Hi, my problem would probably be better understood by someone familiar with the indian culture. But any help would be appreciated
I am from India. And the thing is I am at the age where I'm expected to get married. My parents have given me the freedom to choose. But owing to outside family pressures I can feel and see that my parents are worried and frustrated that I haven't found someone yet. And the pressure is not just ot find someoen but find someone well settled.
Recently I met up with a friend of mine, someone I'm OK with not too fond of as a friend and not too comfortable with. She suggested I meet her bro whose down for a few days from the US. I did meet him over 2 days and for the first meet I did like him. And he was crazy about me. He met all 'criteria', was well settled. And I thot I found what I was looking for. I let my parents know (since my mom was going out of country for a year) and lets say marriage is in the cards for next year. Everything looked rosy and perfect.
But problem now is, I have been talking to him almost everyday and as days pass I find it harder to talk to him. I don't know if its because he's far away and we only talk on phone, me being a person of few words who prefers doing things with people to know them rather than talk. Or its just that I'm feeling I don't connect with him. He's a great guy, or at least seems like it and he seems crazy about me. I don't know how to explain it. I want him to talk about things in general and I want him to loosen up and get real. He tends to speak only of feelings, and keeps identifying thingswith some Godly phrase. Don't get me wrong, I am a spiritual person with a strong faith in God but I find it tiresome to contantly talk of things only in terms of God plans and am finding it hard to relate to him.Besides this, I met his family... and I don't know, I found them to be a bit too negative and again, that feeling that they are not genuine. Again, I started worrying what if he is like his family.
As days pass I feel more and more uncomfortable and wonder if I was hasty and just agreed to it because of the pressure or is it just because I am not meeting him in person that why the discomfort. And what's worse is there is no backing out now. Family and friends know about it.I can see and feel how relieved my parents are. He is crazy about me, his family seem to really love me. Backing out now could hurt a lot of people, not to mention the embarrassment for me and my parents.Also, what if I don't find someone if I back out of this?
I don't know what to do. He has been saying he's in love with me and I just don't feel the same. I did speak to him and tell him I need to take things slow. And he's fine with it though he didn't seem toohappy about it. I was so stressed at a point that I told him I needed some space and I haven't spoken to him for quite a bit now. I thought I would think about what's bothering me and I can't put my finger on it. He's being patient but I don't know what to do.I just wished he was easy to talk to. Or maybe he needs time too to get comfortable? I just don't know what to think and am afraid. I always dreamed of someone I could talk freely with. I am by nature someone who take time with everything, but you know there are people who I feel at ease with within a few conversations. It hasn't been that way with him and am wonderign if it's a sign of incompatibility.
I haven't shared this with anyone because everyone is just so happy for me I cantget myself to tell anyone that I am having second thoughts.
There are so many thoughts in my head, sometimes I feel am just panicking at the thought of marriage and it will all be fine. And sometimes I feel that I just made a mistake.
Please help me clear my thoughts. The cons are outweighing the pros at the moment.
So sorry for the long mail

When the cons outweigh the pros, you change your path. Just because your started this process doesn't mean you're doomed.

Your parents have given you the freedom to choose. Exercise that freedom, and choose to stop this train before it crashes all over your life.

Do it now. Tell him first, make him understand. Then tell your family.

Have you tried telling him about the things that bother you. I don't understand a lot about the Indian culture (other than a brother in law). But you should tell him how you feel. All the things that go unspoken will just built up until you have totally had it.
Do you care for him? If he cares for you then he will listen to you.

Don't setal hold out for the person that is right for you your family gave you choice use it