I am going round in circles.

I found out I must be addicted to porn after I tried to give it up but found it really difficult. I regret spending so much time on it, so I decide not to look at it anymore. But doesn't take me long to persuade myself there's nothing wrong with it and start again because I know I really want to see it. Then I go back to regretting it again. I say I don't want to see it anymore, but then in the same day I really need it and I seek it out. Then I regret it and so on.

It's just like a drug addiction (I imagine) with the way it's used to make you feel amazing and you want more and more. Longest I went without it was for a couple of weeks, trying to replace it with my imagination. But it's just not the same and in the end the imagination wasn't enough of a stimulation. I look at it every day, maybe twice a day. Can masturbate usually no more than 3 times a day but sometimes multiple orgasms it's like it's never enough! Obviously, I am massively sexually frustrated. Don't know how else to vent this frustration. I can't vent it by putting the energy into other things because it never goes away, it just builds up. Can't block it, I'll get round the block. Or maybe I should just stop trying to give it up?

You need to speak with your doctor about this.

Take up running.. it will be a kind of detox. The use of a healthy replacement sometimes helps. Trying to remove porn from an addict is like trying to remove drugs from a drug addict or alcohol from an alcoholic-it can't work that way.

How old are you? Are you in a relationship?

take up running.. it will be a kind of detox. The use of a healthy replacement sometimes helps. trying to remove porn from an addict is like trying to remove drugs from a drug addict or alcohol from an alcoholic-it can't work that way.
I went for a cycle yesterday. I rode nearly 10 miles and I was really tired from it because there were several large hills to get up and I'm not used to that sort of exercise. Despite couldn't get to sleep until about 2am and only after I took care of myself. And despite masturbating twice already that day.



how old are you? are you in a relationship?
I'm 21 and I'm not in a relationship. Quite frankly I feel like I have enough sexual stamina for 2 girlfriends at the moment.

Maybe that's what your problem is! You need a girlfriend,I don't see any harm in whatching porn once in a while but sounds to me as if you have an obsession! Do you think maybe if you got a girlfriend you would back off a bit?

I went for a cycle yesterday. I rode nearly 10 miles and I was really tired from it because there were several large hills to get up and I'm not used to that sort of exercise. Despite couldn't get to sleep until about 2am and only after I took care of myself. And despite masturbating twice already that day.


Fine-did you use porn? Isn't that the issue here?

If you just masturbated, then there is no real problem-if you can stop porn each day, then it is like a step-bystep remedy.

maybe thats what your problem is! you need a girlfriend,i dont see any harm in whatching porn once in a while but sounds to me as if you have an obsession! do you think maybe if you got a girlfriend you would back off a bit??
Yes I really need a girlfriend don't I? I'm sure I would back off the porn more than just a bit too. Would the best answer be to get a girlfriend and screw her brains out? Not that I would want to be using her for sex only of course.



fine-did you use porn? isn't that the issue here?
No I didn't on that occasion. I'm not sure if that's the issue. I mean if its OK to masturbate then it makes sense that it's OK to look at porn as stimulation to help out. Because if I'm sexually frustrated then things are possibly made even more frustrating without porn to help out.

DMA,

You're not alone.
As open as we are in today's society about sex this subject of sexual addiction is still being swept under the rug. The doctor but he can't help you with the addiction but he could help you with the sleep. Every addict has a hidden wound inside that has never healed. The pain leads to quick fixes that never help. It doesn't matter if it is porn or hard drugs; addicts are looking for a distraction from the real world.

I have spent the last ten years working with addiction in one form or another. I know first hand the damage that can be done when it is downplayed. I've heard the excuses and listened to the lies. I have seen good men go to jail because they never dealt with the issue. Men that loved their wives and families, that never drank or did drugs but couldn't kick the porn and then it became other things.

I've watched porn become girlfriends, affairs, strippers, hookers, molestation and rape. I don't think that the porn is the problem. Addiction to porn is just a symptom of the brokenness we hide inside.

Some guys spend years “soul searching” never knowing what compelled them. Sometimes it is a father that wasn't there physically or emotionally. Sometimes it is an idea or a comment that stuck with us subconsciously and became part of our identity.

If you want to stop and can't it is a real problem. Each day the addiction feeds off your strength, making you weaker. Go to a group, or someone you trust and be honest. Let them hold you accountable. The biggest struggle will be going to sleep without a hit off your addiction. The doctor can help you with that. Having a counselor to talk to can help you sort through your feelings and remind you that you're not alone.

-BC

Why do you feel guilty? Many young men your age have healthy hobbies and social lives and still have a sizable porn collection and masturbate daily or almost daily. I think you should consider whether looking at porn is actually damaging the quality of your life. If your addiction goes so far as to cause you to miss appointments, neglect your health or social relationships, or negatively impact your outlook on life, then you might want to consider seeking out professional therapy.

Many young men are in prison, that doesn't mean you need to follow their example.

Get into a support group to get you out of the obsession with porn before it gets even worse (which it easily can), go to a dr to see if some meds might help & work on getting yourself healthy from the grip porn has already established with you.

If you keep this porn habit up, all you will be doing is making it even harder to have a healthy relationship with a girlfriend & not just because she may not want to be watching porn with you daily. It's not giving you a good pattern for your own sexuality & can wreck having a good relationship with a real female. She will likely not act like the porn actresses do which will make it harder for you to enjoy sex with her if you keep this up. It will be too easy for you to fall back into the same trap of pleasuring only yourself & neglecting her sexually & emotionally. Read the post on here from the woman whose partner is doing what you are & she's getting sex from him once in a blue moon I replied to, & I'm sure she's not the only one struggling with that type of situation.

Don't try to wean yourself off, get rid of it all & go cold turkey permanently. At best you have a vulnerability to a porn / sex addiction you need to nip in the bud now.

Find out where a convenient 12 step Sex Addicts meeting is & go. Even if you are not full blown addicted yet, you possibly will be where they are if left unchecked, which you definitely don't want to be.

Many young men are in prison, that doesn't mean you need to follow their example.

Get into a support group to get you out of the obsession with porn before it gets even worse (which it easily can), go to a dr to see if some meds might help & work on getting yourself healthy from the grip porn has already established with you.

If you keep this porn habit up, all you will be doing is making it even harder to have a healthy relationship with a gf & not just because she may not want to be watching porn with you daily. It's not giving you a good pattern for your own sexuality & can wreck having a good relationship with a real female. She will likely not act like the porn actresses do which will make it harder for you to enjoy sex with her if you keep this up. It will be too easy for you to fall back into the same trap of pleasuring only yourself & neglecting her sexually & emotionally. Read the post on here from the woman whose partner is doing what you are & she's getting sex from him once in a blue moon I replied to, & I'm sure she's not the only one struggling with that type of situation.

Don't try to wean yourself off, get rid of it all & go cold turkey permanently. At best you have a vulnerability to a porn / sex addiction you need to nip in the bud now.

Find out where a convenient 12 step Sex Addicts meeting is & go. Even if you are not full blown addicted yet, you will be where they are if left unchecked.

Comparing committing felonies to a porn addiction is such an absurd comparison that it does not even warrant a rebuttal argument. Comparing a porn addiction to a cake addiction may have been a more reasonable response.

I'm not saying that there might not be a real problem here, but I see almost everyone on here immediately jumping to the conclusion that this is a severe life altering addiction with no more to go on beyond the fact that the OP says he can't give it up. The OP gives no indication to the approximate number of hours/day spent dedicated to porn, percent of income, or impact to life outside of porn. To immediately recommend a chemical treatment based on this information is an unthoughtful knee-jerk reaction.

It is also overly presumptive to assume that all people addicted to porn are at major risk of having unsatisfied sex lives. This is a result that usually comes from the most severe group of porn addiction cases. I have had plenty of friends be addicted to porn at the height of their virility while they were single only to turn around and have normal healthy sex lives once they enter a serious relationship. I have also seen a select couple of cases where the addict does not get over their addiction upon entering a relationship. I have also noticed that their relationships are based around sex, and had little to do with companionship. This leads me to believe that for those people, porn addiction was a symptom of a greater problem rather than being the cause.

This is why I believe it is more important to first evaluate the real effect that this is having on the OP, and determine whether this is a serious case, or if the OP is just over-reacting about a normal level of interest in porn.

BlakeCory, some of the best advice I have heard... good job.

Porn addiction as with any addiction from drinking to excessive shopping is often a symptom of a greater problem than what the addiction itself is manifesting, that is absolutely true. Just as it is true that no matter what the addiction is, many people have overcome them to have incredibly successful lives before & after that period. But many don't, they stay locked in or keep trying to clean up the incredible damage they've done to themselves & those that love them.

And if this guy was posting that he was drinking everyday & concerned with the hold it has on his life, the advice would be basically the same, see if medical help is warranted, get into a support group, get into healthier habits as soon as possible & don't look back. Whether it would be possible for him to be a social drinker in the future would remain to be seen & would depend how quickly the wrong direction was reversed. Same thing if he said he was trying to give up the hold drinking had on him.

One main difference is that with smoking or drinking at least you can stay permanently cold turkey, (as with the porn itself), which is not true or at least desirable with sex especially if a relationship with a real person is a goal.

Most sex addicts may be enjoying their sex lives immensely but just as seen by the threads on here, their partners sure aren't. Smoking or drinking also doesn't change the brain or heart map on sex or relationships as detrimentally a way that a porn or sexual addiction can & too often does for a significant amount of people. That is well documented.

One big issue with the research on the effects of porn is that much of it is by a group that has a 'dog in the fight'. The adult industry wants to say there's no harm & it can be beneficial. Other groups say the opposite. Yet, the numbers of people acknowledging it is a problem speaks for itself. Just like anything else, there are people it will not harm to smoke, drink or watch porn. For others, it is a life long disaster.

Men and porn | World news | The Guardian (http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2003/nov/08/gender.weekend7)

Yet men, as much as women, hunger for intimacy. For many males, locked into a life in which self-esteem has grown intrinsically entwined with performance, sex assumes an almost unsustainable freight of demands & needs. Not only does the act itself become almost the only means through which many men can feel intimate & close, but it is also the way in which they find validation. And sex itself, of course, cannot possibly satisfy such demands.

It is into this troubled scenario that porn finds such easy access. For in pornography, unlike in real life, there is no criticism, real or imagined, of male performance. Women are always, in the words of the average internet site, "hot & ready", eager to please. In real life, by contrast, men find women are anything but: they have higher job status, they demand that they be sexually satisfied, & they are increasingly opting to combine career & motherhood.

Pornography, in other words, is a lie.

It peddles falsehoods about men, women & human relationships. In the name of titillation, it seduces vulnerable, lonely men - & a small number of women - with the promise of intimacy, & delivers only a transitory masturbatory fix.

Increasingly, though, men are starting to be open about the effect pornography has had upon them. David McLeod, a marketing executive, explains the cycle: "I'm drawn to porn when I'm lonely, particularly when I'm single & sexually frustrated. But I can easily get disgusted with myself. After watching a video two or three times, I'll throw it away & vow never to watch another again. But my resolve never lasts very long." He has, he says, "seen pretty much everything. I've even seen pictures of men being buggered by a pig. But once you start going down that slope, you get very quickly jaded."

Extended exposure to pornography can have a whole raft of effects.

By the time Nick Samuels had reached his mid-20s, it was altering his view of what he wanted from a sexual relationship. "I used to watch porn with one of my girlfriends, & I started to want to try things I'd seen in the films: anal sex, or threesomes." Sometimes, he says, this was OK - "She was an easy-going person." At other times, "it shocked her". Married for 15 years, he admits he has carried the same sexual expectations into the marital bedroom. "There's been real friction over this: my wife simply isn't that kind of person. And it's only now, after all these years, that I'm beginning to move on from it. Porn is like alcoholism: it clings to you like a leech."

Psychoanalyst Estela Welldon, author of the classic text Mother, Madonna, Whore, has treated couples for whom such scenarios spiralled out of control. When couples use porn together - a growing trend, if anecdotal evidence is anything to go by - there is, says Welldon, "an illusory sense that they are getting closer together. Then they film themselves having sex & feel outside themselves. This dehumanising aspect is an important part of pornography. It dehumanises the other person, the relationship, & any intimacy."

Even when in a loving sexual relationship, men who have used porn say that, all too often, they see their partner through a kind of "pornographic filter". This effect is summed up eloquently by US sociologist Harry Brod, in Segal's essay Sweet Sorrows, Painful Pleasures: "There have been too many times when I have guiltily resorted to impersonal fantasy because the genuine love I felt for a woman wasn't enough to convert feelings into performance. And in those sorry, secret moments, I have resented deeply my lifelong indoctrination into the aesthetic of the centrefold."

Lost in a world of pornographic fantasy, men can become less inclined, as well as increasingly less able, to form lasting relationships.

In part, this is due to the underlying message of pornography. Ray Wyre, a specialist in sexual crime, says pornography "encourages transience, experimentation & moving between partners". Morgan goes further: "Pornography does damage," he says, "because it encourages people to make their home in shallow relationships."

Jan Woolf believes it might also prevent a relationship getting started.

The more powerful the sense of pre-existing internal distress, the more compelling becomes the pull towards pornography.

Day, who has attended meetings of Sex Addicts Anonymous for 12 years, says, "Pornography is central to my own sex addiction in as much as sex addiction has to do with the use of fantasy as a way of escaping from reality. Even in my fantasies about 'real' people, I am really transforming them into pieces of walking pornography. It is not the reality of who they are that I focus on, but the fantasy I project on to them."

Like drugs & drink, pornography - as Day has realised - is an addictive substance. Porn actor Kelly Cooke, one of the stars of Pornography: The Musical, says this applies on either side of the camera: "It got to the point where I considered having sex the way most people consider getting a hamburger. But when you try to give it up - that's when you realise how addictive it is, both for consumers & performers. It's a class A drug, & it's hell coming off it."

The cycle of addiction leads one way: towards ever harder material. Morgan believes "all pornography ends up with S&M". The now-infamous Carnegie Mellon study of porn on the internet found that images of hardcore sex were in far less demand than more extreme material. Images of women engaging in acts of bestiality were hugely popular

The mechanics of the pornographic search - craving, discovery of the "right" image, masturbation, relief - makes it, says Morgan, work like "a sort of drug, an antidepressant".

The myth about porn, as a witness told the 1983 Minneapolis city council public hearings on it, is that "it frees the libido & gives men an outlet for sexual expression. This is truly a myth. I have found pornography not only does not liberate men, but on the contrary is a source of bondage. Men masturbate to pornography only to become addicted to the fantasy. There is no liberation for men in pornography. [It] becomes a source of addiction, much like alcohol. There is no temporary relief. It is mood-altering. And reinforcing, i.e. 'you want more' because 'you got relief'. It is this reinforcing characteristic that leads men to want the experience they have in pornographic fantasy to happen in real life."

And the alternative to pornography, says Morgan, is not always easy. "Relationships are difficult. Intimacy, having a good relationship, loving your children, involves work. Pornography is fantasy in the place of reality. But it is just that: fantasy. Pornography is not real, & the only thing human beings get nourishment from is reality: real relationships.

And, anyway, what do you want to say when you get to the end of your life? That you wish you'd spent more time wanking on the internet? I hardly think so."

Comparing committing felonies to a porn addiction is such an absurd comparison that it does not even warrant a rebuttal argument. Comparing a porn addiction to a cake addiction may have been a more reasonable response.

Apparently you are unaware of how many men in prison had a fascination with porn as a common characteristic even prior to their incarceration, which may not true of those with a cake addiction. But if I'm mistaken & that is true of cake addicts, I'd appreciate you showing me the facts to back that up. That may be difficult because as with porn, research is a problem, & many cake eaters lead normal lives never sufferiing a significant detrimental effect. Yet many more will not be as fortunate as they indulge their addiction until it ruins them with the classic health & mental effects of so many addictions, some even progressing to other sorts of heavily caloric laden baked goods.

By then it is too late to turn back the clock, yet this young man does have the chance to leave the addiction behind him much more easily & with less significant damage than if he continues to pursue the porn obsession he is seeking help for now. And I applaud him for that, many fool themselves into thinking they can keep unhealthy behaviors in place & reap healthy rewards only to find the truth was the opposite after much of their life has been wasted so unnecessarily.

Of course, people who are criminals also breathe & no one is saying oxygen is bad. There are a lot of common characteristics among people, all breathe, some watch porn, some eat cake.

Yet, the fact that porn has extremely serious negative effects for too many people is well documented. The man said he wants to stop, has tried to repeatedly & hasn't been able to. That's a major problem. He didn't ask if he had a problem, he asked for help dealing with it. And if nothing else, the problem is that he can't stop doing something that isn't a necessity of life. He may not be a sex addict, but the road he is on can easily lead there if he can't stop when he wants to & that's a concern that should be taken seriously.

To be leary of something that you realize is causing a problem is smart, to seek help for that smarter & to stop what is contributing to the problem even smarter. The next step is to see what void porn may be filling if any, to see if there is an underlying issue that should be cleaned up at the same time & get into a better, healthier mindset & habits. Getting rid of the porn is an important first step but checking to see why & how it became such an issue & fixing that is just as important. If that is not done, it's makes it possible that the addictive behavior may not completely stop but just be manifested in another form, even if a more socially acceptable one such as workaholism.

Naomi Wolf on Why Porn Turns Men Off the Real Thing -- New York Magazine (http://nymag.com/nymetro/news/trends/n_9437/index1.html)

The young women who talk to me on campuses about the effect of pornography on their intimate lives speak of feeling that they can never measure up, that they can never ask for what they want; & that if they do not offer what porn offers, they cannot expect to hold a guy.

The young men talk about what it is like to grow up learning about sex from porn, & how it is not helpful to them in trying to figure out how to be with a real woman.

Mostly, when I ask about loneliness, a deep, sad silence descends on audiences of young men & young women alike. They know they are lonely together, even when conjoined, & that this imagery is a big part of that loneliness. What they don't know is how to get out, how to find each other again erotically, face-to-face.

So Dworkin was right that pornography is compulsive, but she was wrong in thinking it would make men more rapacious. A whole generation of men are less able to connect erotically to women— & ultimately less libidinous.

The reason to turn off the porn might become, to thoughtful people, not a moral one but, in a way, a physical- & emotional-health one; you might want to rethink your constant access to porn in the same way that, if you want to be an athlete, you rethink your smoking.

The evidence is in: Greater supply of the stimulant equals diminished capacity.

After all, pornography works in the most basic of ways on the brain: It is Pavlovian. An orgasm is one of the biggest reinforcers imaginable. If you associate orgasm with your wife, a kiss, a scent, a body, that is what, over time, will turn you on; if you open your focus to an endless stream of ever-more-transgressive images of cybersex slaves, that is what it will take to turn you on.

The ubiquity of sexual images does not free eros but dilutes it.

Ok some really good stuff here. Lots to think about but it's looking like a lot for me to deal with now. For example I should know myself well but I cannot answer some of the questions raised by reading your responses. All of a sudden it seems I need medication for this problem! This would be suppress sexual feelings? I find that a little frightening.

I'm not sure what effect this is having on me. Yes it could easily be a symptom rather than a cause.

Some things you have been saying really ring true.
"Every addict has a hidden wound inside that has never healed... addicts are looking for a distraction from the real world."
I am not doing great in my personal life. The escape from the real world - or at least forgetting your worries and problems - must be a big part of it.

"Don't try to wean yourself off, get rid of it all & go cold turkey permanently. At best you have a vulnerability to a porn / sex addiction you need to nip in the bud now."
I've gone cold turkey several times. I'm not sure I can nip it in the bud if I've been doing it for a few years now.

The way I see it, you can have a drug addiction and come off it forever. But I am preprogrammed to have sexual feelings towards females and that is never going away. So in my mind I can't have a clear cut "this is bad and I must do without it forever". Give me a cake and tell me not to eat it... I cannot help myself. So cutting cake is easy for me - just don't buy cake. But this porn addiction is more complicated than that.

More about me
I first saw porn quite young. My best guess is I was 6-8 years old. Even at that age I remember getting an erection from seeing the naked women. I didn't understand what I felt at the time but I knew I liked it. After an adult saw what we had found and took it off us immediately, we then spent the rest of the day sneaking around and looking for the porn mag again. I wonder how much of a long term impact this has had on me.

I have looked at harder and harder porn. I think I've seen it all - at least once anyway. I can't imagine anything I haven't seen. But I absolutely do not want to act out what I see! I do not even find slutty women attractive in the real world. The porn I keep coming back to and can't stop viewing is 90% nude photo shoots. With some of the best stuff being amateur pics - "real" porn. Like when teenage girls get a digital camera and post pictures of themselves on the internet.

I can't imagine myself being in the situation of having a girlfriend where we only have sex once in a blue moon because I'm looking at porn so much. I'm sure I would want sex everyday. From reading other threads on this forum, this would be too much for most girls to keep up with. But I would still rather have a real girl than a fantasy one.

Or maybe I should just stop trying to give it up?Hello DMA:

Bingo!

There ain't no such thing as a porn addiction. It's a media creation, just like ADHD and food addictions. It's all baloney.

excon

No, No, No, you misunderstood! No one would suggest you get meds to dampen your sex drive! The first suggestion was perhaps some sleeping meds would help you get some rest if the urge to watch porn was keeping you up. It is also possible that if you are depressed, have some anxiety or something like that, some meds could help you clear your head & treat the underlying issue that is making this more of a problem for you right now. A dr would have to diagnose that.

Addictions, obsessions, compulsive behaviors are coping mechanisms of some sort, it sometimes is done as a form of self medication. A dr could determine the underlying real issue (like depression for example) & there may be some meds that may help with that. F you are not getting enough rest particularly if other stressful things are going on in your life, that would be detrimental for your health & instead of riding until sheer exhaustion makess you drop, could let you get a good nite's sleep which would help short term to be in better shape to deal with the stresses you've got going right now.

But there is no magic pill that would make your problems go away unfortunately, that would be more popular than viagra!

No, no one is suggesting you get meds to stop your normal & natureal sex drive any more than they would suggest getting some sort of midieval device to stop you from masturbating!

Cake like porn is something people can live without. We are designed to enjoy a wonderful sex life & it is a powerful drive. Some things are just more addictive than others & people have vulnerabilities to getting hooked on a "drug of choice". For women, it's not unusual for excessive shopping or eating (or not as in anorexia) to be a problem while for men, porn can be very alluring. We have a very strong sex drive & we live in a society where porn is easily available everywhere. That combination makes it a convenient compulsion alone.

Seeing porn early is a common characteristic of porn / sex addicts, so again, that indicates that it would be in your best interest to get some professional or at least experienced help to aid you in working past this issue. Nipping it in the bud means that many men spend decades immerged in porn just like anyone will stay in bad habits that way unless they take the necessary steps to change things.

The fact that it has gone on so long just means you need some help rather than just relying on sheer willpower to be a bridge from where you are now to where you want to be. That's no different from anyone, some things can be done immediately & well because we set our mind on the goal but with many, some trained help or a good support group is just what's needed to break an unwanted pattern of behavior.

Whether you are a sex addict no one here can tell you. In fact, there is some debate on whether it is a "legitimate addiction" at all. But you say it's compulsive behavior for you that you can't stop on your own despite making the effort. Seeing a good therapist will help you sort it out so you can regain control over what you let in & keep out of your life. DrL was absolutely right in saying that taking a look at how it is effecting your life is a good thing. Many people have seen porn but it's never been an issue for them, just as lots have it become something that they wish they had never been exposed to because it did cause so many problems for them.

You acknowledging it's an issue you want to face head on directly is a very smart thing to do before even more time passes & it becomes an even more ingrained detrimental pattern of behavior for you. Talking to those that have been where you are now or trained to deal with this sort of thing could be beneficial for you. They can tell you what has worked & didn't work for to move past the same sort of problem. Or how to work on identifying what wound(s) might be there that your compulsive behavior so you can properly address what is underlying this escape for you.

Most of us are wounded inside in some way or another, no one has a perfect life or perfect childhood, some are extremely functional in a healthy way & others are not until they address those wounds and/or the reasons for them. All of us cope with the things we've gone through one way or another & some of those things are good for us, some not. Like a smoker or compulsive eater who embraces a healthier lifestyle with better eating habits & exercising after deciding they don't want to pay the consequences for the undesired behavior any more, for example. Some can stop alone, some will need some help & there is plenty of that available with support groups of all kinds for one.

Internet, Porn, and Cybersex Addictions: Symptoms, Self-help, and Tips for Parents (http://www.helpguide.org/mental/internet_cybersex_addiction.htm)

The first step is recognizing that there is a problem.

Overcoming denial should be followed by other treatment steps, including:

Identifying specific problem areas

Generating a behavior modification plan, such as setting a timer for usage, planning a daily schedule, keeping a log of moods when going online, matching time spent online with time spent socializing face-to-face and taking part in non-computer related activities
Focusing on other areas for needed skill enhancement, such as problem solving, assertiveness, social skills, overcoming shyness, anger control

Assessing for other disorders like depression or anxiety that may need medical treatment.

Assistance in locating or forming a support group for other people who are trying to regain control over their computer use.


Pornography addiction - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pornography_addiction)

Formal criteria have been suggested along lines strictly analogous to the DSM criteria for alcohol and other substance addictions.[2] This article cites Goodman (1990), who compared the DSM criteria lists for various addictive disorders and derived these general characteristics:

Recurrent failure to resist impulses to engage in a specified behavior

Increasing sense of tension immediately prior to initiating the behavior

Pleasure or relief at the time of engaging in the behavior

At least five of the following:
Frequent preoccupation with the behavior or with activity that is preparatory to the behavior

Frequent engaging in the behavior to a greater extent or over a longer period than intended

Repeated efforts to reduce, control, or stop the behavior

A great deal of time spent in activities necessary for the behavior, engaging in the behavior, or recovering from its effects

Frequent engaging in the behavior when expected to fulfill occupational, academic, domestic or social obligations

Important social, occupational, or recreational activities given up or reduced because of the behavior

Continuation of the behavior despite knowledge of having a persistent or recurrent social, financial, psychological, or physical problem that is caused or exacerbated by the behavior

Tolerance: need to increase the intensity or frequency of the behavior in order to achieve the desired effect, or diminished effect with continued behavior of the same intensity

Restlessness or irritability if unable to engage in the behavior

Some symptoms of the disturbance have persisted for at least one month, or have occurred repeatedly over a longer period

There is nothing wrong with having a sexual appetite. C. S. Lewis put it this way,
“Imagine a country where you could fill a room by simple bringing a covered plate onto the stage and then slowly lifting the cover so as to let everyone see, just before the lights went out, that it had contained a steak.

Wouldn't you think that in that country something had gone wrong with the appetite for food?

And wouldn't anyone who had grown up in a different world think there was something equally weird about the state of the sex instinct among us?

You find very few people who want to eat things that are really not food or to do things with food instead of eating it. In other words, perversions of the food appetite are rare.

But perversions of the sex instinct are numerous, hard to cure, and scary.”

He is comparing female strippers to… food strippers. It sounds crazy but we are talking about two of the strongest appetites in the human body.

Someone from another world would think the reason for our huge sexual appetite is because we are all starving. The fact is we have more access to sex than ever before. Could you imagine being able to download actual drugs or alcohol to your cell phone? Sex is available 24/7 everywhere we go. Instead of starving we are drowning. The more we feed it the bigger it grows. There will never be enough to fill it or stop it by giving the cravings what they want.

Stopping cold is the best way but don't do it alone. Remember that if this is coming from brokenness, then that brokenness cannot fix itself. You make to decision to stop but you will need the help to do it.

There is nothing wrong with sex. It is the abuse of anything that is wrong. There are people that cannot stop eating even at a young age. We teach them self control to keep the extreme from happening.

Don't wait for something horrible to happen in your life. Recognize the danger of not being able to control yourself and find a group or a person to help you regain control.

You've admitted that you are powerless over pornography, and that (to some extent) your life has become unmanageable.

DMA, congratulations. You've just taken the first step. There are 11 others. I suggest speaking with your doctor or spiritual advisor and find a support group.

Please understand that I do not consider porn as bad. Nor alcohol for that matter. However, it is clear to me from your posting that it is having a negative effect on your life, much like alcohol hurts alcoholics.

Porn "addiction" can look real, I think, but personally I feel (and I have grappled with this problem myself over years and years) that it is a bit more like a compulsive behavior than a truly addicted one.

I say that because I've seen other (undoubtedly true) addicts... be it nicotine, alcohol, illicit drugs, or some combination thereof. Removing the addictive thing from them causes them actual physical illness and serious suffering, at least for a time. Removing porn from the frequent viewer , for a week, two weeks, etc, does not truly do him any harm. Sure he may feel like he wants to view some, he may have an "urge", but he can also easily take his mind off it and he suffers no actual ill effects.

I believe it's a compulsive behavior , primarily, which looks a lot like an addictive behavior. It probably masks or goes along with (in my case I have discovered it masks) such things as an "avoidant" personality, generalized social anxiety, as well as "committment-phobia" (and yes that last one is real; you can Google it and learn more about it if you wish). A life pattern develops, or rather already developed, in which real relationships of a romantic nature were or are replaced by the pornography which acts as an important stimulus to the imagination. The imagination is no longer enough by itself, as it is for some men.

All men masturbate, but not all do it every single time to pornography. Therein lies the difference. Sexuality is not something we can "cold turkey" out of. We're going to get horny again, and have to relieve ourselves. But we can tame our porno usage, at least. Ending it completely is up to the individual. If he feels it is doing real harm to him in some way (financial, or emotional, or other) then he should try. Taming it, as I said, is probably a good idea however, either way.

My doctor told me specifically though that, contrary to some of the anti-porno scare propaganda, viewing porn frequently (while yes perhaps "jading" the viewer) will NOT "force" every male viewer, or lead him inevitably, to commit sexual crimes or to seek out illegal types of porn or, what have you. If he knows where his lines are, what his boundaries are, there is no reason that any of that HAS to happen. But, my suggestion would be, don't try "cold turkey", but do try taming it. Be epicurean, so to speak, with it; be master of your indulgence(s), enjoy them, but don't let them master you.

Porn "addiction" can look real, I think, but personally I feel (and I have grappled with this problem myself over years and years) that it is a bit more like a compulsive behavior than a truly addicted one.

Many people do agree with that, there is serious debate on whether it is a "true" addiction for porn or sex. Whether it is or not it can & does serious problems for too many as a compulsion if nothing else.


My doctor told me specifically though that, contrary to some of the anti-porno scare propaganda, viewing porn frequently (while yes perhaps "jading" the viewer) will NOT "force" every male viewer, or lead him inevitably, to commit sexual crimes or to seek out illegal types of porn or, what have you. If he knows where his lines are, what his boundaries are, there is no reason that any of that HAS to happen. But, my suggestion would be, don't try "cold turkey", but do try taming it. Be epicurean, so to speak, with it; be master of your indulgence(s), enjoy them, but don't let them master you.

I agree that porn will not "force" anyone onto a life of sex crimes or anything of that sort but there are still other note worthy detrimental effects. The jading is one, because it can effect not just the sort of porn preference but their sex life with a partner. Some people fall deeper in the pit non-stop fast until they reach their bottom & some are capable of putting brakes on whatever the problem is in at least some way so they stumble along with an acceptable to them level of indulgence (like alcoholics that only drink after work for example).

None of the worst that some people with this same problem have faced has to happen, the proactive you are in facing this the less likely that is to happen & getting control over the situation sooner rather than later is the best idea.

One distinction between porn / sex addition or complusive issues is that unlike other ones that can be completely removed from the body by detoxing, you can't completely remove the images you have already seen, they will remain with you. So even if you stop watching porn on the TV or computer, your brain already has a library that can be quickly recalled of the preferred porn. It's like having your brain being able to manufacture the alcohol or drug of choice. With some people that also has a very long lasting negative effect. There is just no way to step away from it in the way you can alcohol or drugs. A healthy sex life is a good & desirable thing to have & even more so with a loving partner who will naturally want sex too. Preferably with someone that can focus on & appreciate them only & not be reliving porn in their mind while being sexual with them.

I believe there is something embedded into porn which makes it addictive. The best thing to do is to stop cold period and don't look again. Get something else to take your mind off this. Yes, it IS an addiction like alcohol, cigarettes, food, etc. But the only difference with alcohol, drugs, food, cigarettes is that it is not a physical addiction but a mental addiction.

If you think that the ONLY addiction for alcohol, drugs, food, cigarettes, etc, is the physical addiction, boy are YOU wrong.

The hardest part about quitting smoking is that you literally have to change a lot of your lifestyles. Same with when an alcoholic gives up drinking. The mentally ingrained habits and triggers take FOREVER to get out of your system. Quitting smoking--it takes maybe 7 days tops for the nicotine to be out of your system. After that, it's not the PHYSICAL craving anymore--it's the mental.

Either way--the OP asked for how to overcome his problem, not for a discourse on whether porn addiction is "real".

Hello again:

The only addictive substance there is, is an ACTUAL tangible substance. It's not an IDEA. Thoughts don't impart them. You don't get them from reading books and watching movies. Food doesn't have it. Having sex doesn't impart it.

That isn't to say, that people don't have problems with these behaviors. It IS to say these problems AREN'T addictions.

All substances that have addictive qualities happen to be drugs. Nothing else contains these addictive substances. A drug addiction isn't anything like a problem eater, or a guy who likes to wack off all the time. They're not even close. Ok, I'll give you close. Both are habits. That's as close as I'll give you.

excon

The concern I usually express with porn is the same I express about any fetish... the more you rely on it solely for arousal, the harder it might be to get by without...

Most of us have fetishes we play out, and some we don't. If you can't get aroused without seeing your partner role play, it doesn't mean its wrong, but you've cornered yourself into that place perhaps where you've mentally restricted yourself to what will get you off.

And some desensitization is normal and natural. A peek at a bra strap when I was 14 could produce steel piercing erections. Man, were those ever wasted on a young punk with nothing good to do with them. Now, it might piqué my interest, but I've been there, seen that.

Opps. Drifting off topic.

A person who masturbates can get to understand what their body likes and needs. Fine. But if you find you prefer your hand to a woman... if you are self stimulating alone and then leaving her neglected, problem Houston.

I know the OP'er doesn't have a girlfriend... just saying, conditioning yourself to your hand too much might take the edge off. Relying on visual stim that has no intimate connection to you too much might cause a problem.

Or might not.

We have long standing members here who use porn as a common staple of enhancement in the bedroom. We have others who wouldn't want it in their house, let alone bedroom.

I'm not going to debate the number of prisoners with cake fetishes... personally, id like to see porn used less than more, and more mystery and discovery left for young men and women... but again, some people can control themselves and some cannot.

Prisoners with cake fetishes? So where do they get the cake in prison?

It gets sneaked in by visitors and/or there is a black market run by the guards would be my guess!

But most likely some prisoner filed suit & won a constitutional right to have cake in prison.

:p :eek: :confused:

The only addictive substance there is, is an ACTUAL tangible substance. It's not an IDEA. Thoughts don't impart them. You don't get them from reading books and watching movies.
Your right, a substance does need to be made of something. Ideas are no exception. The building blocks of ideas no smaller than the molecules that makes up nicotine or alcohol. The brain is filled with Beta, Alpha, Theta, and Delta waves that interact with different types of chemicals.

Serotonin:
Most kinds of depression are connected to a deficiency of norepinephrine and serotonin at functionally important receptors (adrenergic or serotonergic). Drugs that increase the concentrations of norepinephrine and serotonin at these receptors improve the symptoms of depression.

Acetylcholine:
When this neurotransmitter is stimulated it increases alertness and enhances memory. Acetylcholine is also related to sexual performance and arousal because it helps control blood flow to the genitals in women and men, heart rate, and blood pressure during sexual intercourse.

Dopamine:
Too much dopamine in the limbic system and not enough in the cortex produces fits of paranoia or withdrawn social interaction. A shortage of dopamine in the frontal lobe contributes to poor working memory. Dopamine also contributes to the feelings of bliss and regulates feeling of pain in the body.

Phenylethylamine:
A surge of phenylethylamine in the limbic system gives feelings of bliss.

Oxytocin:
Increased levels of oxytocin give mothers the impulse to "cuddle" with their newborns. High levels of oxytocin contribute to multiple orgasms in woman.

Norepinephrine:
High levels of norepinephrine can cause aggression. Increased levels of norepinephrine mixed with dopamine and phenylethalimine give us the feeling of infatuation.
That isn't to say, that people don't have problems with these behaviors. It IS to say these problems AREN'T addictions.

I find it amazing that we can say that a person can be addicted to poker but not sex. There are people addicted to caffeine, sugar, television almost anything you can think of but not sex? Then why do we surround ourselves with it? Why does sex sell?

All substances that have addictive qualities happen to be drugs. Nothing else contains these addictive substances. A drug addiction isn't anything like a problem eater, or a guy who likes to wack off all the time. They're not even close. Ok, I'll give you close. Both are habits. That's as close as I'll give you.

The reason "they're not even close" is because you’re talking about the same thing.

Do People Get Hooked on Sex? - TIME (http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,970269,00.html)

The notion that people can suffer from "sex addiction" has become one of the most hotly debated theories in psychology. Frequent reports of bizarre sexual excess have spawned competing ideas about what causes the behavior & how to treat it. Last week the controversy erupted anew as nearly 300 sex educators, researchers & clinicians met in Minneapolis for a national conference held to explore why some people are compulsive about sex.. . Carnes admits that scientists are a long way from fully understanding the causes of compulsive sexual behavior.

Brain, Mind, Consciousness and Learning: Brain's reward System and Addiction (http://brainandlearning.blogspot.com/2008/04/brains-reward-system-and-addiction.html)

Brain's reward System & Addiction

Nueroscience is discovering the relationship between addiction and brain's reward system. In general human's are very susceptible to the anticipation of rewards. There is lot more in common between gambling,sex, good food, chocolate & other pleasurable activities then we thought originally. They all stimulate the pleasure center of the human brain. Excessive indulgence into pleasurable activities is the leading cause of addiction.

Brian Knutson (http://www-psych.stanford.edu/~span/Press/bk1101press.html)

"Over the past 6 months, more & more people have been thinking that, contrary to earlier views,there is commonality between substance addictions & other compulsions," says Alan Leshner, head of the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) & incoming executive officer of the American Association for the Advancement of Science, publisher of Science.

Just where to draw the line is not yet clear.

Sex

There's not much research on sex as an addiction, & some researchers are dubious about whether such a basic function can have that distinction. Sex is really a distinct subject because it's "wired separately," in the opinion of Kim of Minnesota. He notes, for example, that the opioid antagonist naltrexone "really doesn't affect sexual desire that much," so it doesn't follow the same pathways as, say, gambling.

Yet so-called sex addicts do display behaviors characteristic of addiction: They obsess about whatever their favorite practice is, never get enough, feel out of control, & experience serious disruption of their lives because of it. That leads Shaffer to conclude that some behaviors qualify as sex addictions: "I think those things that are robust and reliable shifters of subjective experience all hold the potential for addiction."

Addiction and the Brain - TIME (http://www.time.com/time/2007/addiction/)

The idea that a single chemical could be associated with everything from snorting cocaine and smoking tobacco to getting good grades & enjoying sex has electrified scientists and changed the way they look at a wide range of dependencies, chemical & otherwise. Dopamine, they now believe, is not just a chemical that transmits pleasure signals but may, in fact, be the master molecule of addiction.

The degree to which learning & memory sustain the addictive process is only now being appreciated. Each time a neurotransmitter like dopamine floods a synapse, scientists believe, circuits that trigger thoughts & motivate actions are etched onto the brain. I

In fact, one of the most hopeful messages coming out of current research is that the biochemical abnormalities associated with addiction can be reversed through learning. For that reason, all sorts of psychosocial interventions, ranging from psychotherapy to 12-step programs, can & do help. Cognitive therapy, which seeks to supply people with coping skills (exercising after work instead of going to a bar, for instance), appears to hold particular promise.

After just 10 weeks of therapy, before-and-after pet scans suggest, some patients suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder (which has some similarities with addiction) manage to resculpt not only their behavior but also activity patterns in their brain.

I have gone to several SAA meetings here around the Chicagoland area over the years (Sexual Addicts Anon), and , the group I got with, I have to tell you, one key thing I really always differed with them on was their "bottom line".

It was , in this particular group at least, NO masturbation OR pornography OR sexual contact with anyone outside of a loving committed relationship. Frankly, to be totally honest, I'm a 32 yr old guy, nearly 33, and I've never been married, not had many long-term relationships, and at this current point in my life I am not really interested in being in a "loving committed full-time relationship" or having kids, etc (for reasons besides just pornography, OK... for other personal committment-related reasons that I have to work through, and so on... I'm just not entirely sure the married-with-kids lifestyle is for me right now, and that's a personal choice).

But, back on topic, for me, that excessively harsh "bottom line" was unfeasible because, while I could understand trying one's best to at the very least seriously cut down on or even go cold turkey on the porno, I simply cannot do so on masturbation.

My sex drive is very high, admittedly. I'm not sure why. I asked my doctor if it could have anything to do with perhaps slightly higher testo levels (?? ), due perhaps to ethnicity -- I am Italian , and I have read in a few places that some men, like Mediterraneans & Hispanics, even Jewish men, black men, etc, can have slightly higher testo levels at times than , say, some of the northern Euro-descended men. But that could be totally untrue as well or it could just vary from man to man. In any event, I found the "don't masturbate, don't look at ANYthing sexual, and don't touch anyone unless she's already your 'committed' g/f " (which, as I said, I don't really want right now), to be just impossible.

So, I have decided over the years to work with it on my own, more or less, and at times I have had great success in not viewing porn for long periods (but, admittedly , NO success with completely ceasing masturbation). And other times I'll "backslide" and let myself go again, so to speak. I HAVE however, made great strides in being "clean from" (so to speak) using hired women or "escorts" --- something which had become a great personal and financial problem for me throughout my 20's.

It's a struggle, it's a process. Because we're dealing with sexuality, as I said before, it's not something that can be eradicated like the addiction to , say, an illicit drug or alcohol or even nicotine. For what it's worth, ironically, in the rest of my life I am basically completely "straightedge", so to speak. I do not sleep around (anymore), I never drink (never have), and I do not smoke, and these days I lead a quiet peaceful non-partying lifestyle enjoying the company of my immediate family and a couple choice friends.

Were it not for the excessive indulgence in the realm of sexuality I could practically join a religious order, lol... But, I suppose everyone , or almost everyone, has "something" , as they say..

Starting to get a bit off topic. No one is comparing porn to heroine, but they can both be addictive. No one is being so dramatic as to say that seeing porn will have you hooked and destroy your life. Bottom line is me wanting to give it up but finding I cannot. That means I have lost control over it. I don't think it makes any difference if you call it an addiction or a compulsion.

Hello again, D:

We're PROGRAMMED to enjoy sex. You can't have LOST control over it, because you NEVER HAD control. We're run by our genes - NOT our logic.

Besides, it's only bad if you THINK it's bad. Personally, I don't think whacking off is bad at all. I indulge quite regularly. Sure, I'd RATHER get laid, but sometimes I eat hot dogs when I'd RATHER eat steak.

I had a girlfriend once. She was a Mormon. However, she was also a regular girl, if you know what I mean. The poor girl was like a ping pong ball. She would make love to me, and then find out how bad she's been when she went to church. Actually, there was nothing wrong with her wanting to make love to me. But she had this bunch of religious zealots telling her how wrong she was.

If that's what you've got, I'd get rid of the zealots instead of the porn.

excon

Ran across this on Google news: The Associated Press: David Duchovny enters rehab for sex addiction (http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5jIKS2VA1z5ViTv3lIBTzcLcRBGKgD92RUH000)

DMA,

Sorry for my long article posts. I thought they explained better what I was trying to point out. It's obvious from the experience of people & research that there are things that more likely to become major problems because of certain factors, including the biochemical one.

So it's smart to be more careful with those things so they don't become destructive instead of the pleasuable thing they could be.

The bottom line is that there is a lot of help for stopping any undesirable behavior that wasn't long ago. As Nero pointed out, some support groups are more strict than others what rules they prefer to follow & it is a matter of finding out what works best for you.

Being sexual isn't the problem, it's how it's being done that can be. I was not suggesting you go cold turkey on both porn & masturbation permanently. I suggested stopping the porn completely, because of the potential detrimental effects on several levels. And it may be that to restart a new pattern that is better for you, which perhaps going cold turkey on the masturbation at least for a short time (a month or so) could help you do.

I think you need to get laid and find someone with the same sexual appetite. Haha, I don't think masturbation is bad and everyone needs a little fantasy but it sounds like you take it in a little too much and you recognize that it is a problem for you, in fact it sounds like your repulsed by it. You passed the first step in addiction (any addiction drugs, alcohol etc) recognition and admittance. I think you are making progress... you don't need to cut it out of your life completely but you need to stop the rituals (kind of like smoking there is a trigger) maybe change your diet and your activities (someone mentioned running or whatever your preferred sport is) boredom is usually one of the triggers. Cut it down... DO NOT cut it out, there is a difference and don't feel bad just make small steps to work on yourself image and self esteem.

Reason to stop is that many that are addicted to porn and sex end up to the point that a 'normal' healthy sexual relationship is so boring to them that their significant other cries that their partner is so caught up in the porn they have no interest in their desires.
Just look through this board on all the posts where the girls are crying that their bf's porn is all he cares about and she is crying about being neglected.

After much consideration, I realize excon's wonderfully frank and simple logic has had some impact. I said I am sexually frustrated. If that is true, then maybe I am not addicted to the porn itself. I need to prove that to myself by giving it up. This is what I've decided:

Porn is BAD because it is has absolutely no positive influence (apart from exploring your own sexuality maybe).
It has only a negative and destructive influence on yourself, your relationships, and ultimately your emotional well being too.
It will never make you happy. It only serves to satisfy lust and is a tempory fix at best.
I am not disgusted by it, I can't get enough of it. Which is one of the reasons to give it up.
I want to give it up for selfish reasons, it has nothing to do with religion or sinful behavior.
I'm not trying to stop masturbating as that's probably impossible anyway and there is no reason to stop.


That's what I've come up with for now. Please comment on it or give me some more things I can add to the list.

Addiction makes you an undesirable person to have a relationship with, so you will only be able to relate to other addicts or needy folks who have no standards.

Also, you sacrifice your genuine sexuality as it is destroyed by porn addiction... young guys don't understand that this is a monumental loss.

So, get some therapy for your problem. I'm forever the social worker wanting the best for folks.


Best wishes going forward, :)

After much consideration, I realize excon's wonderfully frank and simple logic has had some impact. I said I am sexually frustrated. If that is true, then maybe I am not addicted to the porn itself. I need to prove that to myself by giving it up. This is what I've decided:

Porn is BAD because it is has absolutely no positive influence (apart from exploring your own sexuality maybe).
It has only a negative and destructive influence on yourself, your relationships, and ultimately your emotional well being too.
It will never make you happy. It only serves to satisfy lust and is a tempory fix at best.
I am not disgusted by it, I can't get enough of it. Which is one of the reasons to give it up.
I want to give it up for selfish reasons, it has nothing to do with religion or sinful behavior.
I'm not trying to stop masturbating as that's probably impossible anyway and there is no reason to stop.


That's what I've come up with for now. Please comment on it or give me some more things I can add to the list.



Interesting that you see all this, good on you mate! I say. Here is a little more for you. Sorry that it starts so early on in the thread. I hope it helps you understand what is going on in your body as well as your head. Good luck.

Blake Cory - “The doctor but he can’t help you with the addiction…” I have to disagree with this, a Psychologist or psychiatrist may be just what you need, some one to help you find a way to back up, pick up the pieces one at a time and examine your triggers and how to control the responses you give to them. Like in Behaviourism, when they do shaping. Pretty much you replace unwanted behaviour with desired behaviours by giving the “shapee” (person you are trying to shape.) a reward for behaving in the desired manner. No reward for the “shapee” behaving in an undesired manner. This is just a small part of it, it’s a little more complex but that’s the basic idea.

“I’ve watched porn become girlfriends, affairs, strippers, hookers, molestation and rape. I don’t think that the porn is the problem. Addiction to porn is just a symptom of the brokenness we hide inside.”

As for this statement, I’d have to agree and disagree with the idea that the porn isn’t the problem. When a person is addicted to porn they feel the need to watch it while seeking to pleasure themselves. The Neurotransmitter dopamine is released into our brains and cause us to feel that pleasure, so why do you feel the need to watch porn, because you masturbated so often when watching porn it seems to be a necessary part of the pleasure. The pleasure of masturbation rewards the behaviour of watching the porn, but after a time the regular porn becomes less and less interesting, so you may seek out newer wilder porn, like molestation and rape, etc. (some do, others don’t.) The perversion can be caused by as BlakeCory says, a wound, being anything from lack of attention from a parent, to being raped as a child, or some other perversion.

K, I’m totally running out of time here, sorry, I’ll come back later and finish this, but my suggestion to the OP is to read a book called “the brain that changes its’ self” Chapter 4 “acquiring tastes and love” It will go into far deeper detail about why your mind works the way it does and how it affects the way you behave and if you keep reading, since it uses a story similar to that of your own, it may give you insight as to how to over come this issue, and get to the heart of the problem. THERE IS NO QUICK FIX, and if some one says there is, yes it may be a quick fix but a quick fix means a quick relapse. Try talking to a theorist, psychologist, psychiatrist, etc. They can’t fix the problem for you, but hopefully you’ll co-operate with them and they can help by pointing out what you can’t see. I’ll add more later. Peace.

Something to lighten the mood just a bit, go on YouTube and take a look at some of these dudes' vids, funny. "Hiphopopotamus vs. Rhymenoceros" and "jenny" and "the humans are dead" Pretty funny stuff.

Any way I'll add some more to the previous post...

Have you dated?

If so... When did you date last?

What was the girl like? The girl like before her? How did it end? How long ago?

How old are you?

Do you still prefer porn when dating?

(Forgive me if any of these questions have been answered. It is late and I have not double-checked all 5 pages - but do want to help.)

Ok, so back to this book, "the brain that changes it's self" The main idea in this book is that the brain can alter or adapt to further its ability to learn or simply function with its body and surroundings. The author calls this ability to change, Plastic.

Plastic change is when the brain has to let a normal area where we would see a specific function, alter so that it takes over for another function. For example, the place normally used to interpret sight, could be changed to interpret sound. This means that if you were to Loose your eye sight, then another sense can take over that spot in our brains and reorganise it so that it would enhance or alter our other sense, like hearing. Though it does say something about the brain maps, a system of neurotransmitters / synapse in a specific part of the brain, usually have to be quit close. Or something along those lines.

Because of this, ability “plastic Change” , there are things about humans that are not Hardwired into us, such as libido. So if we really wanted to change our, unhealthy or undesirable sexual habits we could. All we have to do is change our brain map for that specific area, no not with a surgery, but with the power of our own thoughts. This is of course easier said then done. The best way to go about this change is to first find a Dr/ psychologist/Psychiatrist or Therapist with a better idea of what is going on with you, as an individual. My advice is talk to one or the other till you get a better idea of what is going on up there, in your head, then see about any meds. I know they are not the answer to everything, but the fact remains that your brain maybe creating irregular levels of chemicals that are some what brain washing you, or creating your feelings of need/addiction/pleasure. “Dopamine/ Endorphins.” After that, maybe try working on different techniques that help you change your habits, realize your triggers, take your mind off the feelings of addiction, and healthy alternatives. When you do get a professional to help you, try to be patient, and work with them. A lot of this is just trial and error, that's how these things work. You may have to keep trying different meds, or none at all, or you may have to keep trying different techniques until you find what works for you.

At any rate I hope this helps, I'd once again go into much deeper detail but I've got to go. Good luck.

And all this is just a suggestion, so if you think I'm wrong, then fair enough, just take care mate. And check out those Flight of the conchords guys, pretty funny guys. Haha, Peace.

Go to a brothel or pick up a hooker

you sacrifice your genuine sexuality as it is destroyed by porn addiction
Can you explain this? I don't see how that is the case.


Since my post on the 1st of sept I have not looked at any porn. I think I sorted something out in my head from that post on. Although it will have to be more than a few days before I can say I've given it up for good, I'm doing OK without it for now.



The Neurotransmitter dopamine is released into our brains and cause us to feel that pleasure, so why do you feel the need to watch porn, because you masturbated so often when watching porn it seems to be a necessary part of the pleasure.
Yeah I'm really noticing now more than ever. I've not really got any withdrawal symptoms, but really starting to miss that "high" already. Orgasms are about 1/2 as intense, and really can't get fully aroused without that visual stimulation :(

Have you dated?

If so...When did you date last?

What was the girl like? The girl like before her? How did it end? How long ago?

How old are you?

Do you still prefer porn when dating?

(Forgive me if any of these questions have been answered. It is late and I have not double-checked all 5 pages - but do want to help.)
Lets just say my love life has been less than I would have liked. I'm 21, I've not had sex yet. I've not had a serious relationship with a female before.

I think girls from my country are some of the biggest slags in the world. So I don't find a lot of them very attractive. But some I do, and they are usually not interested, or have a boyfriend, or (when I was younger) I would have been too shy to talk to them at all. But I shouldn't be making excuses.

You said: "Lets just say my love life has been less than I would have liked. I'm 21, I've not had sex yet. I've not had a serious relationship with a female before.

I think girls from my country are some of the biggest slags in the world. So I don't find a lot of them very attractive. But some I do, and they are usually not interested, or have a boyfriend, or (when I was younger) I would have been too shy to talk to them at all. But I shouldn't be making excuses."


---------------------

Here's my assessment:

You are a bit socially awkward and you happen to be born in an era when you can get some level of interactive sexual satisfaction without risking your ego and confidence.

I hesitate to bestow the word addiction to this. By that, I mean you are addicted to porn as a substitute but maybe you could still live without it?
(That's a true addiction. Only you know which it is.)

But the main issue at hand: how do you overcome this and try to get a date or two?

1. Get some girls as friends. You don't have to have sex with them.
2. When you find yourself horny, skip the porn yet still go with just manual stimulation as needed.
3. No porn for 60 days. (SORRY)
4. When you want porn, take that as a signal to do something social. (join a club, go on a hike, do a group activity you can TALK to girls at, work activities, trips)
5. There is nothing wrong per se with porn, but when it substitutes for human relationships, it is doing you NO good.
6. Challenge yourself to do one social thing a week where a woman is present.
7. If you do not like the girls you meet, and you want a smarter girl, you need to meet some grad students? How? Are you in a college town? Many schools also have continuing ed and activities that are university oriented.
8. consider counseling for a couple months if you just feel like you are getting nowhere.
9. Learn to like yourself. And others.What are you best at? That may be the ticket for finding a passionate lifestyle option -and peer group.
And finally,
10. You don't need to be perfect. You just need to be nice. As much as people say nice guys finish last, it's the socially awkward guys that struggle more... they think they are being nice, but what they really are bing is judgemental and insecure. Fight that. Be vulnerable. Do what you love-and good things will happen!

An addiction to pornography (if it truly is an addiction) almost guarantees a dissatisfactory sex life. DMA is well aware of the emotional impact it is having on his life and is having difficulty breaking the destructive habit through willpower alone

Thoroughly disagrees.

Agreed; excellent points.

Excellent answer; a full life approach to create balance that will naturally eliminate these problems.