I married my husband 6 months ago. It was his 3rd, my 2nd so we just eloped. His mother and I used to be very close until a year ago when we rented a condo together. She had invited my immediate family herself for a visit one afternoon, but was very cold and rude to them that afternoon. She basically ignored them. I'm not sure If I offended her, my children, or one of my family members. She refusses to see my husband for holidays, will not come our house and now says horrible things about my family and my two children from a previous marriage. She will not call our home, only his cell phone because she wants it to be just between them. She went as far as to tell my husband that his ex-wife is "so pretty". At a recent family event, she completely ignored myself and my daughter. My husband and I had decided to leave and his mother confronted us. Luckily, we were all very calm, but I asked what I had done to make her so angry at me. She coldly stated that I was not her daughter in law, just a person married to her son. She looked me straight in the eye and said, you're number three. She also stated that my children are "someone elses" children. Although I stated only facts, did not get emotionall and was very respectful, I feel terrible for letting my emotions of rejection get the best of me and not just ignoring the whole thing. I have already apologized to my sister-in-law who was holding the event but she said I was fine, we kept our voice down, and the event was not ruied, in fact most did not know the words occurred. She even said I should have had a conversation with her months before because she has acted like this for 13 months. Since she refused to come to our house or talk to me on the phone she doesn't see where I had a lot of options. My husband supported me, even spoke up for himself and my behalf, but he feels bad that it happened where it did in front of others. I feel like I need to apologize to her, not for anything said because I was not disrepectful or hurtful, but for even confronting her in the first place. One my husbands behalf I feel like I should apologize to her but have no idea how to handle this.

Too much has happened.

It is now your husband's responsibility to talk to his mother should conversation be necessary.

You have to realize THAT is HER problem!
So she does not want to acknowledge you as her daughter-in-law
So you politely tell her that ''you respect her wishes to not be considered her daughter in law but does that mean she has to treat you so poorly?''
Get her to a 'we agree to disagree' BUT respect each other as human beings even if she can not accept you as daughter in law. If she realizes that you are willingly accepting that she refuses to consider you as a daughter in law to respect her wishes then that defeats her ammunition so she just might back off on it.

HI Sweet' good on your hubby for standing up for you, that probably didn't go down to well. May be that's the problem he's not backing her, nor should he.
I think if he continues to stand by you eventually, she will realize that she's fighting a losing battle, and at the risk of losing her son, she will have to stop her ing... for want of a better phrase... about you and your children. I have to say she sounds some what jealous to me.

AS long as you and your husband are happy then I would let her stew,she has said some very hurtful, unnecessary things, I think it's her that owes you an apology... it will sort it's self out one way or another... I would leave her be for a while .