I'm almost 30 and have never had a girlfriend. So I'm thinking no, but I might be wrong. Maybe it's just me. I'm the fat nerd type, not the skinny.

Everyone is attracted to something different. But I would say that most mature women are looking for a nice, honest guy with a sense of humor. Women also like men who are self confident.

Do you have potential. Can you improve yourself. Lets put it this way, I dated the buff good looking guys in college, who did I end up with a nerd. As you grow older around late 20's 30's women will see your potential and wise up as long as you are a
"smart nerd" who is employable.

Do you have any close friends that are female? Matbe you can ask them what you can do to improve yourself (clothing, hair) try an online dating service! You can get to know someone on line and like you before they even see you. This is how I met my hubby!

I pretty much keep to myself and don't do anything besides work and relax when I'm not working.

If you don't put yourself out there you will never meet anyone. Join a club. If you are more of the shy, smart type then a book club might be a good idea for you.

I'm about as anti social as they get. I don't even know why I asked this question.

You don't paint a pretty picture. Maybe it's time for some therapy?

I think I'd rather stay in the situation I'm in rather than seeing Dr. Phil.

WHO SAID DR PHIL. Y you don't seem happy and perhaps you are a little depressed. You sound very lonely.

Haha. I just used his name as a generalization for any shrink out there. I didn't mean him personally. But someday I may have to give in and go see one. I do have the insurance now from work to cover it. I'm just not fond of them is all.

Its always good to talk to someone. If you don't do something soon you may be alone for a very long time

Sometimes I think that may be for the best.

I heart nerds. I married one and we have grown fat together over the years!

Since you were motivated enough to post, you are motivated enough to want something different. What you have been doing isn't working, so it is time for a change.

Counselors aren't as bad as you think. My hubby and I have been going to one for a few months to kind of get back on track. It helps to have someone tell you that you aren't crazy and help you with areas that need work.

I have battled depression all my adult life and can tell you that being inactive can feed into it and make you not want to leave the house or do anything. You would be surprised how adding a 15 brisk walk every day can add to your confidence and outlook on life.

I joined a dancing class. I'm no willowy gal, but I have a great time doing it. Find something similar whether it be a book club, hobby, learning to fly - whatever - as long as it interests you. You'll meet people and then all kinds of good things can happen.

The problem is yourself confidence.
Reading your posts is even making me sad...

Your words:
"Fat nerd type" "Anti Social" "Keep to myself"
Yourself confidence is just too low. (A shrink could help with that... )

You calling yourself anti-social tells me you know what the problem is. The problem is you are anti-social, and you have a low self-esteem.

How do you expect to get a girlfriend if you "keep to yourself?"

Different girls are attracted to different things. Some girls like the jocks, sure. But some are attracted to brains. You just need to find the ones that are attracted to brains. BUT, that won't happen if you "keep to yourself!"

You need to realize that you have something desirable by EVERYONE! BRAINS! Who doesn't want to be smart? You should be proud of your nerdiness! When you realize this, maybe then you can raise yourself confidence.

I am sure you are a funny, charming, SMART guy! But, people don't see that when you "keep to yourself."

Now...
I'm sure you have realized the amount of times I have referenced your saying that you "KEEP TO YOURSELF!!!" This is the problem, along with self esteem. Once you can talk to other people, and meet some other people (including girls), you can start dating some!

Please realize that millions would kill for your smarts, and that YOU ARE DESIRABLE! Let some people get to know you!

What I do is try to introduce myself to a different person everyday in high school. It works well. You will meet literally hundreds of people if you do this! You could try this in the workplace, on the bus, or even just on the street.

Another thing I do, to keep myself confidence up, is a little weird. BUT IT WORKS! Every time I leave the house, I look at myself in the mirror, and say, "Who wouldn't want you! grrrrr!" And then I leave. I laugh at it, and I am in a good mood for the day, and myself confidence is up. (Girls like a happy person, too)

So,
Up yourself confidence. Be more social. I know it's easier said then done, but at least give it shot. What have you got to lose?

Good luck,
Try some of the advice,
And let me know how it goes.
Good luck! :)

Thanks,

Also,
Take out a piece of paper, and write down everything you like about yourself. And focus on that list. Think of what is good about yourself, and that will hopefully help yourself confidence.

BUT, after reading alllllll that advice (form myself and others),
Are you going to apply any of it?
Are you going to try to be more outgoing?
And NOT keep to yourself?

At least try to make some new friends, to get used to the idea of being more social.

If you want to change, you have to change your behaviour.

Good luck :)

To be completely honest with you, that paper would probably be blank. I have put myself in social situations before, but it never works out. I end up leaving and spending time alone where I feel more comfortable. Everything you've said makes sense, but I don't know if I can do it. The only time I would ever talk to strangers would be if I were drinking. I've since stopped drinking because I think my health is more important.

But, it is just when you said you think your health is more important. Wouldn't you consider your mental, social, and emotional well being as your health? I am not saying drink so you can talk to others, but just talk to others.
I AM NOT ENCOURAGING YOU TO DRINK. NOT DRINKING IS A GREAT DECISION.

Saying that the paper would be blank is the self confidence thing again. I can list several things about you, and I haven't even met you.
1. Your SMART!
2. You care
3. You make smart decisions (i.e. not drinking)
4. Your employed

JUST ADD ON! Over the years, you have convinced yourself that there is nothing good about you, which just isn't true at all. Everyone can see that, but you. Even I can see it, even though I have only known you have exsisted for the last hour.

I'm not saying that you should go out tomorrow, and be Mr. Social. But, at least introduce yourself to ONE person at work, and just have a small conversation. EVEN if it is just saying "hi" or "hi, I'm ____."

Please Please Please just try to introduce yourself to one person tomorrow. What have you got to lose? Just try it. Again, I know it is easier said then done, but just try it. Just get out there and do it.

And, by the way, you are talking to several complete strangers right here on this site. Maybe not face to face, and maybe it is a little impersonal, but you are still communicating with strangers! And I like you so far :).

It might take a long time for any of this to take place. I have other problems that I haven't talked about. If I don't get over those none of this will ever happen.

You could also try some volunteer work , that way your doing something good for someone else which will make you feel good about yourself , and you'll meet new people while doing it.

I think that you need to look at your current situation. If you have a piece of crap car- get a newer one- nothing red or pink. If you wear glasses get new ones and look around. If you have a few extra pounds- loose some weight. It is all about appearance at first and then people want to get to know you. I hate to say it like that. If every thing you do stays the same nothing will change- you have to make the change. Im a very quiet person but I went to a few places and experieced new things and now I am w/ someone that I really like.

It might take a long time for any of this to take place. I have other problems that I haven't talked about. If I don't get over those none of this will ever happen.

Well, take your time then.
Its better later than never, right?

You could always talk to us about those other problems.

I realize I have been a little forceful with my advice, and I'm sorry for that. Advice is just that, advice. Not direction, or order, and I think I forgot that in the last few posts. But we are all here to help. Any problems AT ALL you want to address, go ahead.

I realize this isn't something you can just change overnight. But try to change a little but if you are unhappy with your current self. A common metaphor for this: Baby Steps. :)

Either way, keep us informed on your situation, and the community can help you!

I think that you need to look at your current situation. If you have a piece of crap car- get a newer one- nothing red or pink. If you wear glasses get new ones and look around. If you have a few extra pounds- loose some weight. It is all about apperance at first and then people want to get to know you. I hate to say it like that. If every thing you do stays the same nothing will change- you have to make the change. Im a very quiet person but I went to a few places and experieced new things and now i am w/ someone that I really like.

As much as I hate to say it, it is true. Appearance is the first impression anyone gets of you. I have had a few problems lately with that, choosing my dates by appearance, and feeling like crap for it. Sadly, appearance is a big part of this.

To be completely honest with you, that paper would probably be blank. I have put myself in social situations before, but it never works out. I end up leaving and spending time alone where I feel more comfortable. Everything you've said makes sense, but I don't know if I can do it. The only time I would ever talk to strangers would be if I were drinking. I've since stopped drinking because I think my health is more important.

It sounds like you have social anxiety disorder, which could easily be overcome with some counseling.

I just got home from work. Thanks to all who responded while I was away.

Ok, first off, don't dog on yourself. You called yourself fat and a nerd. Don't do that and don't stereotype yourself!Be confident. Instead of saying you are the "fat nerd" type, say you are the "one of a kind fluffy smart guy" type!! Much more appealing to women and it will definitely boost yourself confdence!!

I've been depressed and antisocial and know from experience that if you don't go out there and show off your true colors, no one will ever notice you. Trust me on this, if you just go out to a club or some other social gathering maybe once a wekk during your relaxation time, get to know people, and make some friends then you will have a girlfriend in no time. All you have to do is go up and ask confidently. It worked for me.

Hope it helps. And if not, then you get boosted self confidence and new friends. What's there to lose?

If you don't take the chance you will be single forever. End of story.

I may sound like a when I say that, but it's true and time someone told you.

I really don't mean to be so blunt and everything, but if you don't take a chance then you won't ever get the reward and you will always be wondering. Like I said, there's nothing to lose, only gains. If you get rejected then just froget about it and move on. Sure it will hurt initially (trust me, I KNOW how rejection feels), but if you move on and keep trying you will find someone who likes you too. I did. If I didn't ask out my best friend (whom I have liked for 3 YEARS) then I never would have gotten a date to Homecoming and never been super happy (for I was uber depressed and that drastically boosted my mood) and never remembered what being happy felt like! Just take the chance!!

As much as I've been griping about this whole thing, maybe I was meant to be single. For all I know I could be lousy when it comes to being with someone. There are things I still want to do and it would be difficult to do those things if I were tied down. And I'm used to being single. Changing that may make things worse for all I know. I guess I was just curious if the women out there went for the nerdy types and I guess some do.

Maybe you are, maybe you aren't, but why admit defeat? You haven't ever tried and just because you have a girlfriend doesn't mean you are tied down! You can't make assumptions about things you haven't even tried! If you want to stay single then you can, but if you want a girlfriend, or even just some great new friends, go to a social gathering of some sort and hang out and get to know people.

If you don't take the chance you will be single forever. End of story.

EXACTLY!!
If you don't try, what do you expect?

Let me go through a few cliché phrases:

-The bigger the risk, the bigger the reward
-Its better to shoot and miss, than to not shoot at all
-You learn more from your failures than your successes


Now,
Everybody gets rejected. I have been rejected countless times. It is just a part of life. But, when you get rejected, you must learn from it. Apply what you learn in the next situation.

If you don't ask anybody out, or talk to anybody, how do you expect to get a girlfriend?

And don't say that you don't want to date. Of course you do, or else you wouldn't have posted. Don't get scared and run away and hide.
You sound depressed, and really unhappy with yourself. Then you say that having a girlfriend could hurt things even more. Do you really, honestly believe that? You haven't had the expirience, so why would assume these things. And why would 99% of the human population date if it was really so awful? ITS GREAT! You will like it! And you know you will. So don't deny the fact that you want a girlfriend.
And what do you have to do that a girlfriend would stop you from doing? Are you really that busy? Would a girlfriend really tie you down that much?

I want to know...
Do you really not want a girlfriend?
Did you really only want to know IF girls like nerds?

Answer those HONESTLY so that we can help you. There is NO reason to lie here, we are all here to help.

Exactly what Jrsg said.

I want to know...
Do you really not want a girlfriend?
Did you really only want to know IF girls like nerds?

I think at this point it's more of a curiosity since I've never been in the situation. And yes, I did want to know if girls like nerds, because I am one ;)

So you don't want a girlfriend then?

I guess we have answered your questions then.
Conclusion: Some women like nerds. There you go.


_____________________________

If you want to know what I believe, read on... If not, don't.
_____________________________

I think you really do want a girlfriend. You just aren't willing to put in the work. OR you are too afraid, and won't face your fears of being in social situations. If you never put yourself in those social situations you fear so much, you will never learn. Maybe you don't realize you are doing this, but I honestly believe you are.

You were open to the idea of changing and becoming a more social being in the beginning of this thread. You probably thought we were going to give you some magical tip to fix your life. Then, once people starting giving you advice, and things to work on, you realized this was going to take a lot of work. You shut down and gave up. You decided you will never get over your fear. You decided that you are the way you are because it is "meant to be." "Meant to be" is just an excuse. You are that way because you choose to be that way.

So, if you aren't willing to put in the work, I am going to respectfully leave now.

I sincerely hope you ask for what you really want in life, and that you takes the steps you need to reach it. This forum is the perfect place to ask a question like that. Until then, I'm out.

I agree with Jrsg.

You've been a lot of help along with everyone else. I'll keep you updated if anything happens. I am confident in myself in some ways but I obviously lack in other ways.

i'm hot.. and i love nerds /geeks.. "your just looking for love in all the wrong places

I've read the posts and it's almost completely unbearable for me. Why is Nerd such a nasty slur? I identify with nerd and I am proud of it. Why is being a social misfit akin to having leprosy?

The question you should be asking is do you want to join a conformist society. The answer is that we live in a society of conformist sheep. People who are afraid to think for themselves and are afraid of those of us who do. I am so individualistic and independent minded that I have been socially rejected by other nerds. Rejected for not following the latest fads in the geek community (yes they really do conform to each other and have trends/fads etc.)

Do you really want to be a sheeple (sheep + people)?

As for women, I am in the same boat as you are, and I'm 34 so don't feel too bad. Women are socially conditioned to love conformity and loathe individuality. Plain and simple, this is why women have been traditionally the guardians and stalwarts of social norms and mores. This is why fashion and trend publications are marketed almost exclusively towards women.

This is also why you will probably never find a cool nerd female, (at least not one who isn't already spoken for or that your friends won't fight you over. Or that her friends won't try to keep you from dating or associating with.)

Society has a mob mentality, and breeds conformity. If you were one of the sheeple, you would already have a wife, kids and mortgage. Instead, you sought your own interests and hobbies and paid a high price for it. One that you will continue to pay until you conform, or reach the end of your life.

I don't want to sound too harsh or cruel, but just like me, you did this to yourself. No one made you socially awkward or a misfit. There was something inside that made you who you are today.

I wear my status of being a social misfit like a badge of honor. If you are ashamed to be who you are, then change it. Start watching sports, sitcoms, and "reality tv". Start conforming to other men your age who are attractive to women. Dumb yourself down, try not to "think too much".

As one who recently tried those things, I can tell you they didn't work for me.

If you go that route, I just hope you don't wind up hating yourself like I did.

I am confident in myself in some ways but I obviously lack in other ways.

You NEED to hold on to that confidence. Don't get your expectations up either, lest you be let down again. Remember what you, I and others are up against. Society is just a gilded prison, a cage. Conformity is a straight jacket. There is no value in conformity, only the surrender to those of artificial authority and sub-intelligence.

We are better than that.

I've read the posts and it's almost completly unbearable for me. Why is Nerd such a nasty slur? I identify with nerd and I am proud of it. Why is being a social misfit akin to having leprosy?

The question you should be asking is do you want to join a conformist society. The answer is that we live in a society of conformist sheep. People who are afraid to think for themselves and are afraid of those of us who do. I am so individualistic and independent minded that I have been socially rejected by other nerds. Rejected for not following the latest fads in the geek community (yes they really do conform to each other and have trends/fads etc.)

Do you really want to be a sheeple (sheep + people)?

As for women, I am in the same boat as you are, and I'm 34 so don't feel too bad. Women are socially conditioned to love conformity and loathe individuality. Plain and simple, this is why women have been traditionally the guardians and stalwarts of social norms and mores. This is why fashion and trend publications are marketed almost exclusively towards women.

This is also why you will probably never find a cool nerd female, (at least not one who isn't already spoken for or that your friends wont fight you over. Or that her friends wont try to keep you from dating or associating with.)

Society has a mob mentality, and breeds conformity. If you were one of the sheeple, you would already have a wife, kids and mortgage. Instead, you sought your own interests and hobbies and paid a high price for it. One that you will continue to pay until you conform, or reach the end of your life.

I don't want to sound too harsh or cruel, but just like me, you did this to yourself. No one made you socially awkward or a misfit. There was something inside that made you who you are today.

I wear my status of being a social misfit like a badge of honor. If you are ashamed to be who you are, then change it. Start watching sports, sitcoms, and "reality tv". Start conforming to other men your age who are attractive to women. Dumb yourself down, try not to "think too much".

As one who recently tried those things, I can tell you they didn't work for me.

If you go that route, I just hope you don't wind up hating yourself like I did.

Hah. I love this post, I agree with it all so much.

It's true that women are conditioned to follow the mob and to fit in. I'm a woman and I don't like that thought, but it's true.
There are women who think differently than that too. I have inevitably cut a lot of potential people out of my life because I can't relate to them and the "sheeple" mentality. It's difficult because we're social creatures and I would like to make connections with others, but I would be ashamed of myself if I tried to fit in to those norms.

There are girls out there that are able to admire you (OP) for who you are and you should not settle for anything less. Don't sacrifice what you believe and who you are for anyone.

Personally, I think you're afraid of stepping out of your comfort zone. But if your entire life is sheltered, you're not really living. The courage to take a big step is tough, yea. But not taking that risk is being a coward (no offense). And as sappy as it may sound, any risk, no matter how small, will help. Because, like JRSG said, Baby steps!

It seems like you are a home body. If you never do new things you cannot meet new people. I hate to say it like that but it is true. Im very shy myself and I find it hard to expand to find new people. But I can honestly say once I get to know someone new it was all worth it or at least you have something to laugh about. I know losing weight is and can be difficult but I would join weight watchers- I go all of the time. You have support of others and get to be around women. It will boost your confinence and make women that you have been around even at work notice you. That is where I would start - don't hop into a relationship unless you feel good in your own skin.

Join a fitness club... you not only get in shape but it is a chance to meet new people. I joined one and I met this awsome guy there... dont be afraid to get out there!!

I personally don't like nerds but I'm sure there are women out there who do.

Women over 30 are usually more mature than younger ones and start to judge men by their personality and job instead of looks. Stick to women your own age and I'm sure you'll find the right one sooner or later.

Personally, I love smart men. Intelligence is extremely attractive to me. If a man doesn't have an intellectual side to him, he's likely to bore me in the long run.

Confidence is definitely important in the dating scene. If you don't believe in your assets, it can be much harder for others to recognize them in you. Of course, arrogance is a big turn off. You need to find the right balance between modesty and self belief.

Being exceptionally bright does not mean that you can disregard the significant role that appearance plays, whether we want to accept it or not.

I'm actually a Mensa girl. I also happen to love fashion, looking nice, practicing good hygiene, and taking care of my body. If you're able to bring each of these desirable features into who you are, you turn into a knock-out (or a hunk).

A positive outlook, an amicable attitude and good manners also contribute a lot when it comes to your desirability.

If you think you're lacking in one of these areas, try to identify what you could be doing better. Some people worry that changing their style means that they're leaning away from who they really are or pretending to be someone that they're not. I don't believe that to be true. I think that all of us have things to work on, and no one "is" an old grey sweatsuit.

Think about your posture, the way you walk, or anything else you think you could be doing better, and then put energy into seeing what you can do to improve yourself. If you think you're clueless when it comes to a certain something, then overcome your shyness and ask others for advice! I'm sure that anyone would be happy to help you out.

Dating and taking care of yourself are both lots of fun! You just have to look at them that way.