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what2 do
Sep 19, 2008, 05:37 PM
Please help!
I have a coworker that has been sending mixed signals for about a year now. We were friends a few years ago then I left the company. I came back and now I am confused.

I don't know what to think. When I was there initially, we were good friends and joked around a lot. He even came to my wedding with his wife.
When I came back to work with the company he was still there but divorced. He asked me if I was still married (I thought jokingly). He was very flirty and playful at times then mean (jokingly) at other times.
He continues to be flirty at times, jokes with me, as he does everyone but it seems to be on a different level to me. He tells me he loves me (I assume jokingly), he is very sexual with me at times. I find him staring at me at times. He calls me sometimes on my cell phone (but always blocks his number) for who knows what reason and contacts me after work via text messages or emails. He seems to go in cycles of flirty/fun then cool off period and then flirty/fun again.
This man is well liked and I admit to joking with him on some sexual levels but I don't know what his motives are. He kids with everyone- even sexually but I am sure he doesn't ask them the nasty questions he has asked me.
My question is, is my friend wanting more or just being flirty or what?
I have told him I want to speak with him, which he agrees to, but every time we are suppose to talk something comes up. I even invited him to a party, which initially he said he couldn't attend. He kept bothering me by saying you didn't invite me, so I did and he said he was busy (as he did previously)
What are your thoughts?

jjwoodhull
Sep 19, 2008, 05:39 PM
Are you still married? If so, stop flirting with this man. He is obviously attracted to you.

danielnoahsmommy
Sep 19, 2008, 05:41 PM
Sexual Harassment!

jjwoodhull
Sep 19, 2008, 05:45 PM
I admit to joking with him on some sexual levels

I don't think it's right for her to cry sexual harassment if she is actively participating.

danielnoahsmommy
Sep 19, 2008, 05:47 PM
You are right. Sounds like she does not know what she wants. She should stop flirting with him and then hopefuly he will stop

liz28
Sep 20, 2008, 05:56 AM
You stated he flirts with everyone. Workplace relationships are never good and with his behavior I wouldn't entertain it. You don't owe him nothing and I'ld put an end to him contacted you for nonsense outside of work. It sounds like he likes playing games and stop the sexual comments with him. Are you still married because you did state he was divorce but didn't disclose if you was? Also, did you know at some jobs you can get fire for this because they're against workplace relationships, at least at my job you could.

Ash123
Sep 20, 2008, 06:50 AM
Believe me. He will stop flirting if you ignore him. No more invites. No more listening. The moment you make it clear his behavior is offensive he will get the picture. WORK IS FOR WORK. Anything else will get you burned-at work and at home. STOP asap and let him flirt elsewhere... just slowly fade away and talk about your family and husband lovingly-he will get the idea. I've been there and it's a no win.

talaniman
Sep 21, 2008, 06:40 PM
My thought are that you quite playing with this fellow, and stop the curiosity, by being clear that you want nothing personal between you.

Your sending some mixed signals, and he is scary. Leave him alone, and stop all the games, on both sides.