I am new to this forum, and I've been reading the questions posted already, many of which I would love to answer, but I just don't have the strength to. My boyfriend and I have been broken up since August 1. This is the first time we've ever REALLY broken up, however, we took a 12 day break back in April, and another 5 day break in the beginning of July. Michael is an addict, and he went into rehab in March. He was clean and sober for about 3 months, then he started drinking and smoking again, but has yet to return to his actual drug of choice. I love Michael for who he is. He and I have been together for three years. Even after he was sober, he loved me, wanted to be with my forever, and even asked me to move in with him. Then all of a sudden, without any signs and completely blind-sided.. he left. We have hung out since. We hung out the following Friday after he texted me "I love you, no one has ever loved each other as much as you and I." We got into an argument the following day over something someone else had said, which he always allows cause problems. He then told a mutual friend "I don't love her anymore, I want nothing to do with her." That friend told me and I prepared myself as I texted him to tell him that we needed to exchange things so we could part ways. He met me at a park near my house one Sunday night, and he looked so nervous that he was making himself sick. I gave him his bills and explained them, he gave me the things I asked for, then I told him to go and rest. I asked him not to be a stranger and he got choked up and said "Don't you be a strangey neither." He took two steps towards the parking lot, turned around and said "I will always love you, you know that right?" He kissed me before I could even figure out what was going on, and between kisses we kept making clear that we couldn't be together yet, and I kept saying I wasn't ready to be with him and he agreed. One thing led to another and we had sex. That week, he was speaking to the same mutual friend and said the same "I don't love her anymore" thing that he did the week prior. That Saturday was his birthday, and I texted him to wish him a happy birthday. We texted back and forth a few times, he wanted to tell me all about the fish he caught when he was fishing. The following night, we had plans to see each other because he owes me money and he gets paid on Sundays. He texted me to tell me he wasn't feeling well, and I said "Okay, well maybe some other time." No sooner did I say that, he called me and said "Can you meet me at the park? I really want to see you." We met up, and I had bought him a cake and lit some candles for him to blow out. When he got there, he was surprised and he smiled so wide. I sang happy birthday and he blew out the candles, then he helped me off the playground, gave me a big hug and kiss and once again, one thing led to another and we had sex. We had made plans to see a movie that Wednesday, but he later told me that he wasn't ready for that. We ended up hanging out that Friday morning for a few hours, had breakfast together and hung out at the dock and watched the water, and eventually went back to his house and had sex a few times then parted ways. The following morning, we met up and had breakfast at the park, and I had to give him mail that was still coming to my house. When we were parting ways, he simply kissed me on the lips and gave me a big hug, and that was that. Sunday night, he had to give me money, and he was very angry and he threw it at me then sped off. Monday morning, I brought him breakfast and I had to give him more mail, and I decided that it was a good time to ask him what's in his heart. I asked if I was and he said no and walked back towards his house. As I was driving away, he took a long glance at me and I drove off. We now just hung out this past Friday, or yesterday rather. I went to his house in the morning, we had sex, we went and he bought me breakfast, then we went down to the dock. Then I had to leave for work, but we had planned to go fishing when I got off. He wound up getting called into work, so that plan fell through.

That is the scoop. I don't know what is going on with him. Obviously, neither of us say I love you to each other. He knows how I feel about him, so I don't need to scare him any more by saying it more. But I don't know about him. He always makes an effort to say "we aren't together" whenever something comes up, and trust me, that is clear. I am trying so hard to get over him, and he is not my first love, but he is the first man that truly wanted to marry me. He is my first great love. I cannot let go of him. Is he just using me as just someone to screw? Or is he using me knowing that he can have sex with me? Does he still love me and he is building up a wall for everyone else to see? Is he saying he doesn't love me so he doesn't feel so bad about the hurt he is putting me through? I DON'T UNDERSTAND. Sure, I would love all of you to just say "Yes he will be back soon," or "no, just move on Sam," but you all obviously don't have the answers. I would, however, like insight as to what I am doing.. because clearly, I don't even know myself. Where do I go next?

Thanks for listening.
Sam

For a start sam stop having sex with him,stop kissing him,don't let him kiss you move away if he tries because it's not helping either of you

I don't have all the awnser's
But you giving him sex is messing with your head
And he may or may not be using you for sex but stop it until you both have talked about what's going on between you both.
He needs to get clean,the only way that'll happen is if he wants to,it'll not happen if he's doing it for others.
Try getting him to send the cash he owes you in the post and you do the same with his mail,or give it to a friend to pass it on

You both need to sort out your heads and your hearts and that's not going to happen if your constantly seeing each other.you both need a break to find yourselves and to realise what you truly want

Stop using negative words like you can't and use I can instead. You be surprise about what you can do if you set your mind to it. Like the above poster stated having sex with him isn't good and it doesn't mean your would get back together but only showing, if everything, your're friends with benefits. This guy have alots of kinks in his life and need to get it straight. Why he's talking your friends the opposite of what's telling you is beyond me but tells a lot about him and should make you not want to be with him more. Leave in the past where he belongs and in time you be surprise at how you got over him. Start doing this now.

Why are you letting a very problem person bring you down??

Well, I won't be dealing with him on a regular basis anymore, as the other day he decided to tell me he just doesn't love me anymore and would never give me another chance, as if I'm the one that needs it. Whether he will be back or not, I don't know. I am miserable, this is the man I have given my all to and believed wanted to spend his life with me for the past 3 years. I am just sort of numb. I hate his addiction and what it has done to his personality and his attitude as well as his life overall.

You have enough reason to leave him alone, so do so, and worry about yourself for a change.