My ex and I were together for about almost two years and were each other's first loves. We were extremely happy and loving and spent every minute together until he started to drift and wanted his "space" he started to lie about where he was and flaked out on me countless times. He ended up breaking up with me because I became possesive because I felt him drifting and iddnt want to lose him.. big mistake. But after we broke up I found out he cheated on me for three months straight.. from February 08 to the end of our relationship in April 08.

The reason why he cheated on me is extremely bizzarre and its hard to believe but its 100% true. His cousin was lesbian and liked her best friend(who liked guys more) that she kissed. His cousin asked my ex to please pretend to date her best friend so that her best friend wouldn't meet a guy and leave her for him. So my ex is a push over and agreed to help.. it was supposed to be innocent but he kissed her throughout the entire three months. But nothing more... I became friends with the girl and we three-wayed and he told both of us she was nothing to him.. he had no feelings for her; he was just helping his cousin.

After we broke up I did the terroizing and calling and begging and all that stuff I'm not supposed to.. but after a week I stopped and didn't talk to him for about three weeks? I met a new guy he was great! Treated me well but I thought it was way too soon to date.. but of course when my ex found out I had a new guy he came back and wanted to be "best friends" I ended up leaving the new guy and running back to my ex.. we dated on and off until the end of July.. that's where he met a new girl

He told me he didn't want things AGAIN. So I stopped talking to him for about ONE WEEK and found out he was dating her.. its funny beause I think I made them want to date each other because I was trying to keep them apart.. big mistake on my half I feel so dumb.

So now they have been together for two months.. and once again he is back in my life and doesn't want to lose me as a FRIEND because "i mean alot to him and made him who he is today"

This past week we hung out and not to my surprise, we got intimate. He cheated on his new girlfriend with me.. but then two days later he told me he regret it and begged me not to tell her because he really cares about her.. I asked him why is it that you tell me you love me and miss me and care for me so much, more than her but you still chose to stay with her instead of coming back to me? He tells me "i know that if we get back together things would be perfect and we'd be happy but i want to try something new.. and why should i end things with her if she hasn't done anything to me that i should end things with her"

I don't know what to do. I don't think me or him could ever get over each other.. should I just stay friends with him and hope that one day we'll get back together? I really don't want to hear answers that hurt.. but I know there will be plenty. Just help with answers that could help me get him back! I love him! And I care about him so much.

Why would you keep your life on hold for someone who lies and cheats on you? He is keeping you close as his back up for when/if things don't work out with his GF , and he knows he can because your allowing it.

Sorry I know it hurts but you really need to let go of this guy and start afresh or you'll be stuck in this situation for as long as he wants.

There is some real good reading on this site so browse around and you'll realise there are so many more out there in your situation or very similar. Then just come on and vent whenever your feeling down.

I really wish you luck!

Well, I know that you said you don't want answers that will hurt, but unless you get them, you will be in the very same place that you are now, and that won't help you in the least.

This guy is only telling you things that he knows you want to hear, when he is with you. I could see in the unwritten words from the very start of your question. Why do you want to settle for someone who does not respect you as a person, let alone his girlfriend.

He has proven his disrespect towards you, and you are rolling over for it, and he knows it! He knows that whatever he does, that if he just says a half-hearted "sorry"... and a 'fingers crossed behind his back'... I love you, that you will melt like butter in his hands. You are giving him that control and more.

There is nothing more unattractive than a girl that doesn't have enough respect for herself, than to demand that respect, and not stand for anything less.

This is NOT love, this is obsession and infatuation. Love requires honestyand respect on BOTH parts, and that is NOT what you have in this so called 'relationship'!

What kind of "MAN" with any kind of morality or respect would play games like he did to "help" his cousin. That's a child's game! It's not something a man with any moral character would agree to play.

It will hurt you, and we've all been hurt. You are free to challenge me on that one, but believe me, the hurt will be much less if you walk away NOW! Otherwise, be prepared to be hurt 10 times as bad, after you've wasted more of your life going after this guy and trying to get him back.

There is some growing up to do on both sides here! I know you are going to be pissed as hell at me, because I told you things you really didn't want to hear, but it's life honey, and you NEED to go through some hurt in order to know what and what NOT to do in your future relationships.

I am sorry that was so harsh, but I wish someone would have told me these things when I was younger. Demand respect for yourself, and don't accept anything less!

Good Luck, and I'm sorry you're hurting.

Actually deep down what you guys are telling me I already know myself but I'm in denial. Its just that I really hope to have him back because I do love him.. I've tried the no contact thing but that doesn't really work because we just end up back in the same place as "just friends" when we still get intimate and love each other and yadadyaydayd but he won't leave his new girlfriend for me.. I hate this. I wish I was stronger to stop and stay away!

I think to have that possibility, you first have to let go of that thought, that possibility... live your life move on, and then one day if it's meant to be it will work out. But you can't hope for it. You have to move on.

actually deep down what you guys are telling me i already know myself but i'm in denial. its just that i really hope to have him back because i do love him.. ive tried the no contact thing but that doesnt really work because we just end up back in the same place as "just friends" when we still get intimate and love each other and yadadyaydayd but he wont leave his new girlfriend for me.. i hate this. i wish i was stronger to stop and stay away!

What you are not understanding, is that HE doesn't love YOU! He is using you, he is using his girlfriend, and as long as you will let him, he will do it! People do what works for them, and you my dear are "the other woman". Of course he won't leave his girlfriend! He has his cake and he's eating it too. He knows that if he comes running to you, he will get laid, and then he can run back to his girlfriend for a little more action. Do you not have anymore respect for yourself? What is there to love about this guy? I think you are in love with the fantasy of the guy you wish he would be. Well he's not that guy! He's a liar, he's a cheater, and quite obviously is not to be counted on, or trusted!

Even if you DID get him back, do you actually think he would not be running to the ex, or some other girl, and then playing her too? I would bet everything I had in the bank that is exactly what he would do! How much of your life are you willing to waste on this guy? You will be in for a lifetime of sorrow if you keep on playing right into his hands. Run, don't walk away, as in yesterday! Trust me, this isn't my first rodeo girl, and I can see exactly what is going on here. Again, I'm sorry to be so harsh, just trying to tell you exactly what will happen if you let this continue. Believe me, you WILL find someone else, but learn to love and respect yourself first.

I know it hurts, but do it for you! Good Luck!

In order to get over you must leave him alone completely. You can't be friends with him so why try. Let him be someone else problem and not yours. Close this chapter of your life for good and don't revisit it. He made a fool of you too many times and you deserve better. Start telling yourself that and believe in those words. For that reason alone you shouldn't want him back. You deserve something permanent not temporarily in your life. Life can go on without him otherwise this yo-yo affect will continue and you will lose out on a lot of great guys.

It's true. My ex called me today and we talked for about an hour and during our conversation the question of "will we ever date or be together again?" and all he could say was "i dont want to say anything because i don't know what i'd want in the future and if i say one thing but do another in the future i dont want you to use my words against me" I don't like this one bit. It gives me false hope but then again makes him seem like he isn't the bad guy.

Oh and does "the magic of making up" really work!

Once again. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but that very very rarely happens, except in the movies. I wouldn't give that much of a chance at all, sorry to say. I think that in a few yrs. if he has totally changed, and can prove it, there might be a slight chance of having that magical thing happen, but that is like putting all of your money on one bet in Vegas.

It was good that he didn't make you any promises, to give you false hope. But I've heard that line so many times from guys that just want to take the easy way out, and still seem like the nice guy. It's pretty much the same as the old, "I just need my space", or "It isn't you, it's me!"

There really isn't anything that you can do to get him back. I'm sorry. :( But, if it's even a SLIGHT possibility that you can "get him back", the best way to go about that, is to show him that you don't need him, and go out and do things to better yourself, date other people, and show him that you DEMAND respect from him and everyone else.

You don't have to go on 'serious' dates for now, just casual ones, and put yourself out there. Don't call him, don't text him. Don't answer his calls or texts. Take him off Myspace, Facebook, MSN, whatever you have. Don't go to places you know he hangs out at. Don't try and get info from his or your friends. A friendship at this point will NOT work. You will only get your hopes up!

It's hard hard hard... it's torture!. and boy do I know it! But if you want to hang onto your dignity and pride, that is what you need to do for yourself!

He has made up his mind, so cry your eyes out, scream at the top of your lungs, talk to us here, talk to your friends and/or family, but whatever you do, don't contact him. I'll let out a big scream for you too if you want. I'm about due for a good scream anyway! :)

Had to spread the rep starby , but I agree with you 100%

I have been there before and it is not worth it in the long run. All you can do is think about if that person is cheating on you or if they still care about you and that is NO WAY TO LIVE. Your self-esteem diminishes and it gets worse. It sounds like he doesn't know what he wants... except to use you at his disposal. RUN! I should probably be doing the same.

Before I start blabbing on I want to thank you starbuck8 for answering my question and helping me with my sticky situation :)

Hmm I was thinking about the "no contact" and "making him miss me" stage and I already when through that with him I think! That's how we got to the "just friends" stage. Because before this about two months ago? He wanted NOTHING to do with me. He would ignore my calls or answer and tell me to "just leave him alone" and I DID for two long months! And that's when he came back and said "lets be close friends.. i can't stand not having you in my life.. if i could, i would trade our two year relationship for a lifetime friendship" sounded kind of like bull but that's what also kind of kept me by his side. I did some research on my spare time and it said that if I stay friends with my ex, even though he has a new girlfriend, it gives me more of a chance to get him back because I can show him or remind him how great we got along and how great of a girl I was. And I know if I went back to ignoring him and allla that stuff we'd end back here being friends again. Because he was my best friend and we both missed having each other there to talk about EVERYTHING. He doesn't have any other friend that he can talk about things with like the things he tells me. And its true, his friends don't really know him like I do.. no one does. And they all know it.

Butt if you honestly think that I should go back to ignoring him, I can. Its not hard I've done it before I just don't think that it would make things better. I think staying friends is actually giving me more of a chance and it keeps me sane. I'm not so obbsessive with him as I was before! I don't lurk on his page even though he was the one to add me back as a friend. And I never ask around about him and I actually asked my friends never to tell me anything they hear about him and his new girl. And when me and him hang out he never talks about her unless he needs my advice and I'm always there to give him positive advice.. I never talk down on her! So I don't know! Im a lost stubborn girl.

Been there and done that. Played that obsessive crazy g/f and also left him alone as well. If you were good him, deep down inside he knows it. Especially when you do not contact him and just leave him alone.

amexp you think that I should really just stop contacting him?

It hurts so much to do it but YES, leave him alone! Let him come to you! What he is doing is messing with your mind and emotions. It is not healthy nor is it fair. All you are doing is feeding into his ego and he is loving EVERY minute of it. Eventually you just become a pest and soon enough his number will change and that is the worst feeling ever. Why keep up with him? Because you "love him"? Because you will "miss him"? WHY?

He is coming to me! He calls me to hang out and calls just to talk! He's being really nice &not to get in my pants. To actually keep our friendship going. And he's not going to cut me out because he's the one that is scared to lose me as a friend as of right now. He tells me he loves me and misses me!

Ok well it seems like those are games and that right now you have what he wants but hey, do what you feel is right. It just doesn't SOUND like this is going to get anywhere. However, you have to ultimately decide what is best for you. If you miss the guy and think it could work then do as you wish.

Been there and done that. Played that obsessive crazy g/f and also left him alone as well. If you were good him, deep down inside he knows it. Especially when you do not contact him and just leave him alone.

AGREED. And yes, you really should stop contacting him! It will be hard, but it is a phase of life and of love. We have all been through it. It sucks, the thought of that person not being in your life, but it's reality. Keep yourself busy. You deserve better, and I PROMISE you, you will find better.

he is coming to me! he calls me to hang out and calls just to talk! hes being really nice &not to get in my pants. to actually keep our friendship going. and hes not going to cut me out because hes the one that is scared to lose me as a friend as of right now. he tells me he loves me and misses me!

Be strong hun. Move on. I didn't read your whole post but if he cheated out on, is into another girl etc etc, it's not worth it. He is messing with you, because you are making yourself vulnerable to it. Don't be such an open door. Of course he is coming back because he knows you are there. The moment you are not there, he will start to get some sense in him. Don't contact him, don't anser calls messages IM's nothing. It will make you a stronger lady in the long run.

he is coming to me! he calls me to hang out and calls just to talk! hes being really nice &not to get in my pants. to actually keep our friendship going. and hes not going to cut me out because hes the one that is scared to lose me as a friend as of right now. he tells me he loves me and misses me!

Of course he is coming to you. Why wouldn't he? I understand the friend thing, but you are being there for him, and he is not being there for you. He is being SELFISH, and using you in whatever capacity he can. He IS NOT considering your feelings. He talks to YOU about HIS new g/f and asking for your shoulder? Are you kidding me? That is about as disrespectful as you can get! :rolleyes: He has a lot of nerve! And then to tell you that he "loves you"... and "misses you"?. and then goes back home to his girlfriend? Whether it's getting into your pants or not (which you've already said has happened), he doesn't deserve that privilege of being your friend! Friends don't do things like that to friends!! That is NOT a friend! Again, he is USING you for his own very selfish and egomanical reasons, and does NOT care about how YOU feel, or if it hurts you.

LET him BE scared to lose you as a "friend"!! It is not your responsibility to placate him, stroke his ego and help him with his problems. That should be the role of the girlfriend, and not an ex. He caused his problems all on his own, and you NEED to let him solve them all on HIS own! He WILL hurt you again if you keep on being his "friend with benefits" Even the talks on the phone are just a part of a plan to keep you on the backburner "just in case!" He knows that if things don't work out with him and his "latest" girl, that he can call you crying, and you will come running. Trust me... he KNOWS that, and that is how he is setting it up.

Do you really want to be the one that he comes running back to as SECOND best, and then if you were to get back together, always wondering what he is up to when he doesn't answer YOUR calls? He has lied and cheated before! Previous behaviour is the best predictor of future behaviour hon. He is just not going to wake up next month and have an epiphamy, and say... WOW... I am going to be faithful to my ex, and never lie or cheat again in my life, because she has stuck around as my friend with benefits, while I was cheating on my g/f. There are just so many RED FLAGS that are waving in your face here honey, and you need to take those warning signs and tell him that you can no longer be his "friend", because you aren't willing to disrespect yourself in that way. Let him know that there will be no further contact, not even on a friendship basis, wish him well, and tell him you are moving on to bigger and better things.

I saw your pic, and you are too beautiful to settle for someone that treats you like that. Please don't let this one guy define you. Define yourself! I'm saying this to try and spare you from all of the hurt that I went through. I know guys like this backwards and forwards, trust me I do. I learned the hard way! Believe me, I loved my guy too! Don't let that be YOU!

Although majority of people get their wives back quickly, however if you fail to get back your wife back, you will probably need to know in more details about the psychology of girls and will have to apply other technique so that you get your wife back (http://www.ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Get-Wife-Back-Quickly?&id=1508650) quickly.
Try Magic of Making up (http://http://www.ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Get-Wife-Back-Quickly?&id=1508650)

oh and does "the magic of making up" really work!?


I bought this ebook when I was dumped, I read it and was really skeptical as to whether it would work on my girlfriend, so I never went through with it. As a girl, you have a natural advantage to win a mans heart I think, so maybe. Since this guy is a cheater though, I wouldn't suggest it.

i really dont want to hear answers that hurt.. but i know there will be plenty. just help with answers that could help me get him back! I love him! And I care about him so much.

NO CAN DO, SORRY!!!! BUT HERE IS MY HONEST OPINION, AND i HOPE IT HELPS, EVEN IF IT HURTS!


Your denial has led you to a very unhealthy place, and if you continue to let yourself be used, you will never heal, move on, or learn to love yourself, and be happy with who you are.

He doesn't love you, and is using your feelings to hump and jump when he feels like cheating on his current g/f, as he cheated on you. That's what he does, and why should he change when, he gets what he wants, and your sad, lonely, and miserable.

Heal and get a man who at least tries to make you happy, as he will not!

Although majority of people get their wives back quickly, however if you fail to get back your wife back, you will probably need to know in more details about the psychology of girls and will have to apply other technique so that you get your wife back (http://www.ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Get-Wife-Back-Quickly?&id=1508650) quickly.
Try Magic of Making up (http://http://www.ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Get-Wife-Back-Quickly?&id=1508650)
He is a she and not a wife, are you on the right thread??

If he cheated on his girlfriend with you, what makes you think he wasn't cheating on you on more than one occasion? Leopards cannot change their spots, no matter how hard they try

Okay okay thanks to all of you for your advice! I know that I have been in denial and very stubborn about this situation but now I guess the only thing that can help me is to cut him out :( but I will. But what I want most out of this is for him to realize how great I've been to him but if its already been six months and he still hasn't realized it than I guess you guys are all right! I need to stop waiting for him and putting my life on pause.. this is going to be hard but I'm going to try my best! And now I'm glad I didn't waste $40 dollars to buy "the magic of making up" hahaha wish me luck ill probably keep this thread updated (: it makes me feel better knowing people support me.

Yep, there are countless of on going threads people post in just to update us and we love to hear about the updates! Don't buy any of those crappy online books about how to get your ex back, if they worked there wouldn't be so many people on this website now would there?

He is a she and not a wife, are you on the right thread????


My thoughts exactly! :rolleyes: I shook my head, and then went to bed thinking, I must have stayed up way too late! :confused:

What would happen if I told his new girlfriend he cheated on her with me?

what would happen if i told his new girlfriend he cheated on her with me?

What are you trying to achieve by doing this ?

Mmm when I found out he cheated on me I was mad that she didn't say something to me(I'm friends with the girl he cheated on me with). I would've wanted to know if I was being cheated on, wouldn't everyone? Should I really just let him have his cake and eat it too?

I just have a feeling your trying to let her know and then maybe she will leave him , and then you would feel you have a chance again.

I would personally leave it and she will find out eventually anyway , why make yourself the bad guy?

Yeah true. And that would probably lower any chance that I could ever have with him -_- dumb idea.

yeah true. -_- dumb idea.

Glad you think so... now move on and stop making him control your emotions.

Okay some bad things have happened since my last post. He told his girlfriend that he cheated on her with me for the past month because he didn't like how much guilt it was giving him and she broke up with him and now he doesn't want me either. This is so pathetic

I think your lucky he doesn't want you. Do you really want to get involved with a cheater. If he cheated on his GF he WILL cheat on you as well.

You really need to get over this guy and find someone that want you and you only and who is going treat you right. You will be pathetic if you keep waiting around for him and allow in your life only at his convience. Stop that!

okay some bad things have happened since my last post. he told his girlfriend that he cheated on her with me for the past month because he didnt like how much guilt it was giving him and she broke up with him and now he doesnt want me either. this is so pathetic

You have noticed what is going on here right? Think about this. HE told HIS girlfriend that HE cheated with YOU, and HE cheated on YOU to begin with. Now HE didn't like how much guilt it was giving HIM! (awwwww) This is a selfish man! He is only worried about how HE feels! This is all about HIM!! He is not worried about you, or the other girl. HE will be moving on to the next. LET HIM! Don't let the door hit him in the a$$ on the way out! He will cheat on his next victim too! You don't want to ride in the "pathetic" boat with him do you? Have more respect for yourself, and find a man that will respect you. Never wait around for a liar and a cheater! You will only end up with a lifetime of hurt.

It just really sucks because now he's telling me he's glad that he told her because he can get rid of me now and he's trying to get her back

I'm sure it sucks , but better you find out now what he's like rather than down the track when you've invested time in him.

I'm sorry that you are hurts, but a guy that would do that wouldn't be worth the gum I scrape off the bottom of my shoe. What a loser! You deserve better. Set your standards higher, and go find someone that will treat you like you deserve to be treated. I know this feels really bad now, but later you will be thanking your lucky stars that you got rid of his nasty A$$.

Haha I guess but I honestly think this was my fault because I was the one to initiate the cheating too. Like asking for kisses and things like that. So maybe if I never brought it up he wouldn't have even cheated on her. I feel guilty.. do you think I should help him get her back? Because I know he really cares about her. He told me from time to time that she was special to him and that they never fought and she made him happy &yes he treated me like but I still feel that if I really care, id do that for him at least since it was partially my fault that he cheated on her.

No, don't do that. You have no reason to feel guilty. HE decided it was all right to cheat with you on her, and with her on you. That was his decision, and even though you were a part of this, let him own his own mistakes. Are you going for a little revenge here? If not, then don't let the other girl go through what you had to go through. If you want to help out, talk the other girl into not having anything to do with him. Then maybe he can get a taste of what he dished out.

I was thinking about doing that but then again I think she would assume that I'm trying to get him back so id be lying and making things up so she won't go back to him.. and I think that if I tried to talk her out of going back to him, it would give her that challenge and make her want to get back with him even more.. she's like that.

I would just leave it alone then. You owe neither of them any favours. Concentrate your energy on something else, and just stay out of it. If she decides to get back together with him, then he's her problem. ;)

I would just leave it alone then. You owe neither of them any favours. Concentrate your energy on something else, and just stay out of it. If she decides to get back together with him, then he's her problem. ;)

Had to spread the rep but this is exactly right!!

Get on with your life! This is not going to go anywhere leave this guy behind in the dust everything that has been said already is pretty much spot on. Get on with it and be done with it if you don't want to be controlled and toyed with.

Also this guy wants nothing to do with you so just respect his wishs and move on.

Its so hard to just stay away from him. I hate this feeling.

Lovelen, I know you are hurting and I know this is hard. I KNOW! We all do. You have got to just focus on yourself and let life take care of the rest. Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up. You can do it... hell if I can I know you can! We are here for you!

its so hard to just stay away from him. i hate this feeling.

Your doing good by hopping out of his back pocket. You have learned some very valuable lessons over the past few months just do not let them disappear in the back of your mind. Honestly I know it's been covered by why would you want to be around someone who dips in the behavior of cheating and lying?

P.S
It takes two to cheat so do not act like you're the only one at fault.

Everyone here does know it's hard, in fact it's one of the hardest things that you will ever have to do the first time around. Your heart does not want to let go of something that you have poured your soul and hard work into for so long. So you feel like absolute crap every time you think of this guy. Then wish how that things could just be back to the way they were, right?

If life were much closer to fantasy this would be a great way of thinking but its not. Statistically speaking almost no couples ever get back together it's around 5%. Also ill throw this in here "Because one thing that happens after a breakup is no self-evaluation is done. You have to figure out why the breakup occured and then figure out what you need to change and make it permanent." Us young people don't do this! At least not the majority.

Think of it like this the longer you stay close to this guy the longer and more painful this feeling will get so don't text him, talk to him through email, phone calls, delete his myspace, Facebook, etc, etc. All your doing is putting yourself through these feelings that will fade with time, but only if you cut him out of your life. If you don't your going to be living a sad pathetic life for as long as you want until you realize the truth. This guy will probably use you for sex and nothing else. He won't respect you on any kind of level and he will just guide you along like a dog on a leash giving you just enough hope to hang on for as long as you let him.

I can already predict what is most likely to happen if I keep waiting because I've been in this stage so many times already.

After he gets back with his girl and feels secure hell start to open back up to me get close to me hang out with me cheat on her with me orr any other girl he meets and the cycle will just continue.

As of now he's saying what he always tells me when we get in a big fight "I don't love you anymore" "ill never come back to you again but maybe if you give me space"? Weird. Mmm what else "it was a mistake to come back to you I regret it" "I'm sorry for leading you on and giving you false hope" allalalalla

Same ol same ol. I just hope I can really resist it when the time comes!

He just wants to keep you on a lead for when he wants you , he knows he can do that because you keep allowing it. Just remember that when he next tries.

I can already predict what is most likely to happen if I keep waiting because I've been in this stage so many times already.

After he gets back with his girl and feels secure hell start to open back up to me get close to me hang out with me cheat on her with me orr any other girl he meets and the cycle will just continue.

As of now he's saying what he always tells me when we get in a big fight "I don't love you anymore" "ill never come back to you again but maybe if you give me space" ?? Weird. Mmm what else "it was a mistake to come back to you I regret it" "I'm sorry for leading you on and giving you false hope" allalalalla

Same ol same ol. I just hope I can really resist it when the time comes!

You CAN and SHOULD resist. This is not like closing your eyes and making a wish when blowing out your birthday candles and hoping they all go out. This is in your control. He can only treat you like a doormat, and spare sex toy if you let him. If you let him back into your life, that is all you will be, and then you are just a glutton for punishment. People do what works for them! No more and no less. This is working for him, so he's not going to stop it... you have to.

Okay I'm trying! This sounds silly but last night was the first night in a whole month that I didn't call or text or try to contact him. And I still haven't right now! I'm hoping I can keep this up.

I don't know what it is that makes me relapse or makes me get extremely anxious and numb.. but I can be okay for a while and then all of a sudden I panic! And when I panic I get numb and anxious and I HAVE to talk to him! And I know I'm supposed to be busy but I have so much spare time and nothing to do! I don't know.. I'm just waiting and getting nervous because I know I'm going to panic soooon

That's when you call a friend, or come here and talk to us. Unfortunately, I have to go right now. I'm taking my computer for servicing, so I probably won't be back until next week, but the others will be around I'm sure. Believe me, I know it's hard. I've been there more than once. The last time was excruciating, but I got through it. Hang in there. :)

You could use a plan that uses that free time wisely, and doing something you enjoy.

Not to be harsh, but I don't buy the excuse to panic, and know its coming.

Then don't let it, by having something ready to do when you feel that way.

Other than that your completely normal, just need some coping skills.

Hi Lovelen,
Too much drama. I know you love him, I believe you. But you know and I know and the other bloggers know that he's using you and is hurting you emotionally.

He knows you'll answer his calls, meet him, email him, text him, etc. etc.

You are not the "other woman", you are not the "girlfriend", you are not a "fling", you are not the "first love". You are a person that he knows he can get sex from. Plain and simple.

He will tell you ANYTHING you want to hear, to get you into bed.

Forget the one-week crap. Try and not talk to him or see him or call him for one full year.

Relationships suck sometimes, and guys can be manipulative if they are only after sex. Drop this dude and run away.

Exert some self-confidence for God's sake! Don't give him the attention he's looking for - he's using it AGAINST you. If he was slapping you in the face physically, would you just stand there, or call him after one-week to come back and continue to slap you in the face? Don't be an enabler. Step up and get away from this loser. Please. For your dignity and pride.

It sucks that he was your first, and that you have SOOOOO much invested emotionally in him.

You really DO have the power though. The power to say no and walk away and not answer when he calls you. You hold ALL of the power. Drop him. You won't BELIEVE how fast he comes running back. And if you're smart, you WON'T take him.

This is a crappy time, and it hurts, but I promise you it WILL get better. It will make you stronger. Please please PLEASE let him go. It's in your best interest.

I am so glad that all of you guys are helping me out and answering my questions and helping me solve my problems! And Bonnie46 I thought about what you said about how he is pretty much slapping me in the face and that id go back to him in a week and forgive him.. I just realized that I actually would've called him back and forgave him if he really did slap me... now I know how bad this is. I've only pictured what he has done to me emotionally but never really translated it to what it could do to be physically and now I know that I am so blind. This time I'm hoping to have no contact with him not with the intentions that he will miss me and come back, but to have him out of my life for good.

I actually still have my computer. It didn't go to get fixed today. I would like to say, unfortunately from first hand experience, for you to think of that physical slap in the face. What he is doing to you is 100 times worse. Ask any woman that has ever been beaten, and I bet you the consensus would be, that they would rather be hit anyday, than have the emotional scars. They are far worse. Bruises and physical injuries will most often heal, it's the emotional ones that are harder to deal with. I'm glad you are realising now what he is doing to your spirit.

Well, I have the same problem. And as of now we are dating.
I hate the feeling when they come back to you when you finally meet somebody else. But if being with him is what makes you happy. Do what you can to get him back without being obsessive and annoying.
:)
That's what I did.

I didn't talk to him for only two days and I already broke the no contact today.. I stupidly texted him and then called him when he didn't answer.. being the jerk he is asked "what. what do you want" and I hear his brother in the background saying "are you serious? youre talking to her?" he told his older everything.. and what is weird is that his brother also knows about how he cheated on my when we were together but he didn't care.. my ex said his brother was happy he cheated on me.. but now his brother is mad that he cheated on his new girl because I'm guessing he didn't like me with my ex... it sucks how my ex somehow turned his family against me when I didn't even do anything wrong..

So stop contacting him . This little episode should show you that all your trying to do is get a little "fix" by contacting him and all it does is backfire and you feel worse.

Keep your dignity Lovelen , he doesn't deserve you and he is demonstrating that.

Love, you should delete his number from your phone, you probably have it memorized but it could really help when you are trying the 'no contact'. If he is such a 'friend' he wouldn't be toying with you and playing on your emotions. This boy (he's no man mind you) is not ready for any relationship, he is just not ready to commit to ANYONE! This is your chance to be single for awhile and to get out there and do things that you enjoy, by yourself or with a close friend. Get in touch with yourself before you go looking for another relationship, you need plenty of time to heal. You deserve a better, more faithful person than this boy.

Its been five days of no contact with the ex and it's actually been a lot easier than I thought! I think that every time I've had to go through no contact, it just gets easier and easier each time. I'm hoping to keep this going for an entire year! Or at least not to be the first one to contact each other.

I don't ever ever ever visit his myspace or blog or anything that has anything to do with him. I've also lost touch with one of my closest girlfriends because her boyfriend is his best friend and its only obvious that she would mention something of him and I would just get sad over it.. so that's also helped me to stop talking and thinking of him.

I know I'm not supposed to give myself false hope, but what is actually getting me through this easy as well is the fact that I keep in my mind that if I keep this up, he will finally sense the way it feels to not have me around for good.. and I want him to have that time because the longest time we've had apart was no more than just a month or so and that's not a lot at all!

There are obvious moments where I ask myself, what am I doing? Should I call or text him? And I realize NO why should I? He pushed me off the cliff when his girlfriend found out and broke it off with him and then spent every waking minute working to get her back without realizing that she wasn't the only one that got hurt. So its just good that I'm having this time to think about things and realizing more and more every day.

I just hope that maybe after a year, if it gets that far, he'll realize SOMETHING is missing.. if not, I'll know it really is done with.

I'm glad that you are feeling a bit better about things. You will still have those moments once in awhile where you will be reminded of him, but just keep those thoughts in your head. Talk to us whenever you are having a bad day and thinking of him. Don't worry about slipping up the last time. It's done. I think you're doing great! :)

EDIT: By "thoughts in you head", I meant the thoughts of how he treated you. Just wanted to clarify that

If you can keep it up for 12 months believe me you won't want him back!

Personally I think you should tell his girlfriend that he cheated on her. Not to be mean to her but wouldn't you want someone to tell you if your boyfriend was cheating on you. That is the most disrespectful thing in the world. If you really care about someone then you don't do that. And if he doesn't have the common sense to realize what he is losing by stying with someone he likes instead of someone he loves than he is an . Everyone deserves someone who loves them with everything they have and when things get hard, got out of there way to make it right. If your ex doesn't think your worth the effort then you need to find someone who does. No one deserves to be treated the way he is treating you or his current girlfriend. Lying and cheating is the cowards way of dealing with life.

It's not her job to tell the other woman. In fact that is a bad idea. The new girl will only think that it's a bitter ex trying to stir up trouble, because she wants to get back at the ex, and it will serve no purpose, and just make her look bad. She needs to leave this alone.

My ex already told her he cheated! That's why he begged her back and now they are happy together ;( ugh its been 11 days that I have been in no contact with him.. I can't believe he chose her.. I realized that I'm depressed..

I texted him today and he didn't answer so my friend called him and he answered so he did read my text but he was ignoring me so I texted him again and I asked him why was he not talking to me and how he told me "i want to be friends".. but he told me to leave him alone and stop bothering him and he wants me out of his life and said I wanted to be friends "until you did all of this $hit!" so he's blaming me for cheating? And at the same time he was with his girlfriend so he was showing her everything I was saying. I don't get it you guys. I didn't do anything wrong to deserve to be treated like this. And he is changing for her! Why is he chosing to treat her so well? I don't get it. It makes me furious but so sad at the same time. Why is he cutting me out? Blaming everything on me? And changing his ways and treating her so much better than he treated me? Why? He's only known her for four months. I don't get it. And how can she allow him to treat me like this? I mean does she have no heart? How could she have taken him back in the first place when he cheated on her and slept with another girl for an entire month? I don't get this. I didn't do anything wrong. I need help I feel so weak