My fiancée of 2 years has just recently gone to Germany for 9 month and I'm not coping very well with it. I keep thinking that she doesn't care about me anymore as she doesn't text/call me a lot. I know it costs a lot but I pay for the top ups as I don't think I could do without any contact at all.

I know I can't carry on paying out all this money topping up phones, but it hurts not to hear from her. I keep getting angry at her when she doesn't text me in the morning when she gets up and things like that, which is bound to push her away. I just can't understand why it's driving me so mad not to hear from her but it's barely affecting her. Not that I want her to hurt like this, I just don't feel she wants me as much as I do her.

I keep asking her to find the nearest post office so she can send me the letters she has written me, but she still hasn't and I'm taking it upon myself to find out where it is through contacting tourist information. I've asked her to go on msn too if she can find a computer, but aparently there aren't any free, it's a university for godness sake surely they have computers? She told me that she will get me the number for the halls that she's staying in too so that it doesn't cost her when I call, but she still hasn't got me it. Just don't feel she's making much effort to speak to me.

I have spoken to her about all of my problems but she doesn't seem to listen and just says that she does love and miss me. I seem to want more than just that but I don't know what. I know I am being selfish wanting her attention all the time and getting jealous when she does all these things without me now, but I don't know how to stop it.

I don't want to push her away, I just want to be happy with the situation, as happy as she is, and allow both me and her to get on with our lives and still be together. I am a very paranoid person too which doesn't help, I just keep getting angry and jealous all the time. It's driving me mad, I wish I could be different.

Anyone with any suggestions on how to help or anything good/bad to say, appreciated.

Thanks

Claire

Start finding ways to occupy your time. She's out there having a blast and you should do the same thing. Start hanging out with friends you haven't seen for a while, focus on your school work, start finding something that you allows you to distract yourself.

Im 24, I'm not at school/university although I wish I was. I can't go to uni until Hannah (my partner) has finished uni. If I could, that would certainly occupy me. I do work nights though on my own, so I guess I could use that time better.

Another question I have relating to this is that I got a tattoo of her name on my wrist (Yes I know a hell of a lot of people think this is crazy) but it was a sign of my commitment and love for her. She won't get one as she said she wanted to get my name in her own time. Must admit that this upsets me a lot. Yes I'm selfish I know. Just keep thinking the reason she won't is because she doesn't think we will last.

Maybe check out taking courses through Open University or see about getting grants or loans. Getting into some course work of an area of interest, something that you can apply towards your job or something you would like to pursue for a future job, will serve you well.

Your fiancée is going to be very busy with her course work let alone adjusting to living in Germany... it is not unrealistic to expect less contact than you are used to. You have too much free time to dwell on being apart. If you don't think taking courses would work for you right now, what about a part time job during the day... or could you change to days so that you would have more of a regular schedule?

I'll be honest with you... sometimes being apart and being able to have new experiences does change relationships. But, as you have mentioned a few times, pushing for her to be in touch more will possibly increase that possibility.

Certainly relationships survive and can flourish when partners are apart, but they do take extra effort. If you can, start saving money so that you can go over to visit her once in awhile. Maybe she will be back for the Christmas holidays... plan a short trip away together if possible. Keep in touch yourself with e-mail, letters, and occasional phone calls. You'll know before long, after she has had a bit more chance to get settled and into a routine, whether you really have anything to worry about or not.

Ya know, a friend of mine has been dating a girl for five years, he was always very preoccupied with her, and then she went to university in italy for a year, and now they're both more open and receptive to doing group things. While she was gone, he partied, had fun with his friends, and did stuff he hadn't really got a chance to do *he didn't cheat* but he got to establish another side of himself. Take this time to create a more independent you.

As for your tattoo, it's a sign of affection yes, but some people aren't into a physically shown affection such as that. So its something you shouldn't harass your partner about. If she wants to do it she will do it. Just leave it at that.