Posted by byron boyd
My question was how can I get my ex girlfriend back. What I would like to accomplish is to try to get her back without me pushing her farther away. Anyway, we had been going through our problems for a while, one of the problems was me paying my share of the bills around the house which at the time was hard for me because I was paying for dentist visits and was having to pay for braces without any credit. I would still give her something even if its was a couple hundred or a hundred. I guess she thought I had a lot of money and that I didn't want to put nothing on the bills. So we kind of always stayed in to it because of that and we already have been having a couple of other problems which made things worst. It seems like if I did not have no money then I had no honey. So one night we were laying down and she asked me did I have text messaging on my phone I said yeah I can use it, her response was I didn't ask you that I ask you if you had text messaging. You know, I said yeah. The next thing I know she saying when are you moving with your brother and that we can be together but we can't live together so I knew all the problems we have had in the past and recently that there was not going to be an us if I moved out, so I said it was over got my stuff and left. Now another reason I did end it was because I was mad to. I have not talk to her in all of march. Unfortunatlly I had a serious emergency on 4/7/06 where I had to go in to her house which resulted in me seeing her and speaking to her which I had no intentions on doing while trying to heal myself from our break up. Anyway I love her and I just want to know how to get my girl back. Thank you and please respond!

I quote here what u yourself said "it seems like if i did not have no money then i had no honey"... Now if u really mean that, why the hell do you want her back?

She seems sooooo complicated to me... sorry!

Byron, you leave a lot of things out of your post such as age, do you have kids, how long have you been with your ex, have you been married before, has she? How come you don't have enough money to support the household? You don't sound like a young teen-ager, but some more facts to go on would be helpful. :cool: :eek:

Hi, byron,
The previous answer has some very good questions.
If you would give us more information, maybe we could suggest something.
Age does play a factor, also other things, such as money; as you have stated. Money seems to be a primary factor in Divorce, as well as couples breaking up.

Hi Byron,
For some reason, I've got the feeling that you both are quite young. Don't know why, but that's the way it sounds to me, maybe it has to do with the way you describe the whole situation.
Instead of discussing how to get her back, I'd rather elaborate on the WHY?you say that you want her back because you love her. This love thing needs to be discussed a little.
You've been apart for a month. Really apart. Good. You said you were on a healing process. Good. What was that emergency? What were your relationship like before you broke up? You said you were having some difficulties. Of what nature? What were the things you disagreed about?
Both you work? Study? Which agreements did you have between you two concerning the money situation before you moved in together? How did she treat you? What was you position in tis relationship?
As you can see-many questions to be clarified on the way to the answer to "why" - then we can, maybe, deal with the "how" question.
Of course you don't have to give these answers here. But you OWE them to yourself!
If you'd like to discuss them here, I know people here care, and will sincerely help with all their hearts.
Take care, (and write how you're doing)
Millie ;)

Byron feels like you are having a lot of financial burdens in your life then what you are stating on here. Not just for the dental. A less materialistic partner would understand you have responsibilities that must be addressed. I could understand her being upset if you were spending money needlessly on objects and activities that were not necessary. Seems to me she either wants a permanent commitment from you by seeing exactly where your relationship is going with her "Marriage - Wife Friend" or if she is just a physical partner "Girl Friend." I know you love her Byron but sometimes bad experiences from the past may cause you to be come overly cautious and you end up keeping your love ones at a certain distance. Close but not close enough to be really, really hurt again. And then you must refer to your lessons of the fact that you can love a person more then you love your own life, but you must accept that the person whom you love is only going to love you as much as they decide to. Not as much as you want them to.

I myself don't believe in the marriage vows because I just can't bring myself to place a life long burden like myself and the major commitment of asking another person to "For-sake all others for my needs." I rather a person make that commitment themselves and we come together as one under gods eyes.

This is just my opinion but I have found so often in my life the people who go out of their way to get a person to love them are the first to get divorced or seriously hurt. If you and that person were meant to be together it would happen a lot less painfully. Its no way she doesn't know you are hurting from this. I couldn't continually hurt someone I love or have feelings for in such a childish manor. Think about it Byron and continue to meditate and heal yourself.

By the way I also meant to say. If someone could tell you how to get her back they would be making millions now helping others. I don't really see how you pushed her away. She pushed you away over money. So I can only see you getting her back when you start making more money, but even that may not be enough. Its like playing a bad game of tennis with a partner that just stands still and not try to hit the ball back into your court. You are playing the game by yourself.

First of all, you don't make it entirely clear what caused your breakup. I infer that it had to do primarily with you not carrying your share of the financial responsibilities, at least not at her level of expectation. What kind of arrangements did you agree to when the two of you first began cohabitating? Was she as unaware of your financial situation as you suggest? I'm assuming that you had no dental coverage and were therefore paying a substantial amount of cash for your orthodontic treatment. It seems like you were the one who did the breaking up after getting angry when she suggested that you move out, although that suggestion was admittedly a red flag. I sort of assume that she was the primary breadwinner for the two of you and I get the impression that she resented that. However, both you and she were responsible for realizing that at the get-go. If she's the type who just wants someone to take care of her then you're better off not getting back together with her. Other than that, the only thing I can suggest is to try and get her to agree to meet you somewhere and thoroughly talk things over. Let her know how you feel and try to get her to likewise open up to you. There may be some hidden issues that need to be flushed out. Above all, be honest and up-front with her regarding your financial situation and make sure she understands that, at least for right now, she may have to carry the majority of the weight in this area. IF she's unwilling, then that's your cue that it isn't meant to be.

Dear byron, I agree with all the other members on this thread. You are in love with the state of love, not the relationship, and neither is she.

Once the physical attraction is no longer first and foremost, and a few 'emergencies' crop up, that's when you get to know what your partner is really made of. After this realization, you feel rejected and have a whole new emotion to work on. Most people, after a breakup, don't understand that any type of rejection, either caused by you or the other individual in the relationship, mistake this for 'lost love' and not a new emotion.

Most people tend to want this back just to bend it right - in other words, want to fix something that is broken for good.

So, try and take the advice from people on this thread that have 'been there, done that' to a point where they are expert in spotting these 'cracks' in a relationship. Move on dear, and find that someone special waiting just for you and not your money. Also someone who will care for you when those 'little emergencies' crop up, and still makes you feel the warmth and comfort in her arms and not all the stress you've felt recently.

Don't be in a hurry to bump into that concrete wall again with your ex, move ahead and grow into a more mature and caring relationship.

Good luck, and keep us posted.


http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_9_16.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZN)
There's more to a relationship than just good times, money and good sex - a good relationship shares it ALL!

I agree... time to move on. Too many holes. You're not an ATM - she needs to know this.

I ALSO think you played as if you had something you really didn't. DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, IF YOU LOVE THAT PERSON, DECIEVE THEM. THEY WILL FIND OUT. Then the interest level WILL drop to ZERO!!

You answered your own question I believe in this statement - "it seems like if i did not have no money then i had no honey." - NOT GOOD!!

In future relationships do not pay for things as much - you both should be helping each other out.

I can HELP people in win-back - BUT they usually totally screw it up. PLUS - in this case there should no win-back AT ALL.

Start fresh with someone new, who no history with you.