I am in a relationship, six months now. My ex fiancé and I broke up shortly before I got with the new guy. Now for five months I am great then all of a sudden like a damn hammer beat me in the head I can't get my ex out of my head. I listen to a cd I made of songs that make me think about my ex fiancé and I have to catch myself sometimes before I say the exs name when talking to the current. Just today I was talking with a friend about me and my current and instead of saying Jon I said the ex, Eric.
I am completely losing it. I have tried to talk to Eric but he has found a new girl and the friendship we had even after we split has come to a screeching hault the past few weeks. Since he met this stupid girl he has treated me as if we never happened and the two years we spent engaged meant nothing or even existed.
I am happy with Jon. He makes me feel safe beautiful special all of those wonderful amazing things. Eric and I ended because the spark died. I was in the relationship alone essentially. I put in all the effort and he did nothing. It was like that for a long time before I left. I don't understand why I am feeling how I feel. How do I get over Eric so that I can continue with Jon. And don't suggest talking to Eric, he doesn't return calls, text, email, or instant messages anymore.

Well it appears what you did was have a rebound relationship, something to try and erase the pain of losing your ex and now it's seeping into your life. Sad to say but only time will let things settle down, but must be alone. You keep trying to hold onto the past, it can't be done. If Eric does not wish to speak with you, stop trying.

I think that there is a direct link between these feelings 'suddenly' coming back and the fact that he has started moving on with his life. Think about it, you were fine and felt you were over him when you were friends but now that he has someone new in his life and you no longer feel as important to him as before, you suddenly revive old feelings. I think this is a classic case of wanting what you can no longer have. I don't mean to judge you, I just think that if you realise this, you will see that those feelings are not based on anything true and fundamental, they are simply a result of you feelings like you are lacking his attention and it's starting to revolve around a challenge. Nothing good can come out of this, you are in essence relapsing. Accept these feelings for what they are, appreciate what you have now with your current partner and do the necessary work to manage these emotions because they will not simply go away on their own; i.e. stop listening to music that reminds you of him, stop contacting him etc.

I would remind you that it's not Eric that is leaping to mind. Eric is a semi-stranger who has another girlfriend and isn't in your life at all.

What is leaping to mind is a memory with Eric's name on it. An image of a time long gone. Also, these memories are absolutely fine, even beneficial, unless you misplace the purpose of the memories.

Any fantasy, especially one based on facts from your memory, can be vivid. And vivid fantasies can be invigorating, can't they? They're supposed to be, that's what fantasies are for.

But the moment you turn a fantasy into a considered "possibility" like you're doing now, an impossible emotional paradox results. There is no solution. The more you think about it that way, the more your current wonderful life seems pale and pointless. The more you try to shake the thoughts, the stronger they become.

Bad, huh?

So, when the water is flowing this strongly, best to swim WITH the current. These memories are fine to have. Enjoy them, ponder them, discuss them with your man (now that's a healthy relationship). You don't bother trying to squelch them, they can't be squelched.

The only thing you do differently is dismiss the idea that there is any REALITY to these memories. There isn't. Enjoy the movie in your head, don't be tricked into thinking you're viewing truth or possibility, you're viewing mental cinema.

Then laugh with your man about it, and keep the color in your real life and your real relationship.

How do I get over Eric so that I can continue with Jon.
Leave him alone, and never contact him again.

And don't suggest talking to Eric, he doesn't return calls, text, email, or instant messages anymore.
Thats exactly what you need to do. Stop contacting him.

Sorry, but your the one letting the past, distract you from the reality of the present, and the possibilities of the future.

Thats the problem with jumping into a relationship before your ready. You can't give it your whole attention, because your PO'd at the ex for moving on and leaving you alone. Stop torturing YOURSELF!

I am kind of in your boat. Except I broke up with my ex because he was not good for me.. the feelings were still pretty much there..

So my ex and I dated for almost 1 1/2 years and it took 4 times for me to stick to the break up (he kept begging for me to take him back)

Once I realized it wasn't right I jumped into a relationship, still am, but I find myself regretting that I didn't take this time to relax and enjoy the single life..

I think you and I were afraid of the loneliness and that's why we jumped to the other guy so fast..

I two have my ex's face pop in my head when least expected, and I two almost accidentally call Joel by my exes name.

I haven't quite figured out everything but I wanted you to know that you're not alone, I understand what you're going through.

Just keep truckin forward and stop contact completely with your ex and if you feel like your new relationship isn't going anywhere, it's best to end it and let your healing begin.. good luck

Every time we break up with someone because they don't pay us enough attention, we are also making one last vainglorious attempt to get their attention - whether we admit it or not.

You are now dealing with the reality of the breakup and the fact that he has moved on. That does not mean your current relationship won't make it. It just means you now realize it's over with your ex.

Tough decision. Deal with it while in your relationship or take a break. I'd start by staying for now and just creating time and activities for yourself withiin it. And then looking at what you love about the new guy when you are together. In time your ex will fade more and more...

If you have anxiety in a couple months then... I would take a little time off perhaps... Be fair about it and make it clear you are not going off to date anyone but just want to focus on a couple things.

I guess I live life by a motto you can't hold on to something you don't own. I don't believe in marriage, so that makes me kind of a pessamist on the whole matter of dating, but there are other ways to word it... Why try to give mouth to mouth to a clearly dead entity, If they are over it you should get there, and sometimes letting go is easier than holding on...