Hi Everyone,
I have been in a relationship with a man for 8.5 years both live along and we both are financially independent. He goes to the bar almost every day and consumes way too much alcohol. Regularly I will stop by to make sure he gets home okay because I worry you know don't drink and drive. We usually get together every tue/thur for a bite and he will come by my house on the weekends to just shift into low drive and I will grill food, eat healthy watch rented movies play with out cat. I do not drink and but I use to hang at his bar occasionally even worked as a bartender their at one point. But find it boring these folks don't social drink they slam if you know what I mean. Over the years he has not been willing to move in together (he always gets a roommate for extra money which he does not need) or marry due to divorce and his own issues. Lately lots of excuses about not being happy, non of his friends have happy relationships they all cheat on each other ad cover for each other, he is a hugh flirt which most people tolerate because they know me.

I broke up with him after he told me I am not in love, and prefers younger thinner women (he is 55 and I am 47) I put on weight this year from a foot injury I just love you, not in love with you - what ever he never analyzed anything like that, he tends to listen to advice from friends in the bar and he does have money so a couple of the female parasites who would like a free ride from time to time try to glam on him but disappear when I appear.

Now I hear he has not been coming out of his house that he has been sad laying low and not doing much. I do not understand? I gave him what he wanted - he said he was not happy but then again I do not think he ever knew what happiness was?

But I have always been sweet, kind, loving , appreciative, never called him a bad name, and very giving I am not a push over I speak my mind but I respect people and the earth around me. Why would he be sad now? Instead of running around like a crazy drunk like he usually does?

All of our friends (alot of his) not from the bar are now sayng he has treated me badly for years and it was way overdue. That I did the right thing His exwife came in for a visit and I heard she told him that he really f... up and what did he think? That he was a 20yr old stud that was going to land a 20 year old girlfriend. That he should have seen reality to understand what a great person I was to have spent his life with and that he was a fool.

She sent me a nice email saying good luck to me and that she was always appreciative how well I always treated her son when I saw him and to take care.

His sober friends are saying he needs to change his ways and the way he treated you that to give him time and he will realize what he lost and hopefully be willing to change his lifestyle.

What do you think why would you want a major change like this then become sad and withdrawn?

I know he was in love with me, he just did not know.:rolleyes:

Do you think he might be re evaluating his life? But he is stubborn. May ask to come back.

I think that you should avoid the confusion that he is causing you. He made up his mind so let him live with his decision. Unless he comes to you, in no uncertain terms, don't get involved with trying to understand his motives or his reasons for doing anything. It isn't worth it and will only confuse you. Get on living without him and let him sort out his own stuff...