Ever since I was young, I had a big problem with feeling completely comfortable and completely MYSELF around people, besides my family, and my now-boyfriend allows me to be myself 24/7. I cannot stand NOT being true to myself around people. It tires me out, bores me, and is a waste of my time. I am more introverted, I don't need people around me constantly, I am a bit more mature than most people my age, I am allergic to alcohol, I don't put up a front for someone if I know they're talking behind my back.

This is probably why I don't have many friends right now, especially since my "best friend-ship" just ended and are just "friends". (the friendship was unbalanced, need-based, had grudges building on grudges, and we grew to be completely different people as we took what needed from the friendship) It was simply a damaged friendship on both ends and both are happier. But I can't help but feel... I can't help but KNOW that she's going to treat this like a competition. She feels that she is better than me because I have pretty much sacrificed the entire social scene at our school; quite frankly, I don't mind because I was never that close with that scene at all, and I find the friendships and drama there are pointless. I don't know how to deal with this, as well as our "friendship". We haven't talked since we "renewed" our friendship haha. I feel like I want to "prove her wrong", since I made most of the "best friend" mistakes, but was only staying true to myself.

Besides her, I only have personal connections/friendships with a couple of other people in my life. They're all friends with me because we have certain interests in common, or certain histories in common, but we're distant friends, ever so often we see each other and update each other, and they're all one on one friendships.

I only go "out" (like bars and clubs) with my boyfriend's friends, I rarely see those distant friends as I just said, I spend most of my time at home, or with my boyfriend, I intend to use this new found "time" to focus on my schoolwork during my last year of college, and I don't go online and "chat" as much as I use to (it's sadly, a good way to keep in touch with friends at this time of age... )

Right now, I have much more to worry about, my family is near foreclosure, my dad has been gone for 3 years overseas, my mom has depression, my parents' relationship is struggling, the family incoming and outgoing money is a gamble, my brother is one year away from college... I just have LIFE to deal with. I live at home by the way, I commute to school.

Am I leading a dangerous/wrong/sad social life? In terms of, if my boyfriend and I broke up, who will I have? I guess I could say I have myself, my few distant friends... but honestly, we have been through so much, and we're able to work through anything at this point.

Please give me any and all advice and please be open minded and mature about my situation. I know this all sounds petty and childish, but it isn't. The only thing childish about this situation is the social situation at school.

Wow you sound like me except the whole being allergic to alcohol thing. I have always tried to be the social butterfly, but it was never me. Not to mention drama drama drama. I was tired of it. Starting from a young age I grew up and was on a different level than most of my friends. I didn't want to party, drink and go crazy with the sex. And now the friends I have I can count on the palm of a hand, which most say is all you need. You don't need to have A lot of friends to be happy, you just need those few. To tell you the truth the only way my husband and I make friends is through work. Haha

It is unfortunate that your family is going through so many problems but coming from someone who's family didn't have a lot of money. That if she doesn't already have one, mom needs to get a job, usually getting out of the house and doing something, gets people out of the ruff. 2nd your brother needs to get out there and look for some scholarships maybe even get a job. I knew plenty of high schoolers that had jobs to pay for there own stuff. You can even get one to. To put all the financial strain of paying for a house, putting you and your brother through college is a strain that is hard for anyone to bare by themselves.

Either way good luck!!

I guess I'm not asking really for an answer, except for how to deal with this new found.. social life, but honestly hearing that I'm not alone, and it really is a personal preference and choice of lifestyle, made me feel tremendously better :)

Thank you for your reply!

Not EVERYONE is equally matched socially. We're all not social butterflies... It's okay not to have a lot of friends however it's only fine if you are okay with it. It sounds to me like you are enjoying your boyfriend... and your distant friendships. The thing that would make your life more complete, it sounds, is if you could have a bffl.

It's not unheard of to make new friends, even a new bffl. It happens every day.

You can change your circumstances anytime you choose. And who's to say that your new bffl can't be a boy??

Don't believe that you don't have the power to change your life. If you do you will never have any choices and you will live your life feeling powerless.

Never mind about your past "best friend"... if that relationship is over then you need to make peace w/ that and move on. What she thinks or any kind of competition is just going to serve to make you feel bad or make you feel like your still in the past... If it's over you need to move forward, which means moving on.

Your scenario doesn't at all feel childish. This kind of thing, (changing friendships... ) happens to people of all ages and all the time. Life changes, we change. We grow, we learn things about ourselves which makes us feel the need to reassess our goals/life/path/choices/etc. You can change your mind about who you are and what you need in your life anytime you feel.

It's an action...

"For every action there is a reaction"...

Do something or not... just know every choice you make is a path taken and a consequence begotten.

Life is for the living... you have a life. Create a lifestyle... even if it IS low key. You are who you are. What ever suits you is okay... even if you don't know what that is right now.

Play around w/ what you think works for you... make some choices. You can change your mind ANY TIME YOU LIKE...

Let us know how it goes, k? Xo

Thank you so much!! You guys don't understand how much that helps. I will definitely take all the words I have been given to heart.

Odd how a stranger can make you feel your best... :)

I know what you mean... sometimes hearing it from an impartial person in your life can make all the difference...