, but I'm not sure if it's wanted or not. In any event, I would support you with whatever your plans are regarding that. As Joe says, pregnancy can be wonderful given the right circumstances.

I wonder if Pete is just going through that same thing he did a couple of months back? Where he took off for no reason and wouldn't talk to anyone? As everyone else has said, wait a couple of days to see what happens. Hopefully he will tell you what's up.

Take care, I'm going to be thinking of you!

Hey DJ H - really sorry to hear all this.

I am wondering what turned Pete? Have you acted differently recently? Maybe due to the prenancy? Any fights/arguments? Bad times?

Does Pete know about the pregnancy?

I have not got a clue, all I know is something happened Saturday night which has lead him to run from me. I know there is something he has not told me.

We have had no fights, no arguments, I have been no different, apart from my hormones which is to be expected since I am pregnant (although we did not know) - no bad times.

Yes pete knows about the pregnancy - I ran next door with the hom pregnancy test to show him as soon as I found out.

It's been well documented here that Pete is a good guy.

Although I've had women tell me how much they miss me, not to go etc. - only to break two days later. I think they end up meeting someone else and it is slowly evolving.

I know he will come around. It's going to take time. Pete has a lot to think about. He will make the right decision.

BUT, you should get to the bottom of what happened on Saturday night.

I am so sorry to hear this, Holly. It's weird too, with no warning signs as you say, and with you just finding out you are pregnant, it must be especially stressful. I would say congratulations on the pregnancy, but I'm not sure if it's wanted or not. In any event, I would support you with whatever your plans are regarding that. As Joe says, pregnancy can be wonderful given the right circumstances.

I wonder if Pete is just going through that same thing he did a couple of months back? Where he took off for no reason and wouldn't talk to anyone? As everyone else has said, wait a couple of days to see what happens. Hopefully he will tell you what's up.

Take care, I'm going to be thinking of you!

Pete does not want the baby and I really don't want to have to have another abortion, but I have looked at my options and I cannot afford to be a single mum. I really won't get the help I need financially and I won't be able to continue working. I am pretty stuffed either way!


It's been well documented here that Pete is a good guy.

Although I've had women tell me how much they miss me, not to go etc. - only to break two days later. I think they end up meeting someone else and it is slowly evolving.

I know he will come around. It's gonna take time. Pete has a lot to think about. He will make the right decision.

BUT, you should get to the bottom of what happened on Saturday night.

He is a good guy! But pete is theb type where his actions speak louder than words and he is not a very good talker. He is still portraying that he loves me in his actions, they are not backing up his words!

Did he tell you he didn't want to have it?

Wondering if you've been a little needy and clingy lately? Like Texting/calling him at 1 AM etc... it's so easy to do and you don't realize you have totally over communicated until it's too late. This straight from my dating rules.

People need space and time. Hope you haven't smothered him recently?

People WANT what they can't have. Even when you 70 tou need a little mystery.

Holly,

In my opinion 90 percent of people who have children are not able to financially. I seen many people still survive and make things work. Children are a gift. It is an amazing experience to be able to create life. There is more to life then money and financially issues. We are talking about a human being. Please do not take me the wrong way. Like others have said it is your decision and all of us are here to support you no matter what. I just feel that you need to give it some time at least.

Joe

DJ 'H' -

I have to say I have daughters your age. If I were you I would sit it out a while with your BF.
Let him make up his own mind on his own. At your age, I would think you could rely on your family for assistance.
One thing I think of is that if you have an abortion with this man's baby, is that you might never want to get together with him in the future anyway after that.
Have a heart for yourself & the baby now & just start planning what YOU want for real.

Oh, Lordy, DJ - you have so much on your plate right now. I wish I could tell you all will be OK, but that's not reality.

With the stress of the relationship with your Mom, and now with Pete, I sure hope that you have the support of friends and other family members to help you through this period.

As for advice, I don't know what to tell you except, that men will come and go, as well as their feelings. But, a baby is something else. Since you've also had a previous abortion, you might really want to do a full systems check with your wants, needs, and emotions.

Babies usually are not really planned, and those that are, usually have Moms that live on a schedule and they even manage to 'schedule' time and feelings for their children. I don't think this is the right way to raise a child - as part of a scheduled event in your life.

So, what I'm really trying to convey to you is, that I would keep that baby and tell the father he's either going to be part of it, or he's not - so what. In today's society, men will eventually come to realize that their offspring are more important than they are if mankind is to survive, and then they will want to have those 'roots'. It takes time for them to realize this, but they will.

Whatever your choice in this matter, I hope that all will be well for you. I really wish I could be there to give you so much moral support and affection to help you make your choice. I raised my daughter alone and my daughter will probably go through the same - but my child never missed out on love, and neither will my grandchild. We call 'it' Peanut right now and I think that name is so cute! She does not want to know what its sex is yet - she wants to be surprised. No need to say that it's going to be hard, but I will do the best I can to help her. I certainly wish and hope that your mother will also help you as much as she can, once she realizes the turmoil you are in, her problems will become minor to her. Also hope that your step-dad will be there for you.

Bless you, dear and please keep us posted. Don't forget, we will be here for you, if it helps you - and I certainly hope it does.

Lots of love and hugs!!

Chery
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Gather all the strength, love, and support you can from loved ones... you deserve it!

Wish I could be there to comfort you.

I wish I could stretch out my arms in a cyber hug and that you would find shelter from the storm, if only for a little while.

The best advice I have seen here is about slowing down, time to think, time to let emotions ease off a bit, time to let the clearer path reveal itself for you.

An amazing thing is when I experience times like "when rains it pours", those tend to turn out the best for me in the long run. I learn a lot, make new and different decision then and my life changes almost always for the good.

You are most definitely one who is up for learning. Just slow down a little, okay?

I agree with Val ,you've had a lot on your plate lately and slowing down to let the dust settle sounds like a good idea! Let Pete catch his breath and get his thoughts around what is a life changing event in his life!

Hi DJ H, Im so so sorry to hear all of this, and I'm also shocked towards petes actions.

Before you take any drastic decissions about the pregnancy I think you need to sit with pete and talk this through properly. Even if he says he don't love you anymore he must surely still deeply care for u, and the baby your carrying which is his.

You know how tough abortion is, do you really want to go through it again?

I wish I could do more for u, but I'm here if you need me.

Take care hugs and kisses xxxx

Have you talked with him honestly and upfront as to why the sudden change of heart? Something's not adding up here ; the two of you seemed to be doing so great then he abruptly turns off the switch. Now there's a child involved which complicates things greatly. I think communication is the only key here. Don't blame or accuse but be honest and forthright.

Hi,
Sorry for my ignorance but I haven't been on here long but love reading all the posts and trying my best to be part of the support network. It helps me so much.
But am I right in my understanding that you live next door to pete? This must be really hard for you right now. Knowing the man you love is so close yet so far. Could it be beneficial for you to get away for a while? Go on a little break if possible. I feel for you. From reading your past posts everything seemed so good for you. It seems such a dramatic change. Hopefully it works out for you.

Sorry to hear about this Holly,

As you said, perhaps something is wrong.

I remember reading a while back that he got freaked out over a surprise birthday you and his mates threw for him.

Perhaps something has happened to him. Maybe you could try talking to him again?

Re: The baby. Hold off for a bit and see what happens with Pete. You can always get an abortion in a few months.

Did he tell you he didn't want to have it?

Wondering if you've been a little needy and clingy lately? Like Texting/calling him at 1 AM etc.......it's so easy to do and you don't realize you have totally over communicated until it's too late. This straight from my dating rules.

People need space and time. Hope you haven't smothered him recently?

People WANT what they can't have. Even when you 70 tou need a little mystery.

I don't contact him at all. He contacts me.

Have you talked with him honestly and upfront as to why the sudden change of heart? Something's not adding up here ; the two of you seemed to be doing so great then he abruptly turns off the switch. Now there's a child involved which complicates things greatly. I think communication is the only key here. Don't blame or accuse but be honest and forthright.

You are right, everything you have said is what I am trying to do and what I also think. Nothing adds up; however when I tried to talk to him, he just got defensive and angry! - so what can I do? I cannot force him to tell me?

In this case scenario I believe you can... you can forse him to tell you.
You deserve to know and he should know this

Just don't do or say anything drastic at this point. Again - I just think Pete needs time.

He is pressuring me to make a decision even thiugh I asked for space and told him I would contact him when I was ready! - he is being really horrible with it! - it is breaking my heart and really upsetting me. I never thiught he could be so cruel - his friends and family are just as baffled as me.

Petes mum is coming round to see me later - as she wants to be there for me!

I have been reading this thread and could not find the words to express my sympathy for what you are going through.

I will say though, don't let him pressure you and don't pressure him. You both will come to regret the outcome.

You are very lucky that his Mum wants to be there for you. She must be as surprised as you about his actions.

He is being so unreasonable and bitter - I have not done anything wrong. How can someone go from being perfect to a total areshole?

Holly,

At least you are getting support even from his family. That is a very good sign. Please give it some time. Do not let him pressure you to make a decision. You both made the decision to be together. Both of you created the baby together. I am happy to hear that you have support. As far as the bitter and being a arsehole who knows what is going on inside his head. None of us can get into somebodys head but obvously something is really eating away at him. He is taken it out on other people. Just have your time with his mom and let her be a comfort to you.

Joe

Hmmmmm - strange. I hope you are not seeing the real Pete and he comes around - something to think about.

It is a good sign that his mother supports you.

Here the real deal though... I don't think anyone should get serious about realtionships and marriage until at least age 25 - your brain isn't even fully developed until age 25... I know I wasn't ready until my 30's. A lot of guys take a long time to mature - Pete might not just be there yet.

Remember - this a massive change not only for you, but for him.

DJ, I'm sorry to hear that Pete broke up with you. I know that he upsets you, but try to talk to him and ask him if he wants to continue the relationship because it seems like he's sending you mixed signals. If he doesn't want to be part of you or your baby's life, you must try to except it and focus on yourself and the future. It's your choice whether you want to keep the baby. If you choose to have the baby and he doesn't want to be a father, he still has financial obligations to the child. I hope everything works out well with your boyfriend. Remember that your family, friends and all of us here at AMHD are there for you.

He won't talk - but his mum seems to realise that Pete is not telling us everything - I found out yesterday that his brother Matt know why we are not together - and matt is only 16yrs. How can he confide in someone so young when he cannot even confide in me or his parents. I am starting to think he has someone else?

His mum said I am a very special girl and she is behing me 100% - she also prayed for Pete and I to find our way through all of this.

He is being way out of order.
Something smells fishy about his actions.

How did u find out that his brother Matt knows what's going on?
Maybe u can ask him?

Not to be a jerk Holly, but I kind of sniffed that out in my first post. Just because of the way you describe how he was acting. Has lately been doing other things or gone for a few hours at a time?

Well there his weird behaviour on his birthday which I described in another thread. And he did get mad at me a couple of weeks ago because he thought a male friend of mine and I had disappeared together. I only went to the toilet and passed my male friend on the way there.

Later after talking he brojke down, cried and apologised!

Hes been going out on his motorbike a little more - but the weather has been really dry & sunny recently. But he has got back from work later than me quite a few times - which is unusual because he is usually home before me - the only major thing is that Saturday night and the guilty look on his face the next day!

Have u asked him if he has someone else? Or if he cheated and is feeling very guilty.

That was one of the first things I asked him! Of course he said no - so I don't know for sure - however he is not going to tell me even if he has been with or got someone else is he?

Oh I know! I doubt anybody would answer that kind of question in all honesty. Its just maybe you could have caught something from his reaction to that question.

Maybe I should call his bluff - I am so fed up and I still don't know what to do. I have moved out of my house temporaily because Pete lives next door. Its just too painful!

Oh I was I could do more to help you, I really do. :(
I feel abit helpless and speechless.
Xxx

I know he will come clean. I still think something weird happened Saturday - ran into a gal he may have been interested in, met someone.

I think you've given him time he needs to say what's on his mind I think.

Yep he can't leave you in this loop hole for longer, its been a few days now, its time he comes clean

I cannot force him though - I have tried to push for an explanation and all he does is get angry, defensive and starts a row with me!

We did not row once when we were together - that's what I don't understand?

Maybe you two are overdo and need to confront each other!

Can't spread the love but I agree.

I don't mean to be harsh, be we need to deal in reality here to get the REAL answers.

I just have a strong feeling Pete will come around. Just my gut feeling.

The guys got short time to be a man about it and come clean. I'm so mad after reading this he's lucky that he's not in front of me.

Anger can easily be the reaction to being forced to face guilt, whether that is guilt from cheating or simply guilt from having to face his changed feelings. The strange behavior at the party makes me wonder if he's simply in an unstable place.

I had a 7 year relationship crash and burn similar to this. She wasn't cheating, but she was interested in dating other people. She knew I was good and true to her and her guilt basically made her upset and mad all the time. In retrospect, I'm glad it ended when it did... but that's little consolation now to you, I know.

As for the baby, take some time, gather your friends, focus on each day. You've got so much going on, but you are strong enough to get through this.

You just deserve to be treated much, much better than this.

Well, I've read over all this like some intence novel and I'm sorry it's real and it's your life. *hugs*

I suspect there is someone else. Peer pressure can be an ugly mean thing, and to an unsure mind it can be very powerful. Perhaps he wasn't sure, but his friends cohersed him into something with 'someone'...

I was married for 4 years, and thought everything was fine. I came home one day after work and found my hubby and all his things were gone.

There were some odd behaviors.. he had new friends he'd stay out with at night from his work and stuff,. I thought nothing of it until he was gone and said it was over.

I had to meet him in court for something only a few months after we had been separated and he already had some woman on his arm. I suspect she is the reason for the sudden change in his behavior and his leaving.

Pete I think has had something similar happen to him.

As hard as it may be, I'd try and move on. If he doesn't want to own up to the reason why he has suddenly broken things off, never mind him and move on with your life.

And the baby... never mind what is socially acceptable or not. What people may think. It's up to YOU. It's your body that going to be stretched and altered while this thing grows inside you... it's a life commitment. If you are not ready or able to give yourself to this permanent reminder of Pete, you know what to do.

I wish you the best in all this... we are just voices in the storm which now surrounds you.

And the baby... nevermind what is socially acceptable or not. What people may think. it's up to YOU. it's your body that going to be stretched and altered while this thing grows inside you...it's a life commitment. If you are not ready or able to give yourself to this permanent reminder of Pete, you know what to do.



I'm not going to get into an argument of what you should do. Most of the posts have said take some time to think things through so you won't regret a decision, one way or another.

The only thing I'd say concerning the above comment is that I think its wrong to consider the baby simply a permanent reminder of pete. My wife was pregnant at 19 from a man she later learned to be a south american mercenary... really, really scary stuff. They were never married and the father was not part of his daughters life. But I suspect that kaye was never looked at by my wife as a "permanent reminder" of that man, and shed never use those terms to describe her daughter today.

Can't spread the love but I agree.

I don't mean to be harsh, be we need to deal in reality here to get the REAL answers.

I just have a strong feeling Pete will come around. Just my gut feeling.

I am staying at my friend Kellys as she has gone on holiday - so I am house sitting for her. Pete is popping over to have a chat about stuff tonight. Not sure if he itnends to talk about what happened between us and the pregnancy or just the pregnancy!

But when you say your gut reckons he will come round - what do you mean by that?

So many people think Pete and I will get back together because we are made for each other - but I can't be optimistic and grip onto a hope that just won't happen!

I am going round and round in circles where the baby is concerned. I don't know if I should keep it? Or if getting rid of it is the right thing to do? - boy I am so confused right now! Nothing is helping me with my decision!

Holly, read your post I feel you need to reach inside yourself and get away to do some soul searching on your own. Get away if possbile for a few days consider the pros and cons of the baby and Pete, What would be in your best interest, only you can say, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

I am glad to here that Pete is coming around to talk to you. Do not expect anything and I know it is hard trying to wrap around trying to figure out what he has to talk to you about but I think it is normal to wonder what he has to say. So I hope that both of you are able to talk everything out. If he is coming over. I would listen to him. See what he has to say. Here him out and hopefully he will have your answers.

Take it easy, and take all your vitamins.

Joe

I am glad to here that Pete is coming around to talk to you. Do not expect anything and I know it is hard trying to wrap around trying to figure out what he has to talk to you about but I think it is normal to wonder what he has to say. So I hope that both of you are able to talk everything out. If he is coming over. I would listen to him. See what he has to say. Here him out and hopefully he will have your answers.

Take it easy, and take all your vitamins.

Joe

I will joe, I will listen intently! Fingers crossed.

Trying to take things easy - but its hard because I am missing Pete and have so much on my mind.

What I meant by 'Pete coming around' is I believe he well be there for you.

Please fill us in on what happened. Very interested. This is kind of new territory for us here.

What I ment by 'Pete coming around' is I believe he well be there for you.

Please fill us in on what happened. Very interested. This is kind of new territory for us here.

Its very new territory for me.

Thanks for your support Wildcat! Thanks to everyone. I will keep you posted without a doubt!

Should be interesting. I agree on listening. I hope he listens to you!

No word from Holly yet... I really want to know what happened.

Same here wildcat. I hope all is well, and Holly will in time be able to let us know how everything went.

He did not say anything about the situation. He just turned up and everything was like it always has been between us and we got on really well accept we did not snuggle, hug or anything. It was also very awkward when he left. He looked at me went to say something and then refraineed from saying it and said I'll see you when I see you.

I had a film on when he turned up and when I was laughing at the funny parts I sw in the corner of my eye him look at me on several occasions.

I am no clearer and even more confused than before. It did not help me one little bit - if anything it has made me feel worse!

I think pete is being very unfair to you. Under all the circumstances he should know better, after all it takes 2 to tango not just 1, and besides the fact that you broke up he should be more realistic about the issue in hand i.e your pregnant with his baby!
I wish I could u more support you must be going through hell, due to the mixed signals he is giving you and the pain he caused.

Tell me about it! The thing that did upset me though (although did not let him think I was bothered) was him telling me about his holiday plans. He has booked two weeks off work to go down to stay at his parents apartment with his family. How he is doing this and doing that! - he is doing all these things and I am stuck pregnant with no way forward! Not able to make holiday plans and no one to go on holiday with! He does not seem to realise how alone I am and how much I need some help to make a decision!

MMMMM... I think you need to sit him down, tie him to a chair and yell at him about your problems.. your issues as decissions need to be made and he is part of this, and should be helping you through it! Not being an immature boy! Living his life like there is no tomorrow and being selfish and only thinking about himself.
Be strong and firm with him, make it sink in that these issues are not yours only but his too.

MMMMM.... i think you need to sit him down, tie him to a chair and yell at him about your problems.. your issues as decissions need to be made and he is part of this, and should be helping you through it! Not being an immature boy! Living his life like there is no tomorrow and being selfish and only thinking about himself.
Be strong and firm with him, make it sink in that these issues are not yours only but his too.

I tried that tact before the one yesterday - it doesn't work. He just end up angry, defensive and then switches off from me completely!

I have tried every tact going! Nothing gets through and he just won't talk about any of it. Why we split or what he thinks about the pregnancy.

All I get about any of it is 'I don't know' - which is not very helpful to me. I am going round in circles all the time at the mo.

Looks like I really am on my own with this!

Honey, maybe the holiday with his parents will give him some time to reflect on what he has in you, and what he would have if he gave it all up. May I suggest that you give him some time to do this.

I know you're hurting right now, but he's also shocked. You should spend some time with loved ones and friends too - and not feel so 'alone in this'. Look for and grab all the supportive 'vibes' you can and plan something for the holiday.

Again, all the best.

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Well, at least there wasn't a blow up. That was good. You were able to hang out. It was a start - key. Baby steps here - new territory for both of you.

You do need to talk about this with him. In a tactful manner... LISTENING IS KEY!! Even if he loses his cool at times - you can not.

Well, at least there wasn't a blow up. That was good. You were able to hang out. It was a start - key. Baby steps here - new territory for both of you.

You do need to talk about this with him. In a tactful manner....LISTENING IS KEY!!!! Even if he loses his cool at times - you can not.

I have tried he does not want to talk - always changes the subject! - but I guess you a right, we did take a small step in the right direction, even though it does not feel like it.

His bro is supporting me, he was texting me last night making sure I was all right and offering me an outlet to talk if I wanted to. But he only knows about the breakup - not the pregnancy!

I have tried he does not want to talk - always changes the subject! - but I guess you a right, we did take a small step in the right direction, even though it does not feel like it.

His bro is supporting me, he was texting me last night making sure I was alright and offering me an outlet to talk if I wanted to. but he only knows about the breakup - not the pregnancy!


I'm glad to hear he's sort of talking to you... and I'm sure he's overwhelmed.

I just don't get the not talking about why he wanted to separate thing.

I don't know.

I'm not a fan of ultimatums. You shouldn't threaten something unless you are willing to live with that result. There just might be a point where you need to ask him if you are done, period, point of no return. This of course is not what you want. But if there comes a point when he's simply not going to give you the answers you deserve, well then maybe you need him to understand that you are going to be putting him definitely in the past.

Again. I know this isn't what you want and I wouldn't force this until you have had it. But at some point hell need to face the real truth. That this isn't a temp break and that he's at the end of his chances.

Did you say earlier his brother knows why? I'm not sure if I'm getting this mixed with a diff post... if so, can you talk to the brother?

I thought his bro did know but he doesn't!

Also putting pete in the past in not that simple - if I have his child I will never be able to put him in the past - he will always be there! - this is the very reason my judgement to keep the baby or get rid of it is clouded.

How can I make a decision?

Actually - I think it was a huge step - it's really good you have given him his space right now - it will be good for the long run - believe me.

You're going to have to talk about it - no question. It has to be done.

I hope so! - but that does not help me now! I have to decide soon because if I decide not to go through with it then I need to get it done before I reach 3months in my pregnancy - if you have it done after then it's more painful and the risks are higher. I am on a clock!

Well, you need to communicate that with him... maybe send him a loving letter - explaining everything - I know when I was that age I didn't know that much about this stuff... be real sincere - communicate nicely/tactfully. Say I love you - even if he's not willing to give his love now. You should spell out the complications - I bet he is clueless.

What do the other ladies think??

Personally, on a selfish stan point, I want to see you have the baby, but with Pete there.

Well, you need to communicate that with him.....maybe send him a loving letter - explaining everything - I know when I was that age I didn't know that much about this stuff....be real sincere - communicate nicely/tactfully. Say I love you - even if he's not willing to give hsi love now. You should spell out the complications - I bet he is clueless.

What do the other ladies think???????

Personally, on a selfish stan point, I want to see you have the baby, but with Pete there.

I have tried telling him - so maybe a letter would be the way to go. Either that or I just make up my own mind regardless of him. If I am honest though, if I go through with this then I want pete, I and the baby to be a proper family. I don't want to be a single mum.

Holly,

Personally you know what my opinion is and if I personally had to make the decision it would be a very easy decision. Just because there are two parents does not always make it a proper family. Sometimes there is more love in a single parent environment. With or without Pete it is you that needs to make the decision. My advice is to hold off a bit and see if Pete comes around. No matter what though you might have to make the decision without him. I myself no matter what would keep the baby. That is my opinion. I was brought up with a step father. My real father was not really in the picture. I think I turned out pretty good. It all depends. Yes, there would be lots of struggles, but the struggles makes people stronger. I still say GIVE IT SOME TIME. You do need to get answers and maybe a letter would be best. Get all your thoughts and feelings out on paper. I am with Wildcat, Hoping Pete will come around. I know your still hoping for the same. Good luck in whatever you decide to do, and we are all here to support you with any decision you make. We are all thinking about you. We are all hoping for the best outcome for all that is involved. Remember you have the support of Petes mum. She will be there for you and I would think your own family would be there with you.

Joe

I hope Pete will come around as well...

I don't have much to add to all the great advice you've received Holly, but I just wanted to say that I am thinking of you and feel very badly for you right now. This is Thursday already, and if I was having a fight with my husband (or any dear friend, for that matter) that carried on this long without resolution of some kind, I would be a mess right now. I like things up front, and I hate having to wait. Especially because of the pregnancy.

Anyway take care Holly... I'm not saying much on this thread, but I am reading everything and hoping for a good outcome for you, Pete and the baby!

All of us here, every single person wants Pete to have the time he needs to get his head together, as I do. Yes he's the father and he obviously is really thrown off. Part of me says be patient and part of me says kick him to the curb like I've told so many others in this situation. I really think you should wait and be patient with him and try to get yourself to a place to relax and stay calm. Yeah tell an emotional soon to be mother to stay calm... I'd settle for be patient!:cool: ;)

I think you should write the letter and have Chery take a look/see. Unbiased person.

Although as you say you are on a clock, giving him his time away. I think as chery said this could be the time he needs to reflect on the situation.
Giving space when asked for is very hard to do but from experience the best for everyone.

No word from Holly I see. Wanted to see if there were any new developments.

I think a letter will work well, sometimes I feel for me personally when I have to express my deep feelings I explain myself better on paper.
Hope this works.xxx

I am the same way. Especially with these types of matters.

Holly: ~ Mind if a Gramma jumps in? May I give you a long distance hug and hold your hand while I say a few things? "Another abortion"? How sad! Oh, Honey! How terribly confused, abandoned, troubled & alone you must be feeling right now! But PLEASE don't even think about eliminating this 'inconvenience' as 'an option'. Do I believe in a woman's RIGHT to 'choose'? ABSOLUTELY! But you DID, Sweetie! You CHOSE to indulge in the sacred act that is the miraculous vehicle that creates LIFE. [When will we otherwise CIVILIZED human beings accept the simple reality that the act of a man & a woman coming together is NOT a recreation SPORT!] As a consequence of that CHOSEN act, a new innocent life with a heart already beating is now minute by minute growing within you. Yes, pregnancy is an obvious potential 'side-affect' of intercourse; the creation of LIFE. And Yes, pregnancy is "the luck of the draw" so to speak. Sorry, Love, but the fact is, the opportunity for you to execute your RIGHT to "choose" is PAST. You MADE your choice, you just didn't think through the potential and likely 'consequences of your choice.If you're thinking about a Plan B: Literally THOUSANDS of couples desperately wanting a child would be DELIGHTED to see you through financially & be THRILLED to 'relieve' you & Pete of this 'inconvenience'. One way to get a 'reality' check is to visit a hospital nursery & take a look at the new borns & preemies. I've lived long enough to realize that nothing happens by ACCIDENT! ~ Blessings come in an abundance of 'packages' & disguises. Please don't think I'm preaching, scolding or moralizing. You'll be at the top of my prayer list. ~ Consider yourself HUGGED!

Holly - any new news??

Did you try and write a letter? Outline everything?

I have not wrote a letter - but Pete is not talking to me at all. His mum is being the messenger and mediator for us.

I have decided to keep the baby - as scared as I am about bening a single mum - I know I can do it.

Petes mum has delivered the news to him and I am just giving him space. I have told his mum I do not expect anthing from him, and it is up to him what he does.

His mum text me last night saying he took the news calmly but would not say a word after that. He just sat watching TV and did not soeak one word or batter an eyelid - he was just very quiet.

I have asked Petes mum to tell him I would like to chat about my decision with him, but only when he is ready - so can he contact me and come and see me when he feels he can!

I doubt I am going to hear from him for quite some time now - and I am not gripping to any hopes or setting myself up for disappountment and more hurt. I am prepared to do this on my own.

One only hopes he comes round if not for me then for the baby!

So I am going to be a Mum. I am now 11weeks, so I am over quarter of the way through my pregnancy.

Hey DJ, congratulations. Take some time now to get the feel of it. Let your baby know that your looking forward to him/her.

I know it's hard, I raised my daughter alone (although I was married, but he was an abuser) and now my daughter is going to do the same - I'll be there to help her though.

Many, many more of us women have done it, will continue to do it, and once you've set your mind to it, things will be fine. They might not be what we all 'dreamed' of, but we are well aware that not all dreams come true, and they make room for new dreams and goals. Never give up the hopes and dreams that you have, just 'adjust' them a little.

Good luck, dear and keep us posted.

Eventually Pete will also adjust to the idea, even if it takes him years - being a parent 'grows' on you. You might not 'want' anything from him, but he does have obligations that he cannot and should not ignore. That's life!

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Hey Holly,

Im so happy and proud of the decission you have made, which I think is the correct one to do.
You can definitley do it, you are a very strong minded person from what I can tell, and this baby deserves you as their mummy.

Concentrate on yourself and on YOUR baby.

Congratulation sweety
Xxxxx

Cheers guys - just trying to concntrate on myself and the baby and look at the positives x

Exactly dear, keep your chin up, you have a lot to look forward to in the near future for you and your child within :) xxx

I am very glad you're keeping the baby. Very glad.

Giving Pete space is the best thing you can do. The very best. I think he will come around.

Hey holly,

I'm sorry that things with pete are not going so well still.

My wife, my mother, and my friend would all tell you that being a single mother was work and life changing, and in ways that they never regretted. You will have your ups and downs, but man... once that little one is in your arms you just feel a part of something bigger than yourself. It's a mad, crazy, frustrating, fun, fun, fun ride.

My friend was in somewhat of a similar situation as you are and the guy eventually came around for the baby. They were not together again, but they found some common ground and were able to mend a friendship and raise the child together. His family was especially supportive, and it sounds like petes family will be there to support you, even if he's not right now. She also, like my wife, later married and found a man who was there for the child and her.

There is a song by the group Sweet Honey in the Rock... they do kind of a gospel/african spiritual music a capella... the song On Children is from the writings of the philosopher Khalil Gibran. If anyone has access to filesharing or music downloads take a look at their songs. They are thoughtful, hopeful, and uplifting... songs by women whose voices are strong and true. The lyrics don't do the song justice.

This song in particular rings true to parents who already have kids, as we know how we are simply trusted stewards to these little, independent and dependent, wonderful kids who have as much to teach us as we have for them.

ON CHILDREN

Your children are not YOUR children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's
Longing for itself.

They come through you
But not from you,
And though they are with you,
They belong not to you.

You can give them your love but not your thoughts.
They have their own thoughts.
They have their own thoughts

You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in a place of tomorrow,
Which you cannot visit,
Not even in your dreams.

You can strive to be like them,
But you cannot make them just like you.
Strive to be like them,
But you cannot make them just like you.

REPEAT

Support is definitely what I need and it is certainly what I have. My friends are all being fantastic too!

That'swhat you need now. Keep busy.

Keep us posted DJ H.
You deserve to be happy now and try not stress yourself over pete. I personally think he is not worthed, she is acting childish and very seflish, but its easy for me to say that.
I do wish alllllllll the best dear. Xxxx

I am glad that you were able to make a decision. Your own personal decision. It is good that you have lots of support. Take care of yourself Holly. Remember we are all here for you too. Good luck with everything. You and your new little one are in my thoughts.

Joe

Thanks Joe and thanks to everyone - pete is talking to me. Not about us braking up or about the pregnancy - but just having conversations and a bit of giggle with me and we even had a text conversation last night. It was short and brief and only a bit of a giggle again. The way we are at the mo - is how we were when we started dating. Its like we are starting again!

Well that sounds like a lot of progress. You've handled this really well. IT SHOULD be like the old days - keep things easy for a while - No pressure - who like or wants pressure - no one. Keep it simple for a while - he'll love you for it.

If you get upset, nag, plead, threat, complain, put down... you'll just push him away.

Well that sounds like a lot of progress. You've handled this really well. IT SHOULD be like the old days - keep things easy for a while - No presure - who like or wants presure - no one. Keep it simple for a while - he'll love you for it.

If you get upset, nag, plead, threat, complain, put down....you'll just push him away.

Just giving him space and being nice when I see him. I am having a small BBQ this weekend so I sent pete a text and just told him so and said if you are about and not busy then you are more than welcome to come. So we will wait and see what happens now!

I wish all the best and I mean from the bottom of my heart.
Play it cool just like you are doing as it seems to be working xx

Yup; just keep playing miss cool and keep all fingers and toes crossed ;)

Yup; just keep playing miss cool and keep all fingers and toes crossed ;)
My daughter and I are crossing them for you too!

Keep us posted.

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I am off to devon for the weekend. Petes parents are letting me have their apartment (they own an aprtment in devon) as it is vacent this weekend. My friend amy is coming with me. Amy and I have been friends for 20yrs, we grew up together from playschool and have always been there for one another.

She is having a few problems with her new husband, so we are both going for a break!

That sounds like exactly what you need.
Girlie time with an friend, and also time for you to relax and get away from it all - for at least a wkend.
Have fun xx

Had a lovely weekend and a great chat with Petes dad when I returned. I was telling him how I just had to accept Pete and I were over and his dad looked at me and said "Just give him some time" - what do you think he meant by that?

Also Pete surfaced after I had been there ages. He did not even realise I was there. After he hd, he kept walking in and out of the kitchen, backwards and forwards past me wilst I was chatting to his mum, dad and grandad - what was he doing there? He was looking for any excuse to keep coming back into the kitchen?

I got myself a Midwife yesterday and I actually heard the babies heart beating. It was the most amazing feeling ever! :)

I have been invited to Petes house (by his Mum) for tea tonight; we are going to discuss the literature I have been given and decide what screening test to have and not have. Not sure if Pete is going to be there though.

It probably means a lot, what Petes dad said, but only his dad knows. But I would keep that as a good sign, as no one knows you better than you actual flesh and blood.. your parents.

Glad you had a good weekend break, you probably really needed it.

I bet Pete was curious to hear what was being said between you, and his family.

Maybe slowly slowly he will come round.

Xx

Hi, DJ,
I am so sorry to read this, but was not on the computer much last week.
Life is full of surprises; some good, some not so good.
At 21 or 22 yrs old (sorry, I forgot which), you have your whole life ahead of you, with many years.
Not all romances work out... my first marriage ended in divorce after 7 yrs; I was 24 when I first got married. This second marriage is now 29 yrs and still going strong.
We all learn, make the best of it, and get on with our lives.
Pete may be just wanting some "space", or I know this hurts, but may be moving on. Since you are pregnant, he may have decided this "is not for him"!
I do wish you the best.

It probably means alot, what Petes dad said, but only his dad knows. But i would keep that as a good sign, as no one knows you better than you actual flesh and blood.. your parents.

Glad you had a good weekend break, you probably really needed it.

I bet Pete was curious to hear what was being said between you, and his family.

Maybe slowly slowly he will come round.

xx

All he has been doing since we split is spending time with his dad (mainly) and family. He has not even been out with his friends. So I would be inclined to trust his dads judgment. - we will see what happens tonight; I will keep you all posted. X

Well there you go.

Please do and take care of yourself and your unborn little one ;)
Xxx

Had a lovely weekend and a great chat with Petes dad when I returned. I was telling him how I just had to accept Pete and I were over and his dad looked at me and said "Just give him some time" - what do you think he meant by that?

Also Pete surfaced after I had been there ages. He did not even realise I was there. After he hd, he kept walking in and out of the kitchen, backwards and forwards past me wilst I was chatting to his mum, dad and grandad - what was he doing there? He was looking for any excuse to keep coming back into the kitchen?!

I got myself a Midwife yesterday and I actually heard the babies heart beating. It was the most amazing feeling ever! :)

I have been invited to Petes house (by his Mum) for tea tonight; we are going to discuss the literature I have been given and decide what screening test to have and not have. Not sure if Pete is going to be there though.
Glad you had a nice weekend.
Please try, for now, not to read into things that you don't have any control over at the moment. That way, you don't set yourself up to fall again. You don't need the added stress.

For now, just go about your life, concentrate on staying healthy and emotionally stable - as much as you can - for your's and the baby's sake.

There are no guarantees in life for any of us. We can hope for the best - but should not be obsessed by it. I sometimes think the 'worst' and thankfully get surprised when the 'worst' does not happen. This has helped me out many times.

At least you now know that Pete will not 'run away' every time you are in the same area, and that's a good sign. Just don't try to 'crowd' him right now at any point, or he might feel under pressure.

Good luck, dear, and keep us posted.
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No chance of crowding him Chery. I am staying at my Nans and very rarely see or speak to him. I think I am giving him plenty of space!

I am also not being optimistic; however do need to know if he wants to be involved or not? I have a lot of decisions to make soon and I will be going for a scan too; I don't want to be unfair and just make all of the decisions and go to the scan without him, if he wants to be involved. That's partly the reason I am going to see his mum tonight and accepted her offer to go round for tea, so that his parents are in the picture and if pete wants to know anything then he does not have to come to me and ask, as I know he is not ready to discuss the subject with me, however he does with his parents.

Do u think, maybe it's a good idea to ask pete is he want to accompany you when you go do the scan of your baby?
Just a thought!

Do u think, maybe its a good idea to ask pete is he want to accompany you when you go do the scan of your baby?
Just a thought!

No, if he knows about it and wants to come, he will ask me. I would rather it be his idea than he feel like I am pressuring him to come with me.

That's true!
But then again he may be feeling uncomfortable to ask you if he can come, maybe he feels that you don't want him to come.
Sometimes I find its best it take initaitive.

Well Pete and I were like this when we were trying to ask each other out. Neither one of us would actually come out and just say it. It was down to me in the end - we are as bad as each other sometimes.

I just don't want to smother him.

Lets just see what happens tonight. If he is there, then we will have the perfect opportunity to talk.

Funny you say that.
It was exactly the same for me. When first meet James.
All my mates used to tell me Kris, he fancies you big time. And he used to get the same! And after 2 months I decided to say something first.
Men are scared of rejection...
That's why maybe just ask him, and make it clear its completely down to him, no pressure, and tell him you're asking him because its his child too!

No chance of crowding him Chery. I am staying at my Nans and very rarely see or speak to him. I think I am giving him plenty of space!

I am also not being optimistic; however do need to know if he wants to be involved or not? I have alot of decisions to make soon and I will be going for a scan too; I don't want to be unfair and just make all of the decisions and go to the scan without him, if he wants to be involved. Thats partly the reason I am going to see his mum tonight and accepted her offer to go round for tea, so that his parents are in the picture and if pete wants to know anything then he does not have to come to me and ask, as I know he is not ready to discuss the subject with me, however he does with his parents.

Hey, I have an idea... Maybe his mom could go along with you to get the scan, then make a copy of it for her to keep. That way Pete will be 'indirectly' involved in the progress through her.

I'm sure he's thinking ahead too, and I hope that all will work out to your satisfaction, dear.

It's an idea. N I think I just need to see what happens tonight!

I think everyone is being too nice on the Pete person.
Give him space? He straight up told her he did not love her anymore-just one day out of the blue. Then she tells him she's pregnant-from what I am reading he is not offering her any support or anything at all. Their main communication is between her and his mother (for the most part). His mom did not get her pregnant.
No one asked, but I think this guy is a jerk and needs to grow up and take responsibility. Believe me, I've been with enough losers to be comfortable enough to share my unasked opinion on this subject.
I'm not saying he needs to get back into the relationship with her or marry her or anything like that, but he does need to have the balls to speak to her and be involved in her pregnancy with his child for anything she may need.What a ****!

He wasn't there last night. I think that says it all. I am on my own!

Screw him.
I know its easier said then done, but screw him!
He doesn't deserve you! AT ALL...
You have been so patient with him after he broke up with you, and even the fact that he is showing no remorse at all, shows his immaturity.
You don't need it.
You are a mature adult and he is a kid. He doesn't even deserve benefit of the doubt.

You have loads of family and friends behind. I can just imagine how hard it is for you, carrying his baby and he doesn't want to know.

But I think he had his fair share of space, and now its too late.

That's real sad. I have guys like that. Guys are werid they should give you mixed signals to get all confused and play a game. Its good you told him about your pregnant but if he don't want to be involved then that isn't every good if he does that you got help and all. Have you asked him if he wants to be inovolved in the pg thing?
For the signals of breaking up with you:
1. never calls you back
2. don't bother with you much
3. says his busy when you ask him to go somewhere
4. don't answer the phone
5. don't hug you or kiss you no more.

I hope some of that helped sorry couldn't help much.

That's just it if I called he would answer, he I text him, he replies and if I see him speaks.

Just if I don't make an effort, he won't make an effort.

My last suggestion would be, call him ask to meet him ALONE for a cuppa tea somewhere just you 2.

1. if he makes excuses that he can't make it or whatever, than screw him as I said before. He isn't worthed.

2. if he says yes, then ask him all the questions you keep asking yourself about him, he needs to understand you need to know.

This isn't just a standard break up... an unborn child is involved and at least he can make the effort to answer your questions.

That way you know completely where you stand if he can't understand this esp that his unborn child is in question, than he is simply not mature enough to be part of this family at all.

Well that's all I want. To know where I stand. Need to know if I can start the motions of moving on with my life and meeting new guys etc (which is going to be a lot tougher, being pregnant) or to continue to put my life on hold on the basis that he does want to come back and he does want to be a proper family, just needs time to adapt? Is that unreasonable on my part? Is that too much to ask?

NOT AT ALL LOVE
Just ask him..
Tell you want an answer now you have had with him and had it with waiting and waiting for his royal highness.
You deserve to know Holly, you are too good for him

Thanks - I knida realise that. I never did anything wrong by him and yet he can do so much wrong by me.

I can assume that he wants nothing to do with the baby and that he and I are over for good; but unless he actually confirms that, then I will have a doubt in my head saying - WHAT IF? - That is noway to live; and it as you say not a simple break up! If this was just about he and I then I would have told him to take a hike and not bother me again, because his actions were just too hurtful and so much damage caused. However it's not so simple when a child is involved.

Exactly dear.
And don't assume, I believe in my favorite saying :-
Assuming the brother of all f**k ups
And I really believe it, because you will keep questioning yourself for as long as you can imagine.
So get the facts straight, you need and deserve to know and don't care if it bothers him, you come first :)

Got forms through yesterday. I am applying for my own house. Decided to move out of home and move on. I am going to make myself and my baby a good life, now its just the two of us I can do things my way!

I have an appointment with my midwife tomoorrow to discuss my birth plan, screening tests and other things that need to be sorted.

I appear to be reconciling things with my real dad. Went to his for tea last week and I am going again tomorrow after my appointment with the midwife.

My nan is looking after me well (as I am staying at hers) I love her cooking reminds me of when I was little and used to stay over at hers lol.

Seen lots of my friends and I am meeting with one this weekend as I have not seen him since May and attending my mates wedding on Saturday! A good long rest will be well earned on Sunday!

Good for you.
Glad to hear this and sounds like you are doing well for yourself sweety.
Xx

It's a case of having too! I would go mad otherwise. I know what I need to do and I know I am strong enough to do it. I am not putting my life on hold anymore! Time to take full control and do what I want to do! I have decided its not me who's alone - it's Pete who is on his own! Putting things in perspective and seeing the bigger picture really does work! - he is losing out on me and a family - I am gaining a family. It might only be a family of two - but it's still my family!

I always do in the end. I think being as pete and I only split up just over 3weeks ago I have progressed and handled things rather well!

I think you are doing the best thing! You have made the right decision and from the sounds of it you have a lot more than a family of two between your nan friends and the possible reconciliation between you and your father!
You are such a strong sweet person and you definitely deserve the best.
Best of luck! ;)

Holly, Like I said in a previous post. Just because originally you thought a proper home is with two parents, does not mean a single parent home is not proper. There are many single parents that have more loving homes then two parent home. I am glad your planning your life. With a new beautiful family member and I hope that one day you are able to share your life with somebody that will treat you and your little one right. I am happy for you. So many times in my life I have experienced lows and bad situations that I thought would never get better. Years later the hard times actually made me stronger and I ended up having so many beautiful experiances in my life. I am so happy your are seeing this experience as a positive for your future with a family that some other people just throw away. Seeing the bigger picture definatley is important. Well, Keep intouch and enjoy the experience of being pregnant. It is such an amazing experience ( through the eyes of a father to be and to my wife who is experiancing lots of kicks and movements. Amazing and the journey has just begun.

Joe

I always do in the end. I think being as pete and I only split up just over 3weeks ago I have progressed and handled things rather well!

Holly,

You are doing a fantastic job of handling all that is in front of you.

As I keep reading though this thread and I see how you are gathering yourself together it makes me think of the strength, commitment, and determination that I see in my wife. I didn't know her when she was a young mother, just into college... but I imagine a lot of the things you are going through, she also went through. And, as I said, I'm seeing the same strength and determination come through you in this thread.

You are doing very good things.

Hi Holly,
I haven't been on the site in a while, and I'm sorry to hear about all the upheaval you've been going through. It must be taking every ounce of strength to remain focused and strong for yourself just now, and I'm glad you have the support of your gran and your friends around you.

You sound as if you are taking all the right steps for yourself at the moment. A break will be good for you, allow you to grieve properly and feel the sadness you might have been putting on hold while you have been trying to figure out Pete's feelings. Like it or not, the man is about to become a father, and is acting like a child. This is not your responsibility right now. I think you are being very generous with your feelings for him. Take some time for yourself. Also, I know you are quite close to his family, but it is HIS family. If he so obviously wants this space, it might not be a good idea to be hanging out in his family home - perhaps you could meet his mother for coffee somewhere and indirectly give him that space, and also let him become aware you are not just going to be in the background in any case.

Congratulations on the pregnancy - I'm sure you will make a wonderful mother. You have a great head on your shoulders, and are obviously very loving. Just remember to love yourself. This guy means the world to you, and yet abruptly walked away with odd behaviour that has a slight pattern to it (re: other posts). Be careful you are not "ok-ing" this behaviour, it's quite all right to let him know he's being a **** when you need his support, even if it is just as a sperm donor. Whatever IS going on for him, you have a lot on your plate too, and I would just be concerned you are being so giving here, when you need those resources to nurture yourself. He still has not given you "reason" why all of this occurred, and the friendly texts and calls, while nice, are not giving YOU the space to deal with all that's happening. It sounds like he wants his cake and to eat it too and I think it's a little unfair on you.

I'm glad you've taken some time out with a friend, who is equally in a bad place, because you will be able to laugh and cry together and probably never forget your holiday and your valuable friendships. Perhaps Pete did kiss someone and was overcome with guilt, perhaps he is scared of the commitment between you - but it is his problem to deal with, alone. He may become resentful of you being in his home, he may love it underneath it all - but give him a chance to be a man and realise what he has thrown away on a whim. He sounds a little unable for responsibility at the moment. But you have no choice about your responsibilities - you are becoming a mother. A gift of life is inside you right now, and you sound by far the mature one here.

I admire your strength in all this. I know I would probably have had some cringy banging on doors in tears moments myself! But don't bend too much for him, you have so much personal growth within you, and he has a lot of growing to do. He can't do that with you. You can't "grow someone up", but a lot of space does wonders for a man's conscience and awareness. It really sounds as if he has certain issues he needs to work out for himself, because this behavioural pattern can leave you feeling totally groundless as a partner - the night of his birthday was the same. It's up to him to decide whether to deal with that, you don't have to accept that from anyone. I just hope you know in your heart that you have taken all the right steps, you have given him time, compassion and understanding, and if things don't work out, it's because he simply isn't on the same page as you and you are made for better things. I hope this isn't offensive in any way. I just feel it's a terrible shame that you have come so far and have been left in the lurch by someone who means so much to you. I don't know if the texting and calls are a good idea, it's keeping him in the comfort zone a little. He doesn't have to face your loss, and why he made that choice. Walk away totally for a bit, no house calls no texts. Arrange to meet in a month, and talk it through openly. By then, if he's not acting like an adult you have your answer.

Well there's my tuppence. Good luck, and keep us posted. You have given such sound advice to all of us, I hope you are surrounded by lots of love to keep you afloat xx

Thank you giggles everything you have said is true, what I came to realise some time ago and everything you have said to do I am doing.

I have been living with my Nan for the last two weeks.

The last contact I had with Pete was last weekend when he asked if I knew anyone he could sell the birthday present I bought for him too - that was enough to make me realise what an arse hole he is and how much I deserve better.

I have since told my work and they too are suppoting me. My job is safe and I will return to work after my maternity leave.

I am moving away from my home town to be closer to my job (cutting petrol costs down), and know exactly where I stand financially and have no worries there. This will be a new start for me, a chance for me to bring my child up in a good area, meet new people and move forward. The only way is up!

I am much happier - my head is in a good place and I am doing just fine ;)

I'm so happy to hear that! Well done, and btw- what a horrible thing to do, call you up and tell you he wanted to sell your gift to him? What an ars*hole indeed! Is that a serious statement or what!
Good luck with the move, and the emotional move, you deserve new opportunities and chances, so take them xx

Oh hey, you might want to change that avatar too ;)

Thank you giggles everything you have said is true, what I came to realise some time ago and everything you have said to do I am doing.

I have been living with my Nan for the last two weeks.

The last contact I had with Pete was last weekend when he asked if I knew anyone he could sell the birthday present I bought for him too - that was enough to make me realise what an arse hole he is and how much I deserve better.

I have since told my work and they too are suppoting me. My job is safe and I will return to work after my maternity leave.

I am moving away from my home town to be closer to my job (cutting petrol costs down), and know exactly where I stand financially and have no worries there. This will be a new start for me, a chance for me to bring my child up in a good area, meet new people and move forward. The only way is up!!

I am much happier - my head is in a good place and I am doing just fine ;)

"The last contact I had with Pete was last weekend when he asked if I knew anyone he could sell the birthday present I bought for him too - that was enough to make me realise what an arse hole he is and how much I deserve better."-Where I come from-this dude would get his *** kicked... what comes around goes around girl and one day he will get his. Good luck to you.

That's horrible. Well, unfortunately, Pete turned into a big jerk. Big Jerk.

It' so hard to notice these things sometimes when you care for someone or you are in love.

Sounds like he wants to hurt you - which is a form of abuse.

Probably best not to be with him - especially because he won't be a MAN about this.

That's horrible. Well, unfortunately, Pete turned into a big jerk. Big Jerk.

It' so hard to notice these things sometimes when you care for someone or you are in love.

Sounds like he wants to hurt you - which is a form of abuse.

Probably best not to be with him - especially because he wont be a MAN about this.

Its like I said to my auntie last night - he has blown it for good. I deserve so much better and I do not intend to settle for less. Pete has lost out - I however have gained a lot more. I am really excited about becoming a mum and I am making great progress!

I have started to move on as well (no point putting life on hold) - I don't intend to jump into anything - but been on a couple of dates with a guy and just enjoying myself... well why not hey! :)

Thank you to all for your help and support on this; I will keep you posted as things progress further.

That is so good to hear Holly. Pete has lost out on a very beautiful experience. At least you are strong enough to experience this for yourself. In my opinion, and many others you are doing a great job and doing really well with everything. You are experiancing, such a wonderful experience. It is amazing. I would not miss that experience for the world. Anyway, always hoping for the best with you and your little one and as well as having fun and enjoying yourself.

"Its like I said to my auntie last night - he has blown it for good." - Totally - A lot guys aren't grown up until even age 35.

I don't get it - he has a chance to be with you AND his child!

There is someone out there for you - and you will know when it's the right fit.

You are a very samrt, mature woman.

Unfortunately you saw Pete's true colors. It's so weird, how you THINK you know someone... but in reality they may be leading you on... acting!. trying to be someone they are not.

I bet most of us have been through this.

I bet most of us have been through this.
Its comforting to know you are not alone. My first marriage lasted exactly one year. It was a milder version of the movie "Sleeping With The Enemy". I learned a lot the hard way and felt the hurt of it for some time afterwards. I was ashamed of it even and wouldn't speak of it for many years. Clearly I am over that haha! There is always a naïve element in love and trust that can be taken advantage of, which is why its wise to gooooo slooooow, see your partner from many angles, meet everyone who knows him/her, see him/her in lots of situations, etc and even then there simply is no guarantee. But once you know, its time to go! And Holly is definitely going now... cue the music for "Don't Rain On My Parade"! ;)

"Its like I said to my auntie last night - he has blown it for good." - Totally - A lot guys aren't grown up until even age 35.

I don't get it - he has a chance to be with you AND his child!

There is someone out there for you - and you will know when it's the right fit.

You are a very samrt, mature woman.

Unfortunately you saw Pete's true colors. It's so weird, how you THINK you know someone....but in reality they may be leading you on....acting!!!!.....trying to be someone they are not.

I bet most of us have been through this.

Why thank you Wildcat - your words mean a lot to me ;)


Its comforting to know you are not alone. My first marriage lasted exactly one year. It was a milder version of the movie "Sleeping With The Enemy". I learned a lot the hard way and felt the hurt of it for some time afterwards. I was ashamed of it even and wouldn't speak of it for many years. Clearly I am over that haha! There is always a naive element in love and trust that can be taken advantage of, which is why its wise to gooooo slooooow, see your partner from many angles, meet everyone who knows him/her, see him/her in lots of situations, etc and even then there simple is no guarantee. But once you know, its time to go! And Holly is definately going now... cue the music for "Don't Rain On My Parade"! ;)

Don't tell me not to live, just sit and putter,
Life's candy and the sun's a ball of butter.
Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade.

Don't tell me not to fly-- I've simply got to.
If someone takes a spill, it's me and not you.
Who told you you're allowed to rain on my parade!

I'll march my band out, I'll beat my drum,
And if I'm fanned out, Your turn at bat, sir.
At least I didn't fake it.
Hat, sir, I guess I didn't make it!

But whether I'm the rose of sheer perfection,
Or freckle on the nose of life's complexion,
The cinder or the shiny apple of its eye,
I got to fly once, I got to try once,
Only can die once, right, sir?

Ooh, love is juicy, juicy, and you see
I got to have my bite, sir!
Get ready for me, love, 'cause I'm a "comer"
I simply got to march, my heart's a drummer.
Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade!

I'm going to live and live now,
Get what I want--I know how,
One roll for the whole shebang,
One throw, that bell will go clang,

Eye on the target--and wham--
One shot, one gun shot, and bam--
Hey, Mister Arnstein, here I am!

I'll march my band out, I will beat my drum,
And if I'm fanned out, your turn at bat, sir,
At least I didn't fake it.
Hat, sir, I guess I didn't make it.

Get ready for me, love, 'cause I'm a "comer"
I simply got to march, my heart's a drummer.
Nobody, no, nobody
Is going to rain on my parade!

This is where I wish we had a little applauding icon so I could post six of 'em now, which is the limit here! :p

This is where I wish we had a little applauding icon so I could post six of 'em now, which is the limit here! :p

Well I can hear clapping in my head - does that count? Lol

Gosh, Holly.. I'm so glad that you see it more positively now. You're right - it is Pete who is alone.

You've got your friends, Nan, dad, and a better outlook. What more can a girl in your situation ask for..

I just got back from staying with my daughter for a while - she's also doing this without her man, as he was also indecisive, so she made the choice for him and moved out. She is having her baby in August. She has me, her friends, and the support of her bosses. They have taken on being her 'daddy' and support her all the way. Her friends gave her a baby shower a few days ago, and that baby has a larger wardrobe than we do now. It also took her a while to get over the 'mourning' period of that relationship, and it's not really over yet, as 'he' will be visiting and naturally taking part in the financial issues.

It really hurts me that you both have to go through this stage in life in a way you did not plan, but that does not mean it has to be without joy, hope, and new dreams for the future.

Here's hoping you don't give up your dreams and new plans for your future, with or without Pete.
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Lots of Hugs!

Wow Chery - very similar. Lots in common. Interesting.

Holly where here for you. Guys as young as Pete really are not close to prepared for this. They reLLY SHOULDN'T BE INVOLVED WITH WOMEN BECAUSE THEY CAN NOT HANDLE THE CONSWQUENCES. Seriously.

I know you will one day find a great guy who loves you and the child. I only hope Pete loves the child.

Hey DJ, I've been following this thread closely and I'm so sorry that Pete wasn't the man we thought and he gave you such unnecessary grief. I'm very proud of the way you've handled it though and know for a fact your baby will have an excellent mother and the welfare of the child is first! With your ATTITUDE You can't help but succeed, And I feel you'll conquer this speedbump in good stead. Health and GOOD luck.

Yes, unfortunately we saw the real Pete.

You never know who they think they are... how strange. Some people are pretending and lead you on in dating/relationships.

They take a lot of work and when things get tough, people bail.

I wrote Pete a letter and posted it through his door last night. His Mum said he has read it and is going to reply!! The letter I wrote is below - tell me what you think?!

Hi Pete,

I am not really sure where to begin, but we need to start communicating about THE BUMP (as I call it) and I know how hard you find all of it – so I thought rather than confront you (because I find that really hard to do) and put you on the spot, it might be an idea to write to you and let you have a think before responding; as you probably have thought about some of but not all of the following?!

Do you want to be involved? This is something that I really need to know Pete – because I have things to sort out and plans to make and I need to know if I can go ahead with my plans or if I have to discuss them with you first?! I also need to know if your answer is YES how involved you wish to be.

Do you want to have a say in what tests I have & don't have? I am having blood tests done on the 14th July to determine everything is ok with me and there are certain ones I can have to test the baby for downs etc which are optional and something I have to say yes or no to!

Do you want to come to the scan with me? I would like you to be there with me; however I am not going to push you into doing something you don't want to do; again your decision. I am due to have one a dating scan soon, to work out my exact due date but they have not yet confirmed a date or time with me to do this, however due date wise we are looking at late December/early November. I am due another scan just to check that all is ok and find out whether it is a boy or a girl in about 5/6weeks time – so if you would like to be there for either, or then just let me know, so I can work out dates and times suitable for us both.


Do you want to be on the birth certificate? Bear in mind you will have no rights as a father towards our child what so ever if you choose not to be. (just don't want to to make a hasty decision you could regret)

Do you want the baby to have your surname? Have my surname? Or shall we double barrel it? – This all depends on your involvement, I cannot make the decision for you – you have to tell me.

Do you want to be there at the birth? Men are not usually good with this and I am not even sure you would want to be there (even if we were still going together) – it is the one and only thing I am dredding and the one and only thing that is frightening the life out of me; so I would not wish it upon you as well; but if you would like to be there then that's fine with me.




NB: I am planning to move closer to my job in North Wilts to cut petrol costs down, so that when I return to work, I will have fewer expenses – also to have a fresh start! I have filled in application forms with Kennet District Council & Westlea of North Wilts and I will be sending them off shortly (as soon as I get my proof documents) in the hope of moving as soon as possible.

I have picked the names already (after giving myself a huge headache) lol

Isla Elizabeth (Girls)
Owen James Lee (Boys)

I have spoken to the midwife about quitting smoking, and she is referring me to an advisor, however I have cut down and have switched to lights (making every effort).

Please let me know what you want to do and how far you actually want to go (if at all); it's the least you can do for me.

Hope you are looking after yourself

Holz

Well done. Nice letter, couldn't have written better myself. Xx

Very well written Holly. It is good that you wrote the letter, you know I have always said that is the best way to go, if you are unable to do it in person. You got right to the point about everything.

Joe

Thanks KRS - I thought it was an all right letter myself - wrote it off the cuff without even thinking; took me 5mins - I was always like that at school when writing Essays lol


Very well written Holly. It is good that you wrote the letter, you know I have always said that is the best way to go, if you are unable to do it in person. You got right to the point about everything.

Joe

Thanks Joe - it'sgood to know it comes across so well - that's exactly how I wanted it to come across - straight to the point; but no nasty!

Very nice Holly - I doubt Pete knows much about 'bithin and babies'. Gald you are offering involvement.

Holly, your letter was great! No need to say any more about that.. But, please consider the fact that 'lights' have an ingredient that makes one more addicted.

If you must smoke, then stick to the ones that the little 'Bump'' is used to. Since you were smoking when you conceived the baby already has nicotine experience, just try and cut down as much as possible and eventually quit.

Again, lots and lots of luck dear!

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Thanks guys - always good to know I am doing & saying the right things. ;)

Glad you put all that in writing.

All you can do at this point is give him the opportunity to do the right thing, while you are doing the right thing with or without him.

You've really found some solid ground and an inner strength that is remarkable.

Any news from pete's side?

Nothing, although I was sat in my front garden two days ago (because it was too hot to be in doors and I was feeling rather sick) and he must have noticed and then looked for any reason to be out the front. I even moved at one stage to the end of my drive to be sick (because I did not want him to see me like that and I did not have enough time to get in and upstairs to the loo and he kept riding his bike back and forth past me) He is talking to me again (chit, chat etc) but has not replied to my letter or said anything about my letter?

Hmmmmm... that's interesting. I just wonder if he is too imature to know how to move forward with you.

Is he stubborn?

Immature is something he is proving to be & very young in mind by the way he acts. He is very stubborn also! - he never was with me whilst going out, but proving to be now - but he always has been stubbornwith his family etc.

I'm just not sure if he knows himself. I don't know. I was probably an idiot until my late 20's... this is where my wife would say "WAS an idiot"? =)

I still don't quite get the birthday party incident. What that whole attention thing meant. This is a long shot, and one I really haven't considered before, but maybe he doesn't think he's good enough for something so good?

lately I've been assuming petes just been a jerk (which he has been), but I know a guy who just cannot have a happy life. Every time this person gets things in line he screws it up soon after... to the point where you just wonder if they feel too much pressure when things are good and its just easier to live with failure. Unfortunately, this behavior has meant he has lost everything important to him over the last ten years. It is a self destructive way of living.

I'm not saying petes IS like this, but the reation to the attention at his birthday party and then completely going off the edge with the break up, you just got to wonder why he reacts so opposite when things are so good.

not talking about the letter won't be OK for much longer. He owes holly some answers. The letter was appropriate and thoughtful and forword without being disrespectful. He should return the effort.

You know that would make a lot of sense. There were little comments made now and again when he was drunk when we were together that link in with what you are saying - (he always came out with the truth when he was drunk) and there were so many occasions where he would just burst into tears when we got into bed after a night out and just hold me. He does lack confidence and a couple of times he asked me why I was with him?.

But if that's the case how do I handle it?

I don't have an answer for how to manage it.

Like I said, I know a talented, smart guy who does this to an extreme and it has cost him dearly, and also it has cost those around him who loved him. It's a destructive way to live. And in his case, he has yet to outgrow it at the age of 35. He's lost a house, all jobs, his marriage and kids. Mostly because he just cannot seem to function for long when things are good. But his case I think is an extreme example.

IF this is the issue, that he has a hard time believing he's good enough to deserve the best, then he needs some help or he needs to get himself to a place where he has more confidence. Unfortunately for him, you just cannot handle him with kid gloves. You have yourself to take care of.

Like I've said before, at this point I think all you can do is give him opportunities to be engaged. You'll be able to look yourself in the mirror and know you did what was right. Hopefully he will also be able to, if he finds half the inner strength that you are showing.

Thanks KP - I am doing as well as I can; and I am a lot stronger than I realise. I just hope Pete starts talking soon - I have to start making the first of decisions on the 14th - got my blodd tests to have done.

I wasn't allowed commend your post KP, but you've hit the nail on the head. THere are strong signs of an inferiority complex here, but Holly seems much better than all of this messing, and as you said, she doesn't have the time to focus on someone else's weakness right now.
Yes he f@@ked up, yes he has treated you badly, and yes Holly deserves an answer and some explanations. None of which he has given you by the way, after how long! He hasn't replied to the letter, and I wouldn't hold much hope of that following too quickly since he hasn't even explained the breakup yet or the reasons for his odd behaviour that weekend.
Holly -
This is ridiculously childish and terribly hurtful, especially since you have created life together. Protect yourself right now. If you see him in the garden, DO try and get inside. Don't let him see you hanging about. It allows him to "wallow" and let you see him dithering. It plays into his futile behaviour. This is such a shame, again I'm so sorry but it's better this happened now. Perhaps if he deals with himself, things might work out differently in future, but for now, you have to bring yourself to see that dealing with your pregnancy, and impending motherhood, you are stronger on your own right now than with someone who needs a helping hand. Hopefully he will get his act together and you can see where to go from there, but until then, this is actually a blessing for you - just one baby to look after. Keep us posted, you're doing great x

I have been reading your post for a few days, My heart goes out to you. I am so glad you are having a good relationship with Pete's parents. You are being more than fair to Pete, and quite mature through all of this. Do not worry so about involving him in your decisions. Do what you feel is best for you and the baby. That is the most important issue at this time. If he wants to become involved, he should know he can be. It sounds as though you have not given him any reason to think otherwise. You are making good decisions and choices so far, keep up the good work and just stay calm and peaceful, it is so important for the baby... and you.

Bless you

Just to keep you posted and up to date...

Pete is on Holiday with his family at the mo. He text me two days ago to say he would be in contact with me either by calling or texting to answer my questions.

His Mum text me yesterday to say he is talking in a positive way about being a Dad and hope he will be in touch with me soon.

Wow... hmmmm - that sound very positive. I hope he comes around.

Remember he is 21 - probably going on 16.

Very positive indeed :)

Remember he is 21 - probably going on 16.

Quite right too Wildcat lol ;)

Very positive indeed :)

Fingers crossed - but not getting my hopes up - that way I am not set for more disappointment or heartache :)

I see LOTS has happened, Holly, since I last checked. I'm DELIGHTED you're [both] doing so well! If I can comment on your letter to Pete:... You MIGHT want to 'reconsider' concerning Pete having a CHOICE whether his name is on the birth certificate. ~ Lots of practical REASONS he should be named. You MIGHT want to get both a legal and a medical opinion. There are many reasons concerning the child's rights & needs to be apprised of & keep mind;;; and NOT to overlook the child's paternal grandparents. Next point: Pete actually mentioned selling the birthday gift you'd given him?? WEIRD thing to mention; all things consdered; and HOW RUDE! ["And your reason, Pete for telling/asking me this ..... is ???" ] Me? I'd ASK him that POINT BLANK! If anyone should be embarrassed it'd be HIM! While some might say ASKING HIM would be 'being picky' & it's a 'small point'; I'd disagree. Especially under the circumstances! How INAPPROPRIATE! ~ ["Like there aren't any IMPORTANT things we could TALK ABOUT?"] The very idea he'd WANT to sell your gift violates basic social 'standards' of good taste, BUT TO MENTION it to YOU! How INANE! I'd suggest it DEFINITELY says 'something' about the man's COMMON SENSE & CONSIDERATION [or lack-of] for others FEELINGS; might you agree? In your letter to Pete, didn't you SPECIFY you two 'could get together in a month or so' to talk about the points in your letter; which rather means IN PERSON! Correct? Do I understand that he later said [by e-mail?] he'd "call or text you to answer"?? I don't THINK SO! NOT ACCEPTABLE! [I suggest this is HARDLY the time/junction he has the luxury of behaving like a 12 year old! ~ REVERTING to some sort of shy, indecisive pre-teen behavior; " Uh... gee, Holly, maybe we can get together & have a soda sometime".] I'm so relieved your job is secure... now AND later! And moving closer? Sounds like a good & practical idea. ~ Even so, not to forget, Pete IS a participant in this 'new little venture' and as such, DOES and WILL continue to have an ongoing financial responsibility as well. I caution you to Not be TOO quick or definite... insisting you can /will/shall 'go it alone'! That MAY be just your pride talking, love. While that MIGHT be your DRUTHERS, the fact is, that's one of many UNKNOWNS! None of us can 'look around corners'! His financial involvement has NOTHING to do with your or his PRIDE. It's more a matter of responsibility AND PRACTICALITY! ~ Well, 'nuff for MY opinions, Holly... It sounds as though you're 'making a list and checking it twice' so to speak! I'm PROUD of you! [Now if I could just figure out how all of here can pool our resources and give you & the little one a BABY SHOWER!. LOL ! Seriously, I'm probably NOT the only one who has had the thought. [by the way, I make GREAT little quilts and receiving BLANKETS! Best to ya', Love! MarjAnn

Pete has just text me it reads as follows:

" Hi,I want to be on the Birth Certificate. As 4 involvement something like 1 day a week and we'll talk money at a later date, I won't be at the scans so ur call on what you want done. With the surname it's normal to go with the dads. The birth is a long way off but there won't be much point in me being there."

What a bastard - there is no point in him being involved at all?

By DJ

What a bastard - there is no point in him being involved at all?

Cut all contact and make sure the child has court ordered child support and the fathers last name. The mother sounds nice though and should not be made to suffer the sins of the son. As for Pete??

So sad - so imature. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh

I agree wikth Talamiman. That must be done.

Talk about kicking you when you're down! What does he think he's punishing you for anyway?
Agree with both posts above.
Keep strong xx

Like the others said, MAKE SURE THE CHILD HAS HIS LASTNAME. Go after him for childsupport.

Joe

Incredible... what a sodding a**hole, immature kiddie, with no morals and respect for you and his un-born child.

He is a loser and Holly believe me when I say its his loss and not yours.

Keep strong
You're on my mind
Xxx

Well now.

So much for giving pete some leeway on whether he's being a complete a$$.

He doesn't know what he's missing and he doesn't seem to deserve it anyway.

Holly, my wife loved being pregnant. It was not always easy. She was ready to be done at the end. But the carrying of the child, the connection she felt, she absolutely LOVED. And the checkups and scans and all the anticipation is a part of the process. You are going to remember those moments with happiness, as you get closer to meeting the little life that is going to be showing up. I'm not saying there aren't trying times ahead, but if you told my wife that she could have the same boy we have today without carrying the child, shed still want to have gone through it all because of the connection she felt.

Obviously the father cannot experience that same connection, but pete is still missing out on some good stuff, not to mention failing at being an adult.

Well at least you/we have a concrete answer about this guy. No more waiting. Damage is done...

Poor Pete, what an imature guy.

He certainly does NOT deserve any more of Holly's chance's.
No way.

He is so stupid!

He certainly does NOT deserve any more of Holly's chance's.
No way.

He is so stupid!

You totally right - however he reckons he is going to speak to me properly when he gets back off his hols? (so another text message said) I did not reply to his text and I certainly do not plan to even acknowledge him when he does get back.

He has got a nerve!


Well at least you/we have a concrete answer about this guy. No more waiting. Damage is done....

Poor Pete, what an imature guy.

I don't think he realises how much damage he has actually caused. I swear he is either stupid or just plain ignorant.

Yep, he doesn't deserve more of your patience and neither your time.
Dedicate all your time to yourself, look after your well-being.
You are far more important now.
Xx

I am sorry hunny that's very sad I wonder what happened that night that he just changed his mind. Was there a women that he was seeing or did he have sex with somebody eslse and his feeling guilty about it. I don't know but what he did was wrong but that happens guys could be a$$ holes sometimes.!

Yes, I wouldstop responding to his text messages - that's imature as well. Avoidance.

Text message should be for fun, light conversation.

You should keep him updated on thngs, especially the important stuff - but not on a regular basis - he doesn'y deserve it. OR, go through his Mom - she seems like a resonable woman and would be a greta way to communicate for now.

I don't think he realises how much damage he has actually caused. I swear he is either stupid or just plain ignorant.

stupid OR plain ignorant?

I don't think you have to choose in this case, dear. =)


which, on a monty-pythonesque-moment-of-something-completely-different-but-sort-of-related-to-petes-being-a-moron, reminds me of the movie "kiss kiss bang bang"... val kilmer asks robert downy jr if he knows what is in the dictionary under "idiot"... I won't give it away. Its what you expect and then not.

if you haven't seen the movie, its worth a rental just for the dialogue.

lets all get "pete sucks" buttons made. There can be a line of inflatable punching dolls and a dartboards and hockey pucks with his mug on them.

sorry.

pete sucks.

Well at least you/we have a concrete answer about this guy. No more waiting. Damage is done....

Poor Pete, what an imature guy.

Honey, I agree.. damage has been done - to you. Now you need to get legal advice, get stuff in order and plan your life accordingly. I know how painful this is, as I am living with it here in Germany with my daughter. She still cries herself to sleep nights.

Now it's time to think about the health of your little one.. and that means as little stress as possible - sounds easier said than done, I know, but you've got to try.

It hurts, it's not fair, and nobody can take the pain from you. But we are here for you and will try and help you through it all. Your job is to try and think positive, feel good about your health and growth of the baby, knowing you are going to love this little one with all your heart - no matter what kind of father.

Bless you dear, and know that all of our wishes are with you.

What a horrible situation. Unfortunately men don't seem to explain themselves sometimes. Maybe if you back off for a bit he will come round, and realise what he is missing. It does seem strange that he changed suddenly like that. The texting and phoning thing does not seem to work with men, you are best to leave him be. If he thinks you are getting on with things, he may realise that life is not actually good without you. Otherwise, he may be a loser and you might be better off with someone who will treat you right : )

Shame about the baby thing, at this time you will need to consider all options, and speak to your friends and family for support

Just to update you... Pete has started to come round. He apologised on Sunday and invited me to his for Tea and to talk about the baby on the Tuesday (just gone) he wants to be involved and we have discussed as much as we can for the minute - but the main thing is he wants to be a dad and he is talking to me... I do have to admit though his eyes were welling up whilst we were talking - especially when he was looking at the scan pic and asking if I was still moving away. He has lost so much weight - I am so worried about him... I think there is a lot more going on with him than meets the eye.

As you can see I have changed my Avater - that is the scan pic of my littlin :)

Welcome back DJ_H.

I have actually been thinking a lot about you as its been a while :)

So good to get an update from you and your avatar is just amazing :)

Xxx

Just been so busy sorting things out and getting myself together. Things are going well and Pete seems to be taking steps in the right direction finally.

How are feeling all in all?
Ok?

Its good to hear that Pete is eventually coming round.

How are feeling all in all?
Ok?

Its good to hear that Pete is eventually comin round.

I am fighting fit and full of energy. Been so busy with DJing, swimming and seeing all of my friends and organising bits and pieces for littlin that I have not had timw to stop and get depressed or anything lol - all in all pretty happy. See if you stay positive and carry on living things soon sort themselves out - you just have to ride the storm until they is a break and soon enough things will clear up and resume course.

:)

That's the spirit Holly keep it up :)

I intend to - just kind of remembered who I am and, realised I needed to embrace myself again :)

That is a beautiful pic you have Holly. Thank you for letting us know how you were doing. I was thinking about you and your little one and I was wondering how you were doing.

Joe

I intend to - just kinda remembered who I am and, realised I needed to embrace myself again :)

Sorry to hear about the problems you have been having ! Its good to see that you are embracing yourself ;) I hope you have lots of luck and things go very well for you.

Holly - that;s great - good news. Nice pic. Be strong.

Hmmmmm - maybe Pete will fully come around? Maybe he will get it. Interesting - keep us posted.

Well I was sat outside earlier and peteb came out to go for a bike ride. I was on my phone - before he rode off; he made a point of getting my attention and waving to me before he went off on his bike ride... to which I waved back. Yesterday we even had a text conversation about a mutual friend. So I guess you could say things are slowly progressing down the right track... only prob I have now is that my job have now said that I am useless and my work a load of crap and they are trying to make me say I'll leave... everyone I have spoken to reckons they are trying to find a way around the fact I am pregnant (since I only started on 1st June)... because they were happy with me and my work before hand and there are still things that I am learning but they are not giving me a chnace to embrace and understand and they are not offering me any kind of support. They made a huge list of errors and faults that I have been making and telling me it's very disappointing and they are just carrying me at the moment. I have never had this said to me in any job and the line of work I am doing is along the same lines to what I have been doing for the past 4years. Plus they did not point out to me in those two months the mistakes I was making and they have said at least 4 people have complained about me and mu abilities.

As one thing goes right, something else goes wrong... what do you think?

Holly, you have gone through so much lately that it really spins my head. But, you've mastered mostly all of them very well, and you will also master this one.
Right now, try not to let yourself get stressed out by the mobbing you are going through. These people would probably kick a dog that's already down and enjoy every moment of it. They will probably push it to the legal limit, and if you have documentation and/or witnesses, you can take them to civil court later. You have your talents and know it. Right now though, you have a much bigger job ahead of you - and the hell with the money - you'll get support, I'm sure, from Pete's folks, you step dad, and all your friends. They will all make certain that you will not starve and get the proper nutrition for you and the baby.
Also, they will be there for you when you feel stressed - and that's very important. So swallow your pride and accept all the emotional, financial, and other support offered. If I were there, you'd be staying with me.
I kind of suspected that Pete would not totally distance himself from you, he is after all a human, and we all make mistakes. He just needed some time to adjust to the present situation and realize the change in your lives. Nobody is a 100% perfect, but as long as we are still breathing there is room for improvement. I'm also sure that deep down you still love him very much, and will probably be willing to forgive him. And guess what - this is OK. A lot of couples go through one crisis after another, but surviving them makes them stronger.
The current issue at your workplace will also pass - you'll have time to think about what you could do with your talents - maybe even get a job that makes you happy and content. Your main job now is your child, a year or two of attention for him/her, no matter what you have to do without financially. Money is nice to have, but it is not everything.
I truly wish you all the best, dear, and I'm sure you'll eventually see a 'light at the end of that tunnel'.
Lots of love and best wishes,
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNxdm801YYDE)Chery

Someone will always be out there to give you a hard time - place yourself above them - they are pitiful.

Well I am just getting through a day at a time at the moment - but have decided to leave because it is now putting too much stress on me. - I sought out advice from Petes Dad because he knows about this stuff and last night out of the blue and totally unexpected I received a text message from Pete asking me how my day at work had gone and if I was OK?. I was so overjoyed by this that I realised that there is more to life than work and Pete certainly means more to me and you are right Chery I ndo still love him very much... its not something you can just switch off - you just adapt. We\are talking quite often now ans when we go to leve each other we have that awkward moment where we look at each other and don't know what to do - hug etc - so we end just saying "Seeya later" and I usually scarper a bit quick lol

Its seems like the gig-saw its placing itself together, slowly but surely, am very happy for you, you deserve it :)

Give him that kiss Holly.

Really? I just so nervous to do anything - in case I am reading the signals all wrong?. He is probably thinking the same - but how can I be sure?.

Noooo, I would let him make the first move..

Well that's what I thought - but he has never been one to be forward or make the first move... so I don't know what to do for the best?

I would carry on as you are going... and maybe time will tell more about his feelings.
You don't want scare him or push him away.
Its s tricky one thou!

Hi Holly, You always give such good advice its so strange giving you advice, but just be patient and assume nothing . You know what YOU have to do so stay the course. YOU and Pete, GO SLOW, very slow. You both have to work together for the baby's sake but you well know that rushing a personal relationship is poison, so just go very slow and keep the lines of HONEST COMMUNICATION open! Praying for you all!

Kiss him?? I think its way too early. Kiss him? Really? I just don't agree with that advice at all, and I'm really surprised wildcat said that. If it were anyone else but holly writing hed tell that person to have no contact for 6 months... though the presence of the little one does change things.

The guy puts you through all of this noise and then after a few feel good moments you are supposed to kiss him... I don't think so. If he wants things back as they were I think he's got a lot of work to do. As in MORE than he was doing before. More certain of what he wants, more vested in you and the baby, more everything.

I just don think it's a good idea to go there until there are clearer signs that he really has the same intentions as you.

I met my wife after her daughter was born... so different circumstances. But her position then was she was never in a relationship that she didn't see the potential for moving forward, as in possibly marriage. She had a daughter to care for, and had no interest in vesting energy in meaningless or dead end relationships.

This did NOT mean every date or new guy was approached with the idea of "i want to marry him and soon"... my wife is NOT a clingy, needy person... it meant that as the relationship progressed naturally, shed think about it occasionally and figure out if it felt like there was more to come or if it was stalled out. If she ever felt like there wasn't that forward vibe, it was over.

You have a history with pete. You want him in your child's life. And you obviously do want him in your life. Nothing wrong with that.

But if you were my sister id still be angry as hell for how he's been, and hed have a hell of a lot of work to do before I could see him without putting him to the wall.

I think its great you guys are starting to get on a better path. Just take your time and stay focused on yourself. If he cannot get up the passion and the drive to come after you, then is that what you really want? I think you deserve to be pursued with meaningful intent and desire. Lets see if he has it in him.

I meant a simple peck - not a full blown make out.

But taking it slow is king.

You guys have cerainly made me chuckle... KP2171... I know exactly where you are coming from.. My instincts are telling me that Pete and I are far from over and that I should not give up hope... however I know he has a lot of hard work to do to prove he can be trusted not to do this to me again; especially now our child is involved. I am not going to just accept him back without him working for it and proving himself... and be patient is definitely the way to go. Don't want to make more mistakes.

Exactly because one learns from their mistakes.

YES! Pete is young... he WILL make mistakes!

Well, I do think he is starting to realise what an idiot he has been, but it's like his dad says it will just take some more time?. the whole space thing seems to be working and from where he is sat I am getting on with my life... The tex he sent asking me how I am started... "I don't mean to bother you..."

I can normally take my own advice, but this situation is so different from any I have ever been in... it rather baffles me at times?. I am so thankful to have all of you; don't know what I would have done otherwise... so thank you so so much :)

I AM HAVING A GIRL... MY LITTLE ISLA ELIZABETH.

Pete is being really good, turning up unexpectly to help me move my disco kit, lending me his car, came to the second scan with me.

Every time I pop round his to see his parents he finds a way to keep me there chatting and I'll end up staying for a cuppa, or having tea.

I had his brother and his brothers girlfriend round the other night to watch a DVD I invited him and he came.

We talk for ages every time we pass each other and the other day when my friend was washing my car, he came out and had a right giggle with us... just like he used to when we were together.

... what do you all think..?

Its progress, I personally would still be curious on what the hell happened. Like others have said just take your time. At least now he seems interested in the baby and you. That is a good sign. Everybody goes through situations, some people learn from them and some do not. It is all about letting go of the past hurt and moving forward to even happier times. Smile and Congrats on the little girl.

My wife and I have less then a month to go before our little one is born.

Joe

My little Isla Elizabeth :)

I think he's finally woke up. I also think his family has been slapping his head about how he treated you. I think you should go slow and not put too much on Pete as he is in a different world ,but it is so encouraging that he is back in the picture. Your happiness is a relief to those that are going through this with you and I hope it gets better. I also get the feeling he will spoil little Isla and she will wrap daddy around her little finger but don't get jealous, just take a bunch of pictures. Give him time and space, you know how us guys are, we are kind of slow when it comes to reality, just ask my wife if you don't believe me. Keep us posted DJ and good luck.:)

I think he has realised what he lost! And that now he could lose not 1 but 2.

I have to say your attachment pic is amazing Holly, so so clear.. Its making me all brudy :)

Good Luck, I wish all the best xx

Well, as we have been preaching here the last year - TAKE IT SLOW!!

This is a marathon with Pete. You're doing greta by not applying pressure - that was the best thing in the world you could do. Most young women would have nagged, begged, cried, pleaded, stalked, threat etc. for him to come around.

You laid low and gave him the space he needed. Excellent!

This WILL take more time. But, you have handled it sooooo well so far.

Your baby is GORGEOUS!!

Well, as we have been preaching here the last year - TAKE IT SLOW!!!!

This is a marathon with Pete. You're doing greta by not applying presure - that was the best thing in the world you could do. Most young women would have nagged, begged, cried, pleaded, stalked, threat etc. for him to come around.

You laid low and gave him the space he needed. Excellent!

This WILL take more time. But, you have handled it sooooo well so far.

Your baby is GORGEOUS!!!

Thanks wildcat - she is just like her mum lol

I don't do nagging etc - space and time is all I could give him - just not quite sure what to do now - we keep having awkward moments every time we go to leave each other.

Last night I borrowed a phone charger off him (because I left mine at my friends in another county) and when I returned it to him and thanked him he replied "your welcome, if you need to borrow it again or need anything else don't be afraid to ask"... so I am not quite sure how to handle things now. I still want to take it slow and give him time - but I don't want to give him too much where by he thinks I just want to be friends and that he has blown things.


Its progress, I personally would still be curious on what the hell happened. Like others have said just take your time. At least now he seems interested in the baby and you. That is a good sign. Everybody goes through situations, some people learn from them and some do not. It is all about letting go of the past hurt and moving foward to even happier times. Smile and Congrats on the little girl.

My wife and I have less then a month to go before our little one is born.

Joe

Thank Joe and good luck with yours :)

Eventually your going to have to talk though. Be prepared. Obviously there is a little more at stake.

Maybe some of the ladies here can steer you in that direction and how to handle it... because, surprising, I don't have any experience in this situation.

And it looks like Pete won't bring it up. You have to take the lead.

Eventually your going to have to talk though. Be prepared. Obviously there is a little more at stake.

Maybe some of the ladies here can steer you in that direction and how to handle it.....because, suprising, I don't have any experience in this situation.

And it looks like Pete wont bring it up. You have to take the lead.

You are spot on Wildcat - Pete has never been one for making the first move. He and I would not have got together if I have not taken lead and made the move on him... that's why I am unsure of what to do. I don't want to push, but I don't want to lose any chance I might have either.

This is totally new territory for me too, otherwise I would not be here asking. I have handled things well so far because I have learnt from past mistakes etc and just taken all my knowledge, experience and wisdom into consideration... I have learnt a lot in the way of relationships... it is just difficult because there is another issue involved. It is not just about he and I getting back together it's about being a family which is obviously a lot bigger and lot harder to deal with. I just don't know how long I should wait - if I should just let him know I have accepted we are not together and quite happy to move on with my life; but if he has changed his mind but just needs time, then I am prepared to wait for as long as it takes... I just don#t know. After getting this far; I don't want to do something to put us back to square one. It is very delicate and difficult.

If anyone has any ideas or has been in my predicament then I am all ears, I need all the help and advice I can get right now. For the first time ever I am totally clueless.

GO Slow very slow What's the hurry!!

My little Isla Elizabeth :)

beautiful pic.

I had the ultrasound pics up for months before mine was born, and still have one where I see it now and then.

I don't know what to say about pete. As far as I'm concerned, a few nice moments just don't fix it. I think you might have some reasons to be hopeful, and reasons to be cautious. Slow is good (as many have said).

you need to continue to find your strength outside of the context of pete in your life... and if he chooses to be a part of it, that will hopefully only make it better. Only time will tell, dear.

beautiful pic though! =)

Yeah that pic was awesome. How great does it make you feel to look at that. I thought it was great and I don't even know you. It must be beautiful for you.

I think you should just continue to take it real real slow with pete. Just continue to go the way you are. No pressure.
I know you have lots of pressure on you right now and probably want some answers, but id imagine pete is feeling quite a lot of pressure as well right now. The last thing he probably wants is more.

So just keep being how you are being. Include him when he wants to and be as lovely as you have been so far.

Although I think that you owe him nothing and he has treated you so so poorly. Id just hate to see you upset again right now because you were pushing for answers.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that right now make your main concern you and Isla. Not pete. If pete is about then so be it. You can treat him how you have been.

But don't let thoughts of him occupy your mind. Let the magical thougths of being a mother and all the excitement that comes with it be in your mind for a while.

Deal with him when it arises. Don't push it!

You have to take the lead. Sometimes a woman has to take the lead. Sometimes a woman has to take the lead.

You need answers.

Ummmm... I have lots to think about. You all have valid points and are right in what you are saying... I am going to use my holiday to Croatia next week as a time out to think about how to achieve all that you are suggesting.

I have just this moment returned from hosptial after finding spots of blood this morning. Thankfully both Isla and I are fine - but it did scare the living crap out of me. I did not call Pete on the basis I did not want to worry him uneccessarily - however my mum who came to me told his mum in passing on her way to the hospital and his mum told him. He was worried... kept asking "WHAT DOES THAT MEAN MUM" - Just phoned him to let him know all was OK as he had text me to see if I was OK.

I have never felt so scared and upset in all my life - made me realise just how much I could have lost - does not compare to anything else in life. Puts things in perspective.

Thank you for all your support and advice.. will keep you posted. Xx

I'm sorry to hear about the scare. Spotting happens and its always scary. You are always a little on edge no matter how good things are, because you want them to stay that way. Even after the little one is born, it takes time to not always be afraid of the worst all the time. Its an intense love.

I remember when ours was under 6 months my wife asked whether the way he rolled his eyes back sometimes, like with a yawn, was a seizure or some neural problem. She was in trouble 1) for thinking up such a thing and 2) for thinking of it before me. =) no... all was fine. Eats too much, too little, not enough sleep, sleeping too much, too restless, too quiet... you're always looking for the problem. And when you are pregnant obviously there are legitimate concerns... glad this one was nothing but a scare.

but glad to hear he sounds sincerely concerned. Seems like it was heartfelt and honest. Which means if he could just keep his head from screwing around with some of his instincts and heart, then things might just be going the way they should be. That's the silver lining from the scare I guess.