How can I help to nurture a warm and comfortable relationship with my daughter-in-law who is so different culturally. I also find that I am considered "old" in her eyes and have completely different values and habits than this young woman. Add to that, the sensitive issue of her being married to my son, and constantly bickering with him as well, I can see why she is on her guard and is fearful and distrustful of us. I have raised my sons and am perfectly happy letting them raise their own children. I keep my mouth shut and never criticize ever about what my daughter-in-law does, but I find that we conflict in areas surrounding how I wish people to behave in my own house. An example being, that many years ago when my daughter-in-law was visiting us in the country house, she grabbed a cookie ran into the living room, and proceeded to eat it, dropping crumbs on the floor and chair where she was sitting. I asked her to get a plate, and explained that the crumbs left on the furniture and floor attract mice. She abruptly left the house in a rage, and insisted that my son drive her home right away. She was angry and indignant that I should say something to her. But other people who visit, and who have accepted refreshments, for themselves and their children, always take a plate, and instruct their children to do the same.
There are many stories like this one that I could share, that are one and the same in terms of my daughter-in-law's mode of response. She always responds to any rebuke or mention of a different set of values, in the very same way. She becomes indignant, angry abusive, haughty, and storms away angry as if one has deeply insulted her. She will scream and rage at my son until she gets what she wants. She shuns me and attempts to be affectionate with my husband which I find inappropriate and dysfunctional but I don't say anything to her for fear of her rages. This is a damaged young woman and I am at a quandary as to how to deal with her.

Why they are still living with you? How old are they?

I don't know your daughter-in-law and your son but extras in the household should know their places. You are still the queen of the household because you own it.

What does your son, and husband, say to you about her, and her behavior?? She sounds like a brat.