My husband and I are very concerned for our daughter. She is a bright and beautiful young lady. She received a full college scholarship. In our daughters junior year of college she announces to us that she is taking a break form school. We thought that she might just need a vacation. Then she announces that she has been stripping.

We talked to her and asked her why would you want to become a stripper. One of the girls at her college dorm took our daughter to work with her one night. Our daughter said the money is great. She keep telling us that she can go back to school anytime. Our first thought was she hooked on drugs. She said she was hooked on the money. She said she can make $1000 a night.

We begged her to reconsider. She was not an abused child, she grew up with both parents, she is a great kid, she was involved in lots of extra curricular activities at school. She does not have self esteem problems, she has never done drugs or drank alcohol. She was a normal kid.

My husband and I have cried ourselves to sleep. We thought about the environment of a strip club is not a place that anyone would want to see their daughter in. We talk to about the men at the clubs. We warned her about men following her home, touching her, thinking that she was putting herself out there.

Now we found out that she is living with a young man just a few years older than she is. She said that meet at a book store. But I believe she meet him at work. She tells us what a great guy he is and works at a bank. I asked he if his family knew what she did. She said no. She says he loves her. I told her if he loved her he would not let her go and take her clothes off for money every night. If he truly loved her he would be bothered by other men looking at her nude etc.

Then we found out that she was paying for some of the remodeling to his house. I told my daughter her boyfriend was nothing more than a pimp. I told her that was not her house it was his house. I told her if he loved her he would make sure that she finished school and get her out of the strip clubs.

My daughter will not speak to me anymore she has just cut her family out of our life. In the middle of the whole mess I was in a car accident. A woman rear ended me at a stop light and I have since had 2 back surgeries. I have spinal cord injury.

My brother in law said that the truth hurts. He believes what I said to my daughter hurt because it was the truth. I am so worried that this young man will hurt her. How do we get our daughter back in our lives and back in school.

What a tough situation. Sorry for what you're going thru:(
I don't know what advice to give. Unfortunately, looks like she is going to learn the hard way, and you can't do much at this moment. Best of luck to you.

Many kids have to learn the hard way and as you can see your trying to tell her things that concerned you only pushed her away. All you can do if you want a relationship is try and patch things up by telling her that you realize it is her life and she is going to do what she wants. That you don't want to be cut out of her life so you will not bring your concerns up any more. Even though you do not condone what she is doing you do want to be there for her.

Have these things been conversed about over the phone? Have you visited her and told her in person where she can see the hurt in your eyes, and feel your hug and see your concern for her and her future?

Yeah maybe visiting and getting more comfortable with her home life and her boyfriend will put your mind more at ease. Right now you are scaring yourself by following an image you perceive of strippers.

I have called her and called her she refuses my calls. I don't know this man she is living with from the man in the moon. My daughter talks to her brother and sister so I know that she is all right. My other daughter is concerned that her sister maybe doing drugs.

My brother in law is going to visit with her next month. He said that he would talk with her. My brother in law told me that I was a great Mom. He said not to let it bother you so much.

I told my daughter when she has her own child she will understand. She knows I love her. My brother in law thinks that I should just go to her house unannounced. She lives 450 miles from our home now. I guess I am afraid.

Yes, in the "nicer" and "upscale" strip places, they have mostly college students as dancers, this is very common. And the security does not let any of the men get out of line. What the girls do outside the club, is up to the girls and their own personal morals.

In fact without being offensive and being too general, in fact the majority of the struippers I have know had little interest in men and normally the girls were often more interested in the other girls. But they merely let the men think.

But yes, you are not happy, if you want to have a relationship with her you are going to have to move 1/2 the way there. Go visit her and her boyfriend at their home, invite them over.

Telling her that she doesn't understand (saying this by saying she will understand when she has a child) is not the best way to get her to understand your point or your feelings on this. Explain how you feel and that you are disappointed although not ashamed. She is an adult and she can make her own choices, and thusly learn from her own choices. For some people learning from their own choices/mistakes is the only way they can learn. This makes life hard. One day she will realize your point, but now you may be coming off as an overprotective judgemental mother to her. She needs support. She needs you to say, "I don't always agree with your choices, but I'm your mother and I love you. I'll always be here for you."

Have you tried writing a letter? She may not take your calls because she doesn't want to hear the hurt and disappointment in your voice. But if she receieves a letter in the mail from you, do you think she would read it?

Wow, I empathize with you and your situation. I know only so well what you and your daughter are going through. I put my mother through the same thing.

I thought I knew what was best for ME... and ME was all I could think about! I was in my own little world and I wasn't thinking about my mother, I was selfish and only thinking about my gratification. Like your daughter, I wasn't into drugs either... my drug was the money.

The money has her reality totally distorted, she is not thinking clearly, and therefore she is not making rational decisions. This is why she is allowing the boyfriend to take advantage of her. However, the more you pursue the further she will run. The real problem is going to begin when she tries making the transition from that world back to the "real" world. That is when she will grasp the true magnitude of her actions. All you can do is be there for her when she falls.

Just know that it is nothing you have done. This is part of her destiny.

Best to you all.

We did not stop talking until she had lived with this young man for about 3 months. She told her sister that her boyfriend told her not to have anything to do with me. If you love someone you don't try and alienate them from everyone. This young man is surrounded by his family. Why else would he tell my daughter never to talk to us again?

He probably felt that you were having an adverse effect on her life and afraid you were going to convince her to leave. Remember she is living with him so he saw directly how she may have been feeling confused and torn and felt that for her peace of mind it might be better to not have any contact with her. All you can do is try to patch things up and ask her for a fresh start and get to know a bit of her new life without coming off as judgmental.

In the past three years several strippers have lived on my street and as Fr_Chuck said the more upscale strip clubs watch out for them to some degree. Two of them I know did not do drugs and one of them is happily married.

Well my opinion are just talk to her like what you wrote here and she is old enough let her decide what is right or wrong. There is something in life that you don't experience it you won't know what will happen. And if you really need you she will come back to you.

Goodluck,
Hope you feel better

My husband and I are very concerned for our daughter. She is a bright and beautiful young lady. She received a full college scholarship. In our daughters junior year of college she announces to us that she is taking a break form school. We thought that she might just need a vacation. Then she announces that she has been stripping.

We talked to her and asked her why would you want to become a stripper. One of the girls at her college dorm took our daughter to work with her one night. Our daughter said the money is great. She keep telling us that she can go back to school anytime. Our first thought was she hooked on drugs. She said she was hooked on the money. She said she can make $1000 a night.

We begged her to reconsider. She was not an abused child, she grew up with both parents, she is a great kid, she was involved in lots of extra curricular activities at school. She does not have self esteem problems, she has never done drugs or drank alcohol. She was a normal kid.


My husband and I have cried ourselves to sleep. We thought about the environment of a strip club is not a place that anyone would want to see their daughter in. We talk to about the men at the clubs. We warned her about men following her home, touching her, thinking that she was putting herself out there. Now we found out that she is living with a young man just a few years older than she is. She said that meet at a book store. But I believe she meet him at work. She tells us what a great guy he is and works at a bank. I asked he if his family knew what she did. She said no. She says he loves her. I told her if he loved her he would not let her go and take her clothes off for money every night. If he truly loved her he would be bothered by other men looking at her nude etc.

Then we found out that she was paying for some of the remodeling to his house. I told my daughter her boyfriend was nothing more than a pimp. I told her that was not her house it was his house. I told her if he loved her he would make sure that she finished school and get her out of the strip clubs.

My daughter will not speak to me anymore she has just cut her family out of our life. In the middle of the whole mess I was in a car accident. A woman rear ended me at a stop light and I have since had 2 back surgeries. I have spinal cord injury.

My brother in law said that the truth hurts. He believes what I said to my daughter hurt because it was the truth. I am so worried that this young man will hurt her. How do we get our daughter back in our lives and back in school.



I know you don't like her choice of "careers," but your daughter is an adult, she obviously (for whatever reason) felt she couldn't tell you the truth - and perhaps she gauged your reaction correctly, she is not breaking the law, she's not prostituting herself.

She didn't tell you she's living with someone, possibly for the same reason. Presumably you raised her with a sense of right and wrong and now she's an adult and sees nothing with stripping.

I don't know what City she's in and I don't know where you get your knowledge of strip clubs but in my area, at least, about 75% of the dancers are college students (and I realize she dropped out), nobody is touching anybody (because they enforce the rules) and nobody is following anybody home.

I find calling her boyfriend a pimp to be outrageous - a pimp finds and manages prostitutes, locates clients for them, for money. So you have basically called your daughter a prostitute.

I'd be angry with you, too - maybe I was fortunate. No matter where I went in my life, what I did, mistakes I made (and we all make mistakes) my parents never judged me, always loved and supported me. I think parents owe that to their children.

We did not stop talking until she had lived with this young man for about 3 months. She told her sister that her boyfriend told her not to have anything to do with me. If you love someone you don't try and alienate them from everyone. This young man is surrounded by his family. Why else would he tell my daughter never to talk to us again?



Because when you called him a pimp by mere definition of the word you called your own daughter a prostitute. He doesn't want anyone to call him - or his girlfriend - offensive names.

You did what you can as a parent.

She doesn't want to listen, it's her fault.

The best way to show your daughter the truth (taken from a CSI episode) is take her to a morgue where a body or several bodies of females have been raped and killed to show her the reality.

Sure, the guy may seem nice but he might have made her speak those words cause she's afraid that he'll hurt her.

[QUOTE=hjpan]You did what you can as a parent.

She doesn't want to listen, it's her fault.

The best way to show your daughter the truth (taken from a CSI episode) is take her to a morgue where a body or several bodies of females have been raped and killed to show her the reality.

Sure, the guy may seem nice but he might have made her speak those words cause she's afraid that he'll hurt her.QUOTE]



CSI is a TV show. Morgues don't let you wander in and out, looking at bodies. Her daughter is an adult, probably doesn't want to make the Morgue Tour with her mother. She's not speaking to her, anyway.

The raping and killing are the reality of what - ? Stripping? Not getting along with her mother? Living with a boyfriend?

You are reading far too much into this and I think you watch too much TV - no one knows anything about the boyfriend and suddenly he's a murdering, threatening pimp.

Did the OP ever stop to think that she raised this child? She's not a prostitute - although her mother called her that; she lives with a guy and contributes to expenses. What's wrong with that? Again - who raised the child with the values that suddenly shock the mother?

[QUOTE=hjpan]You did what you can as a parent.

She doesn't want to listen, it's her fault.

The best way to show your daughter the truth (taken from a CSI episode) is take her to a morgue where a body or several bodies of females have been raped and killed to show her the reality.

Sure, the guy may seem nice but he might have made her speak those words cause she's afraid that he'll hurt her.QUOTE]



CSI is a TV show. Morgues don't let you wander in and out, looking at bodies. Her daughter is an adult, probably doesn't want to make the Morgue Tour with her mother. She's not speaking to her, anyway.

The raping and killing are the reality of what - ? Stripping? Not getting along with her mother? Living with a boyfriend?

You are reading far too much into this and I think you watch too much TV - no one knows anything about the boyfriend and suddenly he's a murdering, threatening pimp.

Did the OP ever stop to think that she raised this child? She's not a prostitute - although her mother called her that; she lives with a guy and contributes to expenses. What's wrong with that? Again - who raised the child with the values that suddenly shock the mother?

Sure, TV is TV but what is the purpose?
To me, it's not entertaining. I'm LEARNING.

And don't attack me with "you watch too much TV" cause you don't know what I do.
In fact, I spend less than 2 hours watching TV during the daily week

I don't know what City she's in and I don't know where you get your knowledge of strip clubs but in my area, at least, about 75% of the dancers are college students (and I realize she dropped out), nobody is touching anybody (because they enforce the rules) and nobody is following anybody home.

I live in the NY state too and I agree that most of the strippers are college students I disagree about what you stated happens in a strip club. I know strippers, one of my closest friend is one, and even at the most high end club rules are broken. They can be touch by whoever they allow it's totally up to the female. My friend dances at one that is know to attract a lot of men in the sports and music industry and they get to touch all they want. Even they have bouncer but they don't have a personal bodyguard and some of the guys do become obbessive but that can happen to anyone. They do have to be on the look out and at the end of the night the bouncers walk the dancers out.

[QUOTE=JudyKayTee]

Sure, TV is TV but what is the purpose?
To me, it's not entertaining. I'm LEARNING.

And don't attack me with "you watch too much TV" cause you don't know what I do.
In fact, I spend less than 2 hours watching TV during the daily week


If CSI taught you that you can grab an errant adult daughter and force her to tour a morgue to see all the strippers murdered by their boyfriends you are watching too much TV, even if it's 2 hours a week.

This is pretend, not reality.

Morgues don't let you go on tours.

I live in the NY state too and I agree that most of the strippers are college students I disagree about what you stated happens in a strip club. I know strippers, one of my closest friend is one, and even at the most high end club rules are broken. They can be touch by whoever they allow it's totally up to the female. My friend dances at one that is know to attract alot of men in the sports and music industry and they get to touch all they want. Even they have bouncer but they don't have a personal bodyguard and some of the guys do become obbessive but that can happen to anyone. They do have to be on the look out and at the end of the night the bouncers walk the dancers out.



Then the Club should be reported to the SLA - and I'm not joking.

Your closest friend puts up with this? I'd find another club.

Then the Club should be reported to the SLA - and I'm not joking.

Your closest friend puts up with this? I'd find another club.

My friend allow let whoever which guy touch her and which don't. If she doesn't mind the guy touching,especially if he is tipping well, no bouncer is needed. Now when she don't want a guy touching her, she gets the bouncer. However the guys get to touch her when they are shoving money in her g-string.

My friend allow let whoever which guy touch her and which don't. If she doesn't mind the guy touching,especially if he is tipping well, no bouncer is needed. Now when she don't want a guy touching her, she gets the bouncer. However the guys get to touch her when they are shoving money in her g-string.


I was a bikini cocktail waitress in high heels - tips were very good. It paid for college and then some.

Anyone who touched me was grabbed by a bouncer before he could blink - of course, I split tips with the bouncers, as did every other waitress. It was our choice and those who did not STILL were protected.

It was a clean establishment. I will mention that my father was most definitely not happy with my choice of jobs but, as I said, it paid my tuition and there was nothing sleezy or illegal.

Agreed it's not the same as stripping but anyone who put his hands on any one of us - and they did try to "tuck" tips - would be using metal hooks for hands right now.

[QUOTE=hjpan]


If CSI taught you that you can grab an errant adult daughter and force her to tour a morgue to see all the strippers murdered by their boyfriends you are watching too much TV, even if it's 2 hours a week.

This is pretend, not reality.

Morgues don't let you go on tours.

If the parents of the daughter know a doctor very well, they can request a trip visit.

Like I said before, it's JUST AN EPISODE, not all of it.

Please, stop judging me because I watch a show that is "pretense" to you while I consider it "partially real."

I understand your point Hypan because my friend said in the 90's strippers was being found dead every where.


Edited FC

I understand your point Hypan because my friend said in the 90's strippers was being found dead every where. It not happening as much as it did before but it can happen, but people get kill regardless of what they do. But I still see your point and Judy judges/attackes everyone, don't take it personal.


I'd like to know the stastics on strippers being found dead everywhere - I've been in the legal system for a number of years and lived in NYC for a number of years and don't recall this.

Of course, I didn't let people touch me, money or no money, tips or no tips.

I'd like to know the stastics on strippers being found dead everywhere - I've been in the legal system for a number of years and lived in NYC for a number of years and don't recall this.

Of course, I didn't let people touch me, money or no money, tips or no tips.

I don't know what your talking about and if you was in the criminal system you would know about what I am referring to. Secondly, you didn' let who touch you? You said yourself you can compare a cocktail waitress to a stripper, what are you talking about? You're the one who stated nobody get touch in strip clubs, I guess you're an expert at that too. I merely inform you want happens in the strip clubs but I guess my friend was lying about that. Enough high jacking someone else thread.l

Hello:

I've been reading with interest. I cannot imagine how you can make these judgments and then pretend that you're not doing it. But then, some people like buttermilk and I don't understand that either...

It's clear that you don't like stripping. That's fine. Say it, and then stand up. It IS a judgment. Your liking something or other IS nothing other than your judgment.

Would you be saying the same thing if she was a barista?

excon

Where did I say I dislike strippers? Never say that. I have many friends who are or have strip. Everyone is entitle to do whatever they want. I was just letting Judy know what happens in most strip clubs.

Boy, those cute little kids we love so much, grow up, and leave home, and we as parents think we can take a deep breathe, and relax. WRONG, we will worry about our babies forever, until we leave this planet.

We don't always like the choices they make for sure, but we must back off, because grown kids do as they please, no matter what you say. I have a daughter, and don't mind telling you that, though I stay out of her business, nobody can stop me from "keeping an eye on her", nor does she have to know.

But other than that, weigh your words, and actions carefully, and always make sure they know you love them, no matter what they do.

Ok, we have all sorts of strippers and strip clubs here in Atlanta, I can't even remember the last one that was even attacked, and never killed. There may have been a killer in some larger cities here and there, But my guess is that being a post office driver or check cashing store clerk woiuld be much more dangerous.

And OK, I know some of the low class places where things are not done legally, but the high class places, no one touches the girls, well not more than once, they are thrown out fast. In many the bouncers walk the girls to the cars, and sometimes the local officers on duty know when they get off and drive though the lot. Many of the bouncers are off duty police officers even.

From a moral standpoint I don't support what they do, and excon and I have to go back to a few for more research for this thread just to be sure we are up to date on all of our material.

But seriously, in my previous non religious life, I used to sell the costumes to many of the clubs, and I knew 100's of the girls, if not 1000's of them over the years, I can't tell you how many of the ones in the better clubs were just college girls earning good money to pay for their college.

They may let the guys "think" all sorts of things but that is how they get that extra tips.

Wound I want a daughter to do it, no, but to be honest I would not want them to do a lot of other jobs either.

Hello again, liz:

If you're going to keep up with me, liz, you better sharpen your reading skills. I said you don't like STRIPPING - not strippers.

Besides, anytime somebody wants to tell me how it "is", I go limp. The truth is, there AIN'T a way it "is". There are strippers who do x, and there are strippers who do y. What one does, doesn't mean others do too. The fact is, there isn't a group called strippers that acts in a certain identifiable way. I'm sorry.

You've heard stories about exconvicts, of course. I'm sure you think they're a certain way too. That too, would be an incorrect thought.

You need to broaden your horizons.

excon

It doesn't matter how you put it I never said I hated stripping. It's not something I would do but then again I do own a strip pole and put on a show for my fiancé sometimes.

There you go being judgemental. I have no problem with exconvicts or anyone who did time in jail/prison. Yes I have heard stories about convicts. Then again, I did dislike people that commit crimes against kids or kill people for senseless reasons. I have exconvicts in my family and know some from around the way and I don't judge them nor dislike them or hold it against them.

My horizons are broaden, I never stated bad mouth strippers and understand many people strip for many reasons and while some does x and y. I just have no idea where you came out and I think is was due to a statement I made in another topic or the statement I made about strippers being found dead in NY in the 90's. My friend who happens to be a stripper told me this and at this time she stated it was scary but mostly due to females going off with guys for extra actitivies. It never happen in the clubs. I only made that statement because of a t.v. show that was brought up but as I stated earlier anyone is at risk.

I'd like to know the stastics on strippers being found dead everywhere - I've been in the legal system for a number of years and lived in NYC for a number of years and don't recall this.

Of course, I didn't let people touch me, money or no money, tips or no tips.

Oh OK...

Did you look under Nevada or California?
I'm sure you didn't cause those 2 states are high in prostitution...

Don't believe me?
That's fine but I'll tell you part of my life... I GREW UP IN RENO, NEVADA... right across the street from Peppermill.

Oh ok...

Did you look under Nevada or California?
I'm sure you didn't cause those 2 states are high in prostitution...

Don't believe me?
That's fine but I'll tell you part of my life... I GREW UP IN RENO, NEVADA... right across the street from Peppermill.



What are you talking about? How did the subject turn to prostitution in Nevada and/or California?

The subject was dead hookers in the '90's.

I'd like to know the stastics on strippers being found dead everywhere - I've been in the legal system for a number of years and lived in NYC for a number of years and don't recall this.

Of course, I didn't let people touch me, money or no money, tips or no tips.

Comments on this post
liz28 disagrees: it happens in the 90's, do your own homework.


OK, did my homework. Checked under dead strippers; strippers murdered in the 1990's; strippers killed in California and/or Nevada (at the suggestion of Hipan); strippers murdered in NYC in the 1990's; strippers murdered in NYS in the 1990's. I find no statistics.

Apparently your friend is the only person who was keeping records of this at the time and I can't find her research on line.

(Your "reddie" makes no sense where it is posted - following my statement that I didn't let people touch me, money or no money, etc. - obviously a revenge posting.)

[QUOTE=JudyKayTee]

If the parents of the daughter know a doctor very well, they can request a trip visit.

Like I said before, it's JUST AN EPISODE, not all of it.

Please, stop judging me because I watch a show that is "pretense" to you while I consider it "partially real."


Really - Doctors can arrange trips to the morgue? Interesting. I'll get back to you on this.

I judged you because of your comments, not because of what you watch on TV.

That and the fact that conversations just like this one got you permanently banned from another site.

Comments on this post
liz28 disagrees: it happens in the 90's, do your own homework.


OK, did my homework. Checked under dead strippers; strippers murdered in the 1990's; strippers killed in California and/or Nevada (at the suggestion of Hipan); strippers murdered in NYC in the 1990's; strippers murdered in NYS in the 1990's. I find no statistics.

Apparently your friend is the only person who was keeping records of this at the time and I can't find her research on line.

(Your "reddie" makes no sense where it is posted - following my statement that I didn't let people touch me, money or no money, etc. - obviously a revenge posting.)

Of course you won't find stuff online...

Ever heard of confidentiality?

Of course you won't find stuff online...

ever heard of confidentiality?



Murder statistics are confidential?

Hjpan and Liz, if you are just going to pull advice and statistics out of thin air, then please go the psychic boards, there you don't need anything concrete as backup.

OP, you don't have to like what your daughter does for a living, most parents have some problem with the way their kids live their lives. Admittedly, stripping is a controversial profession, but it is a legal profession, and one where you can make very good money for very little work, and it requires no education, for some it's too tempting to pass up.

Accept your daughter for who she is and what she does, she's an adult. I know it's hard, or at least I imagine it is, my kids are still young, they still have to listen to me. Just refrain from mentioning her career choice, love her and support her, that's all you can do.

Some lesson have to be learned the hard way.

Good luck.

Hjpan and Liz, if you are just going to pull advice and statistics out of thin air, then please go the the psychic boards, there you don't need anything concrete as backup.

OP, you don't have to like what your daughter does for a living, most parents have some problem with the way their kids live their lives. Admittedly, stripping is a controversial profession, but it is a legal profession, and one where you can make very good money for very little work, and it requires no education, for some it's too tempting to pass up.

Accept your daughter for who she is and what she does, she's an adult. I know it's hard, or at least I imagine it is, my kids are still young, they still have to listen to me. Just refrain from mentioning her career choice, love her and support her, that's all you can do.

Some lesson have to be learned the hard way.

Good luck.

Once you judykaytee to stop being stuck up

Oh ok...

Did you look under Nevada or California?
I'm sure you didn't cause those 2 states are high in prostitution...

Don't believe me?
That's fine but I'll tell you part of my life... I GREW UP IN RENO, NEVADA... right across the street from Peppermill.

Prostitutes? Are you assuming that all strippers are prostitutes? Do you know what happens when you assume?

once you judykaytee to stop being stuck up

Okay, I just got her buddy, and all I did was tell you to stop making up statistics that aren't factual. If you want to sound smart then back it up with facts, not made up crap.

If you can prove that all these strippers where "murdered all over the place" in the 90's, then show us those facts. And yes, they would be available on the internet, as murder statistics aren't confidential.

Are you sure this is true, or perhaps another episode of CSI?

Okay, I just got her buddy, and all I did was tell you to stop making up statistics that aren't factual. If you want to sound smart then back it up with facts, not made up crap.

If you can prove that all these strippers where "murdered all over the place" in the 90's, then show us those facts. And yes, they would be available on the internet, as murder statistics aren't confidential.

Are you sure this is true, or perhaps another episode of CSI?

I wasn't the one saying strippers were murdered in 90's...
I just said to give a tour to the daughter of dead strippers..

If strippers weren't murdered then which strippers dead bodies is she viewing?

Also, Judy is correct, real morgues don't just let people come off the street to view their dead, that only happens on TV.

I think we need to get back to the original question, we aren't helping the OP.

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