jonny54321
Sep 24, 2008, 07:49 PM
Hello. I'm new to the forum community here and grateful for any help you might offer. I tried posting a question similar to this moments ago. But apparently it didn't register. If this is a duplicate, I apologise in advance.
I met a girl a few months ago who's wonderful. Truly a nice, genuine, level headed person. We struck up a great bond, had similar interests and a degree of 'spark'. I asked her if she'd come for a drink with me. With admirable honesty she said at the time she couldn't because she had a boyfriend. We kept talking and exchanging multiple messages every day. When she returned from a months volunteer work we decided to go for a drink. We did and spent the whole evening talking. On two subsequent dates in rapid succession we spent the whole evening together and drove to the beach to watch the sunrise - where - as a fitting location, we acknowledged a degree of attraction to each other, though she said this was complicated by her recently broken down relationship with her ex. On the second time this happened we fell asleep together and kissed. But nothing more.
She recently arranged a 10 week internship in a city some distance from ours. But the gap here is not the issue. I travel to the same city regularly. I offered to take her down
There to where she was staying with friends while she arranged lodging for the 10 week period. She (where she could have refused) accepted my offer to drive her down there. I was happy to be spending time with her and she was the same. We were quite touchy feely in the car. Her resting on me, me resting my hand, without objection on her leg. Things like this make it obvious the attraction is mutual. She makes no effort to stop me doing this kind of thing.
I was down near her on business at the start of this week and we arranged to meet. But she kept pushing the meeting further and further back into the evening. I was annoyed at having waited and if I'm honest (though I'm not comfortable with this) thought this might be an attempt to put me off, though couldn't understand why. I sent her a very frank text message saying that the last thing I wanted to do was get in the way of her life while she was interning and that if she couldn't do that night I understood. But she could say so. I kick myself hard for doing this now. She gave me an understandably caustic response. I apologised and we left it at that. It was clear to both of us that my message was a mistrusting attempt to find out what she was really doing that evening which I had no reason to believe was anything but work.
This evening I went to help her buy stuff for her new accommodation, went for dinner with her and then helped her move her stuff. While we were shopping, she was taking ages to decide what she wanted. But in a jokey way and I persuaded her not to buy an unnecessarily expensive item. The evening was going well. As we walked to dinner, she took my hand and my heart took a leap. It was the first time she'd done this in public and I was really pleased. It might not sound significant, but certainly felt it. We went to dinner and she told me, in an open way that I needed to chill out given the previous incident where I'd demonstrated mistrust. I acknowledged this and apologised. We enjoyed our meal then I took her to her new place. She wanted to settle in and I left to go home.
She thanked me via text for my help and we joked about how she'd taken so long to shop and how I'd persuaded this attractively strong willed person to not make a rash purchase. I mentioned to her how she'd really made me think about an unrelated issue in my life. She said she 'wasn't done with me yet'. Which I've taken to mean that though she was annoyed about my mistrust episode things weren't finished. Fair assumption? I said that I was glad and that she seemed like she could do with someone to keep her on her toes too. We said goodnight and that's where I'm at.
We'd both just had a long hard day of work and I could just be being paranoid. But I'm really worried that an incident of unjustified mistrust on my part could have permanently dented whatever chance we have. Essentially, what I want to know is is this situation resolvable? I really like her and she's said explicitly she likes me. But I just hope I haven't damaged it beyond repair. At this stage I don't want to say too much more to her on the issue because it's like I'm talking myself into a deeper hole. I'm also aware that she's just split from her ex.
So if anyone can offer any advice. I'd be very very grateful. Apologies for a long winded message. Thanks in advance.
Jonny
I met a girl a few months ago who's wonderful. Truly a nice, genuine, level headed person. We struck up a great bond, had similar interests and a degree of 'spark'. I asked her if she'd come for a drink with me. With admirable honesty she said at the time she couldn't because she had a boyfriend. We kept talking and exchanging multiple messages every day. When she returned from a months volunteer work we decided to go for a drink. We did and spent the whole evening talking. On two subsequent dates in rapid succession we spent the whole evening together and drove to the beach to watch the sunrise - where - as a fitting location, we acknowledged a degree of attraction to each other, though she said this was complicated by her recently broken down relationship with her ex. On the second time this happened we fell asleep together and kissed. But nothing more.
She recently arranged a 10 week internship in a city some distance from ours. But the gap here is not the issue. I travel to the same city regularly. I offered to take her down
There to where she was staying with friends while she arranged lodging for the 10 week period. She (where she could have refused) accepted my offer to drive her down there. I was happy to be spending time with her and she was the same. We were quite touchy feely in the car. Her resting on me, me resting my hand, without objection on her leg. Things like this make it obvious the attraction is mutual. She makes no effort to stop me doing this kind of thing.
I was down near her on business at the start of this week and we arranged to meet. But she kept pushing the meeting further and further back into the evening. I was annoyed at having waited and if I'm honest (though I'm not comfortable with this) thought this might be an attempt to put me off, though couldn't understand why. I sent her a very frank text message saying that the last thing I wanted to do was get in the way of her life while she was interning and that if she couldn't do that night I understood. But she could say so. I kick myself hard for doing this now. She gave me an understandably caustic response. I apologised and we left it at that. It was clear to both of us that my message was a mistrusting attempt to find out what she was really doing that evening which I had no reason to believe was anything but work.
This evening I went to help her buy stuff for her new accommodation, went for dinner with her and then helped her move her stuff. While we were shopping, she was taking ages to decide what she wanted. But in a jokey way and I persuaded her not to buy an unnecessarily expensive item. The evening was going well. As we walked to dinner, she took my hand and my heart took a leap. It was the first time she'd done this in public and I was really pleased. It might not sound significant, but certainly felt it. We went to dinner and she told me, in an open way that I needed to chill out given the previous incident where I'd demonstrated mistrust. I acknowledged this and apologised. We enjoyed our meal then I took her to her new place. She wanted to settle in and I left to go home.
She thanked me via text for my help and we joked about how she'd taken so long to shop and how I'd persuaded this attractively strong willed person to not make a rash purchase. I mentioned to her how she'd really made me think about an unrelated issue in my life. She said she 'wasn't done with me yet'. Which I've taken to mean that though she was annoyed about my mistrust episode things weren't finished. Fair assumption? I said that I was glad and that she seemed like she could do with someone to keep her on her toes too. We said goodnight and that's where I'm at.
We'd both just had a long hard day of work and I could just be being paranoid. But I'm really worried that an incident of unjustified mistrust on my part could have permanently dented whatever chance we have. Essentially, what I want to know is is this situation resolvable? I really like her and she's said explicitly she likes me. But I just hope I haven't damaged it beyond repair. At this stage I don't want to say too much more to her on the issue because it's like I'm talking myself into a deeper hole. I'm also aware that she's just split from her ex.
So if anyone can offer any advice. I'd be very very grateful. Apologies for a long winded message. Thanks in advance.
Jonny