Hello... I am new here.
My question will be simple... I will not get you all bored about it.
I am in my late 20s, I have some issues going on...
I feell like I have no reason to move on in life emotionally or personally.
I don't plan to take my life because that's not the right thing to do,
But I do not plan to continue living as a person.
I decided to isolate from everyone I know and I will become something like an ant.
Just work, provide for my family and continue. No enjoying things, no having fun, no having friends, nothing. I am young but I decided to destroy the life that as a person I could have. All that I will do now is just be a working machine to provide.
No feelings, no desires, no wishes, nothing.
And why I have isolated myself from friends and family is because I don't want to tell anyone how I feel because I feel that I don't want to be a load for anyone.
If I step into someone's life, I always mess up something.
Like a cancer, I somehow always ruin someone's life...


My question is... well, I don't think is a question...
I just wanted to say how I felt about my situation...
I guess if I need to ask something is this...
Is it wrong that I stop living for myself and just live to serve others and never myself?

I wouldn't consider that as a right or wrong answer. I don't believe someone could ever be happy that way. Why did you decide to stop living for yourself?

Hi, aloneIbreak!

It does sound like you have some issues that you do need to be addressing and discussing with others so that you won't feel so down on yourself.

Would you please mind sharing what some of those issue are, please?

There are some really great people here who are excellent with helping and giving support, mentally, spiritually and emotionally.

I have felt the way you have, many times...

Please do talk to us! You can feel safe here!

Thanks!

Why live for myself? What is there to gain? What goodnes or happines or greatness comes from that?
What purpose am I filling?

No reason to live as a person, so just live as a machine...
At least I don't hurt anyone if I did something stupid...
If emotions are dead, then I can not be driven by them and nothing bad should ever happen...

You are filling your purpose as a person. What are you holding back that could make you happy? What are you afraid of doing to hurt your loved ones?

What are some of the things that you like to do, aloneIbreak?

Thanks!

I find it extremely hard in trusting someone at this point in my life...
Because whatever I do, whatever it happens,
Somehow one way or the other, I am deceived...

And those who I think I trust, turn their back on me...
So, please don't take this personal, but I find it very hard to speak about myself...

I feel that I am not an interesting person at all...
Nothing exciting, nothing different...
Just one more in the population count...

And on some of the times I have talked about myself, I find it that those who listen get all fuzzed about it...

And I don't want to become a burden for anyone, and sometimes whenever I get involved with someone, whethet is as a friend or emotionally, I seem to hurt people...

And I don't want to do any of that...

You don't really want to know...

Nothing exciting... just reading, reading and learning stuff...

No dancing, no partying, no going out, no vacations, no travelling, no getting together, nothing...

I am young yes, but mentally I am 50+...
There's nothing exciting to know about me...

Pleaee forgive my answers filled with pessimism, but all I am trying to do is avoid making you dizzy about it...

I'm still waiting for an answer to my question, aloneIbreak. I would appreciate an answer, if you would be so kind to do that.

Thanks!

I thought I just did...

I posted at the same time you did...

Have you tried writing down your thoughts in a personal journal? I used to have a hard time trusting people too, especially men. But I came to realize that I was missing out on plenty of good friendships because of my trust issues- yes, when you trust people you open yourself up to be hurt. Without the risk there will be no rewards.

You don't really want to know....

nothing exciting....just reading, reading and learning stuff...

no dancing, no partying, no going out, no vacations, no travelling, no getting together, nothing...

I am young yes, but mentally I am 50+....
There's nothing exciting to know about me...

pleaee forgive my answers filled with pessimism, but all I am trying to do is avoid making you dizzy about it....

Okay, thanks!

You did answer my question, and yes, I do want to know.

Is there something that is keeping you from doing the things that you would like to do?

Please just answer simply.

Thanks!

I written stuff... but mostly stories...

Never about me... nothing interesting to write about me...

Just create imaginary worlds and stories...

No interest or will to do them anymore...

Can't find the appealing factor about them...

I can't even remember what I used to like...

aloneIbreak, I really would like to keep talking to you-but it is almost 3am where I'm at and I have a teething toddler so I need to get sleep when I can. I will log on tomorrow to talk to you. If you think you would be able to talk to me you can send me a PM, just click on my profile. Sometimes it's easier to talk to a stranger instead of a person you see everyday. I hope you can figure things out and start feeling better- you almost sound as if you are suffering from depression. You sound so discouraged... Please try to do things for yourself, things that make you happy- sometimes that's all that we have. Goodnight aloneIbreak, Clough.

Please forgive my answers if they are too long or senseless... but I always have a hard time saying things and not being straight and simple... I always analyze everything from bottom to top...

I sincerely apologize...

no interest or will to do them anymore...

can't find the appealing factor about them...

I can't even remember what I used to like....

It's difficult to help you if you won't share with us. Why are you not willing to do that?

I can tell is late for both of you...
So is for me... please sleep and we can talk another time...
You must rest...

Thank you for the brief moment of listening...

Good night...

At the beginning of this thread I said that it is very difficult for me to share things...

I will share, but in small pieces...

Please forgive me...

Please forgive my answers if they are too long or senseless..... but I always have a hard time saying things and not being straight and simple.... I always analyze everything from bottom to top.....

I sincerely apologize....

I used to do exactly what you are doing now, when I was younger. Would you like to know anything about me?

Hang in there, I will log on tomorrow. Promise :)

If you fell comfortable telling me clough,
That's OK...

I will always use my best efforts to help anyone I know...

I figured if I can't live for myself, I will give my life away to help others never fall into this...

Like a disease, I take it and get the antibodies to help others so they don't die...

Oh, I don't have any problem sharing some of what is in my inner-soul with just about anyone...

A little about me, though...

I am a professional musician, teacher, performer, handyman, house painter and decorator, gardener, among other things...

What about you?

Thanks!

I'm back as promised, how are you doing today?

I have returned... I don't know... don't feel anything... only thinking about what comes ahead... hoping my car doesn't have too many failures.. I left it with my mechanic

Thank you for returning...

So you say you used to be like me clough?
How deep were you in the abyss?
I have some talents... I can play guitar & bass... learning piano... good with computers...
I am into the software development business

How is everyone today? Everyboyd feeling fine?

I'm doing pretty good, my mother took my son this weekend. She lives an hour away so she doesn't get to see him too often. I wish I could play the guitar, I'm kind of ADD so I've never really honed in on most of my talents :(

So you say you used to be like me clough?
how deep were you in the abyss?
I have some talents..... I can play guitar & bass.... learning piano... good with computers...
I am into the software development business

How is everyone today? everyboyd feeling fine?

Hi, aloneIbreak!

I am okay. I have been deep enough into the abyss to have contemplated suicide. Friends had me hospitalized at one point. Total despair. Am sort of depressed right now because a number of jobs that I have bid on fell through for me.

I also play a little bit of guitar and a lot on the bass, but it's mainly the upright bass that I play because most of what I play in doesn't call for an electric bass.

How much do you know how to play on the piano, please? I play a lot of piano... Have been helping a girl on another thread to write a song and I am showing here how to set it to music as well as play it.

Thanks!

I can understand that you don't want to hurt people that come into your life. Please consider that in the age group you are in there is plenty of room to find positive people who can inspire you to great things. Honesty in others is the first thing you should consider when making friends and associates. Learn something that others can respect and become a leader. You are great and valued.

I apreciate your answer united we stand.
I agree with you to the fact that there are a lot of people like you said.
Unfortunately I haven't found them...
And for the moment, please don't see it as a defensive move, but I do not plan to...
As I post on my message, I am isolating from everything and everyone...
That's why...

That's the reason I post this...
Because I will no longer live for myself, only for others that need help...

Just some months ago, I discovered something I had forgotten about...

What did you discover aloneIbreak?

I am only 19, but I find that I have a very similar mindset that it is best to live for others. I don't even know what makes me happy... I always say I'm happy when I'm making someone else happy. Is this how you feel?

I remebered and realized that love doesn't exist...

Only between parents and sons and daughters...

But between man and woman or any other type of relationship, love, or as you wish to call it, is nothing but a mirage, an illusion to mask the reality that we live everyday...

That no matter how many people surround us, no matter how much help or support we find with us, in the end, we are alone...

But yet, we use that as the reason to believe we are not and we live by that...

We reshape our lives around that, and when it's all gone, we feel confused, lost, everything...

So, I realized that again... I thought I could've let go of that, but no...

It's always been there... I just didn't want to see it...

Hi, aloneIbreak!

I know that you're having a lot of information coming at you here from others that you need to digest, but I would appreciate knowing what you thought of what I said in post #28 when you get the chance...

Thanks!

mdh111688... Before you continue life, before you make any decisions...

Give yourself the chance to turn things around...

I tell you this because I used to be like you...
And went too deep, and now I've become what I am...

I used to think that if I made someone happy,
I would feel like that too..

At first, it felt good, but when those who you make happy go away, you are left with nothing but the satisfaction you did it...
And then what?

So, it's OK to helop others, but you have to think about yourself and see deep in you...

From your childhood, until today..
What is it you really like... what would you like to do that is in your means?
Try to do as much as possible to enjoy life and care about yourself...

You don't want to end up like people like me...
It's a dead end that will destroy your spirit and your will to achiveve greatness in life...

You are very young and you still have plenty of time... use it wisely and as much as possible...

My apologies clough...
Piano I just started learning, so I can tell you about music, but not playing it too much...

Bass I do know, and as matter of fact, I like apocalyptica, a 4 cello band... I don't know if you have heard about them...

As for helping a girl write a song, I don't consider myself a composer, but I can help put the pieces together...

I've heard a lot of classical, so you can tell me what kind of tune and mood you are looking for...

I will help as much as I can...

Clough,

But I will tell you this... I've hear many pianists, from chopin to rachmaninoff...
From there you can scale yourself and see where you are...

I can see you've been deeper than I am right now, and I congratulate you for getting out of it...

If there's anything else you need help, you have a worker here to help you...

My apologies clough...
Piano I just started learning, so I can tell you about music, but not playing it too much...

bass I do know, and as matter of fact, I like apocalyptica, a 4 cello band... I don't know if you have heard about them...

As for helping a girl write a song, I don't consider myself a composer, but I can help put the pieces together...

I've heard a lot of classical, so you can tell me what kind of tune and mood you are looking for....

I will help as much as I can....

It's nice to have people to lean on who will support each other in many different ways! Thanks!

I think that I've heard of apocalyptica.

Would you like to see the thread where the song writing is happening?

Have you ever written lyrics that you would like to have set to music?

Thanks!

I've written poems, stories and short tales...

Never really showed them to anyone...
I tried that before and nobody read them..

So I stopped.. It's been a long time I don't write...
I've had some ideas, but nothing serious...

Again, no readers, why publish, right?

Yeah... Show me the thread, maybe I could lend a hand...

I tried writing songs before, but I didn't find sense in my words...

Firstly always put yourself first! If your not happy your family won't be happy. If you think that your going to be a load on anyone's shoulders you shldnt feel that way. Its always best to talk to someone about your feelings and I bet in the end you will feel better. Life is nothing with out laughter , love , having fun, listening , learning, joy, pain, and sorrow even. Everybody has there ups and downs and most people in the world do feel the same way you are every once in a while. If you feel like you can't talk to anyone you can always find another solution for example write in a diary, go see a counselor, talk to your closest friend. If your friends just think of you as a burden which I am sure they don't. Maybe you need to find new friends. Talk to them about it and hopefully they will understand how you feel and will be by your side, but if not then you know to cut them lose. What exactly are you so upset about? And if you need someone to talk to you can always talk to anyone on here including me. When I feel the way you do I and I have nobody to talk to I always write in my diary or go on this website. You wouldn't believe how much it can help! Look for new hobbies that make you happy. Don't just let yourself go and the world around you. Think about it life is a beautiful and scary thing. Sometimes its good and sometimes its bad. But never give up on yourself. Just look for new and better things in your life or new ways to handle situation. Like forest gump says life is like a box of chocolates you never know what your going to get. And when the going gets tough make lemonade. :) I hope all is well and if you need someone to talk to I would be glad to listen and give my advise. I am always looking for new people to talk to.

There's actually quite a number of us on this site who are interested in poetry, stories and tales of various sorts. Most of those threads are in the Writing topic area. You would get readers here...

If you have any interest in putting the words that you have written to music, I can help you to do that.

When I see words that need a tune and accompaniment, I can come up with something instantly. I'm not trying to brag. It's just that I have been writing and arranging music for a very long time.

The link to the thread is here. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/writing/want-write-song-267729.html

It's already gone on for a number of pages...

Thanks!

I sense that you must be a friendly person because you are still willing to be involved with others and make yourself helpful too them. You cannot be helpful to people you don't interact with.

True. I can't help without interacting, but you know that I can help witghout getting involved.
That's what I am doing.
Only helping like if I was a service.
You know, like a servoice you hire.
You go, get the service and walk away.
Sure, the person interacts, but once they are done, they bid you farewell.

That's me. Once I help, I turn around and stay away from anyone who comes close.

Can not afford to do anything stupid to someone else's life.

Now you see what I mean...

Well... Thank you for the time everyone spent replying to my non sense...

I wish you the best...
I will no longer return to these forums...
I will not waste anyone else's time anymore...

Thanks for your time...

Your not wasting anybody time mate. People who follow and read aren't people who are wasting their time. We're all simply getting to know each other.:)

Hey aloneIbreak, I hope everything is going well for you. You have been on my mind lately and I'd like to hear from you about how things are going. You are a great intellectual and I enjoy conversing with you. Please come back.

Thank you for your compliments...

HEre I am... How are you?

Everything OK in your lives?

Thank you for your compliments....

HEre I am.... How are you?

Everything ok in your lives?

Hi, aloneIbreak!

I'm hopeful that by the content and tone of what you've just posted, that maybe there has been some proactive and positive things going on in your life for you!

Thanks!

Not really... It's just a habit of asking everyone how are they...

I always want to make sure everything's fine with others...

If not, I have to find a way to fix it...

Who's in charge of you, aloneIbreak? Please just answer with the first thing that comes to your mind.

Thanks!

I don't know...

I don't know who or what I am anymore...

Please forgive me...

You know, I think that we've gone down this road before. Do you have others in your life that tolerate you feeling so sorry for yourself?

I have seen this thread go around in circles, seems to always come back to the same thing with little if no progress being made.

I'm not one who's going to feel sorry for you here when I have been the same way that you are right now and it took some people to really shake my tree, so to speak, so that I would wake up to what I needed to do.

When I was around your age, I was going through a divorce, drinking very heavily and in deep financial doo-doo. I was bemoaning to my mother at the time about my lousy situation. I will never forget the words that she said to me. "How you deal with it is what determines the kind of man you are".

Hearing those words was like a bolt of lightning through me. It caused me to wake up! There were others who said some things to me that also caused me to wake up and take some charge of my own life.

You are in charge of you, aloneIbreak. If you aren't then who will be?

I have been down the pity-road many times in the past. Occasionally, I still would like to go there. There is some comfort in not taking charge of oneself, being that way, you don't have to really be responsible for your actions - so a person might think, anyway.

To me, life is about choices, dealing with the cards I have been dealt and cost and benefit. I don't mean the kind of cost and benefit that has to do with money. It's about making choices based upon what I have to deal with in my life and the weighing the results, good or bad because of the choices that I make and have made.

I have also been down the "beat myself up" road too many times to really think about. After awhile, people don't want to listen to me anymore when I'm like that.

Life is to live, to try to one's best abilities and roll with the punches when they happen.

If you need to be on some medication because of being clinically depressed, then please do go to see a doctor. I've also been down that road. Don't necessarily have to be on the meds forever. But, if a person is clinically depressed, they sure can help the brain to get back to where it needs to be as far as feeling good about oneself.

You can turn your scars into stars!

The choice is yours!

"How you deal with it is what determines the kind of man you are"

Thank you for this phrase...

It does make a difference you know..
I still have a hard time getting better,
But it all makes sense now...

It won't change from one day to the other...
But this does make a strong point and remark on me...

Thank you clough...
This is exactly what I was looking for..

The cold hard truth... no bull, no sweet talk..
Things as they are...

Thank you

You're welcome!

I'm glad that it had an impact on you, aloneIbreak! It sure did when my mom told it to me!

Even though we might not feel like it, most of the time we just have to "grab the bull by the horns" and take charge of our own lives rather than relying on others to do so.

You see, I'm really not all that different than you... Might not seem that way to you, but it's true!

Daily, I have to force myself to get motivated. I'm going through some rough stuff in my own life right now, so that is part of the reason for my lack of motivation...

However, it's really no excuse for me not to get going!

Nobody's going to do it but me!

I don't remember if you're religious or not. But, the passage below can really apply to any adult.

1 Corinthians 13:11
New American Standard Bible (©1995)


When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.

It doesn't mean that we can't have fun and act like kids sometimes. It does mean that we need to act as adults and take charge of our own lives. Mom and dad aren't going to be around forever. Mine are long gone. Oh, how I wish that they were still here! But, you know what? --- That's life!

AloneIbreak, sounds like a case of lack of self-love and self-esteem. We can easily get into a mind set of feeling that we are not worthy of time given to us by others, or worthy to have an opinion. The name you say says a lot! It is correct, "Alone, we break!"

My personal experience with this is that I lacked self-love but when I realized after receiving Jesus Christ, and reading that I "am accepted in the beloved", it just made everything fall into perspective.

I am trying to take this dicussion to the "religion threads". Just sharing my experience so I can let you know that you are not alone in what you are feeling. More people deal with this issue than talk about it. It is great that you opened up here. Don't back down and resign yourself to be OK for us!! Asking about others is a great gift you give but do it out of your love for others. Not because it is just something you do.

My belief is that we can only love others to the degree we love ourselves.

If you lack self-love, you cannot fully love those around you. It begins a step at a time or in my situation, after three years of seeking an answer through prayer, it came in an instant of time. Each of our situations are different as each of us are unique.

Begin by really studying who you are, where and when were you last happy and felt positive? Go to that place in your mind. Relive it and make that a goal, to achieve that again in your life, not that particular moment but moments to begin now and on throughout your life.

What are your positive attributes? Are you prompt, do you keep your word, do you hold strong to your convictions of what is right and wrong? Are there some areas in your life that you know are not right for you? If so, make a conscious decision to stop those activities that make you feel less self-respect or negative. Remember to take this all a step at a time. We make our own future in that what we chose determines not failure or winning but joy in our choices.

This will sound elementary to you. But for every negative thought that comes into your mind, make yourself write it down and then write three positives after. Soon a new habit is formed and joy begins to spring forth, hope that your life is going in a better direction.

All of this is in your hands. Choose well as you awake each morning to do or think positive things and cast down and refuse to accept the negative thoughts that make you feel you are so alone.

I don't take lightly your feelings. I have been there or I could not speak on such matters! Keep in touch!