Ever since I was 8 I've had a very big problem expressing sympathy. It makes me extremely uncomfortable. Examples:

When I was 12 a horrible accident happened to my childhood friend that I knew for years and as a result of that she ended up having one of her legs amputated. I never spoke to her or vistied her or consoled her after that. I just avoided her. Her situation made me so uncomfortable.

Presently a friend at work was admitted to the hospital for kidney pain and her father just passed last night. I haven't called her or sent her flowers or a card or anything. I'd much rather ignore her forever and if it wouldn't be such a financial burden to me I'd quit my job so I would never have to see her again.

It's not only friends I feel this way about its family too. I generally make a joke about the issue or try my hardest to ignore it. There is a aunt of mine I don't speak to because she has lupus and solely because she has lupus.

Why does being sympathetic bother me so much?? How do I fix this problem?

YOu don't have to actually be in contact with deep emotions regarding such bad news... all you have to do is go to the person and offer kind words... as a social duty.

Say you are so sorry to hear about their __________misfortune. Say your thoughts and prayers are with him/her.

Just do it, it's not hard!

chrissymarie,

I encourage you to get with a qualified person and work through this historical loss you describe. I believe you avoid the grief of others because you still carry so much of your own.

Blessings in the healing and growth so you can respond to others.

IM4U

I too cannot show emotional sympathy. Same thing with saying "I Love You." I can't say it. When you really want to show an emotion that you usually have trouble with try this, it worked for me:

Don't say "I'll talk to her later im too busy now, or she is too busy."
Just do it right away, and don't think about it. If you are somewhat like me, the more you think about it, the more you can't do it. So just walk up to the person and say what u want to say. Believe me, its not as bad as you think it would have been.

Try it, maybe on smaller issues first, but keep trying it and you will overcome this problem

When I hear you talk about this, I wonder what your personal perspective of yourself on this matter is. Are you ashamed/isolated/fearful/proud? I believe that what you are doing is keeping in a sense of denial for what has occurred, and the more that you do it the more detached from people you will truly become... If I was in this situation, I know that I would feel extremely isolated more and more... which to me, seems almost more painful than facing and dealing with something that -- I'm sure, if it happened to you, you would crave the support and comfort. Things in life can be scary, but I think the less you run from it -- the easier it will be for you, and the more you will get out of life.

When I hear you talk about this, I wonder what your personal perspective of yourself on this matter is. Are you ashamed/isolated/fearful/proud? I believe that what you are doing is keeping in a sense of denial for what has occurred, and the more that you do it the more detached from people you will truly become... If I was in this situation, I know that I would feel extremely isolated more and more... which to me, seems almost more painful than facing and dealing with something that -- I'm sure, if it happened to you, you would crave the support and comfort. Things in life can be scary, but I think the less you run from it -- the easier it will be for you, and the more you will get out of life.


My personal perspective of myself in this matter is that I feel extremely embarrassed, weak, and uncomfortable. Like that feeling you get when your watching someone on stage completely embarrass themselves in front of a huge audience. I feel no sympathy which is the problem I'm dealing with. Those other felings I described completely take over during situations of turmoil indirectly facing myself. Every time I'm in a problem where others would crave support I crave isolation. I am completely embarrassed when something truly tramatic happens. I'd rather everyone ignore it. If I lost my arm in a accident or got cancer I'd rather pretend it didn't happen and others around me pretend as well. Knowing this wouldn't happen I'd probably never step outside again. Do you understand how I feel a little better?

chrissymarie,

I encourage you to get with a qualified person and work through this historical loss you describe.
IM4U

I agree... I guess I just have been in denial about needing a phyciatrist. I'll look into it. Don't you have to have a big problem to see those type of people. I just have a bunch of little weird issues.

You can talk to a psychiatrist about anything, it doesn't have to be a huge problem.

Also, if you are religious and go to church, a good person to talk to maybe could be your priest or pastor, and then you won't have to pay anything

It hit me recently while watching a movie. Someone was lying in a hospital bed after an accident, family members were freaking out, but a young child asked a few questions and was satisfied that the person was okay. I suddenly realised that the child's reaction is the natural one. The adults appeared like they were almost trying to out do each other on the freaking and crying scale. I have been in the child's position as an adult standing in a similar situation feeling concern but not freaking out like everyone else seemed to be and I felt guilty. But I don't anymore. I think most people behave as they believe other people think they should in certain situations.

I don't think your not sympathyc to someone else problems...

But you feel so much empathy, like when you see a person embarrassed in front of an audiency, and you feel embarrassed for him/her... that's emphaty , the ability to feel like you're in someone's place...

I think it because when I read what you wrote I remebered when a friend of mine lost his brother to cancer, I've avoided him for 2 years, I'll not place excuses here, it always bring me tears, I know I'll never forgive myself from this and I know how selfish it it is.

I'm sorry not having a good answer to you.