Hi Everyone. Okay, Here's a brief summary: My husband has a 6 year old daughter with his EX. His EX has primary physical custody. He has visitation two days a week and every other weekend.

Over the last month and a half his EX has been trying to make his visitation either very difficult or making excuses to try to not allow him to have his visitation. She has scheduled soccer,ballet,jazz dance,tap and baseball for the child during his weekends and during his mid-week visits. During the month of August she had tried to keep his daughter from visiting him, using the excuse " we're going out of town camping" or " [the child] does not want to see you":eek:
She has, on countless occasions degraded him occasions of their daughter. Called him names. Has lied to the child about her father. And she interrogates the child about what we did and where we went during his visitation. The EX has threated him saying "if you take me to court you will see less of[the child] and I will get more money from you for CS":confused:
Here's my question: He wants to take her to court in pierce county, WA. To modify the parenting plan/modify the residential schedule. He wants to be the primary custodial parent but he is afraid of the bias in the Washington courts. Does anyone out there have any advice for a worried step-mother and nervous wreck non-custodial father?:mad:

He needs to go get the visitations reinforced but as far as primary custody it isn't so much bias as that he would need to prove she is an unfit mother which it sounds like she is trying to be super mom for whatever motives. So I doubt he has a case for primary custody but he should and needs to go to get the visitations enforced. Also keep a record of all the dates and times she has denied him his days.

Hi Everyone. Okay, Here's a brief summary: My husband has a 6 year old daughter with his EX. His EX has primary physical custody. He has visitation two days a week and every other weekend.

Over the last month and a half his EX has been trying to make his visitation either very difficult or making excuses to try to not allow him to have his visitation. She has scheduled soccer,ballet,jazz dance,tap and baseball for the child during his weekends and during his mid-week visits. During the month of August she had tried to keep his daughter from visiting him, using the excuse " we're going out of town camping" or " [the child] does not want to see you":eek:
She has, on countless occasions degraded him occasions of their daughter. Called him names. Has lied to the child about her father. And she interrogates the child about what we did and where we went during his visitation. The EX has threated him saying "if you take me to court you will see less of[the child] and I will get more money from you for CS":confused:
Here's my question: He wants to take her to court in pierce county, WA. to modify the parenting plan/modify the residential schedule. He wants to be the primary custodial parent but he is afraid of the bias in the washington courts. Does anyone out there have any advice for a worried step-mother and nervous wreck non-custodial father?:mad:


Yes - the father has to provide the Court with proof of these accusations, provide proof that the conduct of the mother is emotionally or physical dangerous for the child. Being a jerk does not make the mother unfit.

If he is being denied visitation, then he needs to provide proof, take the mother back in to Court to get visitation enforced.

(It's interesting because the other side of this situation was recently posted - mother who was scheduling activities to "enrich" the child, which activities took away from visitation time with the father.)

My only other suggestion - and you aren't going to want to hear this - is to try to step back from your hostility toward the mother as demonstrated by putting the "Ex" in caps. Will only hurt the father's chances if you appear to have issues with the mother. I know it's hard because you have to live with this but if you appear to resent the mother it will only come back to hurt the father and, ultimately, the child.

And, yes, it's possible that if he takes her to Court she will apply for changed support and only he knows if that will be warranted/granted. She may also make an argument that the child does not want to see the father. No one knows what she'll do.

But the only way to bring this to a screeching halt is to go to Court.

Some other options that you might not have thought about. 1) If she wants to deny him visitation due to plans she has made like camping or out of town visitation. Then he needs to drop her a note for " trading " the time. That way if she needs a stretch for whatever reason then he can ask for a stretch that is equal to the time that would have been missed. 2) You could ask for a parental evaluation. That involves everyone that's tied to the child including the child. Its not cheap but can be well worth it if the custodial parent is using parental alienation to subvert the child. 3) Does he have extended weekends or extended times during the summer or other official school holidays ? If not he can also apply for those and start getting closer to 50% time so long as it doesn't interrupt the current child rearing program. Then the child support issue could drop away to a point where its no longer a threat. In a case like this please seek professional advice from a lawyer near you that has a better handle on the courts.
Good Luck.

If he hasn't already, he needs to get a note book and document all times and dates that she won't let the girl visit as well as the excuses. Then after he has a couple pages get a court date to have the visitaion enforced. There will only be more money if he makes significantly more than he did when it was ordered (if the mother files for an increase). Also the mother is just threatening that he would see her less once she learns that she too can be held in contempt for not complying she may change her story. I do agree with Judy that you will need to take a step back. I realize that you have to live in the situation but ultimately you could easily cause more harm than good in court if you have any attitude toward the mother what-so-ever and judges can tell these things.

Hello again. I have another question. My husband has a parenting plan ( in Wa. State ) and in the parenting plan it states that any issues that arise must be handled in Mediation before going in front of a judge. But, he is going to be filing a motion for contempt. Does that fall under that category or does he still need to go to Mediation for contempt? Thank you everyone. All of your advice is greatly appreciated.

First, you should just continue with the same thread so they will probably be combined so that the whole situation can be seen. Next, did a judge sign off on the fact that he has to go to mediation before a judge? If so then he needs to do that first then he can go to the judge that way he covers his own bases and his ex can't counter sue for the same thing because of him not taking the right steps.

I've merged your two threads since they are all part of the same issue.

I do think that mediation is to resolve conflicts between issues of rearing the child. Things like what school, or medical treatment etc. But if your husband needs to go back to the court to enforce visitation that may not qualify. However the court (or his attorney) should be advising him. When he files he should ask the court whether this is a matter for mediation.

Hello again. I have another question. My husband has a parenting plan ( in Wa. state ) and in the parenting plan it states that any issues that arise must be handled in Mediation before going in front of a judge. But, he is going to be filing a motion for contempt. Does that fall under that catagory or does he still need to go to Mediation for contempt? Thank you everyone. All of your advice is greatly appreciated.


In NYS at least if it says mediation first, then it has to go before a mediator and only the mediator can recommend that the matter by heard by a Judge.

Obviously if the mediator can get the parties to agree AND thinks there is a significant issue, then he/she will refer to a Judge.

No way around the mediator - the purpose is to lighten the Court's load.