I sent a text to my ex boyfriend who claimed he wouldn't mind being friends. I saw him at his work and he said hello. Then he went into the back office without saying bye or anything. Eventually I left and sent him a good bye text ( no response). I got mad at him and told him he makes things awkward for no reason and that I could not deal with this. On Friday night I sent him a text apologizing for my actions. He said, " I don't have time to play games. I'll call you when I'll call you. Chill out." I told him, "I am not playing games. Please don't tell me to chill out." He sent nothing back. I sent him a text tonight (Sunday) stating "I miss you". I got no response. Am I just fooling myself here? Is he no longer interested?

By the way, we spent time together last weekend and had a good time.

He's a jerk. Don't text him anymore!

I suggest checking out the book "He's Just Not That Into You".

Really good book and good advice! It helped me.

I read many excerpts from that book and I am having a hard time believing that the book applies. When he sees me he says hello and I have WATCHED him look at me and then when he notices I see him look off. When we spent our time together he even admitted that he liked looking at me. Do these same rules apply?

All I'm saying is that if he REALLY wanted to be with you, then he would be with you. Bottum line. He wouldn't push you away like this, especially when he knows you're hurting and that you miss him.

He can sweet talk you as much as he wants, but actions speak louder than words, in my opinion.

True. I bet I am just feeding into his ego by doing this. Stupid me... I need a hobby and maybe this wouldn't be an issue. I always fall for the heartless jerks. I just thought when I came back he would have been interested in me. Especially since I live in a great place that would intrigue him. I guess I was wrong.

Try to give him a couple of weeks - guys sometimes will give you the "off" treatment while they ponder what the right response should be.

I know its hard when you love and miss someone - and we want them to answer us back right then and there - we are all different and we handle things in different ways. Give him a little time - and by the way - apologies are always good if you think you did something to hurt - been in that spot myself.

Good luck and keep the faith.

True. I bet I am just feeding into his ego by doing this. Stupid me...I need a hobby and maybe this wouldn't be an issue. I always fall for the heartless jerks. I just thought when I came back he would have been interested in me. Especially since I live in a great place that would intrigue him. I guess I was wrong.

Now that you know, try not to forget that every time his mouth opens. His words + your wishes haven't panned out to anything so far, so why would it tomorrow?

Start your next chapter and delete his number from your phone... no more texts!

Thanks. Well I tried to apologize but when he came back with that little text stating, "I dont have time to play games. I'll call you when I call." I was just surprised.

Yeah, I officially deleted his contact information tonight. I say I am going to move on, but I hope I really can this time. I think I just have a low opinion of myself therefore I allow this garbage...

I know - he probably regrets his quick knee jerk response - just like you felt bad about yours. Just give yourself a little bit of time - and he needs it too. Don't keep texting him because it only upsets you when he doesn't respond right back.

I am dealing with narcissistic individual. He is not your typical "sane" person. He has a past of being a MAJOR player and involved with a very violent past. He still battles with substance abuse even though he claims he is clean. THAT IS NOT TRUE. I am wondering if he is avoiding me because he is embarrassed that he has gone back to the old lifestyle? He even admitted he was hesitant to call me the night he did because of it...

You acted like a girlfriend when you kept texting him, you are jumping right back into being possessive with texting him all the time and getting mad if he doesn't say goodbye? Come on, grow up and just accept that it's over

You should be so ready to move beyond your past, and get with your future by focusing on some better decisions in the present.

I am not being possesive what so ever... I did not say, "Where are you?", "Who are you with?", or "Why haven't you called me?" I think your response was rude ROMEFALLS! What happened to you? You used to be very gentle with your comments... Anyway, I think I had the right to text him what I was thinking at the time. It was not anything rude, nasty, or even crazy. If you miss someone then you miss them. How does that equate to childish behavior? I understand that the relationship is over, but it is hard for me accept. I will get over it because for 7 months I was angry and had NC! I am sure I can do it again. Oh and by the way, I realize this is a help forum and sometimes the truth hurts, but let's not be down right rude. I am asking for HELP. I am not asking for name calling.

You were trying to seduce him, for whatever reasons.

I hardly think that telling someone you miss this is an act of seduction... Where did you get seduction from??

I have problems letting go myself and it sounds like to me, you don’t want to let go!
I know it hurts and you can’t understand why…and just keep saying why why why…this is simple, he does this to you cause he can, you allow it, he won’t tell you to leave him alone.. he will throw you a bone here and there to keep around for when he is in the mood to hang out! I think your wasting your time and he don’t deserve such a beautiful person chasing him around…stop calling him I bet he will be up you butt!! Then you can tell him to beat it, he had his chance 
Stay strong
Missmax

You got mad over him not saying goodbye and then texted him with another text saying he was making it awkward and that YOU couldn't deal with it. Then even after he said he will call when he is ready, you replied twice.

I did not name call, I simply stated you were acting possessive which you were with texting him even after he told you that he would call when he's ready. It my opinion you are pushing for a relationship from someone who just wanted a friendship

Ok, mad may not have been the right word but I was disappointed because he made the time to say hello, he could have made the time to day goodbye. I saw it from a friend example. I wouldn't want any of my friends to treat me that way either... Last time I check the definition of possessive in this context is wanting to "control or dominate". I don't want to control or dominate anyone. I replied because I was not playing games and I wanted him to know that and also him telling me to chill out is not cool with me either. The ball shouldn't have to be in his court... who is he to decide that? NO ONE.

He can only dissapoint you when/if you expect something from him. Being friends with him involves expectations and dissapointment. The only way to avoid feeling like this is to not have a relationship with him whatsoever.

I just thought when I came back he would have been interested in me. Especially since I live in a great place that would intrigue him.
You wanted more, and he rejected you, the rest is your anger.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/reconciled-ex-now-what-265321.html,

Your last two posts, are what I base my opinion on.

Ok, what is your point?? I feel like if that was totally true then there was no reason for him to call me or hang out with me last week.

Ok, what is your point??? I feel like if that was totally true then there was no reason for him to call me or hang out with me last week.

Maybe he's just 'keeping you around' in case nothing better comes along. Or maybe he wants you there for when he's bored. Or maybe he truly does want to be your friend. Who knows. The point is that his actions are not misleading in my opinion, you are simply interpreting them wrong and creating expectations which only end up frustrating you. There is nothing substantial about the relationship and trying to quarrel with him is a way for you to try to make the relationship more significant. It simply isn't. You are torturing yourself by wasting your time even worrying about it. I'm sorry you're hurting and wish I could say something to make you feel better but the truth of the matter is that the only thing that can make you feel better is to forget about him and this whole thing.

You are 100% right. I am wasting my time trying to run behind someone who may or not may not want to bothered with me. That does hurt but the best thing would be to move on. I don't want to be available at someone's disposal.

He's not interested because you are in his space too much. Back off. Don' casually walk in to his work and make it seem like you were in the area or whatever... avoid him. Don't text him, you sound young, and inexperienced. You have to step way back, and ignore him. The more you bug a guy like this, the farther and farther away he will run. He said to you he will call you when he wants to, so listen to what he is telling you... THAT HE WANTS HIS SPACE RIGHT NOW. Respect that.

Yeah but why does he have to be the one that initiates the calls... he was the one that gave me the apologies and admitted to hurting me, etc.

Wait who done the breaking up? You or him?

He did...

Oh well, you gota let him be and give him space for the time being, it will make him realise what he's missing, he may or may not come back to you though, but you got more chances doing no contact then chasing him, you get what I'm saying, like the more you text call or watever it will make him go more distant, just go cold turkey on him it might change his mind.

Yeah, I am starting to wonder if it is really even worth it. I am tired of it all-- the chase, the frustration, and whatever else comes with winning the attention of an ex boyfriend. Luckily I didn't text him today. I DON'T WANT TO PLAY THE FOOL ANYMORE! I should have been over him a long time ago.

Yea me to man I'm going through the same shi* AGAIN - NOW - TWICE IN JUST OVER A MONTH, but it involves another guy she's interested in, I seriously can't be fkd anymore with her mind games and the vicious cycle relationships in tale.
Just don't text or call him for aslong as you can until he contacts you first, it may take weeks or months but it will do you better if you just forget about him and concentrate on yourself for now. I know that's what I'm going to do, I cbf dealing with the pain and drama's.

Nothing against you, but I HATE when people say "you should work on yourself"... what does that mean? What if there isn't anything wrong with me in the situation? We all have room for improvement however I am tired of taking the blame every time a situation with my ex goes sour. Sure I did some silly thing, but the person who needs to be working on themselves is my ex... and of course he is not here to read this.

Btw, London is fabulous... I love Oxford Ave... ahh heaven.

Na like do you own shi* for now, without him in you life, you digg

I did that for 7 months and I still missed him... this will not be easy for me. At all.

AmExp
We've been going on with this for months now and the reason it's still an issue is because you refuse to let it go and get on with your life without the thought of him being in it. You seem like an intelligent young lady so surely by now you can see that this guy is just stringing you along and it's because your allowing it.

Let go and get on with your life and you'll find someone who deserves you. I know you say he initiates the calls etc but then you have to ignore them plain and simple. As soon as you reply you keep yourself in this place of false hope and you never progress.

Sorry if I sound harsh but there's only one person who can do this and it's you.

Good Luck!

I agree with friendy (as usual). Although, we can all tell you until we are blue in the face that you need to let go, and it's not worth your time and energy. But, you need to learn this on your own accord, on your own time. Eventually, you will realize what is going on and act accordingly. Only you will know when that is.

Yes, this sucks but it's true. What does someone gain from stringing a person along?

"WHat does a person gain from stringing a person along?"

Simply? They gain feathers in their cap. The knowledge that you will be there at their beckon call. The power to influence. The "fun" of knowing someone is addicted to them. The sense of "winning."

Those are the only things one gains when deliberately stringing someone on.

The best way to not be "strung on"? Cut the strings.

YouTube - Disney Pinocchio-I've Got Strings (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAWY3dpocls&feature=related)

From someone who has cut many strings... its SO worth it. :)

Yes, this sucks but it's true. What does someone gain from stringing a person along?

They get the satisfaction of knowing they still have some sort of control over you , so don't let him. Let your actions tell him by ignoring him and keep your dignity intact.

Good luck AmExp :)

How would that benefit him..? I understand where you are going but that is just silly... especially seeing how he is not trying to be bothered... ugh.

Comments on this post
HistorianChick agrees: Nice answer, M. :) Great minds, huh? ;)

Oh absolutely "J" ;) Hhmmm... wonder if I would enjoy living in the US... lol

?? Is that comment in reference to my question or someone else's comment?

???? Is that comment in reference to my question or someone else's comment?

:eek: sorry AmExp , just a little banter between myself and Historianchick :o

Didn't mean to threadjack:rolleyes:

Oh no problem... I don't mind at all but since u are the expert do you have an answer to my question?

Oh I'm no expert but HC is... LOL , sorry but which question?

Hello AmExp, I am telling you that he is not interested or wants you as a spare. Please for yourself move on and give him what he wants, SPACE. He is playing games not you. This guy will only keep you heartbroke. Go on with your life and leave the past the past. You can do it just come here and vent and read some question and give some answers. It has helped me a bunch. I was going through almost the same thing except it was a woman doing me that way. The call me and then I would call her back and she was like you call too much or I will get in touch with you. When nothing else was going on I was good enough to "hang out with" or "date" but only on her terms, that don't work keeps you hanging. No Contact, good luck and God Bless.

How would that benefit him....??? I understand where you are going but that is just silly...especially seeing how he is not trying to be bothered....ugh.

That one...

How would that benefit him....??? I understand where you are going but that is just silly...especially seeing how he is not trying to be bothered....ugh.

You are stroking his ego by answering whenever he calls , in my opinion it's just his way of finding out if he still has you on his hook.

You are his fall back girl. He calls to make sure you're still there if and when he needs you. By answering his calls you are reassuring him that you are.

NC, learn it, live it, love it. :)

Good luck.

Thanks... I am def going to have to accept this and keep it moving! I hate the fact that I have been running behind him like this. He just spent all that time telling me how he was so sorry and I am a good person that deserves more but then he acts like this... BOO! What is worse, no one wants to see me with this person. I don't know... I just want to know if I am being replaced for something better? I shouldn't care... but I do. :(

Exactly. Never look back, keep looking forward. :)

Thanks...I am def going to have to accept this and keep it moving! I hate the fact that I have been running behind him like this. He just spent all that time telling me how he was so sorry and I am a good person that deserves more but then he acts like this...BOO! What is worse, no one wants to see me with this person. I dunno...I just want to know if I am being replaced for something better? I shouldn't care...but I do. :(

By caring you are just hurting you and making him feel good.

Now that's just the opposite of what you want so just let it go and leave this guy alone.

I just thought my return would spark some interests again... I guess I was wrong...

You created drama for yourself and that is why he told you to chill. You are friends, not dating. Friends don't act like you did, GF's do.

You sent him a goodbye text, he didn't respond.. friends would say "oh well I guess he/she is busy". GF"s feel slighted and get pissed. You did.. then you kept texting. You only end up fighting with yourself because since he doesn't feel as strongly about you I can almost bet he rolled his eyes at your ranting or explanation texts and just ignored them. Also the more you text without responses the more demanding, pushy, and desperate you seem.

He sounds like he is over any drama with you, guys get that way fast if you act like this a lot. Sometimes you just got to back off and let them find you if they want, if not you really would only be wasting your time and energy chasing someone who doesn't want to be chased by you.

Ok first off. Text is always a sure fire way to annoy a guy. I haven't read all of these posts, but me being a guy, when a girl is hitting me up non stop even if I want to be with her or not, to me it is like man don't you have a life. Give him space especially if he is acting like that. But understand if he said he will call you he will. It might take a couple days, but don't get offended that your not as high up on his petastool as you thought.


I bet you are the one who broke it off.

I agree with everyone that it is time to leave the past in the past and move on. He's your ex and it don't seem like you two should even be friends. Find someone that want you.

Oh absolutely "J" Hhmmm........wonder if I would enjoy living in the US..........lol

:eek: sorry AmExp , just a little banter between myself and Historianchick :o

Didn't mean to threadjack:rolleyes:

I'm not the expert.... HC is!

Ha ha, M... Come to my parlor, said the spider to the fly... ;) Oz isn't all its cracked up to be... my beach is muuuuuuuch better... ;)

AmExp... sweetie, you need to (yes,I'm going to say it) work on yourself. That means, focusing on what makes you YOU, what makes you attractive to other people, what makes you happy, what gives you joy, what you like to do separate from being with a guy, what makes you smile, what upsets you, what YOU are. Don't worry about a guy. Take time to "get to know yourself" again.

Spend time being you. I recommend not looking for a guy, not trying to re-kindle romance with this guy, not pursuing a guy for a while. Relationships are about TWO individuals coming together to make a team, a unit and still retaining independence - not contradicting each other, but supporting and completing the other. It shouldn't be he said this, so did this - or, he DIDN'T respond to this, so I sent this. That's drama. You don't need drama.

Are you happy when you're by yourself? Do you feel complete without a guy? I'm not saying that you should NEVER have a guy, I'm just saying that you should be OK by yourself. You should be happy with who you are apart from a guy. He shouldn't be your identity.

Hopefully, you got a little sense out of some of these ramblings.

I just thought my return would spark some interests again... I guess I was wrong...

You were hoping it would spark some interest because you still haven't moved on. You are not over him so stop answering his calls and stop him from coming in and out of your life whenever he wants to. You should do this for your own good and not so that you can teach him a lesson. Whenever you get the urge just tell yourself its over. You will eventually accept it and only then you might be able to hang out with him without ending up analysing his every action.


I just want to know if I am being replaced for something better? I shouldn't care... but I do.

There is no better or worse. One mans meat is another mans poison. You need to move on and eventually find someone that will make you feel sure for yourself.

I just want to defend myself here... I was not CONSTANTLY texting the guy... I do agree that I did not need to send him the text regarding my frustration about him making things awkward but I was not a bug-a-boo. I also want to thank everyone for their responses!!! It has truly given me A LOT to think about. So far I am just leaving him alone.

And NO, I was NOT the one who broke it off!

Well even more so , give him space! And why would you want to stay friends when it is clear you still have feelings. NC is the best way to go. If he wants you back he knows where to find you.

Are you happy when you're by yourself? Do you feel complete without a guy? I'm not saying that you should NEVER have a guy, I'm just saying that you should be ok by yourself. You should be happy with who you are apart from a guy. He shouldn't be your identity.

Hopefully, you got a little sense out of some of these ramblings.

I am an only child so I am definitely OK with being alone :) I live alone and I have no problem with shopping and exercising by myself. Sure, everyone wants to have a companion. Who doesn't? I had no contact with my ex for 7 1/2 months. I think what I am having a hard time understanding is WHY he doesn't want to be bothered with me. Like I said before in an earlier post, I am a good catch for him. I don't want to turn this into a "holier than thou" rant, but I gave him the world. I exposed him to things he may not have ever experienced without me. I am disappointed that means nothing to him.

Talaniman rule- Never look back when you get DUMPED!!!

Again, why should the ball be in his court... considering he was the one that did all the hurting. I know, sounds odd that someone would want to be with a person who has hurt them, but I can forgive (not forget). I feel like I am being blamed for everything. I think maybe one or two people have acknowledged how mean he is acting...

Yeah but I think I wanted to believe he had changed. Hell, he was the one that pitched the idea he was making a difference in his life... ( something told me that was a lie, but meh). He was the one that allowed us to hook up a few weeks ago... now this... come on.

I am an only child so I am definitely ok with being alone :) I live alone and I have no problem with shopping and exercising by myself. Sure, everyone wants to have a companion. Who doesn't? I had no contact with my ex for 7 1/2 months.

I think what I am having a hard time understanding is WHY he doesn't want to be bothered with me. Like I said before in an earlier post, I am a good catch for him. I don't want to turn this into a "holier than thou" rant, but I gave him the world. I exposed him to things he may not have ever experienced without me. I am disappointed that means nothing to him.

So, bottom line, you feel as if he "owes" you?

Be honest with me here, would you be content with a love that is "owed" or would you rather have a love that is freely given? Do you want him to be with you simply because he owes you for the time spent and experiences given?

That's what happens in a relationship. You give things, you get experiences. You are exposed to things that you wouldn't be exposed to if you weren't with that person. You gained things, he gained things.

No one can tell you why he doesn't want to be bothered. But, hon, he dumped you. He let you go. That was his choice. Maybe he DID lose the best thing that ever happened to him and doesn't know it yet. But, don't live your life thinking that he will one day realize that and come back to you.

Don't make him a priority in your life when you are simply a possibility (as it says in Tal's signature). Don't wish for a love that is owed... wait for the love that is freely and completely given.

Let me break it down for you... I don't think he owes me, but there is MORE to this story than I am saying. I don't really want to put myself out there... but he caused great strife between my family and I. My friends hated him, tried to sabotage us by giving me bad advice, whatever you can think of. My mother did a background check on him, wanted to hire a private I to bring him down, he exposed me to a lifestyle I had NEVER seen up close and personal before, I HAD SPENT $11,000 on OUR relationship. I am a COLLEGE STUDENT! What do YOU think Historic... I understand that part of relationship was give and take... but I was just down right taken advantage of in the situation. He admitted that is what happened in the beginning. I did all of these things because I LOVE HIM and wanted him to be happy!

What do I think?

Bottom line, I'm not going to hold back here... so please forgive me in advance if this offends you.

You spent 11K on a guy, he dumped you, and you want him back? That's crazy. He did the best thing for you when he dumped you. Some dumps are harder than others, but looking at this from an outsiders opinion? You're much better off.

Cut your losses. Heal your heart. Don't leave the door open for him. You may have loved him, you may STILL love him, but for your own sake, let him go.

Don't be just another helpless woman. Stand up for yourself and stop trying to fix this.

I see...

Hopeless? I don't think so.

Helpless, not hopeless. There's a big difference.

Never be either.

Well the bottom line is that I do not have his contact information anymore.

Let me break it down for you....I don't think he owes me, but there is MORE to this story than I am saying. I don't really want to put myself out there...but he caused great strife between my family and I. My friends hated him, tried to sabotage us by giving me bad advice, whatever you can think of. My mother did a background check on him, wanted to hire a private I to bring him down, he exposed me to a lifestyle I had NEVER seen up close and personal before, I HAD SPENT $11,000 on OUR relationship. I am a COLLEGE STUDENT! What do YOU think Historic...I understand that part of relationship was give and take...but I was just down right taken advantage of in the situation. He admitted that is what happened in the beginning. I did all of these things because I LOVE HIM and wanted him to be happy!


Okay, time for some tough love dear.

Did he hold a gun to your head and force you to give him money? Did he steal the money from you?

This guy used you then tossed you away. He chewed you up and spit you out, and the sad thing is, you want more.

So, do you want to be a toy for this guy? A little play thing that he can use, break and throw away whenever he wants? Or do you want more?

The secret is to learn from your mistakes and then move on. You know that you made a mistake, why do you keep wanting to repeat it? Did it really feel that great the first time around?

He has all the power, but only because you're giving it to him. Does he deserve it? Only you can decide that.

Either stick to No contact, forget him, learn from this experience and move on, or, go back, get hurt again, and again, and again. It's your life, you have to decide, but realize, people treat you the way you let them.

Good luck.

I miss spoke Boris... damn. There was no need to rate that.

He was the one that allowed us to hook up a few weeks ago... now this... come on.
If you want to really complicate things, continue to deny responsibility for your own actions. You can't blame him for everything that happened because you went along with it.

Save some anger and blame for yourself.

Whatever... I am not blaming him for everything, but there what is so wrong with me going along with it? Especially when I felt as though there could have been some hope or resurrecting the relationship.

You don't get to agree, and go along and blame him, when it doesn't work the way you wanted.

OK! Again, thanks everyone. It's whatever at this point. I am sick of men and all that goes with relationships. This is b.s.

Just know there are good guys out there, I've one. You just haven't found him yet and it seems that you settle for guys you shouldn't. Sometimes when your not looking your find it so just keep your eyes open.

I settle because like I said in my earlier posts... I have dealt with guys that I am used to and they still failed me. It appears to be a lose lose situation. So far I have not seen a guy that is worth a damn and has these qualifications:

1. COLLEGE EDUCATED ( at least)
2. NO RECORD/SEX OFFENDER
3. NO CHILDREN
4. FINANCIALLY SOUND
5. HAS A JOB ( Independently wealthy is accepted) Haha
6. RESPECTFUL TO ME AND HIS MOTHER ( obviously to people in general, but how he treats his mother is a sure sign)
7. CARING/LOVING/NICE
8. GOOD LOOKING/TALL (I prefer at least 6'0)

8 SIMPLE RULES TO ME!

Yet, I the guys always fall short somewhere... ugh

These are not unreasonable. You don't have to settle for anything less.

Well thank you... I wish men would understand that... Also, I have been told that I look unapproachable... (b**chy) and that I wouldn't give a guy the time of day... stuck on myself. I don't find myself to be that way at all!. How can we remedy this problem?

Don't take this the wrong way... you seem like a smart, fun girl but there is one thing that I can't help but point out; you seem to think that a lot of things revolve solely around you. Now, of course this thread is about you so it's a little hard not to talk about yourself but despite that, I get the sense that there is a bit of maturity lacking in that aspect. I don't even know if telling you this will serve any kind of purpose and I wouldn't even mention it if it wasn't for the fact that I suspect this little 'issue' is probably at the root of some your problems.

I don't know you and I don't know anything about you and I may be way off here but if I'm not and you are in fact a little too focused on yourself for your own good, you would find that a lot things in your life would work out a lot better if you had a different perspective and approached challenges from a different stand point than the one you have now.

On the other hand, I may have the wrong impression given that this thread is becoming more about ranting than anything else. And if that's the case and it makes you feel better, then rant away, that's what we're here for...

Hmmm... do you want to give an example of what you are talking about in particular? Simply because you did make the most valid statement of all the others... this post is about me... and trying remedy some of the problems I am having when it comes to relationships with men. I also feel like why should I have to change for someone else? Take it or leave it... I just cannot find a happy medium and for that reason this whole issue is getting out of hand. WOMP WOMP!

I think you really need to move on.Q

Thank you, we got that... we are working on other aspects now. Anyone, Bueller? Moving on...

It sure does not seem like you are moving on. Texting your ex like physo is not part of moving on.

I was not texting my ex like a psycho. If you are not going to give constructive criticism then please move on. No one is forcing you to read this post and you will not berate me.

Hmmm.....do you want to give an example of what you are talking about in particular? Simply because you did make the most valid statement of all the others...this post is about me... and trying remedy some of the problems I am having when it comes to relationships with men. I also feel like why should I have to change for someone else? Take it or leave it...I just cannot find a happy medium and for that reason this whole issue is getting out of hand. WOMP WOMP!

First off, you don't have to change for anyone but yourself, assuming you want to improve yourself, which as you know, we all need to do once in a while.

Perfect example: I point out something about you and you immediately want to go more into detail, you want me to tell you more about... you.

When I was about 14 (I'm 27), my brother in law said to me at one point "you seem to enjoy using the word "I" a lot". I didn't like him saying that. I was a bit annoyed by that comment but I still remember it to this day because after he told me that, I started noticing it a lot more. I noticed that I liked things to be about me and I liked whenever I had attention. Today, at 27, I still like attention but I've learned to enjoy it with maturity. This meaning that in general, I don't seek it and I don't let it influence my decisions. I toned it down considerably because I knew why my brother in law thought it necessary to mention it; I didn't want a flaw like that dictating and ultimately hindering important aspects of my life.

Having maturity with regards to this is realising that being humble is so much more gratifying than the ups and downs that come with trying to have the spot light all the time. And believe it or not but modesty can often resolve problematic situations.

I was not texting my ex like a psycho. If you are not going to give constructive criticism then please move on. No one is forcing you to read this post and you will not berate me.

I was not trying to berate you. If that is how you felt I am sorry.
Good luck with everything else

I thank you for your opinion Dragonfly, but I want to also clarify that I am a humble person. Not that I have a laundry list of accolades and accomplishments, but my parents do and I have learned from them when to be humble. I am asking for you to help me because I am having a hard time understanding what my issues are. I am seeking advice and help from "older" people who have more life experience. I must admit, I have had an easy life, so, I would like a wake up call before I get busy in "the real world".

I have thought A LOT about everyone's comments. THANK YOU ALL! If you have anything else in mind, then please keep the CONSTRUCTIVE comments coming. Gracias amigos!

I am seeking advice and help from "older" people who have more life experience. I must admit, I have had an easy life, so, I would like a wake up call before I get busy in "the real world".
I have to admire your courage for asking this question, and your attitude for being willing to listen. A wise man once said its great to learn from your mistakes, its wiser to learn from the mistakes of others- (No I didn't say that, but its true.)

The most important thing we do for ourselves is to know about who we really are with no BS, and love ourselves, despite our mistakes. Then we seldom fall for the BS of others. Stay humble.

Thank you for the advice... and you are right. :)

AmExp... I hope it's becoming easier for you to get over this jerk... as time goes by! :)

Well thank you Ms. Julia! Yes, it is! I am pleasantly surprised!! I got a lot of help from the fabulous people ( some not so fabulous) of this forum! Many of you have given me a new insight which I am thankful for. Cheers!

that is exactly what is going on with me. He gets mad when I get all weird because he doesn't call back or it takes him hours to call me back.. I'm trying hard not to call him but when I do and he doesn't pick up I try even harder not to freak out.. he will want to talk to you more when you don't freak out.. as soon as you freak out it just reminds him of how much he doesn't want you around.. I hope everything works out for you =)

Thanks myheart. I have gone 3 days since the infamous "I miss you text" and I am much better than I thought I would! YAYA! Good luck to you as well.

AmExp, just remember to always remember others. Think about them before yourself and the rest will come. I have tried doing this for many years, and sometimes I get mud in my face but when I wake up and look in the mirror I am happy with what I see. Just remember the finer things in life, financially should come from work not someone who will provide them for you. Just look for someone who likes you for you and the same from you. Don't worry about their car or house just worry about what kind of person they are. Physical attraction has to be there but don't put all your eggs in that basket. If you want someone who looks good on your arm then you are not ready for a serious relationship. I have been there and done that. It always blows up on me. Now I look for someone who is more my kind on the life issues and personality front. Someone I can build the better life with not have it already made for me. We call those gold diggers and by the way you are asking for help I don't believe that you are one of those. Just look for happiness first and everything else will follow.
Good luck and God bless.

Thanks redwee! Update: So I broke th NC and I ended up sending a nasty message... I mean a VERY nasty message. I was frustrated with him and some other things. I basically told him "I heard he likes running around with skanky pill heads. That's his business but he should want to elevate himself to classier people. Just a thought." That was mean on many levels but this guy is a hole and I could not keep that bottled inside of me anymore. I told him what I thought. So what. OH well. All in all our conversation ended with him saying, "Please don't call me anymore." and the last thing I said was, "You were never on my level anyway." It is what it is. Also, a friend of mine told me he is playing me and trying to make me want him more. Is that true?

Also, a friend of mine told me he is playing me and trying to make me want him more. Is that true?

Does it really matter?

"Please don't call me anymore." and the last thing I said was, "You were never on my level anyway." It is what it is. Also, a friend of mine told me he is playing me and trying to make me want him more. Is that true?

Wow... that was really harsh. And you're right, very mean.

Don't do these verbal/text battles anymore. Be done. Don't do this to yourself or to him.

Walk away with grace... don't worry about him any longer. Don't analyze if he "still wants you"... its DONE. Leave it there.

He asked you not to call anymore. Don't. Don't text. Don't call. Don't try and find out about him. Be done with him. Really. Its not worth hurting yourself or him any more than you both already have.

Breaking the nc wasn't good but you know that. It doesn't matter who he goes with even if it a someone on crack, who cares and mainly why should you.

I think by you sending him that text it shows you do. Do he want you back or he is making you jealous, who cares. I think it's best that you erase him from your life and stop texting/contacting him.

The big question is do you want him back? Take a moment and think about what it was like to be him. I hope the answer is no.

I don't anymore. I feel like he is an at this moment but I could be saying this out of anger. LOVE is a crazy thing.

Yes, I personally know that love is a crazy thing.

Love is a crazy thing when you're virtually left at the altar. Love is a crazy thing when you have to choose between the man you love and your family. Love is a crazy thing when you're watching your hero die before your eyes from cancer that is literally taking his last breath. Love is a crazy thing when you're watching a widow bury the love of her life.

Love is a crazy thing when you're looking in to the eyes of true love, watching the world slip away. Love is a crazy thing when you see an old man with Alzheimers crawl into bed with his wife who is dying of lung cancer. Love is a crazy thing when you see your Dad burst with pride at seeing his son receive an honor from the governor while watching from his wheelchair because cancer has taken his last ounce of strength. Love is a crazy thing when you watch two people re-vow to love, cherish, and protect each other.

I've experienced all of these things.

Yes, LOVE is a crazy thing. There is so much more you have yet to experience about love.

WOW. You certainly put me in my place HistoriancChick. I see you have persevered through those things and here I am complaining about my little stupid situation. Thank you for taking the time to even address this foolishness. I hope you are well despite your obstacles.


Well it is OVER for sure... he called me back... not sure if it was to get one last hoorah or what but he doesn't want me texting or calling him. He claimed that if I were a "normal" person then maybe we could hang out sometimes and of course he had to add the fact that he doesn't put up with that stuff with girl friends and how I am definitely not his g/f ( love how he stated the obvious). Anyway, after this discussion my future posts will not be about him. AT ALL!

I forgot to tell you about the blissful side of the craziness of love...

The heart stopping entrance of the man you love after not seeing him for a month...

The music swirling around just the two of you as you eat a picnic dinner in the moonlight under the stars...

The divine moment when he says, I love you and only you...

The ecstasy when you realize that you love him and only him, too...

The pitter patter of your heart when he says you are his angel...

The safety in knowing that you don't have to worry about the safety of your relationship...

The craziness of love...

You'll experience it one day. Wait for that crazy guy. :)

I wish you the best these next few weeks as you'll be missing him. Stay strong. And really, we're here.

I've experienced it all, hon. And let me tell you, love is worth waiting for. :)

If you need us (or me, for that matter) we're here (or a private message away) :D

At this moment. I feel like I wasted so much time and money. This is crazy that even care about this character. He is not worth it. I wish I could just accept that he is not worth my time and MOVE ON.

Yeah, I guess one day I may experience those things again. My romantic life is looking very bleak at this moment in time.

Thank you for your advice and time. I will certainly keep your comments in mind for the future. Oh, and I will be sending you a message if I do need help! :)

It will happen. Don't force it, just focus on getting your heart and emotions back under control. Don't look for the next guy, don't look back at the last guy... just look at each moment and live each one the best you can.

That's the only way to live.

Actually it is funny, I went on a date last night and that was refreshing. I made one mistake... we had a brief discussion about my ex and he had a discussion about his. Ugh, and I mentioned him again today via text. I got to do better. You are right that I need to NOT LOOK BACK AT HIM. I certainly don't need to bring him into my new dating experiences. It is hard because I compare him to others often.

I think the guy is acting like a jerk.. sorry babe... if you read my situation, you would see I understand how you feel... but you need to know that he also still loves you and ACTS like it... not replying messages and saying "chill" are not good signs... move on, and come to dubai and party with me! :)

By the way... ur inbox is too full, can't send messages

I need something for sure. This is just not working for me. I moved back to this city in hopes that my romantic life would pickup where it left off ( and to finish my last semester). I love this city but I am not having as much fun as I thought. Sigh...

Read all the posts and most here are correct that he's just not that into you. It's not rejection so don't take it that way; it's just that you two aren't meant for each other... you can find someone much better anyway that will treat you as a lady should be treated. Wait for it... it'll be there when you least expect it... and don't take his call in 2 weeks when he's lonely or you're lonely and he wants a booty call... be done with him for good or your just cycle this thing all over again.

Good! So call your friends and hang out with them, turn off that radio if those love songs make you cry, listen to talk radio for a few weeks;... course that'll make you cry too.. jk.
Don't date for awhile either; just be you, learn who you are... make a list of what you'd like in a guy: funny, smart, caring, employed, etc. and make a list of that which you won't tolerate: abusive, alcoholic, not employed, not reliable, etc...
I'd say give yourself a grieving day but you've already been there w/that... a few times.
Your in your last semester I see; bury yourself in school and maintain a low profile for awhile; read, watch TV, go out w/friends but alcohol will bring on the drunk dialing thing; don't do that... seriously don't do that; give your cell to your friends so you're not tempted. I'm not going to say he may come back to you because YOU should not want him... you're smart, pretty, and soon to be a graduate so just move on down the road to a better person and place.

AmExp
Jenny has given you some good advise there , now it's up to you to do it for yourself and stop being stuck in this rut.

Start going down the NC Highway

I would have to agree with you as well. I do need to do that for sure. Thanks guys. :)

UPDATE!!

He called me Saturday asking, "If I was gong to behave better?"... I couldn't shake it and we talked and I apologized. We ended up spending the whole weekend together and for the most part had a good time. Was this bad? I know you all told me to move on but I was SHOCKED when I saw his number on my cell phone ID. HELP!

You should never let anyone make you feel worthless and don't allow any garbage!. you should never feel like you should apologise for every time you reveal your true feelings. The best thing for you is to move on and to find someone who wants to be with you and who will treat you with the respect and attention you deserve.

It seems like when you take a step forward you then take two steps backwards. Given the history with this guy deep down did you think it was the right thing? What happens the next time you call and he don't answer or you see him with another girl?

I think you should move on and don't look back. If he calls don't answer your not obligate too. Close this chapter of your life and add a new one.

Oh hon... I thought you were committed to moving on! That you were done with him, that he was out of your life for good, and that you were moving on!

Don't let him be your drug. The best way to quit is cold turkey, no looking back... the withdrawals suck, but everyone has to go through them.

Hopefully, you didn't set yourself up for another painful withdrawal...

"If I was gong to behave better?"...
You are on your way to being a well trained puppy, and a willing slave to your master, who you put above yourself.

A healthy well adjusted person would have been mad, not happy, and wagging their tail.

If that's what you want, I'm glad you got it, but you could have saved all the drama, and BS, by kissing his butt in the first place, since that's all he wanted.

I just realize something, in the past I have dated guys and after the break-up I let them back in my space because I felt lonely and realize after the person left what I did was wrong and didn't help the situation but it only made it worst. Don't let him in your life because you might feel lonely or because you want someone , don't sell yourself short.

I KNOW! I fell off! I got lonely and he called. Here is the kicker, I know I am not completely over him because I had a planned date with a guy for almost a week and I basically told my date a lie ( my parents surprised me and came into town) to accommodate my ex-who by the way ended up leaving 30 minutes after the scheduled time of my date ( I cannot be too mad because he spent Saturday and most of Sunday with me). I ended up going on the date with the guy and it was fun!!

You've just proved to yourself that there are other guys out there and ones who will possibly be a lot more supportive and appreciative of you and your time! Seriously, you deserve more than what your ex is providing!. Find someone better and who loves you and the time he spends with you!! Allow yourself to be spoiled!! Don't ever accept second best!

I THINK YOU ARE RIGHT! Please view my new post "When does a woman pay". I would like to know your opinion on my new dating situation. Thanks!

No he is not interested anymore? Why insisit?

It sounds like you both want different things... If you want a relationship you need to spell it out to him and wait for a response... No point hanging on to something that's not there, if you are meant to be fate will bring you 2getha again :)

no he is not interested anymore?? why insisit?

I don't understand what you mean by this? If he was not interested then why was he calling me and asking to hang out? I obviously provided him something that he needs.

Darlin', you have another guy - a successful, older man - who is interested in you. He sees your good points, your maturity, your sweetness... WHY do you choose to go back to this ex that took your money, treated you bad, and is making you feel worthless?

Do you see yourself as successful, mature, sweet, able to conquer the world? Or, do you have a low opinion of yourself? This could be the crux of the whole matter...

[QUOTE=AmExp;1320826]I don't understand what you mean by this? If he was not interested then why was he calling me and asking to hang out?

All beause he called you and wants to hang out with you doesn't mean he is interested in you and given his history I wouldn't even entertain him. Let him be someone else problem.

I obviously provided him something that he needs.

That's it, stop provided his needs. You have needs that need to be fulfilled. Don't put his needs before yours because he isn't doing the same for you and he only cares about his. You don't have to provide him with nothing any more, you did enough for him in past. Get out of this web.

You meant someone new. Have fun and get to know him while he's doing the same for you. You deserve to be happy and to be treated right.

Darlin', you have another guy - a successful, older man - who is interested in you. He sees your good points, your maturity, your sweetness.... WHY do you choose to go back to this ex that took your money, treated you bad, and is making you feel worthless??

Do you see yourself as successful, mature, sweet, able to conquer the world? Or, do you have a low opinion of yourself? This could be the crux of the whole matter....

I have a feeling this one gives off the bad boy vibe, the whole player attitude, and maybe she's drawn to it.

AmExp;1320826, I don't understand what you mean by this? If he was not interested then why was he calling me and asking to hang out?
Maybe its not the type of interest you think.

I obviously provided him something that he needs.
Or wants, at his own price, not yours.

Hey, that's what a playa do, when they checkin' their traps!! :cool:

I think I am entangled in his little web. I am not interested in trying to rekindle a relationship with him either. I just got excited that he even called me the next day after all I said and what he told me. I do want better for myself, but I am so used to guys being mean to me. In fact, most of the guys I have dated ( with an exception of a few when I was 18) have always treated me in a mean way. I get very nervous when a guy is genuinely nice to me. While this new guy is treating me well I feel like there is something about him that I have yet to see. I am just waiting for him to flip the script on me. I wouldn't be surprised if he did.

On the other hand, my best friend has a major issue with me dating a 36 year old man. She feels as though he has baggage and I am settling again. In her opinion, she thinks I am caught up in his nice gestures, which any normal guy would do, but there is something wrong with the picture. Is this true?

What type of bagage is your friend referring to?

The fact that he is 36, divorced, and two young children. Apparently that is his baggage. She knows that he is enjoying having a younger woman interested in him, but she feels as though he has some type of agenda. I don't see this as some type of sugar daddy situation at all.