My ex-husband and I have been separated since February of 2006, divorced since May of 2007. He has been in prison since we separated, and in the beginning I did take our now 3 1/2 year old daughter to see him. But since the divorce has been final, he slowly stopped asking. He has not seen her since April of last year, and I have not even received a letter since February of this year. Even when I did receive the last few letters, he did not ask how his daughter was doing, he ed at me for not writing to him regularly (why would I? We're divorced). This infuriated me! I have since wrote to him at the end of March asking him to sign off his rights so that my fiancé can adopt her. I did not hear back, so I wrote him again in the middle of April. Here is it August, and I have yet to here from him. I have since found out through my own internet search, that he is not longer in the prison he used to be. I've been told that after 6 months of no contact in Pennsylvania, you can file for abandonment and have his rights revoked, is that true? And what would I need to prove that he has not contacted us? I'm sure the prisons he's been in have a very good record of every letter and phone call that has come in and out of there. If you could please give me any advice, it would be greatly appreciated.

My question is why would you want to? What advantage do you think you will get from having his rights revoked assuming you can get them revoked.

Generally courts are VERY reluctant to grant a TPR, esepcially involuntarily. Usually they are granted only to clear the way for adoption or if the parent represents a danger to the child.

What you need to do is get married and wait a year so your huysband is able to adopt. Then you ask your ex to relinquish his rights to make way for the adoption. I know of many courts that don't count prison time as "abandonment". Also in most states you have to be married for at least a year before the adoption is even possible. So contact an adoption lawyer because they are necessary for all adoptions to take place and they can tell you more about your local law.

Let me begin to explain myself by stating that I am 23 and my ex-husband is 36... I believe now that he kind of sucked me into our relationship, I was young and stupid. The reason that I would like to get this done, is because he has 5 children other than our daughter, who has nothing to do with. Sure, now that he's in prison, he writes to a couple of them, but he has never helped to support them in any way. He's been in and out of jail since I think he was 15, for driving violations and many, many times for not paying the child support that he was ordered to pay for 4 of his previous children. He is now in prison for drugs, and I feel that he is not going to stay clean when he gets out, and I do not want my daughter mixed up in any of that. Also, I do not want him to legally be able to go in and out of her life. My father did that to me, and I still to this day wish that he would've just stayed out of my life rather than mess with it. Therefore, I do not want my ex to do this to my daughter, I know what it is like. My fiancé has raised my daughter right along with me for almost two years now, he is the only Daddy she knows now, she was too young the last time she saw her biological father to remember him. I now have a one month old son with my fiancé, and he still treats my daughter as if she were his own, you would never know she wasn't.

Lets get part of this straightened out right now. Unless your will to give up your rights to your child there is no fiancé adption that can take place. Even if you get married you will have to be together at least a year before there can be any mention of adoption.

Ok, him not seeing the child he not paying child support is not reasons they allow for taking away someone's rights. Almost never is this done, So what you do have is he is or was in prison, actually they will sometimes take away his rights for that.

As noted most states require that you have a long and stable relationshp to allow a new partner to adopt. So you will have to show this from the court

I would wait until you and your fiancée have been married for a year. Then file for adoption. You will have a much better chance of getting the bio father's rights terminated at that point.

Is there any custody/visitation court order currently in place?

I understand we should wait until we're married for a year, but we're not getting married until 2010, and by then her bio father might be out of jail and I may not be able to find him, which would make the whole process even harder, right? As for custody, I'm not sure exactly what it is called. But in my divorce papers I did have the custody included. I have full custody of her. When he gets out and he wants to see her, if I tell him no, then there is nothing that he can do about it unless he takes me back to court. I'm afraid he's going to, and get back into drugs, and I do not want my daughter included in that kind of life, again.

If the divorce decree did not specify visitation then yes you you can refuse to let him see her forcing him to go to the court for visitation. You can then, given his history force supervised visits if not completely block them.

And yes, while it may be harder to get the TPR if his wherabouts are unknown, you stand a very small chance of getting one now anyway.

Hello Rachelle:

I understand that you've got plans - and you don't want the law to interfere with them... But, that ain't the way the law works.. I know what you want, but if HE wants something else, HE'S going to get it. He IS the father, and he DOES have rights. As noted, you cannot get them revoked.

IF he DOES get visitation, and he DOES get back into drugs, you can do something about it THEN. You can't do anything about it NOW.

IF he gets visitation and takes advantage of it, even if you get married, he can STOP the adoption...

I'm sure none of this sounds good to you. Oh, well.

excon

So if anything, my best bet right now is to leave things how they are? And if he does go to court for visitation when he gets out, try to get supervised visits? That's the only way I would want him to have her, because I'd be able to tell if he was on drugs again, and he wouldn't be able to take her around that crown then either. Also, what are the chances of them ordering him to do monthly drugs-tests is I request? Or do you think he'll have to because of being released from prison anyway? I just want to be ready for everything when he gets out, because I've heard through the grape-vine it's going to be in the next couple months.

Hello again, Rachelle:

I know you weren't addressing me, but I'll answer anyway.

Yes, you can ask for supervised visits. There's a good chance you'll get them too... But NOT because YOU want them. You need to understand, that what YOU want is no longer part of the equation. It's what the judge deems is in the best interest of your daughter. So, he should be supervised simply because of where he just came from..

BUT, if he is a good father, he can get the supervision dropped...

NO, you cannot have him drug tested. Yes, he probably WILL be tested by his parole or probation officer (assuming he has one), but those results will NOT be released to you.

Somebody else may have a different opinion.

excon

I didn't see your previous response until I posted my last one, I was not ignoring it in any sense. I understand that they will do what is in our daughter's best interest, and that is why I want what I want, because it is what I believe is in her best interest. I believe with him having 5 other children whom he did not pay support for, or support even emotionally, the courts would make visits be supervised, at least until he proved himself to be straight, which would be great. I would love for him to stay clean and have a part in his daughter's life, but I honestly do not see that happening. He has been an addict since he was 15, I think with that being all he knows, he's going to go right back to it. Maybe he will prove me wrong. I hope he does. Okay... different view on the subject. What if he agrees to sign off his rights, would the courts then allow my fiancé to adopt her? This will probably be discussed when he gets out, and he is deep-down a very nice guy, and he might see that it is best also. Would this in any way be an option?

That's hard to say. Generally the courts prefer a stable relationship and may just say, come back after you've been married. The best place to fnd out would be to consult a local attorney who knows your local judges.

Hello again, Rachelle:

I know you didn't have the time to read my post. I understand you weren't ignoring me.

As I said previously, I think there's a good chance he will be ordered to have supervised visits in the beginning.

You're probably right about him, but if he wants it, the courts will give him a chance to be a good father. Of course, if he doesn't, and won't contest any of your filings, then sure, you'll be able to get what you want.

excon

All right gentleman, I think that all of my questions have been answered. Thank you all so very much! Wish me luck =)