Absolution
Sep 17, 2008, 09:52 AM
SORRY THIS IS SO LONG: VERY IMPORTANT NEED HELP!But I ran into a serious issue that I didn't realize existed until yesterday. We were talking on the phone(we broke up about 2 weeks ago) and we were talking about some of the reasons we broke up and I discovered perhaps the biggest reason she broke up with me. This is very personal and I actually need some advice on how to deal with it. When we first started dating we were both virgins (and both young, I'm 18 she's 16) and we took is slow at first, just fooling around (hands and making out) but eventually I felt ready to have sex because I was in love with her and I really wanted to be with her, it wasn't just physical desire, but she wasn't ready yet.
For some reason I sounded irritated when I told her and unfortunately she believed I wasn't a virgin and I told her I was and had told some of my friends I wasn't (which I guess is why she thought I wasnt) because I didn't want to face ridicule or deal with the topic. So I told her I was a virgin after she said she wasn't ready, which I guess she thought at the time was a ploy to get her to be ready. Which it honestly wasn't, but anyway then I talked to her and told her I'm willing to wait for her. We keep messing around like usual but move up to doing other things that weren't actual sex (Sorry for talking about this its hard! But its part of this issue) And I would basically dry hump her, without clothes on? Well that kept up and one day she hinted at being ready and I the next time I saw her in person we did the usual except I went down on her and then asked her to move to the bed, and she said OK and seemed ready, so we started doing it, very slowly it hurt her more than either of us imagined and she said it hurts and she wanted to stop, so I slowed down and was more gentle but dindt stop because it seemed like just the pain was bothering her because then I talked to her and tried to comfort her and she didn't focus on the pain and enjoyed it to some degree. But anyway I finished and she didn't because I couldn't pop her (cant think of a less vulgar way to say that... ) so she couldn't really orgasm. But this was our first time, sorry for being so detailed but I'm almost to the issue.
So then the next day (she slept over) we woke up and did it again and it didn't hurt her as bad at the front and she kind of enjoyed it a lot. And didn't cry or anything this time and everything seemed fine, actually she told me later this time she really liked "how it jsut happened" so a few weeks later we try again, and this time she cries like the first time, which I thought was pain but says "it doesnt feel right and i want to stop" so I stopped although I was confused and left the room, which I know was a mistake now, and I said I wish she would have said that before we started doing it again, I know this was really * * * * ty of me, I have never had to deal with sex in a relationship before, and have never been the dominant person in a relationship before either. But I go back to her and try to make her feel better and we take a shower together nad everything seems fine. She tells me she didn't want to for a while and I'm OK with that, but I guess she felt it was unresolved.
Later we have phone sex and we decide to try again (I guess she actually dindt want to, but told me to make me happy(?) so the day before I hint at my excitement of trying again and she tells me she's not ready and never was, I took this the wrong way because I felt that she shouldn't have ever done it if she was never ready and she tells me the one time she did I became angry( and not yelling angry just indifferent and aloof, and perhaps a little apathetic, that's how I am when I'm angry if I'm confused) and she didn't want to make me angry and just wanted to make me happy, so we walked back to my house and I didn't really talk as I was analyzing what she said, but finally I talk to her about it because she starts crying and she tells me she just needs more time and I said I'm OK with that and ill wait however long she needs and I ask her why she didn't just tell me that sooner and she said the above and that she dindt want me to stop liking her. I tried to make her feel better and when I was thinking I realized the mistake I made in being indifferent to her and how little sex mattered to me in comparison to our relationship. SO she stays over and everything seems fine, except we had an argument about something before we went to bed and she felt bad. But the next day we have an amazing date and she seems her usual self except a little distant. 4 days later she breaks up with me and gives me her other reasons, which are mostly things I can fix and am fixing if not only for her but for me and future relationships. But we have been talking as friends for about a week now; although I really want her back last night she told me that everything I just told you really bothered her and it didn't feel right and I asked if she could forgive me and she said she couldn't, I know however, it wasn't entirely my fault but I'm wondering how I can ever get her to forgive me and resolve this not only because I would eventually like to try again with her and because I'm her friend but for her sake as well as mine, what should I do?
For some reason I sounded irritated when I told her and unfortunately she believed I wasn't a virgin and I told her I was and had told some of my friends I wasn't (which I guess is why she thought I wasnt) because I didn't want to face ridicule or deal with the topic. So I told her I was a virgin after she said she wasn't ready, which I guess she thought at the time was a ploy to get her to be ready. Which it honestly wasn't, but anyway then I talked to her and told her I'm willing to wait for her. We keep messing around like usual but move up to doing other things that weren't actual sex (Sorry for talking about this its hard! But its part of this issue) And I would basically dry hump her, without clothes on? Well that kept up and one day she hinted at being ready and I the next time I saw her in person we did the usual except I went down on her and then asked her to move to the bed, and she said OK and seemed ready, so we started doing it, very slowly it hurt her more than either of us imagined and she said it hurts and she wanted to stop, so I slowed down and was more gentle but dindt stop because it seemed like just the pain was bothering her because then I talked to her and tried to comfort her and she didn't focus on the pain and enjoyed it to some degree. But anyway I finished and she didn't because I couldn't pop her (cant think of a less vulgar way to say that... ) so she couldn't really orgasm. But this was our first time, sorry for being so detailed but I'm almost to the issue.
So then the next day (she slept over) we woke up and did it again and it didn't hurt her as bad at the front and she kind of enjoyed it a lot. And didn't cry or anything this time and everything seemed fine, actually she told me later this time she really liked "how it jsut happened" so a few weeks later we try again, and this time she cries like the first time, which I thought was pain but says "it doesnt feel right and i want to stop" so I stopped although I was confused and left the room, which I know was a mistake now, and I said I wish she would have said that before we started doing it again, I know this was really * * * * ty of me, I have never had to deal with sex in a relationship before, and have never been the dominant person in a relationship before either. But I go back to her and try to make her feel better and we take a shower together nad everything seems fine. She tells me she didn't want to for a while and I'm OK with that, but I guess she felt it was unresolved.
Later we have phone sex and we decide to try again (I guess she actually dindt want to, but told me to make me happy(?) so the day before I hint at my excitement of trying again and she tells me she's not ready and never was, I took this the wrong way because I felt that she shouldn't have ever done it if she was never ready and she tells me the one time she did I became angry( and not yelling angry just indifferent and aloof, and perhaps a little apathetic, that's how I am when I'm angry if I'm confused) and she didn't want to make me angry and just wanted to make me happy, so we walked back to my house and I didn't really talk as I was analyzing what she said, but finally I talk to her about it because she starts crying and she tells me she just needs more time and I said I'm OK with that and ill wait however long she needs and I ask her why she didn't just tell me that sooner and she said the above and that she dindt want me to stop liking her. I tried to make her feel better and when I was thinking I realized the mistake I made in being indifferent to her and how little sex mattered to me in comparison to our relationship. SO she stays over and everything seems fine, except we had an argument about something before we went to bed and she felt bad. But the next day we have an amazing date and she seems her usual self except a little distant. 4 days later she breaks up with me and gives me her other reasons, which are mostly things I can fix and am fixing if not only for her but for me and future relationships. But we have been talking as friends for about a week now; although I really want her back last night she told me that everything I just told you really bothered her and it didn't feel right and I asked if she could forgive me and she said she couldn't, I know however, it wasn't entirely my fault but I'm wondering how I can ever get her to forgive me and resolve this not only because I would eventually like to try again with her and because I'm her friend but for her sake as well as mine, what should I do?