pheebs
Sep 18, 2008, 11:48 AM
Ever since I was young, I had a big problem with feeling completely comfortable and completely MYSELF around people, besides my family, and my now-boyfriend allows me to be myself 24/7. I cannot stand NOT being true to myself around people. It tires me out, bores me, and is a waste of my time. I am more introverted, I don't need people around me constantly, I am a bit more mature than most people my age, I am allergic to alcohol, I don't put up a front for someone if I know they're talking behind my back.
This is probably why I don't have many friends right now, especially since my "best friend-ship" just ended and are just "friends". (the friendship was unbalanced, need-based, had grudges building on grudges, and we grew to be completely different people as we took what needed from the friendship) It was simply a damaged friendship on both ends and both are happier. But I can't help but feel... I can't help but KNOW that she's going to treat this like a competition. She feels that she is better than me because I have pretty much sacrificed the entire social scene at our school; quite frankly, I don't mind because I was never that close with that scene at all, and I find the friendships and drama there are pointless. I don't know how to deal with this, as well as our "friendship". We haven't talked since we "renewed" our friendship haha. I feel like I want to "prove her wrong", since I made most of the "best friend" mistakes, but was only staying true to myself.
Besides her, I only have personal connections/friendships with a couple of other people in my life. They're all friends with me because we have certain interests in common, or certain histories in common, but we're distant friends, ever so often we see each other and update each other, and they're all one on one friendships.
I only go "out" (like bars and clubs) with my boyfriend's friends, I rarely see those distant friends as I just said, I spend most of my time at home, or with my boyfriend, I intend to use this new found "time" to focus on my schoolwork during my last year of college, and I don't go online and "chat" as much as I use to (it's sadly, a good way to keep in touch with friends at this time of age... )
Right now, I have much more to worry about, my family is near foreclosure, my dad has been gone for 3 years overseas, my mom has depression, my parents' relationship is struggling, the family incoming and outgoing money is a gamble, my brother is one year away from college... I just have LIFE to deal with. I live at home by the way, I commute to school.
Am I leading a dangerous/wrong/sad social life? In terms of, if my boyfriend and I broke up, who will I have? I guess I could say I have myself, my few distant friends... but honestly, we have been through so much, and we're able to work through anything at this point.
Please give me any and all advice and please be open minded and mature about my situation. I know this all sounds petty and childish, but it isn't. The only thing childish about this situation is the social situation at school.
This is probably why I don't have many friends right now, especially since my "best friend-ship" just ended and are just "friends". (the friendship was unbalanced, need-based, had grudges building on grudges, and we grew to be completely different people as we took what needed from the friendship) It was simply a damaged friendship on both ends and both are happier. But I can't help but feel... I can't help but KNOW that she's going to treat this like a competition. She feels that she is better than me because I have pretty much sacrificed the entire social scene at our school; quite frankly, I don't mind because I was never that close with that scene at all, and I find the friendships and drama there are pointless. I don't know how to deal with this, as well as our "friendship". We haven't talked since we "renewed" our friendship haha. I feel like I want to "prove her wrong", since I made most of the "best friend" mistakes, but was only staying true to myself.
Besides her, I only have personal connections/friendships with a couple of other people in my life. They're all friends with me because we have certain interests in common, or certain histories in common, but we're distant friends, ever so often we see each other and update each other, and they're all one on one friendships.
I only go "out" (like bars and clubs) with my boyfriend's friends, I rarely see those distant friends as I just said, I spend most of my time at home, or with my boyfriend, I intend to use this new found "time" to focus on my schoolwork during my last year of college, and I don't go online and "chat" as much as I use to (it's sadly, a good way to keep in touch with friends at this time of age... )
Right now, I have much more to worry about, my family is near foreclosure, my dad has been gone for 3 years overseas, my mom has depression, my parents' relationship is struggling, the family incoming and outgoing money is a gamble, my brother is one year away from college... I just have LIFE to deal with. I live at home by the way, I commute to school.
Am I leading a dangerous/wrong/sad social life? In terms of, if my boyfriend and I broke up, who will I have? I guess I could say I have myself, my few distant friends... but honestly, we have been through so much, and we're able to work through anything at this point.
Please give me any and all advice and please be open minded and mature about my situation. I know this all sounds petty and childish, but it isn't. The only thing childish about this situation is the social situation at school.