I am so confused. I really need to stop complaining about the situation with my boyfriend, but I just don't know what to do...

We have been drifting a lot over the past few months and I can't quite understand why. It feels like he's too comfortable in our relationship and therefore doesn't have to make any effort. He rarely sends me messages, never calls and lately he's been going out a lot with his friends rather than spending time with me. Friends are important, I know, and I've always encouraged him to spend more time with them... But I have seen him about 3 times in the past month... and I used to spend every single weekend with him and see him on a number of week nights.

I would be the one to always initiate our outings and when we caught up and since I've stopped doing that he hasn't exactly stood up to do it... Does he just not want to spend as much time with me? ... I'm so confused... Maybe he's just over it all?? I don't know!

There was one night when he knew I was upset and wanted to talk things over. I asked him to come and see me so we could talk about it face to face... and he brought his brother!! Which meant that we weren't given the opportunity to talk!! ... It seemed to me like he was completely trying to avoid the issue!! :confused:

I love him and I do want things to work, but not if I'm going to keep feeling this unhappy. Everytime I try to talk to him about it he just brushes it off or ignores what I'm saying! Otherwise he'll tell me I'm creating "tiffs." ...

The problem is I have really important exams coming up and I could really do without the extra stress! I just really don't know what to do!

*sigh* .... I used to look so forward to seeing him and spending time with him and these days it just doesn't excite me at all... In actual fact it just stresses me!

Some advice would be great!!

Hey imzz,

I have been in your place before. I know how frustrating this situation is. It hurts when the other person isn't putting in the time and effort into a relationship. And more importantly, it should never be that way. If he doesn't want to be in this relationship with you, too bad for him. At least try talking to him once more. It sounds like to me that you'll have to force him to if you want any type of resolution. The only alternative is stay with him and keep suffering in this way.

I eventually confronted a boyfriend who was pulling the same act. He was continually making excuses for his behavior or dismissing my feelings about the situation. I'm glad he tried my patience and we came to some sort of resolution--breakup. I realized he wasn't really worth my time and attention.

I do hope you come to some sort of conclusion. :T

Good luck,
J

That sounds very similar to my situation. He always has some excuse... Thanks heaps for the advice. It really sucks being the one who has to make the majority (if not all) the effort. I just feel so taken for granted.

If it does end between us I know it will be hard... But I also know I can't continue feeling this hurt...

Thanks again! It's great to hear from someone whose been in the same situation and can really relate!

No problem! I'm glad that I can be of any help. I know how difficult it is to simultaneously juggle your desire to be with someone and the realization that they're not trying.

If it does end, know it's for the best. Just think of all the pain and wasted time you will be saving yourself from in the long run.

Thanks!. You are definitely right!.

Ok... So I just received a text message from him asking me how my day was and telling me he misses and loves me... I don't get it! Does he actually miss me?. How can he just sit back and not make the effort to see me or organised us to go out or anything, then tell me he misses me?. I am soooo confused!.

Ask him why he isn't making a effort, don't come asking here , go directly to him, I was in this situation until mine confronted me about it, confront him about it, don't be scared!

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/should-keep-trying-268755.html



I really need to stop complaining about the situation with my boyfriend, but I just don't know what to do...


If he wont change you have to. Put your own happiness first, and tell him to bug off.

Then you wont be confused, or have a reason to complain.