Hey All,

I really need some advice from you guys. This is not the usual "girlfriend or boyfriend needs a break... what should I do type of question... My girlfriend(26) has been struggling with Alcohol very badly since we've been together for the past 4 years. She received a DUI back in April, and has violated probation three times already and has not even seen the judge on the FIRST VIOLATION yet which is scheduled for October 14, 2008. We've been getting into many arugments and fights over the past 4 years, and lately she has been drinking heavily. She did have in intervention where she got VERY WAISTED last week, and told her family that she was depressed because of her job, and that every time we get into an argument I always leave... in which if liquor is involved I do.

Well, I saw her this past Monday, and went to AA with her. On this past Wednesday morning she sent me a text stating that she needed some time to work on herself, and cannot be 100% committed to this relationship, and that it would be fair to me because she is not happy with herself right now, and that in order to be happy in the relationship, she needs to first be happy with herself She stated that she needed to work on her Spirituality & 100% Sobriety by going to AA everyday. Then she said when she calls me in the future, please do not ignore her or treat her like dirt.



Now I've been reading all these posts about the classic: its not you, its me. Meaning they are talking to someone else... but that should NOT always been ruled out to be true. Please let me know your thoughts I would really appreciate it

Then she said when she calls me in the future, please do not ignore her or treat her like dirt.


By all means give her the time and space to recover, and she is right, she needs to put everything into that recovery.

Should you wait around until she does recover? Absolutely not, as recovery is a long process, and you never know where that person will end up, or in what state of mind, or how they will feel about themselves, or their lives.

The fact is most recovering people don't do well in relationships, and they need at least a year of sobriety to even be considering it, as that's what I recommend as a sponsor.

You can learn through Al-Anon, what she is going through, and support her as a friend, but putting your life on hold. NO!!

Thank you, I appreciate that because I didn't know. I thought it the back of my mind she was just saying that to have an easy way to end the relationship. She does have a sponsor. I didn't know a sponsor would have you end a long term relationship that you're already in, but I guess so

I thought it the back of my mind she was just saying that to have an easy way to end the relationship.

Or save you pain. The advice is to not start a relationship.

A marriage is totally different, and you both would have to agree to help each other, as there are many things for you to learn, and understand.

How long have you been together, and are there children??

Give her this chance to avoid jails, institutions, or death.

No superheroes or martyrs here. Let her do her thing and you get on with your life. Honor her wishes and if she does contact you in the future, be kind.

Also, be honest. If you're in another relationship by then, you'll just tell her that, right?

Or save you pain. The advice is to not start a relationship.

A marriage is totally different, and you both would have to agree to help each other, as there are many things for you to learn, and understand.

How long have you been together, and are there children????

Give her this chance to avoid jails, institutions, or death.


We're not married, we've been together for 4 years, and have no children

Anything a person puts before their sobriety, they will lose.