Hi,

I am 18 years old and just starting college and my girlfriend of 8 months told me that she needed time to figure herself out. I had fallen in love with her and she used to tell me all the time how she loved me and wanted to be with me forever. The actual break-up happened 1 week ago and I know that I haven't been doing the right thing by talking to her. But it is really hard not to. The worst part comes when I know that there are three other guys who are wanting to be with her now that we broke-up. I admit I am a little insecure at times especially when she goes over to another mans house alone. I really don't agree with that because it causes more stress than needed. And whenever she did we would fight so I'm not going to say our relationship was perfect. And also, during the week we have been broken up she has asked me to hang out and I went and she kissed me and said how much she loved me and then would follow with telling me how we aren't together. I'm trying hard to not contact her but we were best friends so that makes it even harder. I really love this girl but she did come into my life at a time where I was at an all-time low and everything seemed better but now that she's gone I'm right back to where I was.

Edit: She asked me to take her to dinner for her birthday. And jokingly I told her to ask one of the guys who likes her. She said that she wanted me to because she knows I care and love her and she loves me so she wanted me to. It makes it a lot harder now.

Edit 2: a quick question. So we really haven't started the no contact thing. But should I just do it and not tell her that we are doing it? Before she went to sleep today she said Ill talk to you tomorrow and what if I just didn't respond and didn't respond over the next however long. Or should I say no contact from now on.

Edit 3: Last edit I swear. So When she talks to me how long before I respond? Or do I not respond? And also how long do I maintain silence for? Is there a point where I can say hi and see what they thought of?

Obviously, she doesn't know what she wants or what she's doing.

Give yourself some space between her.

If you want a relationship with her, you have no option but to take yourself out of her life. From experience, if she knows you'll come running every time she clicks her fingers, then she has the best of both worlds. Freedom, no need to make a choice and also you still in her life.
Take that away from her and you'll know her true feelings. As for 3 guys wanting her, rebound relationships rarely succeed so don't stress about that. Let her live her life and you do the same. Give her the impression that you've accepted her decision and moved on with your life with dignity.
As for her asking you out, respond with "I'd love to but I'm really busy. maybe some other time." When she texts you, sit on your hands for an hour and don't respond. Keep her waiting and turn it around.
Good luck but NO CONTACT is the best chance with a girl like yours.
You're both young - space and time!

So do you think when I wake up in the morning and she has texted me. Should I just not respond and do no contact. Or should I tell her that I'm doing no contact. How long do rebounds last usually? I'm sure I'd find out one way or another. So it would hurt finding out. But I would probably be happier once it ended to if I still have feelings by the time I'm done healing. So is there a rough time as to how long rebounds last?

Don't tell her your doing no contact, that's the whole point... for her to realise what she is missing, remember the saying "you dont know what you have untill its gone"
Just don't say anything for a week or more, and you will know when she comes running back to you that you are guys are meant to be.

just dont say anything for a week or more, and you will know when she comes running back to you that you are guys are ment to be.

How would one know that she's running back. I plan on doing as little as I can to avoid looking at pictures, talking, reading her messages. So when I see a text I plan on basically just deleting it. So what would be a sign that I accidentally wouldn't miss that says she wants to be back.

And for anyone that can help tell me how bad my insecurity is. She feels it is okay to go "hang out" with another guy even if she is with someone. And all her friends are guys. I told her I wasn't going to allow hanging out at other guys houses since I had already been cheated on the same way and she knows this. She thinks I don't trust her enough. But after being cheated on it's really hard to think that nothing is going to happen.

No what I'm saying is, don't communicate with her, yea of course if she sends txt' msg's or emails or anything like that you can read them, but don't initiate any type of contact because that might push her away from you, she might think you are obsessed etc. Just lay low and if you accidentally pick up the phone or see her just say look you wanted space that's what I'm giving you and say your busy youl talk another time. This is what I'm doing in my situation, give her time to think about the situation and fi she really likes you she will realize that she will tell you and you will know trust me. It all takes time just let the dust settle for now.

And for anyone that can help tell me how bad my insecurity is. She feels it is okay to go "hang out" with another guy even if she is with someone. And all her friends are guys. I told her I wasn't going to allow hanging out at other guys houses since I had already been cheated on the same way and she knows this. She thinks I don't trust her enough. But after being cheated on it's really hard to think that nothing is going to happen.

I think it is fine if you say "hey! I don't like it when you go to a guys' place alone."

It's all right.

For sure focusing on something else is the way to go, and staying busy while the emotional dust settles works in your long term interest.

No contact will eliminate most of the confusion and drama, and give you a chance to heal, and move on, and no reason why you can't tell her how you feel, about stopping contact, as that's being honest.

Leave all the games to the players, and rebuild a life that you enjoy, without her in it. If she changes her mind later, at least you'll be able to decide what you want to do about it from a realistic, healthy position, and not just some intense feelings.