jumpin0503
Sep 22, 2008, 06:50 AM
First of all thank you in advance for any help anybody is willing to give me, I've been reading on this site for the past few days already and it's helped tremendously but I feel like I just need to hear some advice specifically to me for some of these things to truly set in in my mind. I'm sorry this is so long, but I feel I have to tell the whole back story and because I didn't post this as I was going through it a lot has happened so far.
My now ex-girlfriend and I dated for about 7 months, we lived in the same campus dorm building and met because the school I go to revolves around cliques and she was in the group I joined into. Needless to say we have all the same friends for the most part, and it's nearly impossible to avoid her, especially now since we once again not only live in the same building again this semester but the same floor as well.
Over the summer she had no license or car while I did, and we lived an hour an a half away from each other. I worked a full time job in a factory over the summer and was completely stressed out from my terrible job/parent problems/etc. She had told me she loved me for a few months prior to what happens next.
I broke up with her a month left before school started again because I was so stressed out, never saw her and it was hard trying to keep my feelings for her in a long distance relationship like that. I wanted to play it safe because I hadn't felt like I loved her yet and not destroy her once we got back to school around our friends and it helped ease my pain over the last month of summer at home.
We got back to school and were essentially together but not technically dating again, but I was still confused as to where I stood with our relationship. We made love a few times over that time and some feelings started to come back, but I wanted to be completely sure because she means so much to me as my best friend even through this.
She stayed up one night until 6 am with one of her roommates friends (her roommates and my room [we live in 5 person suites] used to be close friends, now not as close at all) because she changed roommates and met a new boy. She told me they just stayed up as friends watching infomercials for fun, but I didn't really buy it entirely but accepted it and moved on because she told me she loved me still.
Two Thursdays ago (this is all extremely recent) she came over that night, told me that the new boy Nick liked her. At that point it clicked that, realizing I could lose something that was amazing and I completely was taking it for granted up until this point because I hadn't been in a serious relationship before. I told her I wanted her back, realizing I did miss her a lot. I told her that and she asked me back out, she then slept over and we made love, I thought everything was going back to normal. I was her first person she had sex with, and it was my first real relationship where sex meant something to me as well because I had only had sex once a few years before that and it was a stupid decision, so that has always been a big thing for us.
She left that morning to go to class, and by the 12 hours after she came back and I saw her again she broke up with me and left me for the new boy Nick. I was destroyed. The next night I told her that I really did feel I loved her, both because I felt I truly did but also because I wanted her back so badly. It sucks because it is my first serious relationship and I didn't realize how amazing I had it until I no longer was able to take it for granted, and that I was willing to change my opinion on that from this point out.
Nothing came of it. I went through a rough few days being terrible and begging for her back, and I convinced her to come out to dinner with me last Sunday (the 14th) night. She told me she didn't want to be with me anymore, but still loved me initially going into it, and I argued with her for awhile to give me a chance because she wanted to go as just friends, she eventually gave in. Her aunt walks into the restaurant that I met at a beach trip over the summer and her cousin recognized me (since her little cousin liked me) and it helped lighten the mood, and during the dinner she told me she felt like her feelings were coming back for me. She left that night and told me she was going to reconsider her decision of leaving me.
But she didn't change her mind, that was last Monday, and that Monday night I finally admit to myself that I need to accept she is with somebody else. I went through a rough week, she wanted to go into a NC period but I broke down a few times at the beginning and tried/did talk to her, just telling her how I feel. By Thursday I told her how hard it was losing my best friend through all of this too, and she told me she did miss me as a friend and that even if things with Nick didn't work out she would want to give me another chance. She also told me the feelings weren't the same for me anymore even though she still loves me according to her, and I feel it's because she wouldn't give me a chance to hang out romantically like we did at dinner because she told me her feelings came back for me that night, but then she also told me that even when we had sex that night when we started dating again it wasn't the same for her.
We agreed to not talk up until Sunday night when I would see her again and we would try to figure out where we stood, and by this point I read a lot of stories and everything on this site to help me through it on top of clinging to my friends for dear life. I was doing well, but I was semi-drunk with some friends on Saturday night and she IMed me at about 11:30. I saw it at 12:30 and surprisingly she was already asleep (she never goes to sleep that early but was at Nick's concert that night). She came over and because I was still slightly drunk at the beginning of our talk, I let my emotions get the best of me and broke down again. I found out the reason why she IMed me before she told me we would see each other, but it isn't anything meaningful, I was supposed to go to a friends university for the night but the plans fell through so I stayed and she didn't know I was here, turns out she just wanted to find out when we wanted to hang out on Sunday. We talked until 3:30 and by that point I sobered up enough and told her we should either be best friends, just friends who hang out sometimes, or go back into NC depending on what she felt and I would try to work with that.
She came over last night, and to my huge surprise tells me she still wants to be my best friend, which is awesome I didn't want to loose my best friend in this too, she even agreed we would hang out pretty often more than a few times a week now as well. I've accepted she doesn't want to be with me, especially now that she would have to "seriously think" about giving me a 2nd chance if her and Nick broke up (they began officially dating on Saturday, a little after a week from breaking up with me).
Now my problem is this, I want to stay best friends with her, but my problem is I can't fully move on and I'm looking for hope/ways to try to continue this process while staying best friends with her, I've only accepted the fact that I need to find someone else, but if she came back to me at any point in time still I would still take her back now. I want to get to the point of being fully moved on, I just need advice on how to do this. I'm only 19 years old fyi, 2nd year of college in the USA.
That was all last night, I just talked with her this morning, she told me that she will still love me forever even if she is with Nick still. But I told her if I'm moving on now, once I'm over her I won't let myself risk falling in love with her again. I guess I said it kind of as a threat, because I don't know what will happen in the future, but I feel that I should possibly make myself believe that and be better off in the end. She already left me once for somebody else, why couldn't it happen again? She told me that she wants me to love her just like she will love me forever. But how is that fair to me to be her fall back so she is happy after she just left me for somebody else? Falling in love again with a person who has already left me once for someone else seems like a MASSIVE risk that I guess would have to be situational depending on the time, but I don't see any fairness in this situation at all. This portion of it will likely be decided tonight, and that she will likely choose to agree to me moving on entirely from her. The only other option is for her to take me back, which is extremely unlikely and which is why I still need advice on how to move on with being her best friend still.
I just need reassurance that other people here have found other people, found happiness away from their loved ones, anything like that. Anything to prove that I can be happy in the end still despite a rough patch, you guys likely know the feeling I'm trying to find right now. I feel I've already made HUGE steps in progress from moving on from this relationship in such a short period (I think?)
I know I probably didn't have to go THAT in depth in my story, but I felt I needed to explain the situation fully in order to make a proper judgment on the situation.
My now ex-girlfriend and I dated for about 7 months, we lived in the same campus dorm building and met because the school I go to revolves around cliques and she was in the group I joined into. Needless to say we have all the same friends for the most part, and it's nearly impossible to avoid her, especially now since we once again not only live in the same building again this semester but the same floor as well.
Over the summer she had no license or car while I did, and we lived an hour an a half away from each other. I worked a full time job in a factory over the summer and was completely stressed out from my terrible job/parent problems/etc. She had told me she loved me for a few months prior to what happens next.
I broke up with her a month left before school started again because I was so stressed out, never saw her and it was hard trying to keep my feelings for her in a long distance relationship like that. I wanted to play it safe because I hadn't felt like I loved her yet and not destroy her once we got back to school around our friends and it helped ease my pain over the last month of summer at home.
We got back to school and were essentially together but not technically dating again, but I was still confused as to where I stood with our relationship. We made love a few times over that time and some feelings started to come back, but I wanted to be completely sure because she means so much to me as my best friend even through this.
She stayed up one night until 6 am with one of her roommates friends (her roommates and my room [we live in 5 person suites] used to be close friends, now not as close at all) because she changed roommates and met a new boy. She told me they just stayed up as friends watching infomercials for fun, but I didn't really buy it entirely but accepted it and moved on because she told me she loved me still.
Two Thursdays ago (this is all extremely recent) she came over that night, told me that the new boy Nick liked her. At that point it clicked that, realizing I could lose something that was amazing and I completely was taking it for granted up until this point because I hadn't been in a serious relationship before. I told her I wanted her back, realizing I did miss her a lot. I told her that and she asked me back out, she then slept over and we made love, I thought everything was going back to normal. I was her first person she had sex with, and it was my first real relationship where sex meant something to me as well because I had only had sex once a few years before that and it was a stupid decision, so that has always been a big thing for us.
She left that morning to go to class, and by the 12 hours after she came back and I saw her again she broke up with me and left me for the new boy Nick. I was destroyed. The next night I told her that I really did feel I loved her, both because I felt I truly did but also because I wanted her back so badly. It sucks because it is my first serious relationship and I didn't realize how amazing I had it until I no longer was able to take it for granted, and that I was willing to change my opinion on that from this point out.
Nothing came of it. I went through a rough few days being terrible and begging for her back, and I convinced her to come out to dinner with me last Sunday (the 14th) night. She told me she didn't want to be with me anymore, but still loved me initially going into it, and I argued with her for awhile to give me a chance because she wanted to go as just friends, she eventually gave in. Her aunt walks into the restaurant that I met at a beach trip over the summer and her cousin recognized me (since her little cousin liked me) and it helped lighten the mood, and during the dinner she told me she felt like her feelings were coming back for me. She left that night and told me she was going to reconsider her decision of leaving me.
But she didn't change her mind, that was last Monday, and that Monday night I finally admit to myself that I need to accept she is with somebody else. I went through a rough week, she wanted to go into a NC period but I broke down a few times at the beginning and tried/did talk to her, just telling her how I feel. By Thursday I told her how hard it was losing my best friend through all of this too, and she told me she did miss me as a friend and that even if things with Nick didn't work out she would want to give me another chance. She also told me the feelings weren't the same for me anymore even though she still loves me according to her, and I feel it's because she wouldn't give me a chance to hang out romantically like we did at dinner because she told me her feelings came back for me that night, but then she also told me that even when we had sex that night when we started dating again it wasn't the same for her.
We agreed to not talk up until Sunday night when I would see her again and we would try to figure out where we stood, and by this point I read a lot of stories and everything on this site to help me through it on top of clinging to my friends for dear life. I was doing well, but I was semi-drunk with some friends on Saturday night and she IMed me at about 11:30. I saw it at 12:30 and surprisingly she was already asleep (she never goes to sleep that early but was at Nick's concert that night). She came over and because I was still slightly drunk at the beginning of our talk, I let my emotions get the best of me and broke down again. I found out the reason why she IMed me before she told me we would see each other, but it isn't anything meaningful, I was supposed to go to a friends university for the night but the plans fell through so I stayed and she didn't know I was here, turns out she just wanted to find out when we wanted to hang out on Sunday. We talked until 3:30 and by that point I sobered up enough and told her we should either be best friends, just friends who hang out sometimes, or go back into NC depending on what she felt and I would try to work with that.
She came over last night, and to my huge surprise tells me she still wants to be my best friend, which is awesome I didn't want to loose my best friend in this too, she even agreed we would hang out pretty often more than a few times a week now as well. I've accepted she doesn't want to be with me, especially now that she would have to "seriously think" about giving me a 2nd chance if her and Nick broke up (they began officially dating on Saturday, a little after a week from breaking up with me).
Now my problem is this, I want to stay best friends with her, but my problem is I can't fully move on and I'm looking for hope/ways to try to continue this process while staying best friends with her, I've only accepted the fact that I need to find someone else, but if she came back to me at any point in time still I would still take her back now. I want to get to the point of being fully moved on, I just need advice on how to do this. I'm only 19 years old fyi, 2nd year of college in the USA.
That was all last night, I just talked with her this morning, she told me that she will still love me forever even if she is with Nick still. But I told her if I'm moving on now, once I'm over her I won't let myself risk falling in love with her again. I guess I said it kind of as a threat, because I don't know what will happen in the future, but I feel that I should possibly make myself believe that and be better off in the end. She already left me once for somebody else, why couldn't it happen again? She told me that she wants me to love her just like she will love me forever. But how is that fair to me to be her fall back so she is happy after she just left me for somebody else? Falling in love again with a person who has already left me once for someone else seems like a MASSIVE risk that I guess would have to be situational depending on the time, but I don't see any fairness in this situation at all. This portion of it will likely be decided tonight, and that she will likely choose to agree to me moving on entirely from her. The only other option is for her to take me back, which is extremely unlikely and which is why I still need advice on how to move on with being her best friend still.
I just need reassurance that other people here have found other people, found happiness away from their loved ones, anything like that. Anything to prove that I can be happy in the end still despite a rough patch, you guys likely know the feeling I'm trying to find right now. I feel I've already made HUGE steps in progress from moving on from this relationship in such a short period (I think?)
I know I probably didn't have to go THAT in depth in my story, but I felt I needed to explain the situation fully in order to make a proper judgment on the situation.