Cold feet. Sorry!

It can't be all that bad and if it is all that bad what do you have to lose?
Getting input from others can often help you to sort through your problem and sort your emotions from what is really going on. And its not like we have any idea of who you are.

[Okay. I can cut and paste what I had from before. Nerves!]

Want to sum up what I'm going through and ask for input, inspiration, things I might not have considered:

Got reacquainted with a friend from school days while in his city (where I used to live and was considering moving back to), and old attraction we never did anything about flared up. As I was on holiday, and the sparks were incredible, we saw each other often, started sleeping together, and remained in touch during three months I completed my move to the area.

Once here, testing each other out more, continued to date and be intimate, but I felt some distance from him as well as my own. I also felt like I had little control over the scenario, as I couldn't have him over to my house for various reasons, and we went out only on days he specified (which never included a weekend, even though I said that's what I wanted). It was hard for me to press about that point, as I was always his guest. This also inhibited my being very strenuous about things that didn't strike me as quite right—being as I was on his dime, in his car, in his home. Not having control (guesting) really short-circuited my feeling entitled to make waves. When I would try to make dates, in turn, to regain some feeling of participation, far more often than not, it "didn't work" for him. Ball back in his court.

I expressed that I see a difference between exclusivity (just safe, and respectful) and commitment (a decision to have a serious future together), and he wasn't looking for anything "heavy" while we were still basically getting to know each other. Unless I'm in love, I don't call anyone a boyfriend—but I remain open to the possibility. He said (and says) that he isn't the type to see anyone else, and that we've been exclusive.

We both do theater locally, and I notice a lot of attention from women (in general, and specific individuals frequently) on social networking sites. He's talented and becoming well known. He's basically kept me off his profiles, even not posting little things I remark on the bulletin board—it's as though I don't exist.

The time between dates has been getting longer, and he does not call or write to me in between, even disregarding communication from me. When he is back in touch, I take the opportunity to say this or that bothered me, or ask why, for instance, he was too occupied to speak with me after a performance, why he would have been dismissive.

Last date was spectacular. Probably our best. But afterwards the same—no acknowledgment, disregarded communication, other women's flirting and suggestions of past/future get-togethers popping up while a very plain note from me saying there was no way I could catch his opening night because of a very old previous commitment went unposted.

I deleted him from my networking sites about three hours later and haven't been in contact. That was Wednesday.

We will run into each other because of theater. I'm getting more work, and more recognition, and it's only a matter of time before there's the handshake somewhere and congratulations and perhaps envy/resentment on his part for my continuing to do what I do well. I haven't gone over any of the pros of this affair, but they aren't worth getting burned and ignored, or ignoring my own instincts.

I'm not sure who's the breaker or breakee. I just got sick of the cycle of his managing intensity by withdrawing. He's been shabby to me, and the "testing out" period was always disappointing for one reason or another—so I never talked about any stronger commitment, because he didn't seem worth it. For six months, though, it was always worth the exercise of challenging myself to be more assertive in expressing my dislikes or wants. Now it seems like a pointless exercise.

He's brilliant, we share a history and common background, I understand some of his issues, but I suspect that he needs the attention of numerous women, who all seem a bit weak and fawning, competing for his approval, which I won't do. (Even back when he would post all my comments, I was sparing about it, and if I saw a cluster of girls trying for his attention near my post, I'd delete what I'd written from the list or photo commentary. I found it degrading to appear part of a collection, so I'd take myself out of that context if it cropped up. I'm not a groupie.)

We are very opposite, and the chemistry is always nearly overwhelming. But I don't like the euphoria/crash cycle. On the other hand, the ways we complement each other makes me feel like we each have strengths the other is missing. We've always been energized by each having strong personalities and not being pushovers when we debated ideas and so forth. What I'm trying to say is that if he had auditioned better, I would be with him "for real." And that I've been looking for signs of the person I knew when we were younger, and the person he was at the beginning of this new time together. I'm not seeing it.

If he did see other women when I told him that in order for me to consent to being sexual it had to be off the table, then the way I look at it, knowing what he knew, he was forcing me into sex, taking it into the realm of nonconsensual. But I have only my perceptions and best guesses as far as that's concerned. And his denials.

If he didn't, and has had some other scenario that makes him a heel, then I need to SEE him not be a heel.

I have to admit that what I want is for him to snap out of whatever it is that's keeping him from engaging with an equal in a real exchange, for him to leave me room and not control every aspect of the relationship, and to be convinced of some bravery and consideration on his part.

I'm afraid that I'm too resentful to recognize these things if they were ever to come to pass. What is a sincere effort? What does it even look like for someone to deserve another chance? I am trying not to be so jaundiced that I am completely iced over. I do care for the spark and the person I knew and whom I feel will someday become a real man. I don't want to have gotten all the crap and then miss out on the finished product.

While we were still basically getting to know each other
'testing out' period, chemistry wasn't there,
And other things you have said show that you jumped into a sexual relationship before you really knew what he was like.

Guys will and DO put on a 'great guy' appearance the first few months until they think they have you wrapped around their finger. Once you have sex with them they take it that they do and then they proceed with letting their true self to start showing.
Sounds like he was only interested in nothing more than a short term 'girl friend' and he felt you wanted to have more commitment and more say in the relationship than he was interested in.
You need to move on with your life and realize that sex within the testing period rarely turns out because you have not had enough time to see the real them.

I'm not impressed by his behavior at all, but find it hard to simply decide that the jerk is the real guy and the fantastic date was the put-on. I think I did right by just closing the door there, even as suddenly as I did. But I'm really bummed about how it all turned out, and it's galling to tell myself that yes, this is the last act. It's not going to come out right in the end.

You felt way more chemistry than he did, and he told you he wasn't looking to get too deep, so so hope you enjoyed the date ,and move on, he isn't interested in what you are. Yes, those feeling have to be coped with, but in the long run, you'll be glad you didn't get any deeper

He was a great date for nine months. Yes, I did have a good time whenever we were out, and the chemistry kept us after each other. But the treatment whenever we were not in the same room, as the relationship continued, deteriorated as far as consideration and kind gestures. Face to face we were lovely. Felt very Jeckyll/Hyde. I wanted to see more of the date behavior when we weren't on a date.