I had a baby w/ a married man. I am also married. We have been separatedfrom each other for the past 2 yrs "giving his wife time to recover" we had a 6 year relationship. I met him when I had been married for 2 years and he was married w/ no children for 3 years. Our spouses were in the military and overseas. My husband Although he is a kind person, he is not the best husband. He has cheated on me at least 7 times starting a month after we got married and just as recently as January 08. We have 4 children together and that is part of the reason I have stayed so long. He has accepted the "other man's" baby. He loves her. It is definitely messy. I truly love "the other man". However, when his wife found out I was pregnant. She said that if he "claimed" the baby she would leave and take their daughter (they had a daughter 2 years into our relationship). He freaked and completely quit talking to me. I let the relationship go, but deep down... I still loved him. We started talking again w/i the past 4 months, he is a physician so he is able to help me financially. I just don't know what I am doing. Does he love me? Is he as confused as I am? His wife is pregnant with their 2nd child. She had tried numerous times to get pregnant after she found out I had a baby and lost 2 pregnancies. Does he just want his cake and to eat it too? I need your opinions... suggestions? I am not a bad person. I am very outgoing, pleasant to be around... I do not understand why I settle for men like this.

AWGH!! :eek:

You're still married but you want to be with the other married guy?

If you're really in love with this guy then why are you still married to your husband? Cut him loose, or is he the fallback plan, in case it doesn't work out with the other guy?

Yes he's stringing you along, and you keep falling for it. You are married, he is married. There are children involved, do you really think he'd give up his kids for you?

If you spent half as much time working on your marriage then you'd be okay. Forget this guy, get counselling and start living your life for you, your daughter and your husband.

Good luck.

Wow OK first of it does not seem that your happy with your marriage so I suggest you get out I mean its not fair to you or your husband, I know this is a hard thing with the kids and all. When it comes to the other man I would say let him go because if he really wanted you he would leave his wife. Sorry I wish I could help more never been in a situation like this but that's just what I think

It is best for you to stop having contact with this because nothing magically will happen between you and him. You will have a few stolen moments but is it worth it? In the end he's going stay with his pregnant wife. You stated your husband cheated on you would you really want to help another cheat on their wife?

Get him out of your life and if your married isn't working out, then maybe it's time for change.

We have 4 children together and that is part of the reason I have stayed so long

4 kids with a man you don't love, but are married to, and a love child by a man, married to someone else, but you love him.

Whatever you do, GET SOME HELP, from a true professional.

Don't have any more babies by anybody.

How easy is it for you to tell me not to have anymore children with anyone else:confused:
For the record, the 4 children I had with my husband were loved and planned and are well taken care of. The point is Im in love with a man that I shouldn't be in love with... Seek professional help, absolutely... just wanted opinions and apparently that's is what I have received.

Ok busymomof5 stay away from the other married man and work on your marriage. If your marriage is as bad as you have explained it I would recommend a divorce. Then get yourself some help, you are not emotionally healthy. Your children need and deserve that of you. The children are the most important part of this situation and should be your first priorty. Just really look at yourself and your happiness and the well being of the children and do what is right not what feels right. Good luck and the best of life to you.

How easy is it for you to tell me not to have anymore children with anyone else:confused:
For the record, the 4 children I had with my husband were loved and planned and are well taken care of. The point is Im in love with a man that I shouldnt be in love with......Seek professional help, absolutely..........just wanted opinions and apparently thats is what I have received.

Please understand that when you open yourself to the public, you are going to get answers you may or may not like. Everyone has different morals and values and you run the risk of criticism from all sides.

Very true.

WOW what a mess!!
This other guy will never leave his wife for you so leave him alone and concentrate on your own marriage and make an effort to make it work. If for nothing else than the children's welfare and future.

How can so many people fake love and marriage for so long? I'm bewildered..?

Busymomof5;1297008, How easy is it for you to tell me not to have anymore children with anyone else:confused:

That's who I'm thinking of here, as breaking up the home of 4 children can't be good.

For the record, the 4 children I had with my husband were loved and planned and are well taken care of.
That's the really messed up part, you did all this with a man you SAY you don't love and now you want out.

The point is Im in love with a man that I shouldn't be in love with...
But does that mean you have to break up your family because of your feelings? Come on, even with you having his child, he ain't going no where, so where is this love really going to get you, but alone.

Seek professional help, absolutely...
We agree, and I sincerely hope it helps you.


... just wanted opinions and apparently that's is what I have received.

I can imagine its so hard to hear, but honestly the mess your in shocks most of us so I really hope you take the advice for some outside help. How would you advise someone in your situation??

You say your husband is a kind person yet he cheated on you several times. Mmm.. that is cruel and far from kind.
You fell in love with another cheater...
Seriously... this guy does not love you
Why did you both not use protection?
All I can say is love your kids and they come first... concentrate on those little humans... forget about the cheater

This isn't what marriage is about, cheating. Your husband cheated, you cheated, the other man cheated on his wife, I wonder if the married man wife is cheating!

You should've learned from the 1st time around with this guy. If your husband cheated several times why did you stay, especially when you state that your not in love with him?

It's time to take a different path otherwise history is going repeat itself.

I hope he pays in advance, of course he could just leave the money on the pillow. Heck make it easier, set up a pay pal account and he can pay you with credit cards,

It is obvious of his choice when given the choice of divorce and you, he chose to stay with his wife,

He is cheating on her now, since he thinks she has forgotten and trusts him again.

So you merely go to court and claim child support, so he makes that proper percent of his income out to you. If you have not done this why??

You leave your husband and call his wife and let her know he has chosen you, May as well let her know right, so he can move on.

No one follows the vows of marriage anymore. I am so afraid to get married...

:(

Actually most do, but too many do run away from a marriage to fast, if they are not getting their way or it is hard, or there is money trouble they get a divorce to fast. But most couples never cheat while married, we merely hear from some of the worst here. Most take their vows seroiusly.

Wow.. This has future Jerry Springer episode written all over it. Think about your children for christs sake! How immature are you? 4 children with someone you don't love, then a child with another married man. Do you ever think before you do this stuff?

Go get professional help, divorce your husband and you are both not right for each other and pray these kids don't come out screwed up.

Act like an adult, you have to be a role model for the 5 children you have.

Honestly myself esteem is shot. I married my husband because I loved him. When he started cheating on me it it broke me apart piece by piece. I stay because I feel as though no one else will want me. I cheat with the married man I had my daughter with because I feel like I am important when I am with him. I hear what everyone is saying. And everyone has made it more then clear that he does not love me. He is with me because "I allow it". I just do not know how to pick up the pieces? Where do I begin? How do I move forward? Why do I love these men that cheat on me in my life? I just want peace but I am so scared...

I can imagine its so hard to hear, but honestly the mess your in shocks most of us so I really hope you take the advice for some outside help. How would you advise someone in your situation???

I never ever ever thought in a million years that I would be in this kind of situatuation myself. After I got married everything just fell apart. I was never the "cheating type". I grew up the only child and I wanted to have a large family. I married my husband because a the time I loved him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. When he started cheating on me, it was almost like I began to lose who I was as a person. I felt stuck, I didn't want to leave because of the children. Everyone keeps saying to put the children 1st. THAT IS THE ONLY REASON I AM STILL MARRIED!
It is very hard to hear this. I want to believe that "the other man" loves me but just can't be with me. But the truth of the matter is this is a free country and he is choosing to stay where he is at and does not want to be with me. Just from the few comments I have received on here I realize this. Hard to hear, hard to digest...
Advise for someone who was in the same situation as me... hmmmm...
Get strong stand on your own feet, get child support from both men and move on. Easier said then done.

Children can sense any type of emotional problems you may have, by staying in a relationship with someone you do not love is only going to hurt them. When they get old enough(7-8) they will realize about how it is and how there is no love, which will only prevent them from having a healthy relationship in their lives.

Get strong stand on your own feet, get child support from both men and move on. Easier said then done.
I know that. But you have done this the easy way already, and seen, and felt, the results. It won't get easier if you stay with the path your on?

Get some help first, and do what you need for yourself. That's a start in the right direction.

It's a big task in front of you, and you can do this just start slowly. Stay away from the married guy though.

Children can sense any type of emotional problems you may have, by staying in a relationship with someone you do not love is only going to hurt them. When they get old enough(7-8) they will realize about how it is and how there is no love, which will only prevent them from having a healthy relationship in their lives.

I have to spread rep but I'll agree with you there.

Moving on and getting help is easier than you think. When you try to move on it seems like you can't but that's only your mind playing tricks on you. All you need is two things: (1) a personal commitment to change and (2) a good plan for where to go and how to get there. How are you going to improve your life if you don’t take action?

Many people are just afraid to start over because you are too familiar with who you with but you must come over that fear. Yes, I'll be the first to admit that it is a scary process but it is worth it in the end. In this case your kids should be the motives but it will be hard for them too.

Talking to a therapist and joining a support group will help turn you around and boost your self-esteem and they do have many self-health books to help you along the way.

Take it from someone that started over with a child, started over is easier said then done but it is can be done. In your case it will be harder with the kids but many others have done it.

Yep, take my fiancé for example. She has 2 kids by another man, who was her husband and she had to start all over and now we live together and are engaged. So there is hope :)

Hey busy girl... youve made an enormous step just letting people know what's happening in your life.. and people will be judgemental... me included... although I'd like to think otherwise. You are a woman (strong)... nuturing beautiful children... the highest job of all!!
There's no point 'waiting for prince charming'... how much will you hate yourself in the future for sticking around with a loser? (anybody can get a loser)... and having the hassle of being with a partnered loser?
You deserve better, your children deserve a happy mother... who is the most important person to them
I wish I could wave a magic wand to give your family the beautiful life you deserve... immediatley... but it will happen.. 4sure... but you need to go down into that hole and be hurt and sad then all of a sudden something gorgeous will happen... just believe that...
It just won't happen with cheaten losers... it will happen with yourself... then someone will come along and share an extraordinary life with you and your kids... BELIEVE IT!!

Thank you so much! That was so encouraging. I can't think of any other words to explain... LOL (very unusual).

Hey, I'm cheerin' 4 you! Just don't f**k up again with a drongo (aussie for dead-beat)...
What is your passion? There's got to be something... designing clothes, saving wildlife... whatever... 'follow your OWN rainbow'...
Cheers Seahippie