Hi everyone,

Right, I am in this relationship now for about 4 years, my boyfriend love me very much, I mean very much, but the thing is I don't think I am in love with him, when it comes on to having sex with him, I have no feelings what so ever and I do not enjoy having sex with him. At the moment I am not seeing anyone else and I am not in love with anyone else.
But the thing is when ever I think about leaving him I feel very sorry for him and I can't see myself leaving, or if I am imaginging him with someone else it grief me, so I am finding this a little strange. Is it that I am in love with him but don't know it? Because why does it hurt me to know that if he goes away or I go away, I am going to miss him, or if knowing that he is with someone else its going to hurt me, this is strange to me.
Is it me that is the problem and I need help or is it that I do not love him?
I love to have conversation with him and have a laugh and stuff, but the moment when it comes on to the sex part, I go really mad with him, if I think to myself that its been along time I haven given him sex and do decided to give him, it feels as if someone is raping me and I am not enjoying it on bit.
Someone do give me some advice please!

What makes you feel/think you are not in love with him?
Like is there things you can say that you do not love about him or that makes you feel he isn't right for you? Maybe you are having some kind of sexual problem or you aren't attracted with him enough in that way. I think since you feel that you do not enjoy sex with him it could be something telling you he is not the right one for you. Did you feel like this with other guys?

It could be that you are not right for each other or it could be that you have some kind of problem like allowing yourself to really love someone. It does sound like you may be incompatible. But also realize that often love is a commitment not a feeling.
You really need to do some soul searching on your part and leave him out of it (not letting feeling sorry or you would miss him), just consider why you feel this way and what is best for you in the long run. Picture yourself without him like in a positive way of what you would be doing if he wasn't in the picture.
You really need to find some answers because if you stay in the relationship and then one day realize that it isn't worth it you have been letting him live a lie and you have been wasting both your time and his.
I would say think about his good qualities and the pros and cons of staying with him but I think it is much deeper than that for you.

You are not "in love" with him because he's not good in bed. Let me ask, how good is your communication? Is he aware he doesn't please you? Do you teach him or just let him read between lines?

You are not "in love" with him because he's not good in bed. Let me ask, how good is your communication? Is he aware he doesn't please you? Do you teach him or just let him read between lines?


NO not necessarily many women can not stand sex and the problem is with them not the guy.

Start with a doctor visit, and make sure the hormones are in balance.
Besides the sex, what else is going on in your life?
How long has it been since this unhappiness came on?
Any major changes??
Or stresses??
How old are you, both??
Children??

Excellent questions by Tal... It could be a phase, unless it's been going on for awhile

Talaniman brought out some good questions for you to consider and perhaps you could be looking to your boyfriend for your happiness and he is falling short of it.

This had happened to me when I was in a long term relationship that it began to feel as though everytime I kissed him, there was no spark. The sex was awesome and we were very compatible but It felt as though I was kissing my brother. Of course that was more towards the latter part of the relationship but it still felt like Ewwwwwwwww! And so I knew that this man could be my great friend but romantically thespark just wasn't there anymore. So instead of prolonging the relationship we ended it on a happy note.

Having someone in your life for an extended amount of time does leave a void for awhile but it was the right thing to do for us. He is now in a happy relationship with someone who adores him, I am in a relationship with a man who absolutely adores me and our careers have taken off tremendously. We are still and will always be good friends.