I love my ex-bf. However, we constantly fighting and having on and off relationships during the past year. He said that he wanted to break up with me lotsa times. I do not like that because I feel that he does not take me seriously and last time I mentioned to him that I would not want to be with him anymore if he says it again. There, he said it again. I was so hurt and decided to forget about him. About 2 days after this incident, I opened his mail and found out that he e-mailed this girl he loved before (it was his first love). I am hurting even more now because I asked him to stop contacting her in any form during the first month of our relationship. Things escalated and 1 week after this incident, he asked me back and said that he still needs me by his side. He said that he loves me and he said he was sorry. He regretted that he even emailed this girl. He was willing to delete her contact if I get back with him. I refused it. He got mad and kicked my stuff.

I can't bare the pain anymore and I decided to ignore him for a while. I don't know if I should trust him or not. If he loves me, why did he kick my stuff? Why did he even emailed her again if I told him not to? Is he just desperate to be with someone?

Anyway, 2 weeks passed and he stop contacting me. I missed him so badly, I really love him and I can't seem to let him go although I said I want to move on earlier. I missed him even more as days passed by. Then, I decided to call him. We talked again and I asked him back this time and told him that I love him although he did unpleasant stuff to me I still love him the way he is. He said he moved on already and I should do the same. He said he will support me and still call me and be friends with me. He told me that I'll always be in his heart and he will always love me. But last Saturday when we decided to meet up, I showed up late. I felt bad and I said I was sorry and he called me a liar. He was disappointed and he told me he never want to contact me again or even see me anymore (at least not for another month). I was depressed, hurt and sad about this. Later that night, we went out and he met his friends there.

He did not even introduced me to them as he used to before. That time I realized that he did not see me as anything anymore. The fact that we went out to that place was also because he was about going to meet his other friends (I found out after we arrived). So he left me and did not even say bye. He ignored me completely. Was he still mad in the fact that I showed up late?? Was he just acting that way because he knows that I love him?? He said he loves me but why did he ignore me that way and by the way, he told me that he still loves that girl. What should I believe now? What should I do now? He seemed so caring but now he just left me there without even saying bye. I still want to be with him or at least be friends with him. Up until now he has not contact me... should I wait for him?? I want him back in my life, but do you think that he is sincere about loving me?? DId I make a wrong decision when he wanted me back??

You throw that love word around much to freely, and from where I sit, its not love but dependence. Think about it, your accepting bad treatment from someone that shows you no "love" dignity, or respect.

Thats not love, and your more like an addict needing a fix, than a person enjoying themselves with a good person.

Yes, you made a big mistake taking his azz back, and know he doesn't love you he loves controlling your feelings, and using your emotions against you. Why does he do it?? You let him, because you don't love yourself enough to not be stomped, on by a future user, and abuser.

Wake up, and stand up for yourself, or be his toy, whenever he has time!

Puppy on a leash... it is doubtful much respect is aimed at a girl who can be treated badly and she'll just hang around for more.

You are just waiting around for his next treat he throws your way. Don't worry, when he gets tired and lonely, he will call you again. Hopefully you don't go running for him

How about don't ever contact him again and let us know how you feel in a month. I'm betting it will be much better...

Ouch that hurts :P But you are right at some point, why would I want to be treated badly... damnnnn!! Hahaha

Thanks a lot everyone for the reply, it helps me to realize how stupid I am for even wanting to be hurt again with somebody that does not even treat me with respect. But, I am still confused if I did something wrong for not showing up on time... I feel really2 bad... I just don't like to be in a situation where he hates me because of that.. I am just trying to be his friend that's all (although not this time because I have to move on first).

You did nothing wrong but go along with the program of a less than honorable person who didn't deserve your good intentions. You can change that by leaving him and his BS alone, and if he changes for the better, he may be a friend. Until then... do for yourself and forget about him.

From someone named ''damaged'':

Sometimes you just have to forget how you feel and think what you deserve.

Hi all. He called me today and I picked it up, we talked but got into an argument. I asked him what his intention was and he said he just wanted to know how I am doing. He still wants me to be his friends and wants my care... He told me he could not sleep at night thinking about me (what I did that hurts him) and he falling behind at school. I feel really bad and when I asked him to just talk about it next time because I have a quiz tomorrow, he pressured me even more. He said bad things about me and for that he won't contact me anymore and he said he was happy that I moved on although he still has hopes for me. He makes me confused with everything he said. I don't know what I should do since I am not ready to do NC for the long run... I still miss him and wants him in my life.. he blames me too in the argument and he said he regretted that he called me in the first place. However, he just called me again; an hour after that argument. He called me 10 times and text me saying he needs my care because he got a headache. I don't know what to do... should I show him that I still care or what?? Should I pick his phone up?? I am not sure what to do... Need some adviceee... :(

You do know what to do, but you don't want to do what it takes to end the confusion and heal your heart. He was quite clear that he wants you to care, but think what does that get you? More of the same that you have already gotten.

Let him stew in his own juice and rebuild and regroup, without anymore of his confusion, arguments, or mixed signals.


... since I am not ready to do NC for the long run... I still miss him and wants him in my life..

Then you must want the misery, pain, and lack of respect, he brings into your life.

Make a choice for yourself, and stick to it!!

This is my fourth day of NC. It is so hard, I really miss him and having the urge to call him. I want to be able to hang out again... I am so lonely and sad thinking how this rel. ended this way. My friends are not here to support me they're busy and here I am feeling like crap. I am still hoping he will call me again and we just end in good terms as friends. I don't know, I just feel so misserable right now :( Is it wrong too if I pick up that phone if he calls?? What does that tell him??

It tells him he still has you on a leash and you will be at his beckoned call whenever HE needs attention.

If you want to stay in this viscious cycle that's your choice , or you can take the pain for now and start looking out for yourself and eventually you will come out of this.

Then you can find someone who you deserve and have a happy relationship with someone who will treat you properly.

I really want to break free from this cycle. It is not pleasant (only pleasant temporarily). Anyway, I picked up the phone again yesterday (stupid me!) and we argued again. He called me just to blame me and tell me about his anger towards me. OMG I told him that I have to study and have no time for this nonsense and he was just keep on yapping about that. He told me he was dissapointed because I have no time for him anymore and I unwelcomed him and he still hopes for me to be back again sometimes which I think he lied. He told me also that he still wants me to be his close friend so that I should care for him because he told me he cares about me. He claimed that he support me after a breakup by calling me asking how I am doing and still accompany me to places (I asked him to earlier not to disappear from me just like that). But then, after what he did (I posted earlier) I decided to just stay away from him. Now, he search me again and I fell for it again and now I agreed to meet up with him on Friday to show him that I dun lie about what I said last time. I don't know what I am supposed to say when I meet him because I am afraid he's going to threaten me like saying: we'll be strangers forever and not contact me at all and hates me.. stuff like that.. (I don't know why I still care). All I can imagine is that it will make me feel worse. I know things can't go my way but I want to end it in good terms. I just dun have the courage to tell him to leave me alone. What if he is more mad and corner me around even worse? I am just too scared... I don't know what I should tell him so that he will respect me in the end. If I dun pick up the call it is just rude and he might end up resent me, but if I pick it up he just corner me around. Do you think that next time he called and I pick it up and welcome him, he's not going to corner me around or blame me but talk and have fun?? I am so confuseddddddddd... helppppppp meeeee...

You're scared to tell him to leave you alone, but you're scared to meet up with him and have him berate you... you're scared to face the truth and you're scared what will happen if you don't face it? That's a lot of scared, girl.

We all feel scared about the things we can't control. But you're scared of things you CAN control, and you can't stand for that anymore. You're in college now. That's about growing up and accomplishing things.

The next thing you need to accomplish is a HIM-ECTOMY.

You don't need to meet him Friday.
You don't need him to like you.
You don't need him to approve of you.
You don't need him to think well of you.
When he calls, you don't need to answer.
You don't need to listen to a single word out of his mouth.
When he tells lies about you, you don't need to defend.
You don't need nor pursue his respect.
You don't tolerate nor fear his anger.

The only thing you need from him is his absence. And THAT is in your control.

When you find yourself talking on the phone to someone you don't want to talk to, you can just put the phone under a pillow and go back to what you were doing.

When someone walks up to you, you can walk away. Just walk away.

You're in college now. Enroll in some backbone classes (joke) and do your homework. Lesson #1 - No Contact means No Contact.

BTW, you're in college now, so... dun isn't a word. OK? Neither is dunno. You're not too busy to write don't know are you? (nudge-nudge)

JBeaucaire, I thought about what u said about being scared and all that. I just want to update that I did not meet him that day because he wanted me to pick him up but I said no. Then, he called me and I did not pick it up. However, 2 days later I called him back, he did not pick it up and today is my birthday I was kind of hoping he would call me or text or whatever, but he does not. I mean, I am well now and realize that I do not want to be with him anymore, but it is kind of upsetting that he would just forget about it. Maybe it is a good thing that he stop contacting me now but it makes me wonder why.

De4rest,
You're not confused and you don't need advice - you already know it's over and you KNOW you need to walk away.

Your fourth word in is: "EX-BF"

? Take a clue.

You want permission from us to make a poor decision? I know you love him, but that doesn't make the situation right or make it work out.

He doesn't care about you as much as he should or you would like to believe he does, (he just wants a back-up girl around for sex) so pick up your heartache and move forward. It hurts now, but in about a years time, you'll be okay.

Hang in there.

I've only given you one lesson and you're failing that one... nudge-nudge. No Contact means No Contact

You don't need to know why he's doing no contact, because you are, too.

Wondering what he's doing or why he's doing it does not qualify as "no contact" (nudge some more).

Being apart means you deal with some sadness for awhile. You can do that. Deal with it by DOING some things with the free time, things that you've been putting off, things you want to do but didn't get around to doing. You've got extra time now you used to spend on him, now you can spend it on healing and accomplishing.

When you do find unavoidable thoughts cropping up, make them healthy ones. Think about the good times you had and don't obsess over it. Just fondly refer to the memory, note that it is just a memory, then do something else.

The only cure for silence is noise, so make some noise with your free time. Silence is deadly right now for you.

Too much drama. Are you 16? 18? 23? Trust an old girl here who's been there before. I went through 2 EXTREMELY devastating break-ups.

I thought I would die. DIE. I really believed I would marry each one of them then and there during those two separate situations. Now, I realize that those guys didn't really love me or respect me as much as I hoped they did. I gave them sooooo much attention, and they ate it up and kept baiting me.

Ten years later, I'm 32 and now happily married to a FANTASTIC man. He's the love of my life and I'm so thankful and relieved that I didn't marry the guy I was CRAZY in LOVE with when I was 22. TRUST ME! I was psychotic IN LOVE with the first one - so crazy in fact that I even stalked him. The phone calls, the messages... too much DRAMA. Drama doesn't make for true love. It makes for wasted time and spent energy.

You want permission from us to make a poor decision?

I do not quite get that Bonnie. The part where you typed about the permission to make a poor decision. Can you explain what you mean? Thank you. You must be right about the drama thing. I just think he did this because he knows it will hurt me and he wants revenge because on his b'day I only text him ( we broke up already though at that time). He called and claimed that I did not care at all to at least call him. Well, who's talking now? He did not even e-mail me to say it. Well, I should not care but I am hurt in the fact that I ended up showing up at his place and brought him cake on his b'day and he gave me a sad face. So ungrateful and I am disappointed that he says he wanted to be friend and does not even say happy b'day to me.

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HE has lost control of you; wants to know that you're still his puppet IF HE wants... show your independence now to him by not talking to him or making those conversations short and to the point if you do pick up that line... YOU take control of you. Say you're busy, out the door with plans... have to go now bye and then hang up.
HE needs to realize that you are a person and he needs to respect that and respect you; he won't because he's seen you and knows your buttons to push.

HE has lost control of you; wants to know that you're still his puppet IF HE wants....show your independence now to him by not talking to him or making those conversations short and to the point if you do pick up that line...YOU take control of you. Say you're busy, out the door with plans...have to go now bye and then hang up.
HE needs to realize that you are a person and he needs to respect that and respect you; he won't because he's seen you and knows your buttons to push.

Do you mean that he knows he cannot control me anymore, so he stop contacting me?

Hi again everyone. I want to thank you all who has posted here.. thanks for the advice =) Few weeks has passed and I can't believe I can actually got out of this situation by doing no contact rule! I feel so much better now =)

Always good to hear someone has come out feeling better.

Good for you :)