Although there's probably a plethora of questions like this one on these forums already and you guys probably can't tell me anything that I can't or haven't already read in the stickies, I just felt like I needed to give my story either way.

Me and my girlfriend met around 8 years ago, and we were both 12 at the time, starting high school together (or middleschool? Not sure). We weren't particularly good friends really, but I fell in love with her from the first time I laid my eyes on her and I had never been in love before then. Around our last year we became good friends (both aged 15 now), and although a common myth is that no man ever ventures beyond the friendzone, I somehow managed to, and we started dating. There were troubles at first because you see, I'm a very shy and introvert person (I think introvert is the word) and because back then, the thought of any woman being remotely interested in me felt rather odd, I had some troubles showing her my true feelings. Either way things straigthened out and we fell madly in love.

She slowly albeit surely became my everything. Not only my girlfriend, but my best friend, and a huge part of me. We went to trips together, we went to the same college, last year started on the same university, had many of the same friends etcetera. We had the same taste in music, movies, series, everything and we just went along great. We got so attached and the thought of us breaking up was so odd that we could even joke about it. All our friends thought the world would end before something like that happened, because we were a perfect match. The only really big recurring problem we had was my shyness. My girlfriend was a very social person and, as much as I wanted to be social myself I just couldn't force myself to. I got better over the years, but not nearly good enough I guess.

I was always the serving kind of boyfriend. I took great pleasure in making her happy. She could call me in the middle of the night for all I cared and I'd be picking her up from parties making sure she got home allright, and whenever she was stressed I'd take care of her, I'd listen to her crying and whining for hours on end until she started feeling better, and I had learnt to live with the fact that when she was in a bad mood, she'd usually take it out on me instead of the people who were to blame. Everything to make her happy, it made me happy.

But a few weeks ago she got a new job. Well it wasn't really a job per se, we're still both 20 years old and have some years left on our educations, but she got a very good position to help organize this festival that happens in our town every two years and she'd be working on this for approximately one and a half years. Anyway it looks great on a resumé and although she was hesitant to do it because of the lack of time it would give her I told her that she should go for it anyway because she would end up looking back at it and being glad she did this.

After she started working on this festival however we found less and less time to be together, I was saddened by this and my girlfriend was talking about that maybe we should be taking a break. I kind of agreed to this actually and thought at this point it could be healthy for our relationship, but I wasn't expecting that she would actually break up with me, which she did last week. I didn't even realize it myself, the worst part was that she told other people before she told me. (I mean she had told me she wanted a break, then she went and told other people we had broken up, I had to hear it from a friend!)

Anyway she said that I couldn't be here for her as much as she wanted me to and that she simply didn't have time to stress a boyfriend into her schedule, particularly because the only way for us to meet was if I started becoming more social and started joining all the events she had to attend to, and that she's tried to get me to become more social before and that she simply didn't have time to be involved in helping me get there any longer. She also said it wouldn't be fair to me to say we were on a break because she couldn't promise me we'd ever be back together again.

When I realized she was actually serious about ending our relationship indefinitely, I did the (probalby fatal) mistake of calling her up on her cellphone, crying my tears out, telling her that we needed to talk about this. She came over to my house and I promised her anything she wanted in return for us being together. She could spend the night as much as she wanted, I would join all the events she wanted me to be at, just so we could get this to work, but she said no and that it was too late.
Feeling rather confused about what exactly she wanted I said: If you really want to end this could you please look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me as much as you used to. And she started crying and said she couldn't possibly do that. We cried a lot and she mentioned she always thought we'd be together for life. I manlied up at this point and figured that what she really needs is space, and I said that this breakup can only be a good thing.

First of all, neither of us had been with a single other person when we started dating, so knowing if what we had together really was "that special" is rather hard. So I told my girlfriend that if we both regret this breakup 6 months or so down the line, at least we'll know for sure that we were meant to be together, and if one of us feels better off then, at least we know spending our lives together wouldn't be the best choice available to us anyway. She agreed to this and I walked her home, crying my tears out as I returned to my place again.

Now my biggest problem is this:
Do you think my girlfriend is interested in dating other guys, and that this is part of the reason she broke up with me? She told me I was the only guy she was interested in and that of all the people she knew, I was the best, and I know she was telling the truth, my girlfriend is a pretty terrible liar and after five years this isn't something she would lie about.

Secondly, where should I go from hereon out? I decided that I should under no circumstances call her or try to make contact with her unless she does so with me first. She needs the space and I shall respect that. Furthermore, knowing myself I've lately felt this sudden urge to improve myself. I've radically changed my diet, I've started working out every day and I've become hellbent on changing my social-habbits so that should she ever return to me (I think this is some kind of odd scheme of vengeance, but I don't know). I'll be more like the man she wants me to be. Looking back at it I'm amazed at how little incentive I was showing to improve myself for her. I just never thought it would lead this far.
My biggest problem however are the images in my head of her meeting someone else. With neither of us ever having been with another person before, the thought of her being with someone else is only worsened, particularly because I'll feel like if she's with another guy, sexually or anything of the like, I'll be standing here feeling like the biggest loser on the face of the earth. So in this sense, I really want to go out to town myself, meet a nice woman, get back in the flirting game just because I'm deadly afraid that she's doing exactly this. If however our relationship ever got back stable, I wouldn't stop regretting that I had done so, and would for the rest of my life feel like I "cheated on her".

Basically I know within myself that the only way I can truly stop feeling this pain inside of me right now is by being the opposite in all the fields that eventually lead to our breakup, thus proving to myself that her desition was wrong, and also that I easily do well without her. The only problem with this is that if I meet another woman that is interested in me, I'd probably go for it because I know within myself that if I'm with someone else, I'll feel like I've truly convinced myself and her for that matter that I don't need her. But at the end of the day, the only thing I want to do is get back together with her and spend our lives together.

I know this has turned into quite the rambling, but I've got no idea what to do with myself at the moment. The only times I feel at ease are when I'm working out, socializing or even getting some homework done. Any time spent relaxing or trying to sleep is just spent thinking about her and wondering if I'll ever get her back. What do you think I should do? Cut my losses and prepare for the fact that we'll never be together again or just keep improving myself for when, or if, she returns? I'm completely stumped myself.

Like you stated in your post give her the space and let yourself improve FOR YOU. She may or may not be back. So play the field see what is out there you may be surprised. Breaking up sucks and will take a lot out of you but it sounds like you have the right ideals just do them for you not her. She was the one that wanted this so give it to her. I wish you the best of luck.

I absolutely agree with redwee74! Right now, if her mind is set, that's probably it, and if she wants to come back she will but there is no good for anyone, especially you, to sit and just worry over it man! Just keep focusing on what you want to do for you now and everything else will come as it needs to.

Now that she is gone, it would be a perfect time to get to know yourself, and who you are, and rebuild your life.

After all that time I imagine you both want to know who the hell are you. You have all the time in the world and you will get to know yourself again.

You two have grown up together and don't really know who you are apart from each other. She is feeling the need to know this, and now is the time for you to do it as well.
Sounds to me like you were so pleased to have a girl friend, you settled for being used a bit. That IMO is not healthy.
You can get another girl, you had this one for many years. Take this time to spread your wings, discover who you really are.

Do you think my girlfriend is interested in dating other guys, and that this is part of the reason she broke up with me?You have every reason to "fear" she's going to be dating others. She is. That's the point of a breakup. Regardless of what words are used... that's the eventual point.



I've lately felt this sudden urge to improve myself.Hehe... awesome, dude! If that's true, then awesome.

I've seen this time and time again... and you're not going to like this... but one of the BEST things that happens to us is we lose someone close to us and it motivates us to improve ourselves. It's classic.

I say it over and over, learning through loss works. That's why we need to have 3 or 4 "loves" in life to really learn all we need to learn to get that "forever" kind of love ability. We have to change. As long as our girl accepts us, we don't change.

Good for you, man.


My biggest problem however are the images in my head of her meeting someone else... Wow, those are tough images to shake. That will take some time, you'll get over it, it'll take as long as it takes.



I really want to go out to town myself, meet a nice woman, get back in the flirting game... I'm deadly afraid that she's doing exactly this.Yeah, I doubt she ran out the next day, but you're right, she's going to be doing exactly that. Best to know that is true. That's what breaking up is... freedom to do what you want.



If however our relationship ever got back stable, I wouldn't stop regretting that I had done so, and would for the rest of my life feel like I "cheated on her".Um, you can't make your choices based on "ifs". You two broke up. Improve yourself, don't keep looking back in her direction expectantly. Living your life isn't cheating, shake off crazy thoughts like that.

The chances of you two ever getting back together are slim. So, eyes forward, learn, change, grow, date, enjoy life. You already know you're a "one-woman" man and as such, will be in your next committed relationship in no time.

Oh, and you two will always love each other. You can take comfort in that, don't let that fact make you miserable. That's how you know what you had together wasn't false in any way. It wasn't permanent either, but that's OK. It's made you a better man, as will the next love.

We're rooting for you.

Thanks for all your replies guys! They help a lot. My girlfriend just contacted me on Msn. Stupid as I was I wanted to talk to her because I still felt insecure as to where exactly we were standing and she did make it perfectly clear this time that we were indeed through and that there's no chance she'll ever come back to me, despite that she still loved me and that I was the best person she knows.

I'm feeling so annoyed at myself for all the things I could've done for her in the past that I didn't. She told me the whole thing wasn't my fault when I know for a fact it is, I didn't show enough incentive to change for her and she said she still felt she loved me but somewhat empty inside and without any energy to try and keep the relationship alive. So just now I'm finally really trying to get rid of everything that reminds me about her in my life. I just deleted all the textmessages from her on my cellphone (which was really really hard, some of them were from 2005) and many of the best pictures we had together. It's really really hard moving on. It feels good to know that so many others have been through the same thing, though, and your support has meant and still means a lot to me.

In the long run I know this is best for both me, and her, but I'm so deadly afraid that I'll never experience what I had with her again, and in all honesty I'm not sure that I will. Not because I can't find a girl to have a meaningfull relationship with again but just because this was my first love, ever. In the back of my head I know that time will heal these wounds, and I know that if I find someone else to spend the rest of my life with I'll look back at this and think: "wow I'm really glad I didn't end up with her" but at the end of the day, I don't want to get over her, but I guess I simply have no choice.

Phew, this is hard beyond belief, probably one of the hardest things I've had to do. I'm sleeping on my couch these days because sleeping in my bed it... well it brings back a lot of memories and I need my sleep to function. The more tired or hungry I am the more depressed I become, but I'm feeling no incentive to eat, I've lost like... 5 pounds or so over the last couple of days. I just know I need to get myself back on my feet and try my best to improve myself in any way possible, I need to feel good about myself.

You both had a hand in the relationship. I don't think it is anything you did or didn't do.
You both have grown up and what you had at 15, you don't need anymore.
You sound like you were so needy you catered to her every whim, like you alone were responsible for her happiness. THAT is not healthy.
It was probably time for you both to grow up.

I'm so sorry that she ended it for sure but my husband says that if he hadn't had his heart broken so many times (and it's been a few) then he never would have met me and god bless the broken road.

Life is going to beat you down, make you feel like you don't want to get back up but life has never been remembered by how many times you've been beaten down, it remembers that you've gotten up one more time.

Tell her great how dare she say that. She does not have to. To streess for a boyfriend? What are you? A dog that she can just pet and touch when ever she wants, while your there with you tongue out?

No no no... if after 5 years that's how she breaks up with you leave her alone. Work on yourself finde other hobbys. Try not to think about her I know this will be hard but really man you don't need that. Let her go off with someone else. It does not matter about the images in your head

Just think of the poor dude when she gets bored with him and says. Well I have another job and can't be botherd to deal with you right now.

Count yourself lucky my friend I have known many girls like this and I can not tell you how much better off you are with out them.

Damn straight!!

Am I crazy, or does it seem like the female in the relationship is always the first one to get bored or tired of being together? I don't seem to hear of any guys in serious relationships getting this inherent feeling of "needing space" or "needing a break."

Why can't they accept that they are happy with us and don't need to go off and get new guys to innevitably destroy?