Hi... I have a brief story and would like some advice.
About 10 years ago, I hooked up at a party with my friends brother. I was about 18.. he was 16. After that, we both developed crushes on each other, but nothing ever happened because he was afraid of his sister and I was leaving for school.
Being that I am very close with his sister, we would see each other on occasion. I have met and have been around his girlfriends... and there has never been any akward tension. Back in November, I went by their house because my girlfriend was in town. That same week, I needed to ask my girlfriend a question about her brothers friend that a friend of mine new. She gave me her brothers email and told me to ask him... which I did. He was so happy to hear from me and at that time kept pestering to hang out. I had a boyfriend at this time but the relationship was rocky which he knew about. We did hang out... watched a movie... a few weeks later he took me to my birthday party in the city as my date since my boyfriend was traveling. We were both developing some kind of feelings. He would send me poems he would write... and keep pestering me to hang out with him. After a while, I knew this was wrong as I was trying to make things work with my boyfriend and therefore stopped communication with him. We did not speak for about 8 months. Occasionally we would exchange emails like "hi, how are you" but that was it.

I recently saw him at my friends party at his house. The entire time he would come around me, would ask if I wanted or needed anything, would come by me and slide his hand across my waist, sat and watched a movie with me... etc... I left that night. The next day he emails me to see if I had a good time... in which I respond. He starts saying that we should hang out... He tells me that he would like that but he's not looking for anything... however, if the right girl came around then he would see what to do... I explained to him that I was not into the friends with benefits thing. He has known me since he was 12 so I know he knows how I am... and he has respect for me. We both understood each other and yet went out anyway. I am separated from my boyfriend at the time... Everything went well. After dinner, we go back to his house.. I whind up talking to his mom for an hour... and I get ready to leave. He starts nuzzling over to me... hugging me... and then tries to kiss me which I stop because I didn't want feelings involved. I left... With that he text me that maybe I should stay away... I text back, "if you say so, but you would be the lucky one.. too bad the feelings aren't mutual"... With that I figure I'm not going to hear from him again... next morning... another email... next thing you know... we have a dinner date the following wed. It wound up being his mothers birthday that day so I was invited to the house for cake and dinner... I wound up going out later to a movie with him and his brother which I was not going to go. He made sure I was taken care of at the house with everything... I made a lot of the moves... at the movies.. I put my head on his shoulder.. and he put his hand on my leg and kept it there the whole time.
We were just talking on email before making plans for Friday night...
My curiosity is... is this guy interested in me? I mean... it's very hard to tell... Why tell me to stay away and everything else, yet want to be around me... why cross over the friends line when he knew what I stood for... I don't want to ask him questions and pressure him but just want to get some insight. I like him a lot... and there is something definitely between us... I don't know if it's because of his sister... or the fact I shot him down the last time or what it is... but at one point he was telling me that I never know what is meant to be... I find it very odd that he keeps coming in and out of my life for the past 10 years... and mostly this year. Any insight on what this guy might possibly be thinking would be great :) Thanks

Tooooooooooooooooooooo long to read

Sorry but I felt I needed to write the whole scenario so people can understand.

Sol right. Just I don't really like reading. How old are you?

I'm 30... and if you think mine is long, you should see some of the others on here.

tooooooooooooooooooooo long to read

It's not too long to read. If you know how to read you should be OK. Anyway, it sounds to me like he does like you from the way he acts around you and I know you don't want to ask him but it really sounds like you need to sit down and talk with him about what he wants because not knowing is no fun. How old is he now?

It is tooooooo long to read. It takes like 5 minutes to read it. OK three.. u have a different opinion but I don't like reading

He's 28 now... I'm 30... a lot more mature than 16 and 18... He's definitely not the type where he wants to be chased or anything like that. He doesn't like to discuss feeling and emotions until there is a right time and to him stuff like that is for a serious face to face conversation. When we are together, we are enjoying each other... not so much talking about what we want... taking it for what it's worth... I know that he has been hurt in the past and has dated some nutty girls...

Hey Princeblu... instead of constantly saying it's too long to read lol, could you give me your advice on the situation.. I would like to hear different peoples input... thanks! :)

Sorry curio. Can u give me three minutes to read it first. Thxs

I would come right out and tell him how you feel- I know this won't be easy but just tell him that you like him. You know? Tell him that not knowing what he thinks of the situation is bothering you. It will feel better to know and not wonder anymore. It sounds to me like he likes you but it seems like he's also giving mixed signals.

Anyway, it sounds to me like he does like you from the way he acts around you and I know you don't want to ask him but it really sounds like you need to sit down and talk with him about what he wants because not knowing is no fun. How old is he now?

I think imangiler is right. Try getting close to each other and tell him how you feel about him.

I am not trying to force you but cmon give it a shot

I know I know.. it's hard to do that... I'm not that forward lol... It sux but it's exciting at the same time I guess... however, I think two dates is too little to have that kind of talk. I am just trying to see what another guy or so thinks of the situation. Friday will hopefully be the third date.

well if you're going on dates, I would say that's a good sign that he likes you. =)

Yeah... I would like a few guys to comment on the situation... maybe they could understand more what is going on in his head! Lol

Don't be so confused, as you are giving him the green light to pursue. Keep dating and see where it leads or nip it in the bud.

Your familiar with each other but your still strangers with a lot to learn, so have fun doing that, and leave the questions and assumptions for later. The point is being honest with yourself and how you feel, and not look to far in the future with high expectations.

Above all, go slow and pay attention, and don't get caught up in just feelings. Stay objective, and realistic.

Much to soon for serious talk of a future together.

Thank you Tan... I agree with that it's too soon to have a talk about feelings and what not. What I don't understand is why a guy would first say he's not looking for anything... then say maybe I should stay away, but yet accept the dates and go out... We do know each other pretty well. Even Friday night I was out with mutual people with know and one of the guys asked for his number to see how he was doing. Text him and said I said hello. He text me back telling me to have fun and be safe. It's a very interesting dilemma.

What I don't understand is why a guy would first say he's not looking for anything... then say maybe I should stay away, but yet accept the dates and go out...
Guys are like that. Yes we are. He was being polite and the time to swish him off was, "then say maybe I should stay away", but you didn't. Hope you see how your words, or actions keep leaving the door open, Your showing interest, so of course he is following.

I hope you are right. We go back awhile considering how close I am with his family... Now his mom is wondering what is going on with us.

Hello everyone again: So, now I am going to see this guy I have been speaking about on Friday. Under the circumstances, is there anything I should do to make it known that I like him and get him to open up a little more?

I am in a very similar situation however we don't go out on dates.. I say the fact that you are going on dates w/him it's a sign he is into 2u... see my "friend" & I we don't go on dates... we both sort of decided whenever we hang out alone it leads to something else & we do not want friends w/benefits...

No curious, just be yourself, and have fun, as its much to soon to get him to open up. The object of dating is to enjoy yourselves, so do so. You have to let him get comfortable with the idea. What's your hurry??

talaniman- not to steal her thread but do u think u ruin the chances of getting into a serious relationship by sleeping w/a guy too soon even though u've known him for awhile...

I think maybe I just get caught up in the relationship aspect of dating... lol.. that's my hurry. But I understand what you are saying. Maybe a little I expect him to say some things or become more flirtatious because I have known him a very long time. I would think he would feel comfortable.. but I guess this is different than just being around his house hanging out with his sister all those past years. Do you happen to get a feeling that this guy is shy... being that I make some of the moves... however he does riciprocate.

MaG... I am very cautious with sex... I think sleeping with someone too soon can ruin the relationship. I have no intention on doing that with this guy... Sharing sex I think is something you do with someone where there is that bond with... there are feelings for them and you have established some kind of relationship. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?? You know that saying?

I think this guy is defo interested in you but I think he is just as confused as you as your giving him mixed signals by not responding to his advances, maybe you should have a heart to heart with him and be totally honest and tell him how you feel, I think it will be good to get things out in the open.
Also you said your both adults now and Im sure your friend is too, so I would n't worry about how she feels.
I would just go for it the only way you will know if he's a keeper is your going to have to try and have some sort of relationship.

curious08- I do at times regret sleeping w/him it happened 2x now... neither of us can control ourselves when we are around each other.. we have had a crush for yrs.. he is also my friends brother... but I think we both put or foots down & said we do not want be friends w/benefits... I guess I am living w/this & asking myself how to fix it but I guess I just got to let it be... now I acutally like him & would like a relationship w/him...

I think he does like you but is trying to play it cool to see how you react after the kissing incident! Maybe you should meet up and sit down and talk about what you both want,if you both decide on something then you can move forward!

Good luck

I think it's too soon to bring up any kind of heart to heart talks as Tal said earlier. I did email him today and said I was looking forward to Friday and told him something about how my temp left today but I'm getting another one from college or something. So, I said, "haha.. he'slike 20.. way to young for me... nonetheless my interest lies on someone else"... I think that's putting myself out there... don't you? He hasn't responded to it.. probably doesn't know what to say lol...
Mag: the only way to do it with this guy is to talk it out... if you are already sleeping together and you have some kind of feelings for him that are more than just a crush... tell him... perhaps you can get to know each other rather than just in bed... go out... do things... just keep the sex out for the moment.. If he's not interested then stop communication with him as this will only hurt you more.

Thanks curious08... yes def leaving sex out of it... he would call/text me everyday for weeks but now I see the contact is getting less... but we do see each other in group settings & everyone around us sees we are interested in each other but we both just got out of relationships & he doesn't want anything serious w/anyone.. but I truly believe that when a man is interested he will go for it no matter what!

Good luck w/friday & let us know how it goes... leave sex out of it... lol

I think as well that if a man wants something they will go after it... I also think though that just like women, men can be shy as well or unsure of what a woman may think or feel... so sometimes I think they need that extra push. I think that the guy I'm after knows I was in a relationship for a while and might be cautious as to what he's getting into. May feel that saying he doesn't want anything is putting his guard up so he wouldn't have to deal with heartache or something. You never know... everyone is different and every relationship is different.

So, I have a date with this guy tonight. We were originally going to go to a movie and dinner but it's so nice out I mentioned going to play mini golf, having dinner, and getting some drinks... perhaps also walking on the beach or something. His response was that "walking on the beach is a little too much for me"... with that I am thinking as he thinks of something like that to do with someone special in a relationship or it's too romantic for him for right now.? What does anyone think? I wrote him back and said I was sorry for mentioning that.. I was just thinking of things to do outside but when I read his response I realized that maybe it was a little too fast for that and that wasn't my intention so I appologize... Should I worry because he thinks this way that he's not interested? ANY INSIGHT PLEASE?? :)

He is being cautious... all of us guys do that. He's definitely into you though... I have told girls that they should just lose my number, and then they didn't... that's how me and my girl of almost 5 years now got together. I was distant with her too... it's not mixed signals, it's just how we are programmed... don't worry about it... get to know each other again and have some fun... that's what dating is all about.

Thank you! I just don't want to come on too strong but damn I want him lol... thank you for your advice.. However, if you like someone why do you be so cautious? Lol

Well, I can tell you that I am this way because I have been in a couple of bad relationships... plus it seems like you were kind of hot/cold with him at first... you cut off contact with him and this could have pushed him away a little... be careful and make sure you don't only take care of you, but you take his feelings into consideration as well.

If he wasn't interested, do you think he would have found a way out of going out tonight? And what do you think about his comment about walking on the beach? I need a few drinks I think tonight. Lol. Plus I'm making most of the flirts and plans. Is that normal under this circumstance and do you think he will eventually come around?

He would have most definitely found a reason to get out of your date... walking on the beach, that one's hard to say... He may not be flirting with you because again, you did tell him that you didn't want a relationship... he may just be backing off so he doesn't make you uncomfortable... by the way, how did the date end up going?

Well its 4 am and he just left lol. Everything was great. We went to dinner, played golf, went out for drinks and went back to my house where we constantly hooked up for an hour or so. He was being very touchy feeley holding my hand and whatever else. Then we hooked up. No sex but other stuff. So he left and we were outside just hanging out and I told him that I didn't want to rush anything and he said he wasn't ready for that either but that he really enjoys spending time with me and hanging out. So he just text me because he just got home and I text him back OK and said that I didn't want to rush things but I was willing to see where things may go or whatever and no response. Does he not have anything to say? I don't understand why he wouldn't text me back?

Slow down some, your expecting him to lay all his feelings out, and chase you, and that doesn't seem to be happening. Just go out, and ease into knowing each other, and see where that leads before moving to fast, into a relationship.

Your thinking way too much into this. If he wasn't interested, he wouldn't have shown up, and how many texts do yo expect at one time. He isn't a hopeless romantic, and yes he is watching you, and protecting his heart.

Make sure you do the same, and not just rush in, to fast, to soon, pay attention.

Thank you for the advice! He tries to be a hopeless romantic but not so much I guess... lol. I know I over analyze a lot but I keep all this to myself except to you people on here lol. Every guy is different... that I know for sure. All my relationships start quick and its hard for me to go slow which I know I have to do with this. Its also hard for me not to get my feelings involved and that goes for anything being that I'm a sensative and emotional personbut w this guy I'm trying to keep myself reserved. Do you think he's interested and not just having fun under all the circumstances?

Guidostern... where are u. I could also use your opinion since you tend to be one of these type guys lol

If you are currently in a relationship and you are trying to make things work then you need to leave the young man alone. The best advice that I can give you is to pray about the situation and see what God says. That's the best advice I can give you because that is what I would do.

Sounds to me like he is interested in you as a girlfriend but you push him away for whatever reasons. It seems to me that you are more interested in him than you let yourself realize.
If neither one of you are in any relationships right now why not go for a great friendship and see where it leads to. Maybe he is the one for you and you just never realized it.

If you or him are in a relationship then tell him maybe someday when you both happen to be relationship free.

I think you guys need to read the entire story of how he is and everything. I don't have a boyfriend.

I thought you said you didn't have a boyfriend but many people that ask questions tend to leave some details out or leave you wondering where things now stand.

What things about him do you feel leary about? Why if you are not interested in him do you lead him on with putting your head on his shoulders? Where do you see and want things to go?

I think you are confused. Please read the entire thing from my original story. I really like this guy so maybe you rnt reading the right thread or something?

Maybe I don't understand the question. You say he does seem really interested in you, you are interested in him, neither one of you are seeing anybody else so what is the problem?
Let him know you are interested and see where it goes.

Does sound like you need to talk with him about what he expects. Tell him to tell you exactly what he wants and define it all and you will abide with it within reason. Tell him you want to be friends and see where it goes but you are not interested in friends with benefits and you are not interested in friends at HIS convenience. Either you are friends and possibly developing into more or you are staying away if that is what he wants but that you do not want put on an emotional rollercoaster that suits his convenience.

I explained everything in the first entry I made of the entire story and then went from there. What I wrote about what happened last night should explain where things were left... I'm just trying to get a feel of everything. Don't worry if you don't understand... Guidostern and Tan seem to understand it fine lol...

Sounds pretty much like what I am saying to you. He is being cautious since he is not sure of what you want and you need to communicate and come to an agreement where you two want to go from here.

WEll last night when he left I told him that I didn't want to rush into anything... that I enjoyed spending my time with him and hanging out. So, he told me he wasn't looking to rush into anything either... then hesitated and said that he enjoyed being with me as well so that we were on the same page. So, when he got home he sent me a text saying that he was home and for me to have a great day tomorrow since I was going out. I text him back and said that I meant what I said... that I didn't want to rush anything BUT I would like to see where things may go... I asked if this was cool with him and he said yeah it is. I guess I'm just getting paranoid that now I guess we both know where we stand and if I should wait a few days and see if he contacts me... or contact him... I don't know... I'm fine with taking things slow although I'm not used to that.. lol... but maybe you are right. I could be the one and I also find it weird we keep running into each other. He's just hard to read... but I guess I do think he likes me.. but just wanted to get a feel of what other guys thought about this situation and how he acts.

Why don't you relax, and have fun getting to really know the guy, and get comfortable with each other. Be yourself, so he has a chance to learn. Hey it may work, or it may not. Throwing all the extra assumptions, and insecurities, and unrealistic expectations, at him now would be a disaster, I mean give the guy a break, and let him process things at his own pace.

Too much, To fast, crash and burn.

Hey Tal... I was responding to something the poster before you wrote. She said I should tell him what I wanted... and I was repeating already what I had stated before to answer her...
It's very hard because I like him a lot but I'm not being up his butt lol... I don't pressure anything... I just let him do what he feels. I have known him for a very long time. I am very very close to his sister and his family... What was just confusing to me is why someone who says they aren't looking or saying I should stay away keeps hanging out... yet knows I'm not looking for friends with benefits but yet crosses that line anyway. This is really what I wanted a perspective on from my original post. I'm sure he has respect for me being that I have known that family for so long... I just need to have assurance and I came here to get it to calm my nerves for now while going into into this semi-relationship at this time with him. Lol :)