PDA

View Full Version : Broken up because I can't date a stoner


salomons
Sep 18, 2008, 08:01 PM
My boyfriend and I broke up two weeks ago because I said I can't plan a life with stoner anymore.It is ruining our relationship.He quit for a few months but started again (im not sure why other than he says it makes him happy and all his friends and most family smokes), now he smokes every day. We had been together 1 and a half years. I love him, first man I thought I would marry. I don't know what to do. I have been there so I know I can't make him make a decision. We haven't closed the relationship but we have broken up if that makes sense. I don't know what to do. We haven't talked in two weeks . I don't know how to help him, if I should be leaving him to his own devices? Talking to him? Iam no expert on addictions but do know he must do it for himself only. Any advice on what I can do to help or do I just leave it alone.

Clough
Sep 18, 2008, 10:24 PM
Hi, salomons!

It would be helpful if you would go into some detail as to how his smoking has affected your relationship. Also, is his smoking affecting his ability to make a living or not, and is it legal for him to be smoking where he is located, please?

I do know that smoking weed everyday can get very expensive and that expense can be an issue in a relationship!

Thanks!

salomons
Sep 19, 2008, 06:49 AM
Hello Clough!
He is very easily employed as he has a trade under his belt, and is working generally. I believe he started smoking again when he got laid off for about a month a few months ago.
It is affecting our relationship in many aspects in my opinion. Iam 25, he is 23. He wasnts to get married and have kids in the next few years. Because he is the first man I know I want to marry it started me thinking on what I don't want in my life when that day comes. Mainly that is marijuana. I don't want to change him, just don't want the habit in my personal life with a mate, and know I need to stand up for my morals that have grown in me or I will continue to have it affect my life drastically
My brother has major addiction problems and has been in and out of hospital for the past few years.It has been thought that marijuana or a harder drug has triggered a few mental/psychotic traits. Schizophrenia has occcured in my family/extended family twice, and there are studies implying marijuana can trigger schizophrenia. That scares me!
So, needless to say Iam very sensitive to this topic with loved ones. I also smoked weed consistently, up to 4 to 5 times a day. I know what its like, took me 5 times to try to quit. When I met him I didn't smoke, then I started again but only on occasion. I know that was a mistake for what Iam now trying to do.
Yes it is illegal, but it is Canada,so a different mentality of illegal. We were planning to travel together soon also so this was a habit I didn't want to be brought with us for obvious reasons.
It constantly brings up fights because I don't trust him regarding how much he smokes, it changes his attitude, motivation, thinking capacity, affection and my interaction with him. I have told him all this but in heated discussions recently, he thinks it makes him happy, and if he quits it won't be making him happy. I know it is just covering issues deep down, and that right now he is not happy.I have sent him two messages in the past 2 weeks, asking how he is doing and letting him know Iam thinking of him. One reply was he couldn't answer his head is all jumbled and he needed to think. Second a week later was , he doesn't know what to think.
Is this enough info? Thank you so much for the effort on some advice. I love him deeply , and don't want to push it the wrong way.