Sharing this is extremely difficult for me to do. But I know I just need to get everything out of my system to start feeling better and get help.

I just got out a 2yr relationship, my first LTR. This guy was everything I thought I wanted, physically and mentally. I devoted myself to this relationship. They say that in every relationship there's always someone who chases, well, he was the one doing the chasing, most of the time, the other times I did it, and I liked it.

21 months had passed when I found out he had been cheating all this time through cybersex, I found every little detail and it was just devastating, he even did it with people we both knew. I had and still have doubts he had gone beyond cybersex and actually met these people. The same day I found out, I ended the relationship.

After about a month of begging, crying and all that from his part I decided to give him a chance with the condition that we had to get counseling, and so we did.

During that month, previous to us getting back together, I felt I had to get over him as quickly as possible and hooked up with someone who understood what had happened. I realized that was not going fix anything, in fact, it made me feel worse.

After that, I felt I had lost all trust in him. He said it meant nothing but porn to him and I just told him that if it was just that, why did he never mention it?? He said he stopped doing it, dumped his camera, and deleted everything.

At first I though it was my fault, then I realized that he was an adult and made his own conscious choices. We kept trying to fix things and I found out things like he had slept with some of his actual best friends and never told me about that, or that he had tons of porn videos. This just kept feeding my insecurities about myself and low self worth.

I realized I was in a codependent relationship. After reading a book about the subject, I came to the acceptance that my childhood, my alcoholic dad (which I became responsible for after a while, I'm 26, and he passed away 5yrs ago), and everything in between guided me through living a life full of low self esteem and putting other's choices and feelings first.

Four days ago, I told him I still did not trust him and that what we were doing was not making me feel any different, that I needed to be with someone responsible for himself (he's 25 and acts like a kid) and whom I felt I could trust without saying anything more. Well two days later I talked to him and explained in detail how I felt, and he was just cold and unaffected by everything and said that I was right, and that he had realized he didn't want me to keep suffering with him.

I realize everything is over, I couldn't sleep last night, tried to call him, and meet him to give him all his things, still no answer.

I know this is what should have happened in the first place. I know. But it just feels so overwhelming, and I just can't stop thinking about him...

I'm getting help for my codependency and I know I have to grieve my loss and move on... But it's just so much right now and I don't want to feel depressed or sad because I have so many good things happening in my life right now...

I don't know what to do or how to move on feeling like I made the right decision!
Right now I just feel sad...

Hi dear, if you have not yet read the four stickies at the beginning of the Relationship Section, do so. You'll find you are in a very large group who have gone through the same pain and regret, but with TIME, it will pass, I promise.

It just takes each of us time to heal, and we will be here with you the help you along. You know yourself you did the right thing. Now you just have to reshape a few things to help you forget.. i.e. change décor in your place, change pillows on the couch, try a different style of music, join our forum actively and help others while you are healing.. keep busy.

We know what it's like and as I said, we'll be here to let you vent, cry, heal and not feel so alone until you've picked yourself up again.

Hang in there dear - you deserve better and eventually you'll find it.

http://content.sweetim.com/sim/cpie/emoticons/000202B4.gif (http://www.sweetim.com/s.asp?im=gen&ref=10)




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I'm getting help for my codependency and i know i have to grieve my loss and move on... But it's just so much right now and i don't want to feel depressed o sad because i have so many good things happening in my life right now...


The good things happening in your life will surely help and don't hesitate to focus on them whenever things get really difficult but at the same time you need to allow yourself to feel whatever it is you are feeling. Accept the fact that you need to grieve this relashionship knowing that you do have positive things going for you and that these things will help you get through it in the end.

Hey hon,

Let me tell you, I completely understand what you're going through. I am a co-dependant and my ex-boyfriend was the addict..

Looking back (now that we're broken up) I can truly realize how unterly miserable I was in the relationship, trying to take care of a "child".. a person who is soposed to be your supporter/lover

I went through the whole break up/get back together thing 4 times before it all finally clicked that we weren't soposed to be together

The final time I dumped him, I did not feel heartbroken/sick/miserable like I had been in the other times we broke up.. I think it's because my heart was slowly breaking over all the things he put me through.. so when the last breakup came, I no longer felt the same way about him.. My eyes were truly opened..

I just hope that your eyes are opened as well.. take this time to heal and regroup and discover yourself... this pain will go away, and you will look back and be so proud of yourself for getting out of this horrible relaitonship..