Hello everyone. I want to share my story with everyone here. I don’t have very many friends with who I can share my feelings and thoughts about this breakup so I decided to post it in a place where I would be anonymous. I am in love with my ex-girlfriend I can’t eat, can't sleep & my performance @ work is going into the toilet because I cannot concentrate. This has been going on for about 3 weeks now. I’ve tried to use logic & reason but it does not work. I’ve tried flowers, letters, and phone calls and none of it works. The cause for the breakup was that we weren’t spending as much time together as we used to. We both commute and she lives in a nearby town maybe 20 minutes away. Our schedules were stretched, I am attending college on top of working & it left little time to spend together. We did manage to go on a couple of vacations together during this time. Our schedules were really messed up for about 3 months. Prior to that we spent plenty of time together (or so I thought). There were discussions about getting married & I would just tell her that we will one of these days but that was it. I had planned on asking her to marry this winter as it was supposed to be a surprise. We had some fights and disagreements but we worked through them and we were able to stay together. I will admit that I was not very nice at times because I was stressed out but I also had to put up with her being stressed & I just figured that it would pass once our schedules were back to normal. She would also claim that I would not give her priority and that she was always the last to receive my attention. I did not feel this way however because I would pay as much attention to her as I could considering the circumstances. She complained if I went out with friends on a boy’s night out, which was once in a while but to her it was every weekend, which was really my only connection to the outside world. Not that I wanted to be out chasing skirts but I just needed a different kind of distraction. She also told me that I took her for granted. I definitely did not want to end up back in the single life messing around with bars & clubs. I am really down and I can assume responsibility for most of what went wrong. I know that I could have managed my time better but , is it really worth breaking up a 4 year relationship? I run this thing over & over in my mind and I just cannot understand how this relationship got like this. There are many reasons I fell in love with her. She is kind, caring, and responsible and most important to me was the fact that she is down to earth and is not materialistic. I enjoyed spending time with her and we had fun wherever we went. She could keep up a conversation and was able to discuss almost any topic, very smart. She comes from a good family and on top of all of this she is very attractive. The one problem we did have had to do with sex. We would sleep together but I always felt like I had to force her to do it. If I would talk to her about it she would tell me “well if that’s what you want, to be having sex all of the time, then you need to find a prostitute”. Despite this I never cheated on her which at this point maybe I would feel better about the breakup. Maybe it was my fault being that I did not give her the attention that she needed but we were a lot closer in the beginning but even then it was the same. I don’t know maybe this it was caused my behavior and then caused her to be frigid. To tell you the truth I didn’t really care I just wanted to be with her. To me I felt that she brought stability into my life and now I am falling apart without her. When I contacted her I tried my best to keep from telling her how I felt but I broke down and started telling her how I felt, this and that. When that failed I went to her work (she has a private office) & attempted to give her flowers and the ring I had purchased as a promise to her that things would be different but she told me she couldn’t take it from me because that is meant to be given to someone when they are happily together not when they are broken up. Believe me I felt like a complete moron. It just made my whole situation worse for me. But she agreed to think things over and told me today that she had made up her mind and that I’ve already had my chance & I should have taken advantage when I had the chance and that was the end of the conversation. The only thing that gives me any hope for the future is that she did not throw away the flowers I had sent her a week before and she has not returned my key to my home. Aside from that I feel that she does not give a and it seems that she has her mind made up. I feel like I really ed up here and its killing me. I know that I can find someone else but not like this woman she has so many qualities unlike all of the women in my past. I have been single for at least eight years before this so I know that the pickings are slim. I really believe that she is the one for me but I don’t know what else to do?
Any suggestions aside from get over it? or move on with your life?

I think that the best thing you can do right now is take a step back and give her the space she wants but most importantly give yourself the time to calm down think things straight and decide how best to proceed with a clear mind. Your relationship has gone through a lot of stress lately so by putting more pressure on her you are just pushing her further away. This has obviously been building up in her mind for more than 3 months and she just panicked and decided to take a break and think things through. Don't blame yourself for it because it takes two people for a relationship to work and she is equally responsible for letting things get here. I understand you might have been different these past 3 months but Im sure that if she had been in your position you might have been more understanding and been there for her when she needed you the most. You need to give her the space and let her miss you and if she still loves you she will be the one that will come back to you. You have already shown her you still love her but now it is totally up to her on how things will move on. Also it sounds to me like you need a break yourself so a few days off visiting a friend or family and venting away from work and all this might do you some good. Don't be too hard on yourself because its not doing you any good. I was on the same boat about 2 months ago but in my case she didn't even give me a warning. She just panicked and after 3 years just cheated and ran off with someone else. Its rough I know but just give it a bit of time. Hope it works well for you.

At this point you need no contact with her. You need to clear your head and relax and realize you might not get back with him and really consider that. The calling, flowers, etc is doing more harm then good. You need to get yourself together because this will only lead to depression and you don't want that. You don't want to lose your job either so get back into focus otherwise how your going support yourself. You are toturing yourself and you need to calm down. Getting over a breakup is tough but you can do it even though you thnk you can't.

Liz is right, NC is the way to go. You went from not spending much time with her to panic mode when she left you. NOT GOOD! Now you're smothering her, it's over. She told you that, now all you can do is respect her decision and move on with your life. It's not the end of the world and you will find another girl. Heartache sucks but everyone goes through it

I totally concur with Busterite.It's not all your fault that you are in the position you are in.She too has contributed to the situation.You want to work on it,she doesn't.Leave her be and let her in time ,dwell on her actions to walk away.Don't do flowers again.They are only an admission of guilt.Give her her space and let her see you can survive without her(even if you feel you can't)Your absence will speak louder than any other action.

I feel for you but folks here are right. You might have overlooked things deeper than what you think. Space puts you back in perspective, you need that.If you can, take a leave from your work, write a diary to vent out your feelings, go somewhere else and read threads like this. You are not alone, dear but this shall pass.

In regards to her issues:

1. Going out is your right.
2. how often did you want to have sex? How much would she like?
3. what did you disagree about besides sex?

Don't panic. Her life is no field day right now either. Let's see if this is really the girl for you.
And then sort this out. Get some sleep. It'll turn out exactly how it's supposed to man... if she's the one it'll be. If not we'll get you up from there...

A

I have been single for at least eight years before this so I know that the pickings are slim.
So you get turned around when you finally get someone to date. Why has it been 8 years, is something that really stands out.

I really believe that she is the one for me but I don't know what else to do?

To bad she doesn't feel the same as you do which is what a relationship is all about, partners wanting to be together. Not anyones fault really as sometimes, it just doesn't work out. Had you been at least dating you would know that.

Any suggestions aside from get over it? ,or move on with your life?
Let the emotional dust settle and heal from your loss, and date when your over this set back, and please don't wait for 8 years. Thats to much time to yourself without sharing, caring, and having fun with the opposite sex.

I have a similar problem there are several steps to try and get her back
1. Think do you really really want her back
2. If you know why she fell for you in the first place, emphersize that feature and remind her
3. Stop calling her and stuff, let her wonder why you aren't contacting her, but everyonce in a while call her just for small talk and stuff
4. Go out with friends and have fun, try and forget about it all

Good luck :)

[QUOTE=Ash123]In regards to her issues:

1. Going out is your right.
2. how often did you want to have sex? How much would she like?
3. what did you disagree about besides sex?

Don't panic. Her life is no field day right now either. Let's see if this is really the girl for you.
And then sort this out. Get some sleep. It'll turn out exactly how it's supposed to man... if she's the one it'll be. If not we'll get you up from there.

I want to thank you for your response. I have also read the links you included.
1.You are right going out is my right however I think that part of the problem is that she does not have any real friends. I think she just felt bad if I didn't take her along. Other than that we would always be together on the weekends but like I mentioned the last couple of months schedules got messed up and here we are.
2. I wanted to have sex pretty often I would say at least twice a week because of our schedules. She told me that she wanted to have sex but that she thought it was her birth control that was affecting her.
3. We disagreed about going out with my friends, not spending enough time together, taking her for granted which I totally disagreed with because considering the circumstances it was almost impossible. It was she that encouraged me to take a lot of college courses to get my degree over with and that way we could spend more time together.
You know I feel like I am in a bad movie and I hope it over soon. I was thinking of sending her a letter kind of like a outline of our relationship highlighting all of the good things/times we have had and how we have grown together getting the jobs we wanted and the support she gave me and I gave her.. I thought that getting over these hurdles is what makes a relationship stronger?
You say succesfull relationships have gone through breaks and manged to be happy together why?/how?
What do you think?

since you posted 2x I posted on the survival guide post.

hang in there. I think you've done everything right.

women... can't live with 'em... can't --