Okay first is the background information and then ill ask my question, thanks

A girl who I haven't seen in 6 years, since 5th grade, wants to meet up this weekend with some other people that we both know. Anyway I was excited to meet her because I like seeing people I haven't seen in a long time, however, it turns out she thinks it's a date. Im not sure if my friend the one who invited us is doing it or something. What adds to it is that I'm gay. Usually when girls ask me out I come up with a lie that makes them upset and then we never speak again. I don't want to do that here. I want to tell the truth in a sense, but I don't want to say I'm gay. No one knows and I want to keep it that way. We have been texting and she has been flirting like crazy and I'm trying not to flirt back but its difficult. Its not that I flirt, its just how I act to everyone. I don't want to lead her on but I don't no what to do.

How do I still hang out with her and my friends but JUST AS FRIENDS.

Help :(

Do you know for sure she is really interested? Maybe she is just flirting too. Does your friend know you're gay?
Coming up with lies to upset a girl because you don't want to deal with being honest is childish.
Go out with her, if she is showing interest tell her you enjoyed the evening with an old friend and don't ask her out again. She will get the message.
At some point you are going to have to stop hurting people feelings because you can't be honest.

First off I'm not sure why you don't want to let people know because if they love you they will no matter what even if it takes time for them to get used to your choices right? That being said I would think the best way to handle it is to let her know that by the way you two have been communicating you feel like maybe she misunderstood your intentions and that you are in a state in your life where you just aren't ready or desiring a relationship at this time. Although you are extremely excited about getting to see her again because it's been awhile and you'd just like to catch up on what's been going on in her life. We love it when guys let us talk and they listen FYI :p Hehe jk but I think in my opinion that would be the best way to handle it with out letting her know all the details since you aren't quite ready for that. I am glad that you aren't wanting to lie to her or mislead anyone anymore though because that will just lead to more relationship issues later and also personal guilt.

Hope you find the answer that's best for you and good luck Instinct! :) azdesertchick

Have you thought of just telling her that you think she is great but you are gay?

Do you know for sure she is really interested? Maybe she is just flirting too. Does your friend know you're gay?
Coming up with lies to upset a girl because you don't want to deal with being honest is childish.
Go out with her, if she is showing interest tell her you enjoyed the evening with an old friend and don't ask her out again. She will get the message.
At some point you are going to have to stop hurting people feelings because you can't be honest.

No one knows I'm gay, and the way she is flirting she seems interested saying things like:

1.) I can't wait till this Saturday hopefully your girlfriend won't get upset (she knows I don't have one)
2.) I hear you are still really cute
3.) Did <friends name> tell you that your going to be my lover boy this weekend? Because you will be :)
4.)Im going to look pretty for you


There's a lot more than these but I don't want to post them all for personal reasons. But they are along the lines of those, maybe I'm thinking too much into them?

And I know its childish that's why I want to stop it here and now but I don't no how. It always ends badly.

And its not that I ever asked her out, its just my friend asked if I wanted to go with them and I said sure. I didn't think twice about it being a date or anything until she started acting flirty. I don't want to ruin the night, I just want to go as a friend




First off I'm not sure why you don't want to let people know because if they love you they will no matter what even if it takes time for them to get used to your choices right? That being said I would think the best way to handle it is to let her know that by the way you two have been communicating you feel like maybe she misunderstood your intentions and that you are in a state in your life where you just aren't ready or desiring a relationship at this time. Although you are extremely excited about getting to see her again because it's been awhile and you'd just like to catch up on what's been going on in her life. We love it when guys let us talk and they listen FYI :p Hehe jk but I think in my opinion that would be the best way to handle it with out letting her know all the details since you aren't quite ready for that. I am glad that you aren't wanting to lie to her or mislead anyone anymore though because that will just lead to more relationship issues later and also personal guilt.

Hope you find the answer that's best for you and good luck Instinct! :) azdesertchick


Yeah I think I will tell her and see if she still wants to go as friends.

I am ready for people to know, but I can't let people know yet, if you read my other question, I will be kicked out of a program because of being gay, and I don't want that.

No I'm sorry I didn't see the other question so I wasn't aware of the program you were in that must be a rough spot to be in. I think you're making the right decision and I hope it all works out hun and yes by what you quoted her saying to you she definitely has the wrong idea hehe. Good luck! :)

Just tell her right away you're looking forward to a friendship but are not interested in any relationships right now because you have too much on your plate for one & want to be clear about that with her upfront no matter how much fun flirting is with her.

Just tell her right away you're looking forward to a friendship but are not interested in any relationships right now because you have too much on your plate for that & want to be clear about that with her upfront no matter how much fun flirting is with her.
That's the ticket.
Good advice

You don't have to tell someone all your business, but still must be honest enough to tell them your just friendly, and it goes no further. Privacy isn't a good excuse for bad, or misleading behavior. Remember that when your flirting.

It didn't work. I told her that I can't go with out of her. I told her the truth for the most part. Saying that I would like to end it here because I tend to lead girls on and then I ruin our friendships. And I told her that its not her, that its something very personal with me. And that if she would still like to go with me this weekend, we can talk about it after. She said that was okay with her. But she's still flirting. My message to her was like a whole essay so I thought I made it clear. I don't no what to do now

It sounds like you need to work on your boundaries. You don't owe someone that you knew a long time ago & barely have gotten reacquainted with details of your personal life much less your sexual choices / preferences. All you need to say is "I'm not looking for a relationship right now & just want to be friends." Protect your boundaires & yourself, no need to give out too much info to someone that's not close to you and/or needs to know. Your private business is yours only.

She may be a natural flirt, see you as a challenge or whatever, those are her issues. As long as you are honest that you aren't looking to be her boyfriend, that's all you need to say or do to keep your side of the fence clean.

It will be much easier for you if you don't flirt back, that will keep you from sending mixed messages that she can misinterpret. If her flirting makes you uncomfortable, tell her so & ask her to stop. Or just ignore it.

Just act like a friend not a potential boyfriend would & keep your personal business to yourself. If you become better friends & want to let her know more, you can always do that later. You have no obligation or duty to tell her everything about you right now at all. But the more you keep trying to explain, the worse you will make the situation. Keep it simple, to the point & be consistent to make things easier for yourself in an honest way.

It didn't work. I told her that i can't go with out of her. I told her the truth for the most part. Saying that i would like to end it here because i tend to lead girls on and then i ruin our friendships. And i told her that its not her, that its something very personal with me. And that if she would still like to go with me this weekend, we can talk about it after. She said that was okay with her. But shes still flirting. My message to her was like a whole essay so i thought i made it clear. I dont no what to do now
Maybe she is just a flirt, but if you feel uncomfortable about it, don't go out with her at all.

It worked enough to just have a good time with friends, and not to worry about it. You have done your part.

I finally just said again after her asking me if I would date someone like her. And I answered saying its something I need to talk to her about. ANd she asked if I'm gay? I am thinking of telling her, but I want to be there to tell her. If I tell her over the text saying yes, then she will most likely tell people. But if I told her face to face and asked her to please keep quiet about it, I think she would.


What do I say??

Honey of you think she would tell people if you text her, what makes you think she won't tell if you tell her face to face?
I have a feeling she already knows and is just yanking your chain. You don't have to tell her if you don't want to.
Don't go out with her. Or go out with her and tell her nothing.
I'm thinking, don't go out with her at all.