I'm 22 years old, a single mother of two, and a full time student. Before I met my boyfriend I wasn't even looking for a relationship. I already had a lot on my plate so I didn't want the drama. Well he found me, after agreeing to go on a second date with him I automatically became his girlfriend. Now he is with me every moment unless I am in school. He practically moved in on me and I told him I didn't want to live with anyone. Every time I try to explain to him that I didn't want a relationship and I need my space and time to be alone he gets all depressed and just mopes around. I haven't even been seeing him very long at all (3 weeks), and now he is telling everyone he wants to marry me. All I hear is "I love you" like every five minutes. I don't know what to do. He is one of the nicest people I have ever met but I just don't need nor do I want any of this right now and I just can't seem to get him to understand. How can I make him understand that and the fact that he loves me is just infatuation. Even his parents want us to get married already. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt him, I just want my privacy and my life back. Help!:(

You are going to have to stick to your boundaries & he's not respecting them. If he can't do that now, when your relationship is so new, he's likely to get even worse at it later.

He has issues you don't have the time, energy or inclination to deal with, so it seems your best bet is just to cut him loose & stick to that with a firm NC in place.

I really feel for you I know it feels like it's your fault if he responds badly when you let him know it's over and that you feel like you need space and aren't ready for a relationship but hun he's a big boy.. a grown man now. He sounds like the type that you have to be firm with in order to get it through to him so be very direct and draw very clear lines when you break up with him. It also sounds like you have a hard time with confrontation. I know it's uncomfortable but if it's your privacy you want back realize this is the only way you'll get it. So the question really is.. how badly do you want your space back?

Normally I never recommend writing a letter but if that's the only way you feel like you can be clear and firm then do it but just end it with a call me when you've read this. At least that way he knows exactly where you stand beforehand. Although communicating by phone or face to face is ideal in my opinion it also help you to feel more empowered by standing your ground. He obviously has issues and I'm sure his parents who are encouraging and approving of a marriage after just 3 weeks are part of his problems.

Good luck mv2008, I'm sure you'll find the right way to handle it. :) azdesertchick

It is so hard to stay on track when you have so much on your plate. You need people in your life who support your ambitions, not distract you from them.

If you really think you like him, explain this to him... That to be with you he needs to make a positive contribution to your life, not a negative one. Suggest ways that he could help you out that would lighten your load.

After talking, if things don't change then move on.

This guy has problems and he definitely has no respect for your wishes and needs. You need to bite the bullet and tell him it's not working. You have enough on your plate without worrying about him.
Cut him loose, let him know why it's not working then leave him completely alone.

A spine would go a long way right now, wouldn't it? Especially if you're a mother. Your kids will look to you, probably do NOW, to learn what "being strong" is all about. So, buck it up, dearie, time to get in some practice.

First, stop talking about his actions, his wants, his desires, his opinion or his family's desire for your future. For the sake of this situation, all of that is irrelevant. If you don't set all that aside, you'll never fix this.

His feelings for you may not be infatuation. He may have fallen quickly for you. But that's irrelevant, right? That is part of the stuff you're setting aside. So, don't diminish his position in this, to him it is VERY serious, perhaps obsessively so. You have to be honest without taking his feelings onto your shoulders, it's not your responsibility to fend off his depressions or moping fits.

Next, decide if you want him in your life at all. If so, to what degree and how often. Write it down.

Now the spine part... just read the list to him. If the list says, "not in my life right now." then still read it to him. Harsh? Yes. Of course, that's what happens when you let someone push themselves this far into your life. He did that, but you let him. So, now you have to harshly get reality back on track.

He's not your boyfriend unless you say he is.

He doesn't come over to your house without permission. When he does, tell him ON THE PORCH it is inappropriate for him to ever come over unannounced without prior permission EVER AGAIN. You are a mother and a student and will not put up with foolishness.

You don't want to hurt him? To not hurt him worse than you already have by leading him on this long (don't argue... not fending him off equals leading him on, especially his character type)... to not hurt him MORE, you have to hurt him some.

You're a mother. Do what must be done, do the right thing, face the pain and the pain will start to subside and heal. You cannot waste any more of his time or yours.

You want your privacy back? There is no magic. Unpack your spine and take it back with some calm, non-angry honesty to him. Use clear, non-vague and brief sentences and get it over with.

NO - "I'm really having a hard time getting everything I need done and need to find some way to have more time for my studies and the kids, so maybe you shouldn't come around so much." Definitely No. This would just lead to arguments.

YES - "I'm done dating you (for now). Don't come around anymore. I'm not kidding." (door shuts)

That's the kind of directness that's going to get this done. Sorry for the situation being this bad, but this diapers that baby properly.

JB stated the best advice perfectly. This is not a guy that takes hints or is sensitive to your situation or feelings, so subtle will not work with him. You will have to be very precise & stick to it.

When he tries to argue with you or keeps pushing his case, just say "I'm sorry you feel that way but I've made up my mind & will not discuss it further", period. Don't let him in when you don't want him there. Don't have extended conversations with him that will get you nowhere but will keep him connected to trying to change your mind & fuel his agenda further.

Stick to your guns & make it clear you will not let him push you into a relationship you don't want that isn't working for you.

Stand up for your own interests, and let there be hell to pay, for anyone trying to walk over you! Better they be pizzed off than pizzed on!

How does someone make you his g/f against your will, after the second date? Slow this train down, before it runs you over!