Continued from here: The NC Calendar II (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/other-member-discussions/nc-calendar-ii-227290.html)

Thanks cb.

Wow, that was fast, but this is a great thread, and I think it will be an awful long time before it slows down.

Can't believe were at number three now... Pretty intense

I do agree - great thread...

No contact for a while.

All I know is my ex going to start school up in Northern Cali (San Francisco) on Sept. 4th but I don't care cause I know I'll be rolling in the streets with nice cars =]

NC #3, 15 days after break up
I have to work tomorrow, probably will see him at work.
That makes my heart sink, although I'm doing OK so far ;(

Okay well since I broke it off with my exboyfriend we didn't talk at all for about a week and a half, then he texted me... we had maybe two conversations through text messages pretty argumentative. We both said that we were not satisfied with our relationship for different reasons (I was angry with him for this thing between him and a girl that I think now was not sexual anyway and I was being more suspicious and distrustful than what I knew about it really afforded me it kind of blew up calmly; he was bringing up things about how I never let him meet my family in 1 1/2 yrs, that I wouldn't say I loved him)... it's been about 3 days since then... we texted each other a little yesterday because well we both need our stuff back from one another... I said I missed him after a while he said I miss you too, I never answered and I haven't heard from him since. I miss him a lot more than I want myself to, I just mope and I feel really down and lonely. He is 37 (I am 21) and plans to run for a place in government for maybe an election in the fall, I know he's probably really busy and I hate the thought of him getting a text message or god forbid I call him as he's around all of these people all the time... with the girl I was upset over :( I feel so embarrassed and ashamed that he's on my mind so much... I want to work out A LOT but my gym membership expired and I don't get paid until Friday I just feel so stupid... sorry this is so long and pathetic

Okay well since I broke it off with my exboyfriend we didn't talk at all for about a week and a half, then he texted me...we had maybe two conversations through text msgs pretty argumentative. we both said that we were not satisfied with our relationship for different reasons (i was angry with him for this thing between him and a girl that i think now was not sexual anyways and i was being more suspicious and distrustful than what i knew about it really afforded me it kind of blew up calmly; he was bringing up things about how i never let him meet my family in 1 1/2 yrs, that i wouldnt say i loved him)...it's been about 3 days since then...we texted each other a little yesterday because well we both need our stuff back from one another...i said i missed him after a while he said i miss you too, i never answered and i haven't heard from him since. i miss him a lot more than i want myself to, i just mope and i feel really down and lonely. he is 37 (i am 21) and plans to run for a place in government for maybe an election in the fall, i know he's probably really busy and i hate the thought of him getting a text message or god forbid i call him as he's around all of these people all the time....with the girl i was upset over :( i feel so embarassed and ashamed that he's on my mind so much....i want to work out A LOT but my gym membership expired and i don't get paid til friday I just feel so stupid....sorry this is so long and pathetic

Eh... go with your girlfriends xD

Just think of the horrible stuff he did to you!

I thought of my ex getting hurt and such... got it out of my mind

I thought of my ex getting hurt and such... got it out of my mind

HER getting hurt?

... like, physically?

It's been 119 days for me-although my ex-girlfriend sent me one stupid, meaningless text back on June 4(which I ignored) and attempted to call on August 24, leaving a retarded message on my voice mail in which she cracked a joke about the nickname she used to call me when we were together. Mind you, this girl is 26 years old and far from being mentally mature. I think I'm handling it pretty well although I still think about her daily. Sept. 4 will mark the last time me and her were together as a couple as she decided to leave this time a year ago to date other people as she obviously felt that I was too busy for her and she wanted to go where the grass was greener. At least I'm trying to bust my butt and make a living-there's no telling about the poor sap she started dating.

HER getting hurt?

...like, physically?

No... just her life is out of control =]

Got to manipulate the thinking process.

Hey Guys...

Its been a real long time since I have been here... I see you've guys have made it to thread 3... Nice to see. I was without internet for about a month and just never really got back on the wagon.

Well its been just over 4 months now for me. Things for me, as I am sure for a lot of you guys that started this when I did have changed radically... I will admit, I am not over it yet, and to this day there are times when I feel pretty down. But I am back to my old self again. I have gone over a day without thinking about her and can clearly see that life does go on and that I definitely will be OK.

I even had a glorious rebound haha. Don't worry I didn't hurt anybody... she had just broken up with her b/f so when we ended it, it was completely mutual. Had a lot of fun though and for those two weeks I don't think I thought about my ex more than a couple times. Showed me something though... that I am going to meet someone else, and when I do its going to be so exciting and fun that I am not going to give my ex a second thought.

So everybody, let me know how you're all doing. I'm interested to hear.

Hey nng... good to hear that you are doing OK bro... my Bu happened in April.. it's going on 5 months on the 20 th of this month. I have to say I have been OK. Everyday I noticed how slowly I have made my way out of the hole that I was in. you are right it does feel better to get myself back. Although it's not 100 percent yet, but I can definitely tell that I have made a lot of progress. I have also been dating this new girl for about 3 months now. We go through a lot of ups and down, but I'm sticking to my gun. Except I texted my ex to ask for my bracelet that was a gift from my mom. She didn't reply,but at this point I could careless. I told her that if she doesn't want to talk to me that's fine, but I need my bracelet as it's means a lot... so I hope that she sends it eventually... I think she stopped talking to me when I posted the pictures of me and the new girl on fbook. Oh well... she is sweet and we are making progress slowly. She is very supportive. Anyway bro our journey is almost complete... it does feel good to know that I stood up for myself and made myself better... everyday when I miss her and feel down, I remind myself of the quote... " if you are walking in hell, keep walking...." so I know that I'm going to be stronger and a better partner and that I have grown... anyway bro hope all is well with you...

I'm making progress... but it's awkward/embarrassing...

3-5 girls, ages from 13 to 15, like me.... I know for sure the 15 year old really likes me... particularly cause I'm Asian, tall, and older xD

Anyways... the bad part is whenever I see a girl, it'll remind of my ex D=

IT FREAKING SUCKS

In 5-6 years you should have one huge date book. Hard as it is stick to your own age. Less trouble that way.

NNG, GG, Good to hear your doing well, it does get better still.

Well, NC day one would begin tomorrow. I'm just a bit confused about the whole thing. Like NC to them yeah, but what do you do when they contact you? Just completely ignore it?

Well, NC day one would begin tomorrow. I'm just a bit confused about the whole thing. Like NC to them yeah, but what do you do when they contact you? Just completely ignore it?


Exactly, she wanted it so give it to her. Talking to you makes her feel better, yet only makes you more miserable... You don't owe her anything. Take care of yourself bud, leave her be.

My ex and I broke up yesterday after 1 1/2 yrs. We've broken up before but we always end up getting back together the next day. I'm so tired of him breaking up with me, I've been on an emotional roller coaster and I know I just need to cut him off if I'm ever going to move on. I can't "be friends" with an ex, I'm interested in this NC rule. I talked to him today, and he was really mean to me which is helpful I guess... makes me not want to get back together with him. I'm having a really hard time not calling him though. Does anyone have any advice about how not to pick up the phone and call or email him? I have a feeling I'm going to struggle with this...

My ex and I broke up yesterday after 1 1/2 yrs. We've broken up before but we always end up getting back together the next day. I'm so tired of him breaking up with me, I've been on an emotional roller coaster and I know I just need to cut him off if I'm ever going to move on. I can't "be friends" with an ex, I'm interested in this NC rule. I talked to him today, and he was really mean to me which is helpful I guess....makes me not want to get back together with him. I'm having a really hard time not calling him though. Does anyone have any advice about how not to pick up the phone and call or email him? I have a feeling I'm going to struggle with this...


Well everyone struggles with it so don't feel bad about that... My first couple months of doing it were littered with screw ups... But once you actually get serious it does wonders in making you feel better. Things you could do to help... hmmm. Well may I suggest writing a list of all the things that you don't like about him and the relationship and leaving it beside your phone... Also (I did this), whenever you get that erg to call find yourself a family member or close friend that you go to first... Pour out your feelings to them and allow them to stop you and help you see what you are really doing...

Remember calling them or contacting them in anyway won't do you any good. Just read the posts by all of these people... Every time you screw up you regret it instantly, and feel worse. When you do contact them you are not going to get the reaction you want... trust me. Just think of how you will feel after you call him and how nothing good was accomplished...

My ex came by today while I wasn't home and dropped off some money that she owed me.

I was pretty surprised by it, I didn't think she was going to pay me back, and the fact that she did sort of broke my defenses a little bit. Like it was easier to deal by being pissed at her, and this was a good, decent act which gutted me more than thinking the money wasn't coming back.

I broke NC once at the start of this (we broke up a bit over a month ago now), and we hooked up, and then the next day she left again. Since then I haven't broken it. I still haven't, but she wants some documents she left on my computer

I'll probably leave them on a usb for her and leave it on my desk.

I wish she would stop contacting me. I've done all I can realistically do at the moment - new number, kept busy, new hobbies, more time with friends. I still miss her and have feelings, but I'm smart enough to deal with them. I'll just leave the documents here for her and hopefully that's the last I'll hear from her.

Well, NC day one would begin tomorrow. I'm just a bit confused about the whole thing. Like NC to them yeah, but what do you do when they contact you? Just completely ignore it?
Yes you are busy, and unavailable until you have healed. She will get the message. The confusion always follows them talking to you and since they dumped you, how do they have the right to stop you from healing.

When they want space, they lose all considerations, and access to you. That's only fair to you so stand up for yourself and don't let her have her cake and eat it too!

Does anyone have any advice about how not to pick up the phone and call or email him? I have a feeling I'm going to struggle with this...
Since the idea of healing is to get over them, why keep dredging up those old feelings, and false hopes only to be rejected again. Since you know full well how you feel, don't let them stop you from moving on, by answering their calls. They will get the message. The best way to be unavailable to them, is to be busy doing something else, be it chores, or something you enjoy. BLOCK HER number, and thats a call to the carrier for instructions. Do it for you, and heal your heart.

My ex came by today while I wasn't home and dropped off some money that she owed me.

That's nice, but get your business with her done ASAP, and stop her from having access to you so easily. She is gone, so why should she still be able to come, and go, as she pleases?

My ex and I broke up yesterday after 1 1/2 yrs. We've broken up before but we always end up getting back together the next day. I'm so tired of him breaking up with me, I've been on an emotional roller coaster and I know I just need to cut him off if I'm ever going to move on. I can't "be friends" with an ex, I'm interested in this NC rule. I talked to him today, and he was really mean to me which is helpful I guess....makes me not want to get back together with him. I'm having a really hard time not calling him though. Does anyone have any advice about how not to pick up the phone and call or email him? I have a feeling I'm going to struggle with this...

Keeping busy is a great way to keep your mind on other things. If you always have something to do and are always with someone, you eliminate a lot of the down, alone time where you think about them and want to call them. Its hard at first, but try to keep your social life packed with things to do. Even if your just going out to eat with a friend or watching TV with them. Its all better than being by yourself...

I'll just leave the documents here for her and hopefully that's the last I'll hear from her.

If it isn't - there isn't anything wrong with telling her (not asking her) to stop contacting you. She made her decision, now you make yours...

First day is today, but honestly, when I think about at least one of the things she said was true, I can't just not take blame for at least one thing and that was how I did actually smother her. Like getting annoyed at text delays, or call even if she said she couldn't talk after x amount of text delays. Or if she didn't reply after like 10-15 minutes would call repeatedly back to back until she did. I think I went way over the top with that, ended up being more of a stalkerish move than anything else. I don't honestly know what's wrong with me, probably fear and this being my first time feeling such a strong connection to someone, but that's still no excuse to hound someone like that. She said it wasn't because of the calls, but I don't see how it couldn't have had at least some small bit to do with it.

There's no point in blaming yourself now and thinking about it. What happened has happened and you can't take it back. The best you can do is understand your faults in the relationship and work on improving those faults. You don't need to dread on the negative...

Hey!
This is probably a stupid question but I'll spit it out. Right now, I am on my 121st day of NC although my ex has contacted me three times within that time frame. One contact was via a meaningless text on June 4, the others were actually phone calls on August 24. The first time she called, it only rang for a few seconds. The second time, my phone rang long enough to go to my voice mail and left a silly message pertaining to the nickname she gave me when we were together. The number was not displayed both times. Although I have cut all ties with her and dropped out of sight I find myself obsessing about whether it is her whenever I see a car on the road that resembles the one she owns, or if I see somebody that resembles her in the passenger seat of a car nearby while driving. I even worry when I go out in public for fear that I might run into her. I honestly don't want to ever see her again. Am I going crazy or have any of you encountered the same situation? I've done an excellent job at maintaining NC and living my life without her but I still think about her everyday and I just wish I could have my brain erased of all memory of her. If medicine ever comes forth with a drug to erase memories of love lost, count me in! I'll be the first to buy it. Thanks!
Jason

Jason,

I have been NC for a little more than 4 months, so nearly as long as you. The relationship lasted 4 years. I do the same things you do with the cars that resemble hers and still wonder if I might run into her when I go to places that I know she goes to often (or at least did). Don't worry too much about it, its normal.

One thing I will say, is that I have noticed many times that the fear of something happening (or you finding something out) is worse than actually doing it. I have spent a lot of time worrying about what happens if this or if that were to occur, then, in some cases, it has happened and though it sucks, its more a relief that I don't need to worry about it anymore.

Hope that helps...

Sup ladies & gentlemen =]

Well, I talked to one of my "girl-friends" who likes me and I "felt like the world is on my shoulders." I was like "what the fuq?" It started as a mutual friendship but she told me she liked me more than friends... Tonight, she told me that she's committed to a guy and her intentions was not to lead me on to anything.

And yes, this is the girl I was talking about who said she was really into me...

Now, I'm fed up with relationships and girls.....
Back to booze & cigarettes for me... and work out

Jason,

I have been NC for a little more than 4 months, so nearly as long as you. The relationship lasted 4 years. I do the same things you do with the cars that resemble hers and still wonder if I might run into her when I go to places that I know she goes to often (or at least did). Don't worry too much about it, its normal.

One thing I will say, is that I have noticed many times that the fear of something happening (or you finding something out) is worse than actually doing it. I have spent a lot of time worrying about what happens if this or if that were to occur, then, in some cases, it has happened and though it sucks, its more a relief that I don't need to worry about it anymore.

Hope that helps...

Bigbird213,
Hey! Thanks... I can concur with what you said. I too have had instances where I'll worry and obsess over something happening and when it did, I didn't go to pieces and was able to move on that much easier. I have done everything in my power to avoid her. She works at a particular department store, so I have avoided shopping there or entering the parking lot even. I just wish I could stop thinking about her. The breakup was not hostile-the relationship didn't end with so much as a whimper. She just decided a year ago to date other people and wanted to see what else was out there since we have been serious on and off for nearly 10 years-even having a child together who later passed away due to a heart problem. She thought that would get my attention and I would start chasing her along with these other guys she works with. I have nothing to prove and do not feel the need to compete with others for her affection. She chose to walk and she should have realized that in exchange for dating others, she loses me friendship and all. I wish I never met that girl... if only I knew then what I know now. Take care for now-thanks again for the input. At least I know I'm not crazy.
Jason

I broke NC today. I emailled her some documents she "desperately needed", and literally said "no more hitting me up for random things, this is the last thing you ask me for. If you contact me again it's to say 'I miss you and want to make it work' or just don't contact me at all."

(its funny, I spend a lot of time on these forums lately, and then when the actual thing I spend the time on here dealing with is talking to me, it seems so much easier than the worrying makes it out to be)

She emailed me back going absolutely crazy, about how much she hates having anything to do with me, and how happy she is in her new life. It was a pretty angry and irrational email.

But since it wasn't 'I miss you and want to make it work', I didn't reply and never will. I bet she's surprised that I didn't.

Jai

Ignore the email, it's a cry for attention.

Just let it go, stick to your word...

Broke NC last week, hurts like hell.
I knew I will regret it, but just could not help it :(

That's all right... I broke it quite a few times myself at the beginning (4 months ago) and I regret and hurt after every time... But honestly that's how you learn and was really the only way for me to finally realize I had to do it. Proud to say I have been 2 months NC now and have ignored every attempt by her to make contact. You're still in that beginning phase where all logical thought seems to take a back seat to impulse and irrationality. You'll be out of the woods sooner than you think.

Pretty funny what you guys mentioned about the cars... Every silver volkswagen golf I see catches my eye right away... and my ex moved 6 hours away! But someone always seems to tell me when she's in town. And I ask around before I go into any bar... I still am not sure how well I could handle seeing her in a public place with other guys. Don't think I'm there yet...

Bigbird, how has progress been with you? Any big news?

Thank you, NorthernNiceGuy. It's been only 3 weeks after break up for me, and I have second thoughts because I was the one who left. I miss him terribly.

Just write a list of why you did it... remind yourself daily, especially when you are feeling like you are going to contact him...

Hey guys & girls...

I'm straight up not dating or going for relationships anymore. Throughout my relationships with girls, I've been always the one who gets hurt. Girls flirt with me and we get serious; right all of a sudden, I am told that they are in a committed relationship or taken =/

*sigh*

Fuq... don't know what I can do now

Don't give up hj. Maybe you should just start actively pursuing being single for a bit? It's what I'm doing. I use to panic thinking omg what if my ex found someone before I did, and how that would probably gut me. But now I don't give a ****. One, because I've put myself in a place where I'd never find out, so it couldn't get to me. And two, because she probably WILL find someone before me, because I'm simply not interested in pursuing anything with girls atm. What I AM interested in is just meeting them and opening up my social circle.

I'm going travelling for a bit (countdown is 19 days now!), I got a new car sorted out and I've started looking for my own place to live. I've also used the experience to find out about the man I am when the chips are down. I've become a better friend, a better son, and generally a better person. I don't know how it happened exactly, but I know I'm a better guy than I was before. The person I was though, he was a good guy too. And I respect him too much, and the good he did, to live my life any other way than the way I'm living it now. With regards to the way I dealt with my ex, with regards to the way I'm looking at the future, etc etc.

And that is something I am going to continue to learn forever - it feels like the knowledge was an unused fireplace that I never thought I had, or had to deal with. This breakup put the spark to it and my eyes have opened.

We become better through adversity. So yeah, I'll keep fighting the small bouts of negativity I get, the little deaths that thinking about the past bring, and I will keep looking for the positive, and I'll keep knowing that having to deal with this is going to make me stronger for the future. Maybe one day, when I've moved on with somebody else, I'll look my ex up and see if she's doing well. Or maybe one day, I won't. But as a man I know that's my own choice now.

When I'm ready, the chicks will come. This I am 100% sure of.

Don't give up hj. Maybe you should just start actively pursuing being single for a bit? It's what I'm doing. I use to panic thinking omg what if my ex found someone before I did, and how that would probably gut me. But now I don't give a ****. One, because I've put myself in a place where I'd never find out, so it couldn't get to me. And two, because she probably WILL find someone before me, because I'm simply not interested in pursuing anything with girls atm. What I AM interested in is just meeting them and opening up my social circle.

I'm going travelling for a bit (countdown is 19 days now!), I got a new car sorted out and I've started looking for my own place to live. I've also used the experience to find out about the man I am when the chips are down. I've become a better friend, a better son, and generally a better person. I don't know how it happened exactly, but I know I'm a better guy than I was before. The person I was though, he was a good guy too. And I respect him too much, and the good he did, to live my life any other way than the way I'm living it now. With regards to the way I dealt with my ex, with regards to the way I'm looking at the future, etc etc.

And that is something I am going to continue to learn forever - it feels like the knowledge was an unused fireplace that I never thought I had, or had to deal with. This breakup put the spark to it and my eyes have opened.

We become better through adversity. So yeah, I'll keep fighting the small bouts of negativity I get, the little deaths that thinking about the past bring, and I will keep looking for the positive, and I'll keep knowing that having to deal with this is going to make me stronger for the future. Maybe one day, when I've moved on with somebody else, I'll look my ex up and see if she's doing well. Or maybe one day, I won't. But as a man I know that's my own choice now.

When I'm ready, the chicks will come. This I am 100% sure of.

I guess... I'm just sick of relationships... girls play with my feelings and mind... then end up ditching me..

*sigh*

I have been breaking NC over and over the last few weeks. After our phone call yesterday I think I just have to stick with it. I told him yesterday I'm to the point where if he doesn't care than I don't want to try anymore. Today is exactly 1month mark of our break up. I have been trying to keep busy but I can't get him out of my head. Today is the first day it kind of set in that it's over and I don't think he'll even contact me again :( It makes me so sad. How do you stop caring in order to keep NC?

Its not that you stop caring to keep NC, rather to keep NC to help yourself stop caring...

Instead of thinking of it in that way, try to care more about yourself and less about others. This is one time in your life when you need to make yourself number 1.

*sigh*
Relationships..... make me sick~

Sure, there are a lot of attractive girls around...

Hopefully, I'll enlist myself summer 2009

First day is today, but honestly, when I think about at least one of the things she said was true, I can't just not take blame for at least one thing and that was how I did actually smother her. Like getting annoyed at text delays, or call even if she said she couldn't talk after x amount of text delays. Or if she didn't reply after like 10-15 mins would call repeatedly back to back til she did. I think I went way over the top with that, ended up being more of a stalkerish move than anything else. I don't honestly know what's wrong with me, probably fear and this being my first time feeling such a strong connection to someone, but that's still no excuse to hound someone like that. She said it wasn't because of the calls, but I don't see how it couldn't have had at least some small bit to do with it.


Theres no point in blaming yourself now and thinking about it. What happened has happened and you can't take it back. The best you can do is understand your faults in the relationship and work on improving those faults. You don't need to dread on the negative...

Still, though... I did kind of go over the top with it I think. Going to point one of the experts to what I said and see what they think also. Sometimes you can get confused between too much, especially if you've developed insecurity issues over past failures like I've developed. I had the insecurity issues when this relationship started, so I always would have issues with that when I should have been, etc. Stuff like that, which ultimately would lead to the nagging calls over and over.

Okay you have issues to work on, do so. Also realize that she does also, so let her. No point in dwelling on the past, just because you to were not compatible enough to keep things going. It happens. Time to let it go, and work on you, so you don't repeat the mistakes of the past.

Besides the sad, depressing, lonely life of mine... I am doing alright..

Earning a lot of reputation around my new job =]

I am exhausted. EXHAUSTED. Mentally and emotionally. I am fed up of thinking of my ex and how bitterly he has disappointed me from the morning I wake up until the minute I fall alseep- and then I dream of him, and I walk around with this heavy weight inside like around the chest area and it's exhausting and I want it to go away. Even when I am working and fully busy it STILL plagues my thoughts. I am feeling very pessimistic lol

I am exhausted. EXHAUSTED. Mentally and emotionally. I am fed up of thinking of my ex and how bitterly he has disappointed me from the morning I wake up until the minute I fall alseep- and then I dream of him, and I walk around with this heavy weight inside like around the chest area and it's exhausting and I want it to go away. Even when I am working and fully busy it STILL plagues my thoughts. I am feeling very pessimistic lol


I'm right there with you. It is soooo draining getting over everything that has happened and now trying to keep NC. I think I made it through day 3. Baby steps... I almost broke NC today but I made it :)

NC is pretty tough at the beginning because you guys are still holding out that hope of reconciling, and you think that contact will help facilitate that...

But as of yet has any of the contact you have had with your ex's lead to anything?? No... Its just hurt you more and set you back further in your recovery... Trust me, if your ex wants to try again they will come and get you. And the bitter truth is that they probably won't so don't hold out that hope.

Myself and a lot of others on here were the same emotional wrecks you are, so take that as yes it will get better, and it's a time game. Time will heal these wounds and sticking to NC will help you get there faster... Do whatever you have to do to make it easier. Myself, I blocked and deleted her on Facebook and msn... Called my cell phone company and got them to block her calls and texts from my phone... Might seem like a bit much but hey, it helped me in a big way knowing I wouldn't have to hear from her... And whatever helps you feel better is what's important...

I know you are weak but please do your best to cut them out of your lives... trust all of us, it makes a world of difference...

Just thought I'd share for those struggling to keep NC or just starting...

I just happened to go through the saved away message I have for my instant messenger which are still there from my breakup... Looking at them now, I feel a little of the sting, but at the same time I have to smile a little inside and laugh at how pitiful they seem...

Its just proof that in time you feel better, time goes by and things get better... Take it day by day.

Just thought I'd share for those struggling to keep NC or just starting out....

I just happened to go through the saved away message I have for my instant messenger which are still there from my breakup.... Looking at them now, I feel a little of the sting, but at the same time I have to smile a little inside and laugh at how pitiful they seem...

Its just proof that in time you feel better, time goes by and things get better... Take it day by day.

I deleted all the messages to save myself from the pain...

But I face a bigger problem... I can't trust any girls anymore~

After all the friendships with females, majority of them flirt with me extremely...

I get attached and all of a sudden, they tell me they're committed to someone else or they are in a relationship

*sigh*

Yes I keep breaking NC because I do want to reconcile. I sent an email that I thought would not get a response kind of like closure to end things on a good note and got a pretty long response and it just ends up confusing me. I do want to remain friends but a lot of people on here say friends is too hard. I don't know I guess it's just too early and too fresh a wound. I'm too weak and confused.

I also now have trust issues. I'm scared of being with a new person and always having in the back of my head they will screw me over or lie to me somehow. Even just day to day things like at work I take phone calls and this lady was calling in for her "boss". I was like I bet this lady is having an affair with her boss. That's so bad... but kind of funny to me too that I'd jump to a conclusion like that. I have soooo far to go.

I also now have trust issues. I'm scared of being with a new person and always having in the back of my head they will screw me over or lie to me somehow.

Same here...

I have been played with by girls, majority of them were my friends...

I stopped talking to them and I feel really depressed, down, and unhappy.

Yes, there are many pretty/cute/sexy girls out there, but I'm also afraid that I will be cheated on, dumped, and/or lied to.

Yes I keep breaking NC because I do want to reconcile. I sent an email that I thought would not get a response kind of like closure to end things on a good note and got a pretty long response and it just ends up confusing me. I do want to remain friends but a lot of people on here say friends is too hard. I don't know I guess it's just too early and too fresh a wound. I'm too weak and confused.

I also now have trust issues. I'm scared of being with a new person and always having in the back of my head they will screw me over or lie to me somehow. Even just day to day things like at work I take phone calls and this lady was calling in for her "boss". I was like I bet this lady is having an affair with her boss. That's so bad...but kind of funny to me too that I'd jump to a conclusion like that. I have soooo far to go.

Take anything your ex says to you with a grain of salt... My ex would tell me over and over that she wasn't sure if its over and all that stuff, meanwhile she was sleeping with some guy... even to this day she says that. It's a load of bull though and you have to see through it and ignore it.

That reconcile feeling really gets in the way though... But you have to try and put it out of your head and understand that 99% of the time its over. And there are really better things waiting out there for you.

And I think you only think you have trust issues, you are heart broken and a bit jaded. You are seeing everything through a cloud of thick emotions... I did and thought just what you did, its normal. Once you really start to heal that will fade away. There are a lot of great people out there so try not to let them pass you by.

I am going into my 3rd month of NC and I feel pretty good. I think of her but I do not yearn for her like I once did. I also believe that I can finally move on and meet somebody else. This site has been great.

So has anyone broken NC and then realize they need to go back to it? Reason why I ask is because I've broken it and now he's trying to give a half attempt to communicate with me about basic things not "us". Today I want to go back to NC and I wonder what to expect from him if he just out of nowhere stops hearing from me. I'm on this rollercoaster of wanting to reconcile and wanting to forget all about him.

Well, I got bored so I went on my ex's myspace profile ~

Eh.. what do you know? I don't feel bad about it cause she's having fun up in San Francisco instead of getting her head straight with "art animation" program. For me, I've been working... saving up... researching on modifying my future-to-drift car xD

Besides that, I'm just tired of girls & relationships.... every single one I've met would flirt with me, then get down, and tell me that they're taken last minute *sigh*

So has anyone broken NC and then realize they need to go back to it?
Darn near everyone here, so join the party, LOL! Thought you were unique for a minute, didn't you??

Haha, you kidding me?

I've broken NC time and time again... only to come here and whine, then get my @ss kicked my tal... til I stuck with it.

Really, it's the only way to go.

Yes my brother and I were talking about it yesterday and he said it's really the only way to go. Deep down I know it is but it's just the letting go that keeps me breaking it. I am having a hard time letting go. So today will be day one AGAIN. I stopped responding to everything yesterday and it felt better. Today should be easier. It's not as bad a day for me as yesterday. It is such a rollercoaster though it's tough. One minute I'm all motivated and the next weak as ever... eesh!

The time it will take for me to get over my ex will be longer than our actual relationship. That's quite--sad.

This morning with be my starting date - its so hard right now. I'm at work and all I can do is think of him. I can't get anything accomplished. Just thought I'd join this thread for support. It gives me hope after reading everyone's post that it gets better as time passes.

Hi guyz and girls,
I have been hanging out here for a while, decided to post, here is my story, nine years ago I started dating my ex, I was a freshman at college and had recently moved to the U.S( did not have any family here). She was basically the closet thing to family that I had here. Long story short we dated for 6 years and broke up about 2 and a half years ago.I hung around for a year and a half waiting for her to come bak, I would call every day send her flowers on valentine day and on her birthday even though we were not going out.SHe would not retun my calls at first but eventually she started calling me too every night telling me how her day went. We did that for about a year( she was messing around with other people while we were still talking to eah other).6 months ago she asked if I wanted to do the dating thing again. I jumped at the opportunity. We started talking about marriage, and I was planing to propose in about a month. She calls me 4 days ago saying she that she doesn't know if it is going to work betwenn us. I told I was willing to compromise on a lot of stuff that we had problems with. But I guess it wasn't enough for her. SHe said she couldn't do it anymore. I tried to convivnce her otherwise. Didn't work. Now she is gong. I feel this empty void. I am very sad, usually cry a couple of times a day. But the funny thing like last time I don't have the urge to call her. For some odd reason I am missiong something but its not her. Its hard to explain. I haven't had any contat with her fir the last 2 days. It hurts a lot.I hope it gets better with time. I really do

Should have used spell check, my bad

You are missing what she was, or what you thought she was, and not who she is. That is a good thing, though it may not seem to be. You can use that as motivation to move on from her, since she is not what you want anyway -- and begin looking to the future to find what it is you want, and what it is that makes you truly happy...

Nine years of my life wasted. I guess that's why it hurts. We share the same phone plan too so I would have to talk to her about getting my name off the plan.Thats the last thing I want to do right now is talk to her, will probably bring back all the memories. Any ideas on how to deal with this

First off - none of that time was wasted time. Everything you do in life is a learning experience. All of the time you spent together helped to shape and mold you into who you are now, that's hardly a waste of time.

As far as the phone plan goes - if you are worried about talking to her on the phone or in person about it, perhaps you can write an email or a letter. That way you can keep it very professional, impersonal, and plan out what you write rather than having to think on your toes and watch what you say...

Thought of this, but don't you think it might look a little strange. When she ended the relationship we both agreed we would be friend( I don't know why I agreed). I know for a fact that I could probably never be just her friend. So I really don't know how to approach this, an email or a letter might just come off childish or immaturish..

I am also very confused. Mostly everbody on this forum has an urge to call their ex.Why is that I am not feeling it,(atleast not as strongly as I should)?? Even though I am really hurt and have to deal with these massive mood swings

I am also very confused. Mostly everbody on this forum has an urge to call thier ex.Why is that i am not feeling it,(atleast not as strongly as i should)??? even though i am really hurt and have to deal with these massive mood swings


Bro~
Don't sweat it. I had the urge to call my ex, but it lessened to the point where I don't care if she called me or not. Yes, 9 years has been wasted... but look at other users... hjpan (me), romefalls, bigbird, boris etc. all suffered the same thing!

Guess what? It gets a bit better later on :D!
Right now, I got few girls who want to hook up with me :)! Two of them have already said "I love you" to me~

Just takes time.. which is hard

Thought of this, but dont you think it might look a lil strange. When she ended the relationship we both agreed we would be friend( i dont know why i agreed). I know for a fact that i could probally never be just her friend. So i really dont know how to approach this, an email or a letter might just come off childish or immaturish..

Well I wouldn't contact her at all regarding that matter... if she makes it a point of trying to talk to you as a friend, than just tell her simply that you were wrong and that you can't be her friend right now... there is no point in going out of your way to tell her this, it will look as you said... childish..

Also it's not really weird that you don't want to contact her. While I was miserable, I would never contact her first ever. It was always in response to her (which I should have ignored). But who really cares why, just be thankful that you don't have the urge to call her.

Thanks. The problem I am having is that I Don't have the urge to call her, even though I can fell the pain.I thought this was strange.Minds playing tricks on me

Thanks a lot guyz. This really help.Day 3 of NC is almost over.

Thanks. The problem i am having is that I DONT have the urge to call her, even though i can fell the pain.I thought this was strange.Minds playing tricks on me

Haha I think that's what I wrote.. . that I didn't have the urge to call her either...

Didn't see that sorry. As you said just be happy that I don't have the urge.

Haha no problem my friend

I really don't want to talk to her about getting my name of the bills that we had together, I guess I will have to though.

Yea, well that's something that you can't really avoid... get it over with though as soon and as fast as you can.

I really dont wanna talk to her about getting my name of the bills that we had together, i guess i will have to though.

Forget the name.

Just cross it out.

Still can't get over it 9 years.thats one third of my whole life

still can't get over it 9 years.thats one third of my whole life

Look at my sister... she dated a guy for over 2 years and she found out that he was married and has a kid now.

She's 27.

Wow. That's messed up.How is she holding up?

But you got time on your side... it will help you heal and eventually she will have been a small part of your life...

Don't be so hard on yourself, its only been three days. For some of us, it was weeks or months before you notice any appreciable difference. It will happen, just take each day as it comes. Like you said, Day 3 of NC is almost over... Now shoot for 4 :)

Hang in there, when you need a boost, come on here and vent.. It helps

Pathetic... I started the NC this morning.. and I already broke it!! Can't delete his number.. I have it memorized... *uGh* I hate that I have the urge to call him... and I'm the only that let go!

Thanks.Time to go to bed for me.Hopefully tomorrow is better

wow. thats messed up.How is she holding up?

She's been single for a long time~
In fact, she doesn't care about it... but she teaches me a lot of lessons on relationships

DAY 4 NC=Felt pretty ty in the morning when I woke up. Felling better now, hopefully I won't be thinking about her today.I wonder why is it that when I wake up I always start thinking about her.

DAY 4 NC=Felt pretty ty in the morning when i woke up. Felling better now, hopefully i wont be thinking about her today.I wonder why is it that when i wake up i always start thinking about her.

Happens to everyone, it fades with time, but for the longest time mornings were the toughest for me. You were probably used to talking first thing in the morning.. maybe a good morning phone call or something like that? Try to have something planned for first thing in the morning... If you run, or work out, do that first thing in the morning... If you change your morning routine, it can help...

I have got to work on my masters thesis, this whole mess is so distracting, can't concentrate
I don't miss her or have the urge to call her, so why the hell am I so sad then?

i have gotta work on my masters thesis, this whole mess is so distracting, can't concentrate
I dont miss her or have the urge to call her, so why the hell am i so sad then??

Change isn't easy on a lot of people. The emotions your going to feel in the coming days and weeks are tough to describe and they will change like the winds. Everyone who has gone through it can attest to the fact that it truly is a rollercoaster. If you can ride out the lows, you will be fine.

DAY 4 NC=Could have been worse, but it was probably the worst day after day 1 of NC.But I keep this going. Lord have mercy have on me.Thanks for all your help guyz.

End of day 4 of NC=Feel like , I miss her I guess.

Of course you miss her... if you didn't you would be kidding yourself... think of how long she was part of your life, whether you do want to get back with her, the affect of this loss is going to make you sad regardless... It's human.

I'm going to be home alone for a weekend... 100% sure I'm not geetting laid =/

I'll probably order some shrooms and chew on that.. *sigh*

Relationships make me sick now D:

Day5 NC= I feel like , how long is it going to take me to get over her, I can't handle this anymore

Day5 NC= I feel like , how long is it going to take me to get over her, i can't handle this anymore


Keep yourself busy and put away everything that reminds you of her.

GET BUSY with rebuilding!

Feeling a lot better now, mornings are always the worst.Thanks a lot guyz, this forum keeps me going.

So how long does it take to get over a 9 year relationship?? Its going to take for ever, isn't it.:{

So how long does it take to get over a 9 year relationship???Its going to take for ever, isnt it.:{


Depends on the person.

Some heal quick, most heal slow.

Over all, it takes time.

Patience my friend, it all takes time, just don't get frustrated and give up on yourself...

We've been there and know how you feel, so trust me when I say you will feel better, but you need to hang in there... it isn't a quick process...

I can tell you that the more time you spend worrying about how long it will take, the longer it will seem to take. Try not to think about getting better... try not thinking :p

I was just about to call her, had to talk myself out of it.I really don't have anything to say to her, even if I call what the hell am I going to talk about.

Hey guys, I haven't been on here in a veryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy long time.
I'd just like to say that I've been enjoying these past few months actually being single and all.
I've met a few girls but it hasn't been anything serious. I still miss my ex and I still do love her but I isn't letting it hold me back. You only have one life to live and you might as well live it.
For those of you struggling, check out my thread if you can to see how far I've come.
I've been NC for over 5 months and it can be quite tough... there are going to be bumpy rides, but always keep your head up.
I'm not going to say that I'm fully healed but I'm going in the right direction.
Would I want to get back with her? No not at the moment, I have way too many things on my plate and I actually think this break up was a sign because I think if I was in a relationship right now, I'd be kind of screwed in terms of work/college.
Everything has a way of working out, even though you may not think it is.

hey guys, i havent been on here in a veryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy long time.
I'd just like to say that i've been enjoying these past few months actually being single and all.
I've met a few girls but it hasnt been anything serious. I still miss my ex and I still do love her but I aint letting it hold me back. You only have one life to live and you might as well live it.
For those of you struggling, check out my thread if you can to see how far i've come.
I've been NC for over 5 months and it can be quite tough...there are gonna be bumpy rides, but always keep your head up.
I'm not gonna say that i'm fully healed but I'm going in the right direction.
Would I want to get back with her? No not at the moment, I have way too many things on my plate and i actually think this break up was a sign because I think if i was in a relationship right now, I'd be kind of screwed in terms of work/college.
Everything has a way of working out, even though you may not think it is.

I'm right behind you... 4 months of NC

I was just about to call her, had to talk my self out of it.I really dont have anything to say to her, even if i call what the hell am i going to talk about.

Find some hobbies...

For me, I'm into fixing up cars and drifting xD

End of Day 5 of NC=another day tomorrow,days will turn into months and months into years of NC.(Hopefully). Good night people

End of Day 5 of NC=another day tomorrow,days will turn into months and months into years of NC.(Hopefully). Good night people

Perfect attitude... you'll eventually stop counting too. Time is all it takes! :)

I'm actually starting to get quite worried...
It's been going on four months since I broke up with my ex and I'm still not feeling AT all better or thinking of him at ALL less
I'm starting to think I won't recover from all this...

Stay with it Boris, and get busy.

Boris keep at it, believe me its hard, but you have to keep living your life. There is no use waiting for her to be part of your life when she doesn't want to.
Good Luck Buddy

I'm actually starting to get quite worried....
It's been going on four months since I broke up with my ex and I'm still not feeling AT all better or thinking of him at ALL less
I'm starting to think I won't recover from all this...

We're in the same boat!

The only things that I am really mad at myself for is that I tried to convince her to say when she was breaking up with me on the phone. SHould not have done that.Whatever I guess, its too late now

The only things that i am really mad at myself for is that i tried to convince her to say when she was breaking up with me on the phone. SHould not have done that.Whatever i guess, its too late now

You can't blame yourself for that now. You loved her and wanted her to stay. She can't blame you for it either, it showed that you cared. Take the lesson you learned and don't forget it.

Asking for your guyz's(ladies) opinion on this. Do you think I can talk my ex into coming back. I could compromise on some of the stuff we had problems with, I already told her this when we were breaking up that I was ready to comprise.Maybe if I tell her again.

(I know its not going to work, but this thought has been going through my head for the last couple of days)

Truth is, you can't convince anyone to do anything they don't want to... Hard to hear, but no, she probably has her mind made up.

You are right. It just hurts, the thing about is that I didn't even see the breakup coming.Even though this is the third time she has broken up with me, you think I would wise up
The funny thing is when she broke up with me she brought up things I thought we had already resolved.
It hard to move on but I am trying.I am just rambling on here trying to get things of my chest.

You are right. It just hurts, the thing about is that i didnt even see the breakup coming.Even though this is the third time she has broken up with me, you think i would wise up
The funny thing is when she broke up with me she brought up things i thought we had already resolved.
It hard to move on but i am trying.I am just rambling on here trying to get things of my chest.

Dude

Find other girls~

Trust me xD

Right now, I'm talking to a lot of girls... one of them is moving to Oregon and she plans on visiting the South (Southern California) and we've talked about chilling..

DAY 7 OF NC=Had a dream last night she was married to some one else, made me feel sick.

Boris keep at it, believe me its hard, but you have to keep living your life. There is no use waiting for her to be part of your life when she doesn't want to.
Good Luck Buddy

Thank you
But I'm a girl... and it's a he

I can see how the name "Boris" is confusing though:)

Sorry :]

Since last night, I have had a strong urge to call her and talk to her about the break up.I am pretty sure I can change her mind on this. WHat do you guys think,In by the way this day 8 of nc

Those are the very feelings we caution you about, and you have to cope with. Stay with NC.

Thanks Tal. I am trying

Today has just been ridiculously hard. I keep busy, do NC, try no to think about him and I'm sooooo SAD still and think about him all the time. I simply can not carry on in this vain:(

Today has just been ridiculously hard. I keep busy, do NC, try no to think about him and I'm sooooo SAD still and think about him all the time. I simply can not carry on in this vain:(

All of us have our ups and downs. Keep ureself busy.Thats what I do helps me out a little bit
Good luck. We are here for you.

Day 8 of NC=It can't get any wrose than this,thought have been going through my head that she is seeing somebody else and they are doing stuff togather.THIS SUCKS.

Day 8 of NC=It can't get any wrose than this,thought have been going through my head that she is seeing somebody else and they are doing stuff togather.THIS SUCKS.

I understand as much as anyone could, this uphill struggle, I've been put off love to be honest. Seriously.:(

Day 8 of NC=It can't get any wrose than this,thought have been going through my head that she is seeing somebody else and they are doing stuff togather.THIS SUCKS.



Don't worry! It gets easier after a while!

I pretty much don't care about my ex... I just hope she won't call me and ask me to take her back xD

What do you do when your girl tells you she wants a break but then she texts you and stuff?

what do you do when your girl tells you she wants a break but then she texts you and stuff?

Don't reply.NC is the best thing to do.I played these mind gimes with my ex for a year and a half didn't work.

I didn't play them, what I meant to say is she played them with me and it didn't work we ended up breaking up again

what do you do when your girl tells you she wants a break but then she texts you and stuff?

You tell her she wanted the break so have it. She can't have her cake and eat it too, its not fair to you. If she wants a break than that means it's a break from you, and that includes all forms of communication.

I feel like shi-. I have been trying to keep myself busy, but everynow and then when I am just sitiing around I can't help but think about her.

I feel like shi-. I have been trying to keep my self busy, but everynow and then when i am just sitiing around i can't help but think about her.

Its all part of going through the experience... Sorry bud it's the way it goes, you are going to have to fight through it. Just know we all did.

Its all part of going through the experience... Sorry bud its the way it goes, you are gonna have to fight through it. Just know we all did.


Everyone heals at different rate... some heal in a day, some heal in a few months to years

Anyways... I'm on myspace and I see my ex's comments on my pics..

Well, I decided to look through her profile and oh boy... a total 8itch~ LOL

In her "about me".. she said she made the best choice to move, her friends ENCOURAGED her to move, and best friends helped her when she was drunk..

When really... I gave her all the options to the new side.... suggested to move, encouraged to go to art school there...
wow~ sounds epic, doesn't it guys?

LOL
I'm laughing right now when I'm writing cause I know that she doesn't know what she wants to do and she chose graphics design at an art school because it looks cool instead of liking to do the stuff and enjoying...

For me, I'm enjoying my nursing class cause I've been issued real hospital nurse uniforms (scrubs) and learning lessons on the human :)

it's fun but takes a lot of time & effort

Yeh... don't know about you other guys/girls...

My ex called me on Saturday night I heard one ring it was around midnight. She called me today and it was the same number so I pickup didn't know it was her. She asked me about her mails and said can I leave them at the security desk for her I said they won't accept them. I told her come to pick them up she said she'll come when she have time I said OK and then we hang up. I was cool and calm.

It's good to hear her voice again but gosh I rather she not call me. I didn't contact her because I didn't have her number since I cancelled the phone I paid for her every month. It've been over a month since we have any contact.


I am sure she just wanted her mails. I don't think she want to see me anyway I don't know how to give her the mails and I still have some of her belongings.

My ex called me on Saturday night I heard one ring it was around midnight. She called me today and it was the same number so I pickup didn't know it was her. She asked me about her mails and said can i leave them at the security desk for her I said they won't accept them. I told her come to pick them up she said she'll come when she have time I said ok and then we hang up. I was cool and calm.

It's good to hear her voice again but gosh I rather she not call me. I didn't contact her because I didn't have her number since I cancelled the phone I paid for her every month. It've been over a month since we have any contact.


I am sure she just wanted her mails. I don't think she want to see me anyway I don't know how to give her the mails and I still have some of her belongings.

I would say get this over with as soon as possible by setting up a date and time so you can give her all her stuff and then go bak to nc.
Good Luck

My ex called me on Saturday night I heard one ring it was around midnight. She called me today and it was the same number so I pickup didn't know it was her. She asked me about her mails and said can i leave them at the security desk for her I said they won't accept them. I told her come to pick them up she said she'll come when she have time I said ok and then we hang up. I was cool and calm.

It's good to hear her voice again but gosh I rather she not call me. I didn't contact her because I didn't have her number since I cancelled the phone I paid for her every month. It've been over a month since we have any contact.


I am sure she just wanted her mails. I don't think she want to see me anyway I don't know how to give her the mails and I still have some of her belongings.

Sounds like she wanted to use the "I need you to do something" card..

My ex did that with "hey, can you look for my passport in your room?" crap
I told her I found her passport but threw it away... really, I didn't find it :)

2 weeks of nc= you would think after you know someone for nine years you would try to contact them and ask them how they are doing. She really doesn't care anymore

Me and my ex broke up for over 2 months now and we didn't see each other for pretty much a month and 1/2. This is the first time I ever did no contact because I guess in this situation it's the right thing to do since the begging and pleading at the beginning doesn't work and I know that we have problems that if I was to keep begging for her to come back it won't solve anything and we will end up breaking up again.

I did nc pretty much over a month now with a few screwed up in the process but nothing major. I feel a lot better now. I do think about her and miss her but it's getting less and less every day.

For some reason morning is the worse and some time wake up in the middle of the night thinking about it.

Curiosity killed the cat and it's true. The more you try to find out about them the more you'll get hurt because you'll think and create these stupid scenarios in your head which may be true or not true.

I changed all my Yahoo ID and I don't contact her friends or family members anymore. For me it's just common sense, why hurt yourself trying to find out about them. Basically you are giving them more power and the satisfaction.

I think it's all a power game. I am sure if the dumper try to contact us and pleading and begging we will all feel a lot better but we don't necessary want them back.

Me and my ex broke up for over 2 months now and we didn't see each other for pretty much a month and 1/2. This is the first time i ever did no contact because i guess in this situation it's the right thing to do since the begging and pleading at the beginning doesn't work and i know that we have problems that if i was to keep begging for her to come back it won't solve anything and we will end up breaking up again.

I did nc pretty much over a month now with a few screwed up in the process but nothing major. I feel a lot better now. I do think about her and miss her but it's getting less and less every day.

For some reason morning is the worse and some time wake up in the middle of the night thinking about it.

Curiosity killed the cat and it's true. The more you try to find out about them the more you'll get hurt because you'll think and create these stupid scenarios in your head which may be true or not true.

I changed all my yahoo ID and i don't contact her friends or family members anymore. For me it's just common sense, why hurt yourself trying to find out about them. Basically you are giving them more power and the satisfaction.

I think it's all a power game. I am sure if the dumper try to contact us and pleading and begging we will all feel alot better but we don't necessary want them back.


I see what you are saying but still I was just thiking that if you know someone for a long perioud of tme you would at least want to know how they are doing.I know I do, but I guess my ex's doesn't. Have not heard anything from her, which I guess is a good thing.I might just be trying to grasp on the last piece of rope here.:rolleyes:

I see what you are saying but still i was just thiking that if you know someone for a long perioud of tme you would atleast want to know how they are doing.I know i do, but i guess my ex's doesnt. Have not heard anything from her, which i guess is a good thing.I might just be trying to grasp on the last piece of rope here.:rolleyes:

I think the point all the wise people on this site try to make here is try to get over her by doing NC. You can try to find out how she's doing later down the road when you feel that what you find out won't affect you one bit.

I have a few ex that I get in touch with a few years later. We chat and I found out about them and they ask about me but at that time what they do is their business and it doesn't bother me one bit.

I think the point all the wise people on this site try to make here is try to get over her by doing NC. You can try to find out how she's doing later down the road when you feel that what you find out won't affect you one bit.

I have a few ex that I get in touch with a few years later. We chat and I found out about them and they ask about me but at that time what they do is their business and it doesn't bother me one bit.

I think the only problem with that is when that time comes around I really won't care.But you are right.The problem I am having is I really want to be a part of her life but she does not, so I have no other option but to move on.It just sucks that you spend nine years with a person and now have to act like a complete stranger. I can't wrap my mind around that

Dare, I know exactly how you feel. You are still in the denial stage.

Try to keep yourself busy like everyone here said. I workout 3 to 4 times a week which I never did in my life. Workout will keep you from being depressed and also look good and more confident. I know it's hard when all you do is think about her but try force yourself. A little at a time.

For me knowing that she's a hottie and can get any guys she want hurt a lot more it's the thought of her with someone else that really hurt you but over time I learn to let go and my hope of her coming back is less and less and doesn't affect me as much

Doing NC is one thing but you have to let go and not having false hope that she'll come back with you that's the only way that you will heal. The first week weeks or months you will still have false hope but you got to fight it and over time it'll get better.

During the breakup you tend you always think that she's perfect and always think all the good stuff not the bad. When you have the urge to try to contact her just think about things that you hate about her and also the reasons you guys broke up the problems that weren't resolved.

If you need help just come up here and vent. We all went through the same patterns and emotional roller coaster that you go through.

Thanks

The problem i am having is i really want to be a part of her life but she does not, so i have no other option but to move on.It just sucks that you spend nine years with a person and now have to act like a complete stranger. I can't wrap my mind around that

I feel the same way. I keep thinking in my situation we spent over 5yrs together and lived together over half of those yrs and now he says he feels uncomfortable with me because I make him feel things he doesn't want to feel I think it's namely GUILTY. I was willing to try and work towards rebuilding with a friendship and he uses that cop out. He's willing to talk when he feels like it and never even asks me how I am doing. That must be what's so hard to just move on huh... we can't "wrap our mind around" the reality of what was meaningful and worthwhile to us isn't to them. That's my feeling anyway. In my situation I think his problem is he is still infatuated with the piece of trash that is stringing him along. He doesn't know I know they still talk if her husband finds out (his ex best friend) she's toast. I told him I wish I was like him sometimes and just didn't care about anything. I think he's just really good at suppressing and hiding his feelings. I wish I could erase it all:(

Day 5 of no contact, at least this is showing me that she obviously doesn't care, every day we talked for 3 years for hours and I just stopped talking to her 5 days ago and nothing, not a text, not a I'm nothing , and any time I feel like contacting her I just think why contact a stranger someone who doesn't care about you and then I don't

Also I would like to add, Forgive me for every judging people who smoke or alcoholics and wondering why don't they just give it up and there like I'm trying. Now I know addiction, its 5 days I still look at my phone hoping and praying like a idiot. Last time I talked to her she had a crush on aguy and they were talking for a few hours each day moving on fast I see disgusting. At least I don't know if there together or not, and this is why I love nc

My sent me some vitrolic message today and it got me so riled up, how DARE he think he can say anything to me after the abhorrent way he has treated me and I went on his mypsace, and his ex's myspace that he cheated on me with and spends all his time with and they both said "ecstatic"- which was a huge setbak, I don't now why, because I'd been doing OK recently. Now all the pain has been brought up and I'm thinking all the time and feel back to square one :(

I know exactly how you feel. I hate square one. I keep going 1 step forward then 2 back over and over. Blah...

Break that cycle, aren't you tired of the way it feels?

Good thing is my ex doesn't talk to me anymore and I don't expect her to....

And I feel good that she left me because I probably effed in my nursing class by spending time talking to her instead of studying. Damn... I can see myself with several degrees from nursing course and university & earning a good pay~

My ex called me yesterday morning twice at 10 am. I didn't pick up the phone. I don't know why she called but if it's important she'll leave a message. I don't think there is any reason why I should pick up. Oh well, I am now to the point I don't have that urge to contact her anymore and I can do things without her in the picture.

My ex called me yesterday morning twice at 10 am. I didn't pick up the phone. I don't know why she called but if it's important she'll leave a message. I don't think there is any reason why i should pick up. Oh well, I am now to the point I don't have that urge to contact her anymore and I can do things without her in the picture.

Good!

I am on the same boat as you are except when I pass by the beach near my sisters' condo, I feel depressed cause I made out with my ex at that location =/

How's everyone doing.I hope all right.
Day 16 of NC, feeling a lot better then I did in the first week. I can't believe I haven't talked to her in 16 days, we used to talk everday. WOW

Hows everyone doing.I hope alright.
Day 16 of NC, feeling a lot better then i did in the first week. I can't believe i havent talked to her in 16 days, we used to talk everday. WOW

Nice feeling of accomplishment, isn't it? It feels good as time goes on, you start to accomplish things you didn't think you were capable of. This is only the beginning, but it gets better and better my friend.

Break that cycle, aren't you tired of the way it feels?

Yes, I know I am, it's getting old. I guess that's what you mean by giving myself time. The NC helps clear you head when you can think beyond the hurt feelings. Over time feeling like crap gets old, you get tired of it and move on. Slowly but surely we will all get there

My ex called me yesterday morning twice at 10 am. I didn't pick up the phone. I don't know why she called but if it's important she'll leave a message. I don't think there is any reason why i should pick up. Oh well, I am now to the point I don't have that urge to contact her anymore and I can do things without her in the picture.

Congrats! I think not having the urge to contact her means you are doing great:) The day my ex calls and I don't have the urge to answer will be a good day for me. I don't really have to worry about him calling though so that helps. He doesn't call only sometimes random emails which I should start labeling as trash/junk mail and not even look at. Most of the time they are meaningless anyway.

Congrats! I think not having the urge to contact her means you are doing great:) The day my ex calls and I don't have the urge to answer will be a good day for me. I don't really have to worry about him calling though so that helps. He doesn't call only sometimes random emails which I should start labeling as trash/junk mail and not even look at. Most of the time they are meaningless anyways.


I am not totally out of the wood yet though. I still think about her in my sleep and still feel sad for a bit when I think about it. But all the urge to find out and call her is not there anymore and I can pretty much go and do things without thinking of her in the picture. I am sure over time this will go away as well.

Phew, my NC calendar starts today. It's been a week or so since we broke up and it's really about time that I realize that talking to her won't do me any good at all.
The last week has been one hell of an emotional rollercoast for me. After me and my girlfriend had been together for five years, she had been having doubts about the relationship the last two months without telling me, so when it felt for me like she just woke up one day and had forgotten all about it that was the hardest part for me to overcome. The fact that she's already over me, looking for somebody else and is "relieved" that it's all over hurts a lot.

I keep looking back at all the women I've met in my life and trying to see if I could like any of them as much as I could like her. Every woman I see I measure up toward her and in sadness realize aren't as good as she was. Is this normal? I think I'm just deadly afraid of being alone.

The funny thing is, when me and my girlfriend were still together I was constantly having doubts about the relationship, given the fact that me and my girlfriend had been together since we were 15 and none of us had been in any other relationships before, I was constantly doubting whether or not I had the strength to be with her for the rest of my life, yet now that it's over there's nothing I want more. Now I've contacted her a couple of times the last week and each time it's only made the pain worse. I'd like to think that at some time down the road me and her could at least be friends again. After sharing so much together she wasn't only my girlfriend but the best friend I've ever had, I don't want to lose all of it. I'm hoping that once I get over her I shouldn't have any troubles talking to her on a casual level, or is this also a bad idea? I don't know.

Anyway I hope I can keep NC going at least until I'm completely over her, or I've found someone else, if that should happen. I'm trying to fill my days with activities like learning to play the guitar, and working out, but I'm still in the early stages of my education and whenever I sit down to get some mental work down all these thoughts keep flashing through my brain and it's really hard to get schoolwork done. Anyway, day 1, hope I can make it through.

You will feel much better later, as its quite an adjustment, mentally, emotionally, and yes physically, when we lose a long term partner.

Its life changing, and all the fears, and broken dreams, will have you thinking in many directions. That's normal after a break up.

We all have been through this same thing, but I think you have a good plan to get you through it. You will be stronger, more aware of who you are, and better able to deal with yourself, in a positive way.

Read the stickies at the beginning of this forum, or click on the link in my signature, for some good suggestions for your siuations. Hang in there, your among people who will support you through this.

Taliman and eveyone else that helped me get through my time of crisis. I just wanted to come back and say thanks to you all. I have been doing great. For the past months or so, about a month or so, I felt the emotional cable that was tying me to me ex cut... FOR GOOD!! I just woke up and it was as if I was a new person!! since then I have not had any down days or anything like that. I guess for me I moved on faster because I started to date someone right the way... at first it was not serious, but then it became kind of serious.. . and at that time my ex totally flipped... she contacted me like crazy begging and apologizing etc... considering that she really went from being the sweetest girl to a complete cold heart gal... so to all of you out there who are in the beginning of this BU bull, it gets better. Before you know it you will be far back to being yourself and it will be just awesome to get yourself back... it's funny how life works... really guys... that day when I woke and felt that load fell off, that next day my ex contacted me and send me at least 7 text messages and then called. And she has been calling and texting ever since. I have talked to her a few times since and she wants to come visit, and she wants me to visit etc... I have to say it felt good to rub it in her face... oh yeah... she couldn't believe how fast I moved on... " did you really get over me that fast she asks times and times again"... and I was like you betcha I did... hehehe... but it's all good... so just hang in there guys... things get better, I grew not only has a person, but also I know what I want in a mate in the future... so thank you thank you to all of you who have helped me during my downtime . I just wanted to come back and pay my dues to all of you... you have helped so much... I can never be grateful enough...

It rain so hard today. For some reason I missed her so much today. I went on to my Yahoo messenger this morning this is the old nick I haven't used for a while. She message me "if there is any important mail please message me, thanks, have a good day".

She must have got this nick from her friend since I never gave this nick to her since I was talking to her friend a few weeks back. Most of her mail are banking statements which she checked them online anyway.

Is she trying to make contact with me? I am not ready to talk to her because I know if I talk to her I'll be back to square one again or I'll say something that will upset her and it will affect my healing. I am planning to take a long trip for a month to another country in two weeks time. Already booked the tickets.

I am planning to talk to her when I get back regarding the mails or any other matter. What do you guys think? I want to tell her to change your address and all that but I don't see the point. I'll just ignore it for now.

I'll just ignore it for now.
Good answer!

Ignore it... When you get back from your trip in six weeks, you will feel entirely different.

Day eight feels like crap but no way I'm msgn her she knows mynumber etc. Stays strong.

It rain so hard today. For some reason I missed her so much today. I went on to my yahoo messenger this morning this is the old nick I haven't used for a while. She message me "if there is any important mail please message me, thanks, have a good day".

She must have got this nick from her friend since I never gave this nick to her since i was talking to her friend a few weeks back. Most of her mail are banking statements which she checked them online anyway.

Is she trying to make contact with me? I am not ready to talk to her because i know if i talk to her i'll be back to square one again or i'll say something that will upset her and it will affect my healing. I am planning to take a long trip for a month to another country in two weeks time. Already booked the tickets.

I am planning to talk to her when i get back regarding the mails or any other matter. What do you guys think? I want to tell her to change your address and all that but I don't see the point. I'll just ignore it for now.

I sure wish I could go on a trip like that. Hopefully I can plan something in November. Trips are great for clearing the mind. When you come back you'll have a new outlook I'm sure. Good to ignore it... square 1 is no fun.

Day eight feels like crap but no way I'm msgn her she knows mynumber etc. Stays strong.

Stay strong :)

Ugh I feel so anxious this morning... day 9 I believe, maybe 8, I don't really remember. But I saw her last night as I walked in the parking garage. She was with him and their whole new group, I felt so anxious and she didn't try to say hi she just sped up and walked away with him. It hurt so much, she was even wearing his hoodie... I really just want to break down, I feel like nothing is ever going to change sometimes when I have to see her this often randomly...

It will pass. Nobody said this would be easy. Look at what your going to do today, and get busy.

My ex added me on Yahoo today. The request come up for me to add her but I don't know if I should. It's about the mails again. She tell me to message her if it's important mail. I already told her that I'll let her know if there is mail a month back but why she keep reminding me? Should I add her or not? This is an old nick that I haven't use for a month. Every time she message me it give me false hope. I hope after my trip I'll feel better.

My ex added me on yahoo today. The request come up for me to add her but I don't know if I should. It's about the mails again. She tell me to msg her if it's important mail. I already told her that I'll let her know if there is mail a month back but why she keep reminding me? Should I add her or not? This is an old nick that I haven't use for a month. Everytime she msg me it give me false hope. I hope after my trip I'll feel better.

You have the options:

1. Throw her mail away
2. Tell her to change the address on her mail

You have the options:

1. Throw her mail away
2. Tell her to change the address on her mail

She tell me to throw away all her mails but there is this divorce document that she's waiting for. Her ex husband is supposed to send it to her and it has been six months now. I don't know why she can't ask him to sent it to her new address. Anyway I don't want to message her back. I want to get over her first and when I am ready I'll talk. I don't know when I'll be ready which sux. I try to keep myself busy but there are time that you are alone. Being alone the enemy. I can resist the urge not to message her or add her for now. I hope I can control myself and keep NC. In two weeks I'll be gone for the whole month so I guess "out of site out of mind"

Day19 of nc= Today was pretty bad, probably cause I was not keeping myself busy.This sucks.
Hope everyone else is hanging in there.
Good luck

Blocked hr on msn, I feel so anxious so giddy, I don't know what to do, it sucks because she was my only friend really, I just can't call up people I spoke to 3 years ago hey remember me.

So Alone, day 9 of NC :(

Day 24 of NC. It's been rough--I didn't cut her off right after she dumped me; she wanted to stay friends. Only after I found out she cheated on me and left me for another guy did I stop contacting her. We had plans to move away together, so I was jobless, having an awful summer waiting for her to come home from her summer job in the Bahamas so we could go start a new life together. So now I've had to start from scratch (I'm in my mid-20s)--I've moved to the east coast; she moved out to the west. Two and a half year relationship, the possibility of marriage, and it's all gone so quickly.

I've been on the east coast for two and half weeks now. I have a very promising job interview next week with an employer that will pay me more than I was making before. I joined a dodgeball league to get out and meet people. I went on one date last week that didn't go great, but I went on one on Monday that went very well and we have another date on Sunday.

So hang in there. Keep yourself moving. It's tough (hey, at least not everyone has to go on job interviews while getting over this!), but every day is a little more progress. I don't think I'm at the point where I wouldn't answer the phone if she calls (she told me she'd call before the election), but I'm hoping to get there. I'm slowly feeling like myself again.

Day 24 of NC. It's been rough--I didn't cut her off right after she dumped me; she wanted to stay friends. Only after I found out she cheated on me and left me for another guy did I stop contacting her. We had plans to move away together, so I was jobless, having an awful summer waiting for her to come home from her summer job in the Bahamas so we could go start a new life together. So now I've had to start from scratch (I'm in my mid-20s)--I've moved to the east coast; she moved out to the west. Two and a half year relationship, the possibility of marriage, and it's all gone so quickly.

I've been on the east coast for two and half weeks now. I have a very promising job interview next week with an employer that will pay me more than I was making before. I joined a dodgeball league to get out and meet people. I went on one date last week that didn't go great, but I went on one on Monday that went very well and we have another date on Sunday.

So hang in there. Keep yourself moving. It's tough (hey, at least not everyone has to go on job interviews while getting over this!), but every day is a little more progress. I don't think I'm at the point where I wouldn't answer the phone if she calls (she told me she'd call before the election), but I'm hoping to get there. I'm slowly feeling like myself again.

I'm sorry for your loss... some girls are hoes =/
I met a guy, who is 25, not married, and has 3 kids... I told him my story about my situation.

He said "boy, you got some time and right now, that girl who left you for another guy ain't yours. In the long run, when you catch a girls eyes, go up to her and tell her "hey! You look good! You mine!" and start getting down"

First day of my new agreement actually being put into effect with my ex-girlfriend that we'll base our schedules around not seeing each other, even though I knew she wouldn't come to breakfast this morning I was a little anxious but not nearly as much as usual.

I'm working now in the same building that she goes to for her club that she's a treasurer in after her class usually today since she has to log a certain amount of hours in the office and I have to walk by it as I work, but I saw she wasn't there meaning she skipped her class this morning AGAIN, likely because of her new boyfriend doing stupid things like staying up too late with him or whatever else. Still hurts to see someone I care about so much not realize she's slowly digging herself into a deeper and deeper hole it seems, especially with her school work. I hate to see her do this because it's been getting progressively worse and worse it seems, this is like the 3rd or 4th class she's missed in the last 2-3 weeks now. She also told me on Tuesday she was trying to lose weight by just skipping meals entirely, I told her it isn't healthy to do and she's just going to gain it all back and she just snapped on me, even after she told me she was the only one here she would be open with and go off on about how stressed she is because she's closest to me and her family. =( I hate seeing her go down hill like this, but I seriously can't tell if it's just me blowing up small situations because I care about her so much or if she seriously is going down hill.

Still fighting the usual urges to not talk to her, posting to vent...

Keep at it Jumping...

Most of us have heard things, or seen things, that make you believe that your ex isn't anything like he/she used to be. Its tough to deal with, but what usually helps me is looking back at myself and realizing I'm not the same either - Change yourself for the better...

First day of my new agreement actually being put into effect with my ex-girlfriend that we'll base our schedules around not seeing each other, even though I knew she wouldn't come to breakfast this morning I was a little anxious but not nearly as much as usual.

I'm working now in the same building that she goes to for her club that she's a treasurer in after her class usually today since she has to log a certain amount of hours in the office and I have to walk by it as I work, but I saw she wasn't there meaning she skipped her class this morning AGAIN, likely because of her new boyfriend doing stupid things like staying up too late with him or whatever else. Still hurts to see someone I care about so much not realize she's slowly digging herself into a deeper and deeper hole it seems, especially with her school work. I hate to see her do this because it's been getting progressively worse and worse it seems, this is like the 3rd or 4th class she's missed in the last 2-3 weeks now. She also told me on Tuesday she was trying to lose weight by just skipping meals entirely, I told her it isn't healthy to do and she's just gonna gain it all back and she just snapped on me, even after she told me she was the only one here she would be open with and go off on about how stressed she is because she's closest to me and her family. =( I hate seeing her go down hill like this, but I seriously can't tell if it's just me blowing up small situations because I care about her so much or if she seriously is going down hill.

Still fighting the usual urges to not talk to her, posting to vent...

You have to realize she's screwing with HER class, not you.
When you're learning something and your ex is screwing around, you have the opportunity more than your ex. I was told by my ex that I'm a failure and I'll depend on my parents forever cause they are professional doctors (both of my parents are doctors with 30+ years of experience).

Guess what?

I got a job to gain experience in working publicly.
I am attending nursing class in which I will be state licensed nurse when I pass the exam.
I will return to 4-year university and pursue my psychology degree; then apply for med school.

I'm sorry for your loss... some girls are hoes =/
I met a guy, who is 25, not married, and has 3 kids... I told him my story about my situation.

He said "boy, you got some time and right now, that girl who left you for another guy ain't yours. In the long run, when you catch a girls eyes, go up to her and tell her "hey! you look good! you mine!" and start getting down"

Thanks for your words of support. I honestly never saw it coming--she was the last person in the world I ever thought would cheat on me. Until about half-way through her trip, she was telling me how much she loved me, how all she wanted was to come home to me, and that she was looking forward to going through life with me and I'd never have to worry about anything again. Right before she left, she brought up the idea of marriage, which we'd never talked seriously about before. Then half-way through her trip, she meets some guy and apparently falls head-over heals for him. She dumps me when she comes home, LIES about the reasons, and I then find out she's telling this guy she's in love with him and that her heart belongs to him--this literally WEEKS after she was telling me how she wanted to go through life with me.

I've been wanting to call her today--odd, because the last 25 days I haven't really felt the urge to. Part of me still believes that given the circumstances of her new relationship, there's no way it'll work out and she'll eventually realize her mistake. But her coming back would probably put me in a worse situation than I'm in without her around. I could never trust her again.

The only thing that's prevented me from cracking today is this site. Thanks guys--I'm staying strong. 25 days down--my next goal is getting through all of October.

Thanks for your words of support. I honestly never saw it coming--she was the last person in the world I ever thought would cheat on me. Until about half-way through her trip, she was telling me how much she loved me, how all she wanted was to come home to me, and that she was looking forward to going through life with me and I'd never have to worry about anything again. Right before she left, she brought up the idea of marriage, which we'd never talked seriously about before. Then half-way through her trip, she meets some guy and apparently falls head-over heals for him. She dumps me when she comes home, LIES about the reasons, and I then find out she's telling this guy she's in love with him and that her heart belongs to him--this literally WEEKS after she was telling me how she wanted to go through life with me.

I've been wanting to call her today--odd, because the last 25 days I haven't really felt the urge to. Part of me still believes that given the circumstances of her new relationship, there's no way it'll work out and she'll eventually realize her mistake. But her coming back would probably put me in a worse situation than I'm in without her around. I could never trust her again.

The only thing that's prevented me from cracking today is this site. Thanks guys--I'm staying strong. 25 days down--my next goal is getting through all of October.

Oh boy... what a hoe =/

I feel so bad for you D:
Seriously, this girl is equivalent of a prostitute.

Thanks for your words of support. I honestly never saw it coming--she was the last person in the world I ever thought would cheat on me. Until about half-way through her trip, she was telling me how much she loved me, how all she wanted was to come home to me, and that she was looking forward to going through life with me and I'd never have to worry about anything again. Right before she left, she brought up the idea of marriage, which we'd never talked seriously about before. Then half-way through her trip, she meets some guy and apparently falls head-over heals for him. She dumps me when she comes home, LIES about the reasons, and I then find out she's telling this guy she's in love with him and that her heart belongs to him--this literally WEEKS after she was telling me how she wanted to go through life with me.

I've been wanting to call her today--odd, because the last 25 days I haven't really felt the urge to. Part of me still believes that given the circumstances of her new relationship, there's no way it'll work out and she'll eventually realize her mistake. But her coming back would probably put me in a worse situation than I'm in without her around. I could never trust her again.

The only thing that's prevented me from cracking today is this site. Thanks guys--I'm staying strong. 25 days down--my next goal is getting through all of October.

Keep going, man. Personally I can't even begin to comprehend the pain you must be feeling. I'm feeling like hell and me and my girlfriend left on good terms, even though for me it did feel like it came out of the blue. In a way I wish I had never experienced this pain, as have probably you, but at least personally I've learnt a lot about myself through this. I don't think it's a particularly common thing to feel so gutted and cheated on by someone that you trust, but don't let it get you down in a bad way.

At least for me, the old saying: "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger" actually turned out to be right. You've made it a long way so far, and I think you're right that your girlfriends relationship will end rather badly for her at some point or the other, but you really shouldn't be thinking about what you would do if she came back to you know. It pains me to say that no matter how happy the two of you were together, she's shown an insurmountable flaw in her personality that will stick with her for the rest of her life, and for the people who've experienced this flaw firsthand, she's never to be trusted. You've made it 25 days, this is very impressive, set yourself a few goals and make yourself realize that you're A LOT better than her and if that new guy wants to spend time with a cheater, that's his problem, not yours.

Keep on trucking, man!

Day 2 for me.. since both the breakup & me doing NC :(
I'm setting myself up bad here because we broke up a few months ago and on the 3rd day he called and wanted to meet up and we got back together. I have a pretty good feeling tomorrow I won't hear from him and it is going to suck even more than today did :(
I keep hoping he'll come back to me.. all he said was that he needs some time on his own to figure out what he wanted (we were long distance).. I know that's a line, but he was crying when he said it at least..

I've been wanting to call her today--odd, because the last 25 days I haven't really felt the urge to.

Get used to that my friend... Even months later, we still get urges. Maybe not to call or go drive by their house, but urges to know what is going on, wondering if they still think about us, if they are happy... In time, you learn to control your thoughts and deal with these things...

Get used to that my friend.... Even months later, we still get urges. Maybe not to call or go drive by their house, but urges to know what is going on, wondering if they still think about us, if they are happy... In time, you learn to control your thoughts and deal with these things...

I am sure once he finds a new girl he'll be so busy that he'll forget the old one.

I am sure once he finds a new girl he'll be so busy that he'll forget the old one.
I agree, that's why I can't help but want someone to come along.

I agree, that's why I can't help but want someone to come along.

I am personally exactly like that. I know that I'll never fully get over my girlfriend until I find someone else. Until then every recent memory I have of physical contact and intimacy is going to be of her, it'll be impossible to get off my mind.

At the same time, I'm only interested in long term relationships and I want to make sure I find someone I really really like before I move on. Ugh, it all seems so impossible at times!

Just be careful that your not looking for a replacement or a rebound. They don't tend to end well and you'll end up back to square 1 when it falls apart... There is a certain amount of healing that needs to take place before you jump into another relationship...

No doubt though, they can be a great distraction.

This is entirely unrelated, but I thought I would share - I went through a TERRIBLE breakup in high school with a guy I dated for a year cause I was an idiot. Anyway so THREE MONTHS of NC later he sent me an email out of nowhere apologizing and begging & pleading for me back and everything I had wanted to hear.. except of course I was so over it I never even responded. Instead, I printed out the email and framed it in my locker. Every day I would look at it and laugh. It was like my prize for doing NC and surviving :) inspiration people! You can do it.

Five sure ways NOT to get over someone - CNN.com (http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/10/02/tf.ways.not.get.over.relationship/index.html)

Just posted this on one of my other questions... about a girl I had started to see... Anyway I though it might be good to update a few of you that have helped me out on my situation and look for any words of wisdom you have. Thanks guys.

"uggghhh... Well unfortunately it didn't work out. Don't ask me why, because even her friends can't figure it out.... She was very excited about everything right from the first date. Her friends would come to me and tell me how interested and into me she was... literally 2 days after hearing about one of these talks from her friends she tell me out of no where (on msn of all places) that she just wants to be friends.... We went on 5 dates, over the span of about 2 and a half weeks... each going very very well. I guess I shouldn't beat myself up over it, its really not the end of the world and I know that. The only brutal side effect from all this is that I am now really missing my ex... And I hate it.

Furthermore.... While I was somewhat dating this girl i got a call from my ex... I was feeling so good with breakup recovery that I didn't even recognize the number and picked up. Well she was very upset.... one of her guy "friends" had hit on this girl I was seeing and told him she was seeing somebody... He then asked who and she actually dropped my name... Well of course he noticed my name and ran to my ex with this information. My ex told me how much she misses me and how shes not seeing anyone and doesn't want me to either, and that she wants to get together when she is home for thanksgiving (in Canada its the weekend after next) and wants me to come visit her.... to maybe possibly reconcile. Well I told her I was going to continue going on with what I was doing much to her dismay. The next day I then started to get texts like crazy asking me not to date, and that we are going to see each other and talk and gave me xo's and called me by my pet name. I let it go and didn't hear from her the next two days (last weekend)... she was going to toronto with a large group of friends. Anyways long story short after the weekend I heard from her through texts about how much fun she had and I could tell that she was no longer as upset and excited to re-kindle things. Not that I want to but it made me very angry, it was obvious that she was being extremely selfish... and I can't believe she had the nerve to actually say to me "don't date anyone" after she wanted the breakup 5 months ago. The simple explanation is that she hasn't found someone else "happiness" and doesn't want me to before her. I kept my anger to myself on this and decided to ignore her. But i realized something... I am not over her even after 5 months (was a 4 year relationship however)... I couldn't believe the impact she still had on me when she contacted me... i felt very depressed (almost like the first month of the breakup) and also noticed a pattern. I would ask for no contact and get it for 3 week stretches, but as soon as she would get upset she would come crying to me to make her feel better and to reassure her confidence that I still have feelings for her. And then when she would get it she would back off when she felt better leaving me sad and lonely after I had been doing really good.

Well I took some proactive measures, she was already deleted and blocked from facebook and msn... I have now blocked all of her email addresses from all mine and even changed my cell number this morning. I am starting to feel stupid that after 5 months I am now having to change my phone number, and am even kind of embarrassed by it... But now I really know that I won't hear from her again... There is relief and piece of mind in that... however I am left feeling very sad again. I know the feeling won't last that long this time, just sucks that after feeling so good for such a long I have hit a rut again.... Guess its part of the journey.

I know that's a lot, just felt like venting it though.... Maybe something better suited for the NC Calender.... Oh well"

Just posted this on one of my other questions... about a girl I had started to see.... Anyways I though it might be good to update a few of you that have helped me out on my situation and look for any words of wisdom you have. Thanks guys.

"uggghhh... Well unfortunately it didn't work out. Don't ask me why, because even her friends can't figure it out.... She was very excited about everything right from the first date. Her friends would come to me and tell me how interested and into me she was... literally 2 days after hearing about one of these talks from her friends she tell me out of no where (on msn of all places) that she just wants to be friends.... We went on 5 dates, over the span of about 2 and a half weeks... each going very very well. I guess I shouldn't beat myself up over it, its really not the end of the world and I know that. The only brutal side effect from all this is that I am now really missing my ex... And I hate it.

Furthermore.... While I was somewhat dating this girl i got a call from my ex... I was feeling so good with breakup recovery that I didn't even recognize the number and picked up. Well she was very upset.... one of her guy "friends" had hit on this girl I was seeing and told him she was seeing somebody... He then asked who and she actually dropped my name... Well of course he noticed my name and ran to my ex with this information. My ex told me how much she misses me and how shes not seeing anyone and doesn't want me to either, and that she wants to get together when she is home for thanksgiving (in Canada its the weekend after next) and wants me to come visit her.... to maybe possibly reconcile. Well I told her I was going to continue going on with what I was doing much to her dismay. The next day I then started to get texts like crazy asking me not to date, and that we are going to see each other and talk and gave me xo's and called me by my pet name. I let it go and didn't hear from her the next two days (last weekend)... she was going to toronto with a large group of friends. Anyways long story short after the weekend I heard from her through texts about how much fun she had and I could tell that she was no longer as upset and excited to re-kindle things. Not that I want to but it made me very angry, it was obvious that she was being extremely selfish... and I can't believe she had the nerve to actually say to me "don't date anyone" after she wanted the breakup 5 months ago. The simple explanation is that she hasn't found someone else "happiness" and doesn't want me to before her. I kept my anger to myself on this and decided to ignore her. But i realized something... I am not over her even after 5 months (was a 4 year relationship however)... I couldn't believe the impact she still had on me when she contacted me... i felt very depressed (almost like the first month of the breakup) and also noticed a pattern. I would ask for no contact and get it for 3 week stretches, but as soon as she would get upset she would come crying to me to make her feel better and to reassure her confidence that I still have feelings for her. And then when she would get it she would back off when she felt better leaving me sad and lonely after I had been doing really good.

Well I took some proactive measures, she was already deleted and blocked from facebook and msn... I have now blocked all of her email addresses from all mine and even changed my cell number this morning. I am starting to feel stupid that after 5 months I am now having to change my phone number, and am even kind of embarrassed by it... But now I really know that I won't hear from her again... There is relief and piece of mind in that... however I am left feeling very sad again. I know the feeling won't last that long this time, just sucks that after feeling so good for such a long I have hit a rut again.... Guess its part of the journey.

I know that's a lot, just felt like venting it though.... Maybe something better suited for the NC Calender.... Oh well"

You kept strong!

Outstanding :D!

5 months and my ex hasn't said a word. Found out she likes someone else and probably going out with the new guy already.

I told myself "screw that hoe~ I'll study my @ss off for nursing course so I get State License Certification of Nursing and go back to university so I get my degree in psychology. Hopefully, move onto med school... finish up.. and start racking up big money."

What most countries need now is doctors, nurses, or any sort of people in specialized medical field.

NNG...

As you know I too am 5 months on from a 4 year breakup. I know exactly how your feeling when you talk about the feelings about her and how they can come up and still bother you. Don't feel stupid about it, its normal.

Now I haven't dated anyone, so I don't have that same situation under my belt, and we haven't had contact since we broke up, but I have often thought about how I would react to seeing her or having to talk to her and at times I think I would be fine, and other times I think it would bug me like hell...

Just hang in there, like you have for the last 5 months, and you'll be fine. Its normal...

I did it... the infamous drunk dial, broke no contact... but she never answered, I texted and called her last night. I was ridiculous last night I usually never get that drunk (I have a really high tolerance, I'm usually feeling fine after about 6-7 shots despite how small I am, about 140 pounds but a real heavy weight drinker for some reason, guess its my family genetics or something? Haha) but I didn't compensate for how little I've been eating as of late (started being able to eat again finally, but it's not full meals yet still). I'm at work now, I feel like an idiot for doing it, I even deleted her out of my phone entirely last night (I knew what I did was stupid but I was too drunk to care if what I was doing was stupid) and I don't have her number memorized so there's literally 0 ways for me to contact her now. I miss talking with her as a friend, but I know this is what I have to do. I'm hoping she doesn't respond this morning, she might, but she never responded to the text messages either throughout the night so maybe she won't, it seems she really hates me now like I thought if she doesn't respond, even after feeding me all this crap of wanting to be best friends still. I wish I didn't delete her number last night, just to leave another message to NOT respond to me, but I literally have no way to contact her now, do you think I should ask a friend for her number just to text her real fast and tell her to NOT answer those messages and we'll talk whenever we do? (Read the whole post before responding to this, you'll see why I feel I should do this because we have the same group of friends, will see each other a lot pretty often, etc, believe me this isn't a thing to get my own hopes up on trying to get back with her, you'll see I just want to be friends later on because we have the same friends and I know it's too soon for that still though).

She stopped by last night to visit my friend/old roommate that left the school Brian but I wasn't there, but since I was drunk (normally when I drink I'm not that bad, but because I didn't compensate for not eating much I became much more intoxicated than usual, thus why I did what I did, even when I'm drunk with friends I can usually control myself, even in this sort of situation I've already done it multiple times so far) I got really emotional that she came during a time I didn't get to see or talk to her since I was letting a few friends in at our dorms front desk. I remember texting her telling her I was pissed off that she would just leave one of her own best friends hanging, he comes up to visit once a month at most, maybe every 2 months, he helps her through the break up when I originally broke up with her, he comes up to visit and she completely leaves him out to dry. This isn't even about me anymore, it's about my friends, even he was pretty pissed that she wouldn't even give him more than a few minutes to say hi after all he did for her.

Maybe this is for the better? I don't know... I feel insanely stupid for doing what I did... if she does call back I know I need to respond and apologize for the drunk dials and angry texts and make sure we are both on the same page, so we have the possibility of being friends in the future. Then go back to NC because I don't want to cut off all ties of ever being friends because we likely will be friends in the future, I just know it's too soon for that, not yet. We both know if we don't talk forever it will be awkward having the same group of friends even if she ditched our "group" for the most part at this point, and it's going to be ridiculously awkward having the same group of friends once she comes back to our group eventually, whenever that is, maybe a few months maybe next year, it's something I have to do even though I wish I could not to answer and just let it pass because I know it would likely be better if I didn't talk to her, if I didn't have to see her in the future as well I would do that, I would continue the NC completely, but this isn't a normal situation...

Anyway, I know she'll end up crawling back to our group once their group falls apart, it's bound to honestly if you ask me, they have a group of "friends" that are in 3 relationships with each other, as soon as one relationship falls apart they are all affected and all won't be able to hang out with their only "friends" anymore. Its extremely likely to happen at some point, I just don't know when, but I really don't care. Do you guys feel the same way, that a group of friends that are ALL in relationships with each other are bound to have problems later on if one relationship falls apart, or is that just me? I need other peoples opinions on this.

I'm troubled, because if I don't answer her if she does happen to respond I'm likely cutting off any chances of being friends in the future too, so I want to and I know now obviously that I'm sober I can tell her exactly how I feel and tell her essentially exactly what I wrote here, I just don't know, I'm conflicted because of how stupid I feel still for doing it. I've accepted the fact that I won't have her back, like seriously accepted, I'm working on moving on with my life still despite all that I've said, I know my reality and I know I'll be better for this in the end.

I still feel idiotic for doing what I did though... I realize now in the morning what I did was stupid, I just don't know what to do from here. I guess I need to continue moving on and take it as a learning experience? I guess maybe I know that at least I can accept being friends with her in the future just not yet, I guess I need to look at it in that perspective. I can't let myself get down over this for long, I know my life needs to move on... am I really getting there guys honestly? I hope I'm moving on I hope I'm showing signs of wanting to move on/am moving on...

Sorry for the essay guys, I know I could have condensed this a lot but this is the first place I get to talk about what I'm feeling because I work at 6:30 in the morning on fridays and obviously none of my friends would be awake when I get up for work at 6 am ever, especially after a night of drinking, so this is the first place I've gotten to talk about how I feel.

I feel awful, it's like it's only hit me TODAY how bad my ex has trated me and how much it's affected me. All this time I thought I was healing, only to find out today, the real grieving is yet to come! :(

Jumping...

I'm glad you got all that off your chest - hope you feel better now. You deleted her number so you can't contact her - that's a good first step. Now, about trying to contact to her through friends or any of that crap just to let her know that you were drunk/not to respond/etc... Forget it. That's just your mind looking for an alternative way to contact her since you removed the only contact method you had...

People make mistakes, accept what happened and forgive yourself for it - then move on with NC...

I feel awful, it's like it's only hit me TODAY how bad my ex has trated me and how much it's affected me. All this time I thought I was healing, only to find out today, the real grieving is yet to come! :(

All of the healing you did was healing, but the entire process is a rollercoaster - anyone here will tell you that. Before you know it you will be feeling just like you were before, trust me.. Its always up-down-up-down

I'm just exhausetd with crying. I thought after four months I'd have somewhat improved emotionally.

All of the healing you did was healing, but the entire process is a rollercoaster - anyone here will tell you that. Before you know it you will be feeling just like you were before, trust me.. Its always up-down-up-down


It's a rollercoaster but eventually the ride will get slower and slower and eventually will come to stop so will your pain. Broke up with my girlfriend two months ago. She contacted me a week ago asking about her mail and call me a few times and added me on Yahoo I didn't reply or email her back. Suddenly yesterday I had an urge to email her. I wrote an email but after reading it over I end up deleting it because I don't feel she deserve any response from me.


Someday you will feel like crap but in the long run there will be more happy days than crappy days.

On my fourth day of NC now. Yesterday I was completely fine, without a care in the world, today I feel really shot down. It's hard to explain really, I think it's because of the weekend, knowing that she's probably got loads of plans to go out partying and having fun, while I'm sitting here not really feeling up to any of it (and I know I shouldn't be drinking given the offchance I might end up calling her) so it's going to be a calm weekend inside for me. I feel so gutless that things I previously enjoyed doing so much now seem so futile and meaningless, I've practically given up on all my hobbies. I've got a good feeling they'll be coming back some day however, I just wish I could still find the same redemption in them I used to right now, when I need to occupy my mind the most.

At least I'm still working out every day as this makes me feel better about myself, but I can't seem to sit down and get any schoolwork done.

Go out and leave your cell phone at home, or give it to a friend... Sometimes you need to force yourself to do things you used to like to find out you still like doing them...

Well hey everyone. I tried no contact for about 3 weeks she called I answered. Right back in the mess again. I am going to try again. I need some encouragement though. I read somewhere that if you are in a relationship you need to hide then it is a bad relationship and I hide the fact that we went out this weekend. And then she called last night to say she was scared to be in a serious relationship with me and that if I kept contacting her it would change her feelings about me. SHE contacted me I did not contact her, she calls me as much as I call her. Am I crazy or is she. She makes me so confused. I need to just stay away from her. So I rambled but it helps the site has been a God Send.

Jumpin...

I'm glad you got all that off your chest - hope you feel better now. You deleted her number so you can't contact her - thats a good first step. Now, about trying to contact to her through friends or any of that crap just to let her know that you were drunk/not to respond/etc... Forget it. Thats just your mind looking for an alternative way to contact her since you removed the only contact method you had....

People make mistakes, accept what happened and forgive yourself for it - then move on with NC....
Thank you for the advice. You're right, if she doesn't respond then she's obviously made her decision, I don't have to tell her anything to have her do that.

Completely off topic as well but what part of Connecticut are you from? Just wondering since I'm also from Connecticut.

Completely off topic as well but what part of Connecticut are you from? Just wondering since I'm also from Connecticut.

Bristol... you?

Bristol.... you?
Meriden, not too far off haha

*/end thread hi-jacking*

day 21 of NC= She hasn't tried calling me and I have not tried calling. Her birthday is coming up and I don't know if I should call her. I know if I call her I might find things about her that I don't want to know( she might be dating someone else) and it would probably set me back. What do you guys think about this.
I hope everyone else is doing okay

Guys, when you feel down about your breakup go and read the divorce section. Somehow it makes me feel better about my situation. It's nothing compare to what divorce people went through. Below is an interesting story.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/divorce/totally-confused-85205.html

day 21 of NC= She hasnt tried calling me and i have not tried calling. Her birthday is comming up and i dont know if i should call her. I know if i call her i might find things about her that i dont want to know( she might be dating someone else) and it would probally set me back. what do you guys think about this.
I hope everyone else is doing okay

Don't call her. You may not even be able to talk to her. She may say I am busy now then what. Keep NC. She broke up with you remember? She got to live with it now. She got to see that it's really like life with out you. You don't owe her anything. I know you care about her but don't do it. If you think deeper you'll realize it. When you have the urge to contact her take a big step back and think. I changed my mind a few time and went back to NC.

Today is being a right for some reason. It's not that I want to call her it's just that I really miss what we had together. I really really want to be able to go to bed today and wake up next to someone I love, or put on a good movie with my love in my hands.

Part of me doesn't even need it to be her, I just want someone to love again, love is such a wonderful feeling. *sigh*.
I guess I'm just not used to being single.

Today is being a right for some reason. It's not that I want to call her it's just that I really miss what we had together. I really really want to be able to go to bed today and wake up next to someone I love, or put on a good movie with my love in my hands.

Part of me doesn't even need it to be her, I just want someone to love again, love is such a wonderfull feeling. *sigh*.
I guess I'm just not used to being single.

It takes a good while to get used to being single. 5 months in I have learned to appreciate and like the benefits it has. Freedom to do whatever you want when you want, see and hangout with who ever, save money, concentrate on your interests and things that mean the most to you. I can't believe all the stuff I have accomplished that I probably wouldn't have had I still been with her.

I still have those moments though when I am lonely, just like you I like caring for someone and being cared for in return.

But just remember, this single thing isn't permanent... You will be with someone else one day, so take advantage of all single life has to offer, because it won't last forever!

it takes a good while to get used to being single. 5 months in I have learned to appreciate and like the benefits it has. Freedom to do whatever you want when you want, see and hangout with who ever, save money, concentrate on your interests and things that mean the most to you. I can't believe all the stuff I have accomplished that I probably wouldn't have had I still been with her.

I still have those moments though when I am lonely, just like you I like caring for someone and being cared for in return.

But just remember, this single thing isn't permanent... You will be with someone else one day, so take advantage of all single life has to offer, because it won't last forever!
It's nice to read that, it's what I've been having the hardest time transitioning to and I think a huge hang up in what's keeping me grasping at straws in my mind about my relationship with my ex-girlfriend.

I realized today that I wasn't being any better than my ex-girlfriend who threw her friend who helped her through our original break up to the side (he's a mutual friend and my old roommate before he changed schools). He comes to visit once every month or two and she gives him 5 minutes of her time to repay him. I don't want to be like that, I can be better than that. I realized I was being too needy on my friends and I need to be there for them as well, the girl I'm closest with that I've known for like 5 years has been having problems with her boyfriend/my roommate and I wouldn't help her with it at all after she was helping me so much. I've made a lot of changes and I'm going to keep making more, I'm going to put my friends at a bigger priority now because they are essentially my life at this point. Something about today/your post/talk with my friend Allyson about all this and how she's doing with her problems just made this click somehow.

Reading your post helped a lot, thank you. I think I focused too much on trying to find another girl, and hearing that you can be happy single too (I mean I know I could, but for some reason something with your post just clicked) is motivational. I do get to do whatever I want now, and even though I knew all this before I can do things I never got to before when I was with my girlfriend, like go out clubbing with friends and such. I can go over to my friends dorm and party now, I get to go out more, I'm not just sitting around with my girlfriend watching TV and whatever else. I can do all the things I never got to really do before because I was in a relationship right when I got into college, now I can explore the single life of college and hopefully it will be as much fun as I'm hoping.

I know I'll still have some hard times ahead of me, but this site really does keep giving me motivation to continue over and over again.

Today is being a right for some reason. It's not that I want to call her it's just that I really miss what we had together. I really really want to be able to go to bed today and wake up next to someone I love, or put on a good movie with my love in my hands.

Part of me doesn't even need it to be her, I just want someone to love again, love is such a wonderfull feeling. *sigh*.
I guess I'm just not used to being single.



I know how you feel. I've been living with my ex for 1 1/2 years and when she was gone it was the worse feeling in the world but I took advice from this site and keep myself as busy as possible and I workout whenever I get the chance (natural antidepressant) and make me look good and prepare me for the next relationship.

I realize in life you win some and you lose some and sometime you got to accept your loss and move on and not hold onto it.

it takes a good while to get used to being single. 5 months in I have learned to appreciate and like the benefits it has. Freedom to do whatever you want when you want, see and hangout with who ever, save money, concentrate on your interests and things that mean the most to you. I can't believe all the stuff I have accomplished that I probably wouldn't have had I still been with her.

I still have those moments though when I am lonely, just like you I like caring for someone and being cared for in return.

But just remember, this single thing isn't permanent... You will be with someone else one day, so take advantage of all single life has to offer, because it won't last forever!

This post helped me a lot. Today I woke up a reborn man, and although me and my girlfriend have only been broken up for two weeks, today was the first day I can honestly say it didn't bother me that much. I cleaned up some in my apartment, got some work done finally, and realized that I really didn't have to stress anything at all right now because I have so much more time than I was used to having while still seeing her.

I'm finally starting to remember some of the bad sides to our relationship, even though I've been putting her on a pedestal for the last couple of weeks, I do realize now we had some differences that I think we'd have a hard time ever sorting out. Was finally able to focus some on the time we spent together, how much she was constantly nagging me and pushing me around while we were together (Now don't get me wrong, the pushing around part was partly my fault as well, I mean for letting her do so).

I've started to look on the positive side of things when I realize how much I've learnt in the two past weeks since our breakup. I'm a changed man of sorts, but only in a good way. I realize now that when I do meet someone I could spend the rest of my life with again, I won't make many of the same mistakes I did with her, and I won't let my partner make them either. Right now the only thing that's killing me on the inside is how bad I handled the breakup, or well, the way I acted the first week after we broke up. In a way I don't feel like I can blame myself for this. My girlfriend at the time was very misleading with the words she used. Only a week before we broke up she was talking about plans for the future, and for me it felt like she just woke up one day and had forgotten all about me. After five years I can't imagine anyone would be able to just say: "sure whatever" and let that go without doing at least a couple of the crucial "don't do's" (such as calling, sending an email and doing pretty much your best to get said person to change her mind), I'm just glad I only did so twice, and not fifty times during the first week. I hate the fact that my ex, as of right now, thinks she can get me back by a snap of her fingers, when in all honesty I don't think I even want her back right now, I want to be single for at least a good 6 months before I settle down again. Hoping I run into her any day soon at uni just so she can see how detached I now am, but the chances of that happening are rather slim. I guess I should just stop thinking about it altogether, in a way I still care for her and it warms my heart to know that the way I acted for the first week after our breakup kind of made the whole thing easier for her, considering I don't really feel like I care anymore.

I do of course realize that this might be something I'm just feeling now, I mean heck, the last two weeks have been an emotional rollercoast and every day has been different from the last. Some days I've been feeling pretty good, some days I've been feeling like heck, but at least today is the best one I've had so far, I guess that's got to count for something, right?

This post helped me a lot. Today I woke up a reborn man, and although me and my girlfriend have only been broken up for two weeks, today was the first day I can honestly say it didn't bother me that much. I cleaned up some in my appartment, got some work done finally, and realized that I really didn't have to stress anything at all right now because I have so much more time than I was used to having while still seeing her.

I'm finally starting to remember some of the bad sides to our relationship, even though I've been putting her on a pedestal for the last couple of weeks, I do realize now we had some differences that I think we'd have a hard time ever sorting out. Was finally able to focus some on the time we spent together, how much she was constantly nagging me and pushing me around while we were together (Now don't get me wrong, the pushing around part was partly my fault aswell, I mean for letting her do so).

I've started to look on the positive side of things when I realize how much I've learnt in the two past weeks since our breakup. I'm a changed man of sorts, but only in a good way. I realize now that when I do meet someone I could spend the rest of my life with again, I won't make many of the same mistakes I did with her, and I won't let my partner make them either. Right now the only thing that's killing me on the inside is how bad I handled the breakup, or well, the way I acted the first week after we broke up. In a way I don't feel like I can blame myself for this. My girlfriend at the time was very misleading with the words she used. Only a week before we broke up she was talking about plans for the future, and for me it felt like she just woke up one day and had forgotten all about me. After five years I can't imagine anyone would be able to just say: "sure whatever" and let that go without doing at least a couple of the crucial "don't do's" (such as calling, sending an email and doing pretty much your best to get said person to change her mind), i'm just glad I only did so twice, and not fifty times during the first week. I hate the fact that my ex, as of right now, thinks she can get me back by a snap of her fingers, when in all honesty I don't think I even want her back right now, I want to be single for at least a good 6 months before I settle down again. Hoping I run into her any day soon at uni just so she can see how detached I now am, but the chances of that happening are rather slim. I guess I should just stop thinking about it alltogether, in a way I still care for her and it warms my heart to know that the way I acted for the first week after our breakup kind of made the whole thing easier for her, considering I don't really feel like I care anymore.

I do of course realize that this might be something I'm just feeling now, I mean heck, the last two weeks have been an emotional rollercoast and every day has been different from the last. Some days I've been feeling pretty good, some days i've been feeling like heck, but at least today is the best one I've had so far, I guess that's gotta count for something, right?


It's a roller coaster.Somedays you will feel fine other days you won't, and remember this you can't convince anyone to be with you , and even if you could you would not want to spend the rest of your life with that person.
Good luck

Me and my ex have this cell phone plan. Her name is on it, we split the bill. When she broke up with she asked me what we were going to do about this, and I asked her to give me some time and I will just switch over my number.Its been 22 days since we broke up and I think its time for me to get off her cell phone plan,For me to do that I would have to call her. I really don't want o to call her.
I was wondering should I let this go for now and maybe wait till she contacts me or should I contact her.
I am lost.
Any help would be much appreciated

Me and my ex have this cell phone plan. Her name is on it, we split the bill. When she broke up with she asked me what we were going to do about this, and i asked her to give me some time and i will just switch over my number.Its been 22 days since we broke up and i think its time for me to get off her cell phone plan,For me to do that i would have to call her. I really dont want o to call her.
I was wondering should i let this go for now and maybe wait till she contacts me or should i contact her.
I am lost.
Any help would be much appreciated

Dare,

I was in a similar situation. My ex and I was on a family phone plan which I paid for. She wanted to pay me every month when we broke up but I cancelled the phone. Cost me $400 but I had to do it. It was a tough decision to make since I won't be able to get in touch with her after that. It's better to cut off everything completely. That's the only way you can go NC otherwise there'll always be an excuse to contact her and delay the healing process. Also this allow the ex to see what life is like without you.

If you don't want to call her txt her. My ex wasn't too happy when I cancelled the phone but hey she decided to leave me so she got to live with that decision. A month later though, she contacted me with her new cell number asking about her mail which doesn't mean much. I got the new number but I didn't have the urge to call her but I am still curious to know what she is up to however. I am sure eventually I don't care anymore what she does.

Thanks Hungtoronto. I don't think its going to cost her anything because the contract with the phone company has expired.I guess I will just write an email but it will come off as a bit childish don't you think.

Thanks Hungtoronto. i dont think its going to cost her anything because the contract with the phone company has expired.I guess i will just write an email but it will come off as a bit childish dont you think.


I don't think it's childish. What if you are busy and you cannot call her? Or what if you call her and mess up? You are too worry about what she think. I know you care about your ex. Don't we all? At this point I don't think it matter anymore. You got to do what you have to do for yourself and not her. I know it's hard. If you don't think you are ready for it then wait a few months and then call her.

This post helped me a lot. Today I woke up a reborn man, and although me and my girlfriend have only been broken up for two weeks, today was the first day I can honestly say it didn't bother me that much. I cleaned up some in my appartment, got some work done finally, and realized that I really didn't have to stress anything at all right now because I have so much more time than I was used to having while still seeing her.

I'm finally starting to remember some of the bad sides to our relationship, even though I've been putting her on a pedestal for the last couple of weeks, I do realize now we had some differences that I think we'd have a hard time ever sorting out. Was finally able to focus some on the time we spent together, how much she was constantly nagging me and pushing me around while we were together (Now don't get me wrong, the pushing around part was partly my fault aswell, I mean for letting her do so).

I've started to look on the positive side of things when I realize how much I've learnt in the two past weeks since our breakup. I'm a changed man of sorts, but only in a good way. I realize now that when I do meet someone I could spend the rest of my life with again, I won't make many of the same mistakes I did with her, and I won't let my partner make them either. Right now the only thing that's killing me on the inside is how bad I handled the breakup, or well, the way I acted the first week after we broke up. In a way I don't feel like I can blame myself for this. My girlfriend at the time was very misleading with the words she used. Only a week before we broke up she was talking about plans for the future, and for me it felt like she just woke up one day and had forgotten all about me. After five years I can't imagine anyone would be able to just say: "sure whatever" and let that go without doing at least a couple of the crucial "don't do's" (such as calling, sending an email and doing pretty much your best to get said person to change her mind), i'm just glad I only did so twice, and not fifty times during the first week. I hate the fact that my ex, as of right now, thinks she can get me back by a snap of her fingers, when in all honesty I don't think I even want her back right now, I want to be single for at least a good 6 months before I settle down again. Hoping I run into her any day soon at uni just so she can see how detached I now am, but the chances of that happening are rather slim. I guess I should just stop thinking about it alltogether, in a way I still care for her and it warms my heart to know that the way I acted for the first week after our breakup kind of made the whole thing easier for her, considering I don't really feel like I care anymore.

I do of course realize that this might be something I'm just feeling now, I mean heck, the last two weeks have been an emotional rollercoast and every day has been different from the last. Some days I've been feeling pretty good, some days i've been feeling like heck, but at least today is the best one I've had so far, I guess that's gotta count for something, right?

Hey Bud, I'm real glad you're feeling better today... and when you do hit a low just think about how you felt when you wrote that. It's interesting for myself to read posts like this and see the similarities in the way we all think when going through this. That should also act as a bit of encouragement as it shows you're not alone with how you feel... and that you can see people who were in your position pull through stronger and better off. I posted this a while ago but I thought I would show it to you as it has actually really helped me out. I wrote out just a short empowering paragraph on our break-up.. something I can read whenever I have a down moment that can remind me why I should be feeling good. I have saved it to my drafts folder in my e-mail and look at it every now and then. I have decided I will delete it the day I am completely and truly over it... and I don't think it's that far off... It's kind of cheesy but hey, whatever works for you...

"I will not let her or the sadness created from her define who I am and how I feel. I do not need her, I am a strong, independent, good person who deserves someone who will love me unconditionally. I don’t know why I ever put her on this pedestal, she is not my life and will never define my life or what i can be. I will be ok on my own. I have family and friends that love me and soon enough she will become no more than a memory to me."

The funny thing about this is that I actually wrote it two months before our actual split... kind of goes to show the emotional turmoil she had put me through prior to the breakup... and it also acts as a reminder of why I am better off...

Maybe that will work for you too. Keep on keeping on Molecular

it takes a good while to get used to being single. 5 months in I have learned to appreciate and like the benefits it has. Freedom to do whatever you want when you want, see and hangout with who ever, save money, concentrate on your interests and things that mean the most to you. I can't believe all the stuff I have accomplished that I probably wouldn't have had I still been with her.


I have to agree with that. After being single a while, I realized that in my relationship I had become pretty much complacent with myself. I was happy where I was at, so I wasn't really working to change much or do things which would make me happier. Being single allowed me to do that and that's great...

After being single a while, I realized that in my relationship I had become pretty much complacent with myself. I was happy where I was at, so I wasn't really working to change much or do things which would make me happier.

So true... I think I got into a rut. Wasn't doing nothing but wasn't doing a whole lot to better and improve myself... Let that be a lesson though for our next relationships. Never lose sight of yourself, and never put your dreams and ambitions on the back burner, because if you do you're only hurting yourself.

I have to agree with that. After being single a while, I realized that in my relationship I had become pretty much complacent with myself. I was happy where I was at, so I wasn't really working to change much or do things which would make me happier. Being single allowed me to do that and thats great...

I agree with Big Bird.This is so true.

The thing that I have realized with the first few months of a breakup is you have to keep yourself really busy.Whenever I have a moment to just sit down and relax I start thinking about my ex.

Dare,

Over the next few months your going to learn so much about yourself, and about life in general, its unbelievable. The things you learn you can accomplish, the changes you can make are nuts. Its actually a pretty exciting thing to look back and see..

The thing that i have realized with the first few months of a breakup is you have to keep yourself really busy.Whenever i have a moment to just sit down and relax i start thinking about my ex.


Find an interest?

For me, I'm looking at 90s cars that are good for drifting...

Why?

Because I want to learn how to drift, tune up cars, and have fun driving around in a nice car.
Unlike modified cars with lambo doors/hoods/trunks or big stereo system...

Look for something you like

Hey well broke no contact by answering her calls. We went out last weekend. Then she calls me this weekend and says I call her too much. WHAT. That she is afraid she is leading me on. She is. Then everything is my fault and all that jazz. God, why do I fall for the crazy ones? I am too old to do that!

Hey well broke no contact by answering her calls. We went out last weekend. Then she calls me this weekend and says I call her to much. WHAT. That she is afraid she is leading me on. She is. Then everything is my fault and all that jazz. God, why do I fall for the crazy ones? I am too old to do that!!

I know how you feel, My ex played the same games with me for a year and a half and believe me it was not worth it. Either you can keep on playing these games with her, you will eventually tire yourself out and waste a couple of years of your life, or start the NC thing right now. You might muck it up the first few times but keep at it
All the best my friend

Thanks Dare. I know it is a game but it is so hard to get through my head, I know better but I will not let her keep beating me. I will come out of this the better person.

Thanks Dare. I know it is a game but it is so hard to get through my head, I know better but I will not let her keep beating me. I will come out of this the better person.

One day at a time

I am such a dumba--. She called today I picked up the phone,she was calling to resolve the phone plan issue ( we share a family plan).Talked for a couple of minutes, and then I basically asked her ,if she wanted to marry me.What the fu-- was I thinking.
God damn.
I can't believe I did this.
I still have a long way to go.
I am retarded

I am such a dumba--. She called today i picked up the phone,she was calling to resolve the phone plan issue ( we share a family plan).Talked for a couple of minutes, and then i basically asked her ,if she wanted to marry me.What the fu-- was i thinking.
God damn.
I can't believe i did this.
I still have a long way to go.
I am retarded

THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK.

Now, you just scared her more off =/

You know what? Who cares about the family plan? Go to your local phone store and say "hey, I'd like to cancel the plan and I'd like a new plan for myself only."

I am such a dumba--. She called today i picked up the phone,she was calling to resolve the phone plan issue ( we share a family plan).Talked for a couple of minutes, and then i basically asked her ,if she wanted to marry me.What the fu-- was i thinking.
God damn.
I can't believe i did this.
I still have a long way to go.
I am retarded

Dare,


You are emotionally unstable right now. Talking to her will either push her away further, upset her and at the same time lose your dignity. Cut all your business deal with her quickly and go back to NC. I suggest next time don't pick up the phone. If it's something important then I am sure she'll leave you a message. No need to talk to her and ask how she's doing.

Dare,
You are not retarded you are thinking with your heart and most of the time that is the right thing to do. Hard to go wrong when you follow your heart, but in our situations we must follow our heads. These women are not good for us right now. They have begun a new life that does not include us. We must let them have it and keep our heads high. There are billions of women out there and one of them for each of us. I like to think it was their loss. Keep moving forward and the best of luck.

Been exactly a month of NC for me today. Still struggling and taking things day by day. I try not to think about her at all, but she still pops into my mind all the time. I know it just takes time. I still break out in a little tearing action. Not nearly as much as I used to, probably just once a week now, and only for 15sec-1min total.

It's getting better, but it's easily the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Is it ever.

Been exactly a month of NC for me today. Still struggling and taking things day by day. I try not to think about her at all, but she still pops into my mind all the time. I know it just takes time. I still break out in a little tearing action. Not nearly as much as I used to, prolly just once a week now, and only for 15sec-1min total.

It's getting better, but it's easily the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Is it ever.

Keep going man! You're well on your way!

Personally today it's been exactly one week of NC for me now. I've had my ups and downs, some days better than others. The last couple of days have been pretty decent except I keep checking her Facebook to see if anythings changed.
As long as her Facebook remains unchanged I'm at ease, but the second I see any added pictures, plans for her to attend events or comments on other peoples walls like: "Hey thanks for last friday we had a really good time : )" I die a little inside, to think she's so careless and happy only weeks after ending a five year long relationship.

Then again I think to myself, if she's able to be this detached so fast after so long, she's not the kind of woman I'd like to wager to spend the rest of my life with.

No contact going on a year and 3 months.

No contact going on a year and 3 months.

Just curious... How do you feel now towards your break-up/ex?

Well, there has been a lot of ups and dwns due to the whole time we have been in a custody case because she is moving my son to be with a 40yr old guy she cheated on me with and married 5 months after meeting.. she is 26. Lol

So how do I look at my break up, honestly stick to no contact, it reallys does NOTHING, just keep you and your ex apart, I guess what I was trying to say is only you the idividual can move on " DOING something" won't cause you yourself to move on..

I think I handle this break up like a champ. Didn't call her ever never, anytime I seen her friends never once brought her or the situation up and was always very courgal with them,
I got a lot accomplished this year, had 4 mma fights, finished my fire fighting program, have a couple interviews in the coming year. So things are going well.

North nice guy I couldn't help but read your signature...
Everything will be OK in the end.

If it's not OK, it's not the end."

Im not over my ex completely, ill be the first to admit but a close friend of mine said to me, you have trouble letting go because you know it is not over between us.

This is why I have chosen to change history and stick with the NC

I had to talk to my ex last night about some unfinished business, I think everything is settled now.I handled ii much better this time.Kept it very professional to the point,as Tal says Short polite but unavailable.
How's everyone else doing?

Glad to hear it went well Dare... Can you feel yourself making progress now?

I didn't think I did , then I started reading some of my previous posts here and then I realized I have made a little progress.Hopefully with time it wll get better.
How are you doing Big Bird

I'm doing fine...

Granted I think my NC count now is somewhere over 150 days. The last time we had contact was the end of April and here it is the beginning of October. Progress? Certainly - its amazing to see where you where and where you came from...

Funny thing is I still think about her more than I thought I would, though the thoughts don't get me down and they don't last more than 10 seconds. Its amazing what you can accomplish when you put your mind to it (and your forced :p)

Let me know if you have any questions..

My relationship lasted 9 years so I know its going to take some time before I get over her.but as you said before, this has given me an opportunity to do whatever I want, I don't have to talk to her for an hour before going to bed, opens up that time for me to do whatever I want.

Day fifteen of nc, it's hard but every day I feel a little better

Day 32 of NC. I cracked two days ago and called her, but she pushed my call to voicemail and never called back. Probably for the best. I won't make that mistake again.

She's starting a new life in California, and I'm starting mine out east. It's tough to accept the fact that that part of my life is really over, and I'm never going to have that closeness with that woman ever again. She's the one who threw it away for someone else, so there's not much I can do but accept it. I don't want to say it's getting better every day, but my new life has a little more history every day, so I think less and less about my old one.

I've gone on a few dates with a girl who I get along great and seem really compatible with. I'm definitely not rushing into anything, but she certainly helps take my mind off my ex. Things are improving, I think. This is actually my second time getting over a multi-year relationship where she just up and left, so I know for a fact that it gets better. It's all about endurance.

Hi xxx,
I am planning to email my ex regarding her mail. I've been doing NC for almost 2 months. She contacted me about her mail two weeks ago and she seem friendly again. Below is the email I am planning to send her. Let me know what you guys think before I mess up.


How are you doing xxx? It's cold today. The cold winter is here again. You don't have any mail yet just bank statements. I still have a big bag of clothes that belong to you. I'll let you know when the that important mail comes. I'll be going back to China this Sunday. I'll come back next month. Maybe if you want to pick up your stuff you can drop by when I get back.

I hope there is no hard feeling between us xxx. I am not mad at you for leaving. I know we tried our best but things didn't workout the way we both wanted. I just want you to be happy.



Take care xxx

[QUOTE=hungtoronto;1311125]Hi xxx,
I am planning to email my ex regarding her mail. I've been doing NC for almost 2 months. She contacted me about her mail two weeks ago and she seem friendly again. Below is the email I am planning to send her. Let me know what you guys think before I mess up.


How are you doing xxx? It’s cold today. The cold winter is here again. You don’t have any mail yet just bank statements. I still have a big bag of clothes that belong to you. I’ll let you know when the that important mail comes. I’ll be going back to China this Sunday. I’ll come back next month. Maybe if you want to pick up your stuff you can drop by when I get back.

I hope there is no hard feeling between us xxx. I am not mad at you for leaving. I know we tried our best but things didn’t workout the way we both wanted. I just want you to be happy.


Hey Hung Toronto,
First of all I would like to thank you for helping me out a lot in the last couple of weeks. Your words of wisdom have really helped me.
Moving on to the letter, I don't think its really necessary to tell her about the weather.Neither do I think you should tell her that you are not mad at her, the whole last paragraph is not necessary. She knows that you love her, so telling her in an email is not going to help anything.
Secondly if you do send her this letter, it looks like you are a looking for a sympathetic reply.Leaving the door open for her.
Your feelings got hurt to did you ever get a sorry for that, did you ever get I just want you to be happy
I think you should just write her a very professional letter, no feeling no weather.
Good Luck