My husband and I have been married for 12 years now going on 13 and have been living together since day one. We like each other's company and share the same interests and often laugh together but when it comes to sex... that's here the problem starts.

I like little adventure in bed and like to know what my husband likes. When I perform oral sex on him he just stands there like telephone pole (with no emotions). I've asked him if he like my oral sex. He said "yes, yes, very nice" Then he ges down on me and does nice oral sex on me and I have an orgasm. Then when it comes to intercourse and either I am on top or if he's on top he keeps his eyes closed the whole time!

Latly we just stopped being intimate totally. Earlier in our marrige when it came to sex time it was always after midnight or even at 1-2 a.m. I do clean the house and get very tired at the end of the day so a few times when he wanted to have sex I have told him "I was very tired" but we did manage to have sex 1-2 a week. Then we had a child together and we started having sex less and less like last time I had sex with my husband was 2 months ago and it was once a month.

A few days ago our child stayed with our relatives and I decided that it was time for "us alone time" so I initiated sex and he was like all excited about it. When we got into a bedroom after he touched me down there, I've noticed his penis was limp - he had no erraction. I performed oral sex on him and while I was doing it his penis was going into limb mode more and more and my husband was standing there like a telephone pole with no emotions. Then he did oral sex on me and I had an orgams. After that I wanted to be on top of him but his penis went limb again and could not do penetration and my husband was just laying on his back with his eyes closed and I was doing all the work lol.
Then he got on top of me, finally his penis got an erraction again and we were having sex and he kept his eye closed again (like he was thinking of someone else). After a few minutes he said he can't ejaculate because he's destructed by our dog at the door. And I was just laying on my back waiting for it to be over.

After our sex, my husband went to take a shower (the shower lasted like 30+ minutes) then he came out wearing a robe. In that robe I saw that he was erracted. After he took off his robe and went to bed. I got up and took his robe into the bathroom and I found semen on that robe (white body fluid when men ejaculate). So what it means, he could not ejaculate during our sex and his penis was limb 70% of the time during sex, but in shower he masturbated just fine.

Also a few days ago while cleaning up files on our home computer I found tons for porn dvds on home computer (hidden in his private folder) like 300 of porn videos. I am in shock and upset at the same tme.

My sex life sucks. My best friend tells me I need a lover on a side but where do you get one? They don't sell them in stores per sey. And I am afraid of having a lover anyway, my husband is crazy jealous and if he'd found out, he might do some crazy things.

And my husband is NOT taking any medications.
Any advice would be appreicated.
Thanks for reading.

"My sex life sucks. My best friend tells me I need a lover on a side but where do you get one? They don't sell them in stores per sey. And I am afraid of having a lover anyway, my husband is crazy jealous and if he'd found out, he might do some crazy things."

First off, is a lover what you really need or want?
Secondly, confront him about it. Maybe offer to watch some with him next time you have alone time.
Thirdly, after confronting him if he just gets angry or denies it or anything, suggest a sex therapist for the two of you.

And on the other note, for the whole lover route should you choose to take it that way, if you're a cougar *older woman on the prowl* you should have no problems at the local bar/pub/club scene. You just have to keep it discrete.

Your husband has fallen into the porn trap. He is now addicted. And it is an addiction just like drugs or anything else that becomes out of control. Personal feeling aside he needs help to break this addiction or it will ruin your relationship.