I’ve just graduated high school, and I’ve got a bit of a dilemma that’s a little unique I think. I’ve been going out with one girl since my freshman year, the first girl I’ve ever been with, and as we plan towards college and beyond, I find that I’m asking myself if I want her to be the last woman I’ll ever be with.

I love her to death. Honestly, I don’t think there’s a pair of people out there who understand each other as much as we do—we come from similar single-parent backgrounds, and have never really had arguments that lasted more than a couple of minutes. We’re both complete saps and have the same aspirations in life when it comes to finding a partner. Our lives are basically a mirror of each other’s, with similarities that are downright creepy. I can’t possibly explain how much I love her, or that we’re perfect together in a paragraph…I think I found the right one the first time.

Being a young guy however, I don’t know if I want to give up these years of my life just yet however… My ultimate goal in life is to see and experience everything there is for the world to give, because in our short time here, that’s all we really can do. This includes relationships. People. It’s somewhat scary to consider the fact that I might never know what it’s like to be loved and to love someone different. I might never know what meeting someone and flirting with them is like. When I’m old and gray, and I look back on my life, will I regret losing such a large part of a person’s existence? Should I completely bypass a phase of life that many out there spend years with? How does one know if something is hot, unless they have experienced the cold?

It seems as if on one hand, I could give up the love of my life, but on the other hand, I could give up valuable experiences and life lessons by never allowing myself to be single in an adult world. It may seem foolish to think of commitment as young as we are, but as I keep saying, ‘She’s exactly the kind of girl I want to spend the rest of my life with. I just don’t know if I want the rest of my life to start right now.’ She would be a fabulous wife and mother someday, sweet and cute, and romantic as hell…but I don’t know if I want to give up a chunk of my life for that. And don’t get me wrong, it’s not the classic “guy wants to go out and do other girls.” It’s about having the life experience of being in other relationships that I think I’ll regret giving up…The other option is letting go of her however, which would be the toughest choice of my life and possibly the biggest mistake.

It's funny how the only reason I find myself in this predicament is that the relationship I never expected to last, is doing so ridiculously well that I'm afraid I'll never get to have another. It's been four years now, and not a single issue has come up that we haven't been able to calmly approach and work through. There's been good, there's been bad, and all along the way, we've had each other. But is it worth it to give up the freedom and independence of being single? I wouldn't even know what that's like! How much of the average human existence am I missing by only ever having one single relationship? How do I know if what I have is really what I want without any prior barometer so-to-speak to judge it by?

I’ve discussed it with many people, including her, and they always seem to give one of three answers: (a) You’re too young to even think about long-long-term relationships, there are plenty of fish in the sea, go out and enjoy your life, etc. (b) “Wow, that’s tough…It's up to you, good luck” or (c) Why would you throw away the love of your life for a chance at other women, you scumbag? You may never see her again!

It’s an immensely personal decision, but with something as big as this, I just need some kind of feedback…We both have plans and dreams for the future, a whole slew of things we want to do together before we die here, and those aren’t things I want to lose, or do with anybody else. However, I also don’t want to jump straight from school into a lifelong relationship. If only I could have met her a few years from now, but unfortunately that’s not how things turned out. I don’ t know which decision will be the bigger mistake, because really, they both are. I just can’t bring myself to say goodbye to the love of my life, to someone I couldn’t imagine being without for the big steps of life. This is the girl I want to start a family with, but I’m not sure if I want to jump into a lifelong relationship just yet.

I realize the length of the question and I apologize, but I just can’t describe what a difficult decision this is for me. We’ve talked about it often, and can’t seem to find a solution that works. Right now, so long as it doesn’t immediately bother me, I’m sticking with her. I can’t help but think though that by the time it starts getting to me, I’ll have lost the opportunity to be young and daring. What do you think however? Should I lose the exciting, single years of my life, never knowing any other relationship besides our own, or let go of the person who means the world to me? Please, lend me your thoughts, I need another opinion…

Stop analysing everything and enjoy what you
Have,while you've got it!!

Life has a way of throwing things at you no matter how you feel. Just enjoy what you have while you have it and things will work out the way they are supposed to.

I should have been rich, instead of handsome. The point is if you go around wondering what you missed, you'll never appreciate what you have.

Take from someone who's been there. When I was 16 and my first love was 17 I had to move away from him, not by choice.Parents were in the military and I had to go. We were just like you describe you and your GF to be. We swore we would always be together and we never saw each other again.
Now, 28 years later, he has found me again and ALL of our old feelings are there. We both regret not staying in touch and not finding each other sooner.

I guess what I am trying to tell you is this... You have a good very rare love/relationship. Hang on to it. The world is full of crazies and people who like to play games.
Go out and experience life together. Do all the things YOU want to do, but do them with her. Real true love only comes once and so what if you never have another relationship with someone else? Keep what you've got. If the universe decides it is not right, then it will change, but until then, hang on to what you've got.

You seem like a smart man, and you genually want the best for you and her.. I admire that in such a young man.. most guys your age nowadays are the complete opposite of that..

But I agree with the other posters.. life has a way of kicking you in the face when you least expect it.. why not do it with her and see where it goes.. some people are just meant to be and you got lucky and found her early.. you can experience things that us single people haven't experienced yet, so you have lived life differently than most, why not be happy with that? You will regret losing someone so special to you.. it will hurt like hell and you'll will kick yourself so hard for letting her go.. seriously let life take you where it wants.. there are a lot of crazy girls out there, and honestly I don't think it's worth it to just go and see what it is..

Some suggestions.. maybe you guys can find some hobbies separate from each other, do things with your friends instead of with each other.. you don't need to spend every waking minute with each other.. it lets you get out there and discover things on your own, but you're not losing a great girl in the end.. hope you do what's in your heart.. but give it lots of thought if you decide to let her go, could be the biggest mistake of your life..

I agree with the others, if you keep looking at a half empty glass, you'll miss out on enjoying the sweet quenching of your thirst with the part that is full.

Let's take a realistic look at some of the experiences you'll be missing out on if you stay committed now, OK?

Spending tons of time & money trying to find the "right one";

Reading old magazines in the STD testing clinic;

Whipping out laminated STD test cards to make sure you don't need a full haz mat suit to have "safer" sex;

Dealing with a STD & being glad it's one that isn't a permanent souvenir of a temporary playmate whose name you may not even remember or worse;

Missing the look in the eyes of someone that's been there for you through thick & thin that you know has your back, always after sharing so much life together right from the start;

Watching your friends or worse yet you, get divorced maybe more than once with all the problems that brings & expense because there was nothing special to hold the marriage together once the lust wore off; or

Missing wondering what your life would have been like if you had had the courage to use the test of time to deepen your love for her & vice versa to see where that leads you both.

If you haven't watched the Family Man yet, now would be a great time to check it out & may give you more food for thought.

Amazon.com: The Family Man: Nicolas Cage, Téa Leoni, Don Cheadle, Jeremy Piven, Saul Rubinek, Josef Sommer, Makenzie Vega, Jake Milkovich, Ryan Milkovich, Lisa Thornhill, Harve Presnell, Mary Beth Hurt, Amber Valletta, Francine York, Ruth Williamson, (http://www.amazon.com/Family-Man-Nicolas-Cage/dp/B00005JCCC/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1218665889&sr=8-1)

Arnie: [quoting Jack] Don't screw up the best thing in your life just because you're a little unsure about who you are.

Think of it this way if you break up what if you end up feeling it was the biggest mistake you ever made or what if you find there wasn't anything better out there. If your love is that strong you shouldn't be worried about if there is somebody else out there for you. I agree with the others take it day by day and see where it goes don't just jump into or out of anything over 'what if's' As long as you have a good healthy relationship that is what counts.

Thanks for the input all! As I said, I've asked an abridged version of this question just about everywhere I could. Been on my mind for about a year now. Funny how different venues react differently. Male friends obviously encourage the single life, female friends lean towards the romantic. This seems to be the least biased. In fact, a relationship forum I asked practically laughed me out of there for "not trusting in the relationship" "thinking about cheating" and accused me of caring nothing for her. Apparently having human doubts makes me a jerk.

I digress however. I think considering all that I've taken into mind, and bringing it up again, she and I have come up with a partial solution. It will either make us or break us, but considering we've been through even worse issues before, I'm sure this is something we can handle. We're taking some time off.

Not right now, and not completely. Say, for a semester or two, we dip our feet into the pools of college single life. No relationships, no sex, and no falling in love. More of a social experiment into what dating life is actually like, considering neither of us really had the experience. Of course, it's going to make us both uneasy, her more so than I (the tears of 'am I not good enough' have already been let and dealt with as fast as they came), but if we can survive this I'm sure we can survive anything. Seems like a great decision, once we talked about it at length.

Thoughts?

These doubts don't make you a jerk at all, it's human nature to wonder how green is the grass on the other side of the fence.

And better to not just have these thoughts but talk them out & get all the info you can gathered up to make the best decision possible. We only are guaranteed one life here, after all.

Sounds like a reasonable solution & one that should show you whether in your case it will be "out of sight, out of mind" or "absence makes the heart grow fonder".

It's a risk, but then so much of life is isn't it?