I was in a relationship with a man that had custody of his 4 children for about 4 months which ended a year and a half ago. His two youngest children kept in touch with me as they are very close to my daughter. He would call every 3-4 months or so to "check in" with me-to see how it was going,etc. Within the last month my daughter and I have seen his youngest children almost on a daily basis (they attend the same school). He and I have been talking on the phone or texting about 5 times a week. He has told me that his children love me and will take nothing less but me for their mother. I never stopped caring for this man and the reasons we broke up were silly. He tells his children nice things about me (I am sure so they will relay them to me) but to be honest I am confused. I don't know if I should ask him what he wants or leave it alone and have him come to me. I would like to invite him out for coffee or something simple to see if the feelings are still there. I know his children long for a mother in their life but I want him to want me not only a mother for his children. Please help guys!

What were the silly reasons for the original breakup? And be brief but thorough, we want to root for you two, but need the background to be sure.

Yes, JB is right.. We need to know the reasons for the break up and then we can tell you. But it does seem like he's sniffing around a bit, asking him out to coffee couldn't hurt

I know his children long for a mother in their life but I want him to want me not only a mother for his children.

I think that you're quite right to be cautious,after all,you want to be loved for who you are.


He and I have been talking on the phone or texting about 5 times a week. He has told me that his children love me and will take nothing less but me for their mother.

From this,it's clear that at least you're friendly with him (being in contact so often.)

Also,the children love you too,which is REALLY important,and after all,the
Reason you've kept in contact with him. :)

By all means invite him out (in a friendly sort of way!! )

I would invite him and the kids over for dinner and see how it turns out. What's the worst that can happen?

I wouldn't take what he said about the kids wouldn't take anyone less for a mother at face value, that may just have been his malespeak for a compliment to you. He's obviously had custody of 4 kids for quite a while & done well. He may have just been trying to tell you they all miss you a lot.

Go have coffee & talk to him alone, that won't hurt either of you & can either clear up loose ends over the orig'l breakup or be the spark to a new start together.

Good luck!

Entertaining a friendship with him for starters probably wouldn't hurt. Although I would take things very slow if I were you, especially since children are involved and you don't want them subject to all the back and forth, but I'm sure you've already considered this.

Go out to coffee with him alone. Ask him what it is he wants. Talk about the things that caused the break up and see if things have changed or if they are things that can be worked out.
Good luck

With kids involved on both sides, I think going very slow, and just being friends for now, is the way to go, until you both can privately sort things out. I caution you, on trying to move to fast, with higher expectations than is realistic.

Go slow, and build to what works for you both, (if there is something there on his part) since your families are already bonded.

Coffee between you two would be a start at talking. That's before you get the kids more involved than they are.