For all of you :
Who have been through a breakup and were once : lost, confused, miserable, depressed

But now a few months or year(s) later have healed and are now the person you used to be (with more maturity and experience), I thought it would great to share some of your thoughts (keep it brief) on the healing process and what has helped you the most.

In addition I thought it would also be interesting if you guys would share some of your new romances or just enlighten some who are still stuck and are having trouble moving on.

I am sure it will help a lot of people reading if some of us have exciting and positive stories to share.

Thanks for sharing everyone!

Haha, happy well you be the judge of that.

My first girlfriend left me for some one else after 4 years, good run eh? I was rather hysterical and a wreack back then. I got by because an old school mate, whom I took to, for what ever reason helped me a lot. I"m luckey she was there. Any way, i also started to go out more, and hang with friends, guys and girls a like. Then i left that city we lived in, for my home town and family and other friends.

Upon getting a new job i was shy quiet, and timmid. well, I never thought much of myself, till i was told that this girl was interested in me, no we never did date. She had recently broke up with her BF, then they got back together. Then I met some one else, still things didnt' work out. Then i met another girl at school, college, and we because great friends. She called me when she and her BF had troubles or just to hang, and i called her to hang out or if i was lonely. Then there was the girl i met in a bar (not the place i usually go, and deffinately not to meet girls) but now we are fast friends. Then I met another girl, man she was hot. well is hot. She is fun and funney as hell too, crazy like me. Any way we didn't really date but did. Any way we broke it off and that was that.

There is more to all this but, till all this happened i never thought i'd be attractive to women, turns out i was so very wrong. I"m not hot , but I'm not unatractive either. I don't suggest hooking up with so many girls going from one to another, but give yourself some extra time to feel out yourself. I still talk to the girls, not my first and only GF, but the ones after. I spend time with friends and family and just go out have fun, try to refrain from drinking lots, not very healthy.

And get into clubs or sports you like, never know who you'll meet. Good luck all. Feel free to comment.

My first girlfriend broke up with me Feb 2007, tried to maintain "a friendship" from about may 07-july07 but I couldn't do it as she had me wrapped round her little finger still so I finally cut off all contact and then I started to finally move on. Took me just over a year to finally get her out of my head. I still think of her time to time. Best thing I could have done though is Nc. Time really helped.

Now Ive met a girl when in canada/u.s. on a group tour, unfortunately we live it at the end points of our respective countries and its hard to get any meeting dates out of her. I Hopefully it will work out as I really like her but now I know you can always move on!! It just requires time, staying busy and NC! Also it shows me I can meet other people, you just got to get out there and do something different (like travelling).

Well thanks for sharing. I am sure it will help a lot of people.
In my case broke up from my serious realtioship a few months now, and I can tell all of you that getting busy and forcing myself not to think about it helped a lot. If sometimes I was stuck thinking about her I would either come on this website and read posts or I would call someone and just talk and let it out I can tell that after a while you start getting annoyed and you start to forget.
During this time I also have met other people and nothing but happened but that is because I am still not ready for it. But hope is there as there are so many people out there that as they get to know you will want to be with you.

Don't despair, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I think you sort of go through stages, I myself go through depression, then anxiety or missing them, and then usually anger when I start to realize some of the things I've done. Time, NC, and just doing different things helps heal the wounds. It sucks at first but it can be overcome.

Yeah I went through a depression stage as well, I was like a zombie (similar to your profile pic :)) where people would talk to me and I would not even comprehend what they would say. It was hell. But it does get better and you start to realize the faults of the other and not blame yourself anymore, and everntually you start laughing and being more outgoing, and Bam you are cured

It's more about yourself that the other person.Instead of trying hard not to think of her (which is actually thinking of her... ),I just tried to understand what I did wrong,take full responsibility of my mistakes honestly,and learn that lesson.It's sort of a good feeling cause you come out of a really bad situation more conscious and smart and richer.It's important to not miss that lesson I think,or else you go through all that sh!t for nothing.The way I approached my situation?It was all my fault.
Forf me,it wasn't a case of becoming anything,but rather remembering myself,who I really am.I'm not stupid enough to think it will all be nice and dandy fron now on,but at least I'm not going to make the same mistakes again.

I agree with the last post. My ex girlfriend left me 4 months ago and at the time all I wanted to do was blame her. I looked for reasons that weren't there and I finally realised that she was recently out of a bad relationship and I was too pushy and demanding at the time. Our romance was whirlwind and I kept pushing more and more to see her.
She finally took a step back and we did catch up from time to time. However, she's an ex now for a reason and I've walked away understanding that there were a variety of reasons that we didn't succeed. At least I can now take this with me into any future relstionships and not make the same mistakes twice.

Yeah I went thru a depression stage as well, I was like a zombie (similar to your profile pic :))

Hey that's my best photo!


But it does get better and you start to realize the faults of the other and not blame yourself anymore, and everntually you start laughing and being more outgoing, and Bam you are cured

The best part is when you quit lying to yourself about how perfect she was and you start to see the person she really was because when you get there you suddenly say "Hey wait a minute some of these thing were lies I created for her but they are not reality." When you start to see the reality of the person it can make you happy just knowing they have faults and problems that you are not responsible for anymore.

When you start to see the reality of the person it can make you happy just knowing they have faults and problems that you are not responsible for anymore.

Absolutely, I realized a lot of her faults a month ago now( since my breakup was relatively recent) and it cheers me up. What also opened my eyes one day (also around a month ago) was when I tried wriiting all the good and bad things about her, and guess what I found more bad things to say. That made me realize that all the things I really wanted in her where not there. On top of that she had so many moments where she would be insecure and start arguing for really silly things which would drive me crazy, and I am a really patient guy (believe me ), so I can only hope for this new guys lol after the honeymoon stage (if it still goes on )

When you start to see the reality of the person it can make you happy just knowing they have faults and problems that you are not responsible for anymore.

Absolutely, I realized a lot of her faults a month ago now( since my breakup was relatively recent) and it cheers me up. What also opened my eyes one day (also around a month ago) was when I tried wriiting all the good and bad things about her, and guess what I found more bad things to say. That made me realize that all the things I really wanted in her were not there. On top of that she had so many moments where she would be insecure and start arguing for really silly things which would drive me crazy, and I am a really patient guy (believe me ), so I can only hope for this new guy lol after the honeymoon stage (if it still goes on )

I tried wriiting all the good and bad things about her, and guess what I found more bad things to say.

I did the same thing! In fact I didn't even waste my time on the good things I just wrote the bad, not only does that help your brain point out some of the logical truths your emotions are lying about it helps get it out and on paper. When I felt down I would look at it and immediately feel better.

Went out for under a year, broke up and I went NC for 6 months, we rarely/randomly talk online once in a while... I'm still single and whoring myself about when I can :] I'd like to invest in a relationship but no decent girls are coming my way.. I still miss her sometimes but I know its because I haven't found anyone else.

She started having feelings for someone else and hooked up with him before breaking it off with me. We broke up 2 months ago after dating for 3 years. I went through hell and remember that I felt completely numb and I would analyse things 24-7. It was constantly on my mind and whenever I was out with people I felt like a zombie. I felt like I would never escape the feeling and the thought of never being able to be with her the same way again drove me crazy. I took a friends advice and took it one day at a time. I am a bit of a control freak so could not come to terms with the idea of not knowing where my life was heading. I decided to let things go for a while. The result is that I got to know a new group of people that I never used to hang out with and ended up having a great time with them. I have even started talking to a great girl who seems to be interested although I am not sure whether I am ready to jump into anything new yet. All of a sudden people I hadn't contacted for a while where contacting me wanting to hang out, although they didn't know anything about my situation. I must say that I still think of her and really do miss her although I am scared that I will never be able to face her again after the way she handled all this. The whole point is that if you slowly decide to let go of the past and not worry too much about the future then you never know what might come your way.

Any new people want to vent here is your chance

well after 6 months of breaking up, I am still having a hard time letting go , I don't know what to do , I don't feel like myself , I am noy ME. I used to be such a vastly happy girl , even way before I met him, everything used to excite me, I mean everything, flowers, the sun.. etc. and right know I am going through something unknown, something I never felt before, I feel depressed all the time, I am losing weight, I don't get hungry, I want to sleep all day, I feel like I am doing everything in AUTO mode, I don't get thrilled with anything. I just can't find myself and that is exasperating! I send him a text like once evry two weeks, just random stuff, like things I remember from him. I am just going through such a horrible time, and I just want the pain to go away.

I am only a few months into my break up ( his cheating) and do very well at trying not to dwell on stuff, the trick is to keep busy, but the hard thing is that this recession makes it harder. I left a job and home and now it is difficult to find work, many distractions cost money, (joining a gym etc) but I have signed up to college classes and a language course, as soon as I get a new job I am sure it will be easier... but being unemployed means losts of hours alone, plus he texts me about 1 month asking me to instant chat - I make excuses busy or something, but he has gone out of his way to inform me he is in a new relationship... and does not want me back, even thou I have never broached the subject and he is the contactee !- I am tempted to try this NC - as my heart drops when I see a text from him, wondering what next he will tell me - me,. I don't want to hear how happy he is... I am 7,000 miles away from him... unemployed and trying to recover... so now its got to be the NC thing, but my reluctance is that he will know then that I do still care? Surely if I did not I would be able to accept his texts in good spirit?

This is my 4 month after the break up (ex-gf cheated on me and then dumped me). My life made a 180 degree turn to the better. I ate better, lost weight, gain a lot of confidence, gain attraction, am more focused. I got some girls stories but now it's mostly dead. It's mostly due because I don't have a lot of cash to go out since I'm a student.

This is great stuff people. Good to see that there is progress. Remember time heals all wounds. Don't forget you are not the first nor the last to have been in this situation. From my personal experience I have come a long way from my previous long term relationship and am now in the best one yet, even if it changed to a long distance now. Nut my point being these things happened for a reason, I am so thankful that I am not with my ex girlfriend anymore, and you will eventually be like that

This is great stuff people. Good to see that there is progress. Remember time heals all wounds. Don't forget you are not the first nor the last to have been in this situation. From my personal experience i have come a long way from my previous long term relationship and am now in the best one yet, even if it changed to a long distance now. Nut my point being these things happened for a reason, I am so thankful that i am not with my ex gf anymore, and you will eventually be like that

Agreed! Life IS better without the exes. The hard part after the break up is to try to be happy alone. Happiness is not defined with who you are.

2-6 Months Post Breakup: Extremely hurt, confused and lost.

Now: Never been happier.

To be truly confident and happy with yourself is absolutely paramount in life.

TO all those going through a breakup, hope you will read this and it will give you a reality check, we all went through what you are going and are now better than we ever were with our ex. Use this to help you move on.

Best regards.

It's really tough on the beginning but the pain DOES go down after a while with NC.

Well its been 1.5 months since the break-up (his cheating).

Oh those first couple of weeks I would not wish on my worst enemy. The 24/7 thinking about him and the crying. However, you have to go through it.

The past couple days have been good days. I am back eating right, exercising and hanging with new people and old friends. Do I miss him sometimes? Sure. Do I miss doing all the work in the relationship? No. Do I miss the fights over his going out? Nope.

Do I miss the trips and cuddling on the couch together? You bet... but I know he is not the only person I have and will travel with... and if I want to cuddle with someone really bad I will borrow a friend's dog.. lol

I am not at the point where I can look at pictures of us but that is Ok... that time will come.

Counseling was so key for me. It helped me realize so much. I have learned some things about myself that I will need in the next relationship. I learned that I need to be his #1 priority because if I love him he probably will be mine.

I have yet to see the ex since this happened. I am not looking forward to that but I know I am in a better position to handle it now then I was... however I know it still will not be fun.

During this break-up period if you feel sad... be sad... go ahead and cry... it's OK. Feel your feelings do not try to suppress them as that causes more anxiety.

Remember a set-back is a set-up for something better!

Amazing I found this post when I most needed it.breakup about eight weeks ago-NC since a couple of days after BU. I realised very quickly that it was over for good and went through the tears,well still shed the odd one-the depression-waking up and having to jump into my routines so as not to stay in bed-remembering the good times-more tears there-making the lists pros(about 5!)cons (many more)-writing letters in my mind-of course never sent any etc etc. Today I'm struggling with my being angry with myself for not allowing myself to act upon all the red flags that were there a lot sooner.and I ll live through this as well.

Don't be so harsh on yourself healing takes some time. Eight weeks is a long time but you will get over it. Are you going to the gym everyday? Are you trying to go out as much as you can? Taking a new hobby or activity? Healing is all about taking an active role and not just waiting for time to help you heal.

Thanks paxe-yes I keep busy-and see friends-and I'm in therapy so I'm doing OK. I'm trying to work on my own issues and love myself.today s post was my impatience speaking-my heart needs to understand what my head knows. :-)

11 months and I'm fine and dandy. I've got so many things coming up, I am having trouble fitting everything in my schedule. I almost need an event planner now!

It's been a year for me. I'm fine now. Personality back, bigger and better and all that jazz. Confident again. I was a rollercoaster for a while. I'd hate her and then love her. Now when I think about her, there is no physiological or emotional reaction. Having said that, I wouldn't mind forgetting about her completely. Probably won't happen till I "fall" again. Also, I don't think I wish her well. I know it sounds terrible. I don't wish her ill either. I just hope she grows the F up. I fear it would take something drastic though. She is a pretty confused person and I see her leaving a wake of destruction in her path. Is that wrong? Wishing that she change for her benefit after a year. If she became a better person, I'd wish her well and be happy for her. If she stays the same, she deserves the mess of a life she creates. BTW, I only know what she's up to because our families are close. I'm not specifically updated or anything though.

So yeah, I'm over the relationship. However, I haven't forgiven her and if she never changes, I never completely will.

Don't waste energy thinking about her present actions-whether or not she changes is her problem not yours.

Sometimes the blunt responses on this forum are insulting. I'm not "wasting energy". If asked about my ex, that's my feeling. Can't help how I feel. Of course it's her problem. Folks always say you know you are really over it when you wish them well. I don't. That's my point. I feel over it though. Maybe I'm just not magnanimous enough to wish her life is all peaches and cream. If I were robbed, I would want the robber to do time. If I'm betrayed, I want that person to eventually learn how wrong their actions were. I don't speak this way out loud. When asked, I try to sound as humble about things as I can. On this forum, honestly, I just don't really feel that way. I guess I'm just a bitter and resentful person.

It's OK to be bitter, but just don't let it carry over to other people or relationships.

I think being bitter is OK if you think about a past ex, we just can't help it. If someone was in the wrong and gave us pain, we are just not going to forget it but we won't dwell on it.

I do think about my ex from time to time without it affecting too much. I think it's normal for a 3 year relationship? I mean for long term relationship we passed a lot of time and it was an important part of my life, I don't believe I can just forget it, but my feelings can disappear I believe.

Anyone else want to vent or share

This is a good post.
Where do I find myself today?
Mostly thankful that my relationship is over , I wasn't happy-sometimes lonely even though I keep busy but mostly optimistic and enjoying my life.
I'm glad I found this site and all the great people here.
Proud of myself for quickly realising it was over and not falling into the trap of wanting to flog a dead horse.
Thanks again. :-)

Good for you Amicon , this is great work.
Keep it up. We all go through this at some point in our lives, breakups are part of life and make us stronger and better person at the end, and we eventually find that special someone

I thank god that I didn't get married to any of my ex boyfriends. I'm much happier in my current relationship.

The real question now is how to live alone and single life. How to really enjoy it without desperation and all those questions coming in your head: "Am I going to find someone?".
I'd really like to appreciate to be single for a good amount of time, without my brain telling me to look for something. Any hints people?

The real question now is how to live alone and single life. How to really enjoy it without desperation and all those questions coming in your head: "Am I going to find someone?".
I'd really like to appreciate to be single for a good amount of time, without my brain telling me to look for something. Any hints people?

This is probably the toughest thing I ever had to learn. It comes with experience and actually building a very productive life that doesn't revolve around being with someone. Volunteer more, get another job, go to school, just do something to make yourself more valuable. It is all cliché advice, but that is all I have. I mean, there are sometimes when I worry myself if I will EVER love another woman like I loved my ex, but I think those thoughts are normal at times. We just can't let them consume us. Give yourself more credit and be more patient with yourself.

Yea you're right KC, I assume it's due to our genetics to actually BE with someone and it is very hard to fight it. It's actually great to be single and we really need some time alone, but for some reason I'm always thinking about girls and I assume most singles guys out there are doing the same thing.

I have to say it does help to concentrate in class, volunteering, sport, going out with friends, having generally a good time.

I guess I would say for all of you, set yourself a goal or a dream and try to achieve it, the fact of not being with someone will make you grow faster in life. Whenever I'm thinking too much about the opposite sex, I picture myself doing my goals or achieving my dreams, and it is much better than having someone.

I think more than anything, at some points, we know we are great guys and would love to find a woman to share that with. Nothing wrong with that, nothing at all. It will happen someday.

That is true, patience is the key here.

Agreed... sometimes when you think that you hit rock bottom something wonderful happens

I can't wait to post in this thread. [Spot saved] :rolleyes:

We look forward to hearing your story A4effort :)

Most important thing I took away from the people here that guided me through was the whole NC concept. There is nothing more healthy than throwing up that wall, blocking it out and walking away. Nothing hurts more than rejection - in particular if its from someone you love or (think you love). Get out and do things. Go to the gym. Travel. Work. Do anything but dwell on the past because its absolutely useless and doesn't produce anything.

My ex wanted out back in Aug 2008. Fast forward 14 months. I now have a GF that has totally blown me away and I couldn't ask for more. We met by total fluke, but if I wasn't ready to move forward, that chance encounter could very well have turned into nothing.

Any new stories someone would like to share ?

Anyone new

I'll bite.

I remember back when my ex broke up with me, I thought my whole world was coming to an end. I thought at the time that she was my world. Fast forward to now about 1 1/2 years later, I'm back to my old self. It didn't take that long to get here though. I started to notice my recovery, with the help of NC, about 6 months in, although my thoughts of her hadn't waned yet. I slipped up about 5 months ago and actually went out with her and a friend. That was a mistake, but I've recovered nicely since then. Now, I don't think about her nearly as much. Maybe once every couple of weeks, you know the whole "I wonder how she is doing..." type thing. No emotions get stirred up or anything. Granted sometimes I still think back and wonder what things would be like if we were still together, but I think everyone does that when a relationship with someone they truly loves ends. Over this time, I've had many questions about why things happened the way they did. Did I seek answers from her, absolutely not! I found my own answers through personal reflection on how things went and how things are now. Finding answers in that fashion was a much better way than seeking them through others.

As far as finding that new someone, that hasn't happened yet. I figure the right person will walk into my life when we are both ready. Right now I have so many things going on in my life, I really don't have enough time to really put toward a relationship. So it really wouldn't be fair for me to go beyond friends with anyone right now.

I'm fine with that and how my life is right now. Yes, I do get lonely sometimes, but it's only a fleeting feeling and has not led to desperation.

My advice to people who may feel this way is:
The results of decisions made of desperation and/or loneliness never turn out the way we want them.

I've learned this first hand, and will never do that to myself again, no matter how much I want something.

This leads to another piece of advice:
Never sell yourself short. Just like you shouldn't make decisions out of desperation, you don't hold back on doing something if you truly believe you can do. Don't let the confidence in yourself falter. Just because something may seem unattainable now, doesn't mean it will be forever. The only time something is unattainable is when you stop trying.

As long as you keep trying and keep looking forward and not back, you will get over this and any other problems that may happen in your life.

My ex-gf as of two months hooked up with what I thought was a good friend, about two weeks ago. I'm going through hell. At times I hate her, then my feelings start to get warm towards her. He's abusive and immature, and I feel like I should text her and tell her to tell him, that if he hurts her, I'll kill him. But then at the same time, I figure it was her choice and that's what she wanted. It's killing me. The highs of being single are nice, but the lows are so horrible. I feel terrible. I guess what really helped me today was talking about all of this with an absolute stranger at a park. Older gentleman, with lots of wise advice. I'm also trying to resolve my trust issues that have worsened since this. It makes me so angry that she can affect my life like this. If anyone has ever watched the movie Heat, there's a certain quote by Robert Deniro, Where he says "Don't get attached to something you can't walk away from in 30 seconds flat". God I wish I was that strong. This roller coaster of feelings is killing me.

Its been 5 months since she wanted a break and its been since November 2 when she oficially broke up with me. Many emotions have stirred up since that day and the rolercoaster has noot been fun. One day you are like f-her and the next you are wishing she was back. Its been 4 months officially and I do feel lonely sometimes and hurt and think about her all the time. I used to think about her 24/7 but the thoughts have become less frequent. I guess they never really go away for good. I had a dream about her the other night and woke up pissed.

Feelings of depression, anger, guilt and sadness can weigh on the mind, its natural. I must say I have been doing MUCH better and have learned to accept that when they say its over, its over and have to move on. Keeping busy with different projects, going to school and hanging out with friends helps a lot. The key is to keep busy as much as possible. It is difficult to fill up 100% of your time with activities (especially at night when you are alone in bed, but do the best you can and you will come out a better person.

I have dated a few girls recently, mostly losers but now that I know what I want, I can be choosy and when that special someone comes along, I will know it. Patience is key and Time heals

Peace

It's been a while since I posted here, but I thought this would be an appropriate place to post!

It's been nearly 9 months since my breakup (and nearly 9 months of no contact also). Like everybody else I was pretty devastated, it felt like the end of the world. Luckily I came on here and found out exactly what I needed to do though (thanks again to all the posters here, I doubt I would have done it this way if it weren't for you). I can't believe I was actually sceptical about the no-contact rule...

In short, it turned out to be lifechanging for me. It's pretty unbelievible how much I've changed since, I did something I never thought I'd ever see myself doing: I've lost 58lbs since it happened and have actually turned into a bit of a fitness freak. Been doing a lot of weight training during that time also so I've built up a lot of strength and muscle.

From what I've heard, she's been having a pretty bad time since. It's quite ironic really, since she was the one who broke up with me. Makes me realise how right Tal was when he told me she was telling the truth; it was her, not me.

I'll probably send her an email to catch up a bit sometime in the future. I can't wait to see the surprise she gets when she sees what I look like now hahaha.