Moana Allan
Aug 10, 2008, 02:43 AM
Firstly I want to start by saying I am a questioner. I question absolutely everything and have done so all my life. I am also aptly nick named 'Anxious allan'.
So here I am after three weeks of being engaged questioning whether I really want to marry my partner of ten years and whether it's the right thing to do?
I was euphoric for the first week after the proposal. In fact I was relieved. I thought 'great! No more questioning our relationship and where our future lies.' I thought we would just 'be'. However, the question bugs swarmed in and haven't left yet.
We have had a rollercoaster ride for many years. We have broken up and gotten back together four times. There have been other woman but he reassures me, he never had sex with them. The last time we broke up, I kissed my best mate at the time which led to him confessing he loved me and had loved me for two years. The time we spent together increased and was just wonderful. However, I put an end to it because I felt I was being unfair to him as I still loved my ex. He was devastated.
That was two years ago. I work with him so see him almost every day. We are polite and sometimes friendly but understandably distanced. I still miss hanging out with him. I miss most of all being able to talk openly to him. We talked about everything. Even things I wouldn't imagine telling my partner.
I love my partner. I guess that's why we are still together. However, I often reflect on the time my 'mate' and I had together. How easy it was to be together. How similar we were. How he challenged and stimulated my mind. I find myself looking at my partner, and feeling irritated by the things he does and says.
It seems particularly over the last three weeks since the proposal, I have been even more irritated with him. I don't know why. He has been working 6 days and on sundays plays golf. One of my friends said I am irritated with him because he is neglecting me. Really?
I am getting counselling to work through past hurts and relationship issues. I suggested that we could get counselling before we got married to sort out any underlying issues we may have conveniently avoided for the sake of peace.
So what do you think?
Should I or shouldn't I. I know ultimately it is my decision.
Regards
Anxious Allan
So here I am after three weeks of being engaged questioning whether I really want to marry my partner of ten years and whether it's the right thing to do?
I was euphoric for the first week after the proposal. In fact I was relieved. I thought 'great! No more questioning our relationship and where our future lies.' I thought we would just 'be'. However, the question bugs swarmed in and haven't left yet.
We have had a rollercoaster ride for many years. We have broken up and gotten back together four times. There have been other woman but he reassures me, he never had sex with them. The last time we broke up, I kissed my best mate at the time which led to him confessing he loved me and had loved me for two years. The time we spent together increased and was just wonderful. However, I put an end to it because I felt I was being unfair to him as I still loved my ex. He was devastated.
That was two years ago. I work with him so see him almost every day. We are polite and sometimes friendly but understandably distanced. I still miss hanging out with him. I miss most of all being able to talk openly to him. We talked about everything. Even things I wouldn't imagine telling my partner.
I love my partner. I guess that's why we are still together. However, I often reflect on the time my 'mate' and I had together. How easy it was to be together. How similar we were. How he challenged and stimulated my mind. I find myself looking at my partner, and feeling irritated by the things he does and says.
It seems particularly over the last three weeks since the proposal, I have been even more irritated with him. I don't know why. He has been working 6 days and on sundays plays golf. One of my friends said I am irritated with him because he is neglecting me. Really?
I am getting counselling to work through past hurts and relationship issues. I suggested that we could get counselling before we got married to sort out any underlying issues we may have conveniently avoided for the sake of peace.
So what do you think?
Should I or shouldn't I. I know ultimately it is my decision.
Regards
Anxious Allan